I need some serious help.

disneyworldluvr349

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I have been keeping a secret relationship with a guy, and recently my parents found out. I am almost 17 and a half, and this is the first time I have ever loved someone so deeply that I was willing to give up everything to talk to him.
I knew eventually my parents would find out, but I guess I didn't plan on what would happen after. I know have to make a choice.

One route:
1) Loose my choir class (the only class I see him in)
2) Never talk to him again. (Which would kill me)

Second route:
1) Loose my straightner and my makeup (which is what I NEED to feel beautiful)
2) Text him but only when my parents approve.
3) Not able to see him after school or go anywhere with him.
4) My mom has to read all of the text messages.
5) Loose Choir unless I get an 'A' in math at semester (which is physically impossible, hence why my father said that.)


I am so so confused. If I go with route one I will loose him.
If I go with route two I have the irrational fear that he won't like me without my makeup or my straightner.

My heart has never been this broken. He knows times are bad right now, and that for the time being I can't text him (which is killing me).

My sister is wondering if it is worth it to me to give up everything for him.

I really need help deciding what I should do.

I am sorry this is so long!
 
#2, if he likes you now- he'll like you without all that stuff. Your parents are kinda strict, any reason why they dont want you dating this dude?
 
WHY are your parents so upset about you dating this guy? whats wrong with him?
 

well i used to work in a high school, and it is pretty late to drop a class. so unless your mom is the principal or something like that, i don't think their suggestions are entirely possible.
 
well i used to work in a high school, and it is pretty late to drop a class. so unless your mom is the principal or something like that, i don't think their suggestions are entirely possible.

Maybe her school is like mine and you can drop a class at any time with parental permission and you get an F for dropping it so late in the semester.
 
Maybe her school is like mine and you can drop a class at any time with parental permission and you get an F for dropping it so late in the semester.

well forcing her to take an f cause she dated a guy is insane, personally. i'm not sure why anyone would do that. even a semester f would drop a gpa by what, like .25 points? this close to college, thats an insane risk. :confused3
 
well i used to work in a high school, and it is pretty late to drop a class. so unless your mom is the principal or something like that, i don't think their suggestions are entirely possible.
maybe it's also like my school where we are allowed to change classes if a parent feels strongly about it.
 
Maybe her school is like mine and you can drop a class at any time with parental permission and you get an F for dropping it so late in the semester.

Or maybe her school's like mine and requires us to take electives like choir to get our diploma. Dropping out midway through the course is not allowed. That's just an idea though. ;)
We have to have 8 credits worth of electives in order to graduate. Gym does not count as that is required by the state, but things like art, CPR training, choir, accounting, child development, etc do.

I honestly don't know what to say. Most logical to me is route 1, because I totally understand why you NEED the make-up and straightener. I've never been through it personally, but my friends have. It's not about feeling beautiful to him, it's about feeling beautiful to everyone. Plus, option 2 seems like it has too many strings attached and it would strain your relationship with your parents having you on such a tight leash.

Love is pain. I'm sorry you have to go through this. :hug:
 
Choir is required to graduate but I have already taken a year of it. Dropping out now will mean an "F" for the semester.

My straightner and my makeup are like my security blanket. I feel like I need them. But I know that I need him more.
He makes me happy and is always there for me.

I am just so torn.
 
can you try talking to your parents about him? and i mean talking, not fighting. that will just make them angrier. don't get all dramatic either, don't say stuff like, "I NEED HIM!!" or whatever, cause thats just going to upset them too. just explain to them why you feel like you should be allowed to date, and not be punished like this, and also explain the real risk of getting an f this late in the game (which is a big bad awful thing to do, really. most colleges want a 3.0 if not higher)

all parents have to eventually go through what yours are going through (i'm assuming there is no deep dark reason that you're not allowed to date, that they're just being strict?) and it pretty much is just them realizing really fast that you're growing up. and thats understandable, but they also need to understand that saying "no" hasn't worked so far, so they should just open up the lines of communication with you and stop shutting the doors because its obvious that you're just climbing out the window.
 
Robin, I know exactly what you are going through. My parents don't allow me to date until I'm 21, and I'm 3 months shy of turning twenty, and I'm already engaged to my fiance, who is 23. :eek: My parents don't know I'm with him, they just think he is my best friend but I plan to slowly let them know that I love him and that I want to be with him forever. If you really feel like you can't live without him, like I do with my boyfriend, then take route 2. If you can wait till your parents allow you to date, then do just that. At least, they could let you have him as a best friend, and I'm sure once they get to know him better, they could make an exception. I think my mom knows, and she's just waiting for me to drop the bomb. Good luck!
 
Hope you don't mind me giving you my advice, as a parent. I think the reason your parents might not have wanted you to date was because they felt you'd be throwing away your life and making irrational or poor decisions if you were in a relationship. Maybe giving up everything that you enjoy and that makes you who you are, or giving up on college, etc. just to be with a boy. At this point, if you want your parents to take you and your relationship seriously, show them that you can be trusted. Make the rational, instead of emotional decisions. Show them that you will still be responsible (grades, chores, etc.) and that this boy should be seen as a great addition to your life, not something that is distracting you from your other responsibilities. And if this boy is "the one", it will work out, whether it's now or years down the road.

FWIW, I dated someone from the end of my freshman year through graduation. We broke up right after graduation and I kick myself for having wasted my high school years on him. At the time though, you couldn't tell me I wasn't in love. ;) A few weeks later, I began dating my husband. I'm out of school 25 years now. Can't say it's been easy, but we're still together. Just wanted to share that so you'll know that I have been where you are.

Hope my rambling helps in some way. Being in love (or at least believing you are) is the best and worst of everything, all rolled into one. Good luck with whatever you decide. :hug:
 
can you try talking to your parents about him? and i mean talking, not fighting. that will just make them angrier. don't get all dramatic either, don't say stuff like, "I NEED HIM!!" or whatever, cause thats just going to upset them too. just explain to them why you feel like you should be allowed to date, and not be punished like this, and also explain the real risk of getting an f this late in the game (which is a big bad awful thing to do, really. most colleges want a 3.0 if not higher)

all parents have to eventually go through what yours are going through (i'm assuming there is no deep dark reason that you're not allowed to date, that they're just being strict?) and it pretty much is just them realizing really fast that you're growing up. and thats understandable, but they also need to understand that saying "no" hasn't worked so far, so they should just open up the lines of communication with you and stop shutting the doors because its obvious that you're just climbing out the window.
My father has always been strict. I was never allowed to talk to boys and I couldn't be friends with them after 3rd grade. He controls who I hang out with or talk to even if they are girls.
He doesn't care about my GPA he has tanked it before and he'll do it again.
Robin, I know exactly what you are going through. My parents don't allow me to date until I'm 21, and I'm 3 months shy of turning twenty, and I'm already engaged to my fiance, who is 23. :eek: My parents don't know I'm with him, they just think he is my best friend but I plan to slowly let them know that I love him and that I want to be with him forever. If you really feel like you can't live without him, like I do with my boyfriend, then take route 2. If you can wait till your parents allow you to date, then do just that. At least, they could let you have him as a best friend, and I'm sure once they get to know him better, they could make an exception. I think my mom knows, and she's just waiting for me to drop the bomb. Good luck!
He is like my pillar of strength. He makes me happy when no one else can, and he gives me a reason to wake up every morning. He means so so much to me. I don't want to loose him.
Hope you don't mind me giving you my advice, as a parent. I think the reason your parents might not have wanted you to date was because they felt you'd be throwing away your life and making irrational or poor decisions if you were in a relationship. Maybe giving up everything that you enjoy and that makes you who you are, or giving up on college, etc. just to be with a boy. At this point, if you want your parents to take you and your relationship seriously, show them that you can be trusted. Make the rational, instead of emotional decisions. Show them that you will still be responsible (grades, chores, etc.) and that this boy should be seen as a great addition to your life, not something that is distracting you from your other responsibilities. And if this boy is "the one", it will work out, whether it's now or years down the road.

FWIW, I dated someone from the end of my freshman year through graduation. We broke up right after graduation and I kick myself for having wasted my high school years on him. At the time though, you couldn't tell me I wasn't in love. ;) A few weeks later, I began dating my husband. I'm out of school 25 years now. Can't say it's been easy, but we're still together. Just wanted to share that so you'll know that I have been where you are.

Hope my rambling helps in some way. Being in love (or at least believing you are) is the best and worst of everything, all rolled into one. Good luck with whatever you decide. :hug:

Thank you for your advice. I sincerely appreciate it. Like I stated above my parents are far from worried about my future and I am far from being able to have a father/daughter relationship that's considered normal.

This has been my first relationship, and that is scary enough. But I had to worry every second of everyday when my parents will find out and now that they have I am totally lost.

The last thing I want to do is hurt him, because I care about him so deeply. I don't see waiting until I am 18 as a feasible option. I don't know if my heart can take it.
 
I'm going to say this in the nicest way I know how.

You sound really emotionally dependant on him. If he is your only way to wake up in the morning, to be strong, to be happy, then there's something wrong. I truly believe that you need to learn to love yourself before you can love someone else.

If you don't think that your love can last a few months until you turn 18, then how do you expect it to last forever? Waiting until you're able to make your own decisions is, IMO, your best option. If you two are truly in love, then a couple months apart won't dissolve that.

Also, this is your first relationship. You have nothing to compare it to. Don't you think maybe you should explore a little before potentially ruining your GPA for this guy? I'm really not trying to judge if you're in love or not; I'm just trying to clear your head, so you can see what your options are.
 
if that was me i'd be making a route 3 -- continue to date behind their backs lol, but i'm not a good girl :rolleyes1, so don't take my advice on that.

personally, i would not be having any of it if my parents tried to control me to that degree (reading texts?! you're 16 not 12!). you sound like a really good kid and they really shouldn't have anything to worry about!
and i can't believe that your parents would mke you drop a class and take an F just because you have a boyfriend!! that sounds so backwards, i think my parents would be like...if you get straight a's you can keep your bf!

maybe try just sitting down and having a mature, adult conversation about it. talk to your parents, tell them how you feel, let them know that this guy means a lot to you, and just because you have a boyfriend doesn't mean you're going down some dark & scary path. Maybe if you have friends that your parents know/like who have boyfriends, use them as examples. but certainly have a talk with them, tell them you're growing up and that you are responsible, intelligent, and trustworthy enough to have a boyfriend at this age.

obviously knowing nothing about your family and coming from a completely different situation i can't understand why your parents would be like that or what it'd be like to be put in that situation.
 
I'm going to say this in the nicest way I know how.

You sound really emotionally dependant on him. If he is your only way to wake up in the morning, to be strong, to be happy, then there's something wrong. I truly believe that you need to learn to love yourself before you can love someone else.

If you don't think that your love can last a few months until you turn 18, then how do you expect it to last forever? Waiting until you're able to make your own decisions is, IMO, your best option. If you two are truly in love, then a couple months apart won't dissolve that.

Also, this is your first relationship. You have nothing to compare it to. Don't you think maybe you should explore a little before potentially ruining your GPA for this guy? I'm really not trying to judge if you're in love or not; I'm just trying to clear your head, so you can see what your options are.
I know that he will wait, but I don't want to wait. I want to be with him.
He is going into the army, and I want to get every minute I can.
if that was me i'd be making a route 3 -- continue to date behind their backs lol, but i'm not a good girl :rolleyes1, so don't take my advice on that.

personally, i would not be having any of it if my parents tried to control me to that degree (reading texts?! you're 16 not 12!). you sound like a really good kid and they really shouldn't have anything to worry about!
and i can't believe that your parents would mke you drop a class and take an F just because you have a boyfriend!! that sounds so backwards, i think my parents would be like...if you get straight a's you can keep your bf!

maybe try just sitting down and having a mature, adult conversation about it. talk to your parents, tell them how you feel, let them know that this guy means a lot to you, and just because you have a boyfriend doesn't mean you're going down some dark & scary path. Maybe if you have friends that your parents know/like who have boyfriends, use them as examples. but certainly have a talk with them, tell them you're growing up and that you are responsible, intelligent, and trustworthy enough to have a boyfriend at this age.

obviously knowing nothing about your family and coming from a completely different situation i can't understand why your parents would be like that or what it'd be like to be put in that situation.

I am 17 and half so your point is even more valid. I continually buck my parents because I feel like I deserve more than they give me. I tried being serious with them, and what I got out of that was my two choices. Before it was nothing, I would loose him period.

They take away things that I feel like I NEED, because they don't think I will choose him over that. So when I said I did they were kind of shocked.
 
I'm going to say this in the nicest way I know how.

You sound really emotionally dependant on him. If he is your only way to wake up in the morning, to be strong, to be happy, then there's something wrong. I truly believe that you need to learn to love yourself before you can love someone else.

If you don't think that your love can last a few months until you turn 18, then how do you expect it to last forever? Waiting until you're able to make your own decisions is, IMO, your best option. If you two are truly in love, then a couple months apart won't dissolve that.

Also, this is your first relationship. You have nothing to compare it to. Don't you think maybe you should explore a little before potentially ruining your GPA for this guy? I'm really not trying to judge if you're in love or not; I'm just trying to clear your head, so you can see what your options are.

sounds like good advise

At this point, if you want your parents to take you and your relationship seriously, show them that you can be trusted. Make the rational, instead of emotional decisions.

More good advise

If you don't think that your love can last a few months until you turn 18, then how do you expect it to last forever? Waiting until you're able to make your own decisions is, IMO, your best option. If you two are truly in love, then a couple months apart won't dissolve that.

Sounds very logical to me

can you try talking to your parents about him? and i mean talking, not fighting. that will just make them angrier. don't get all dramatic either, don't say stuff like, "I NEED HIM!!"

even more good advise

Hopefully this girl can take some of your great unbiased advice that she has asked for. It would be a shame if she got nothing out of this
 


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