I need some friendly people around

[fizz13]

Hi everyone,
Today I received confirmation that our family business, run by my grandfather, has gone into liquidation. There was no one factor that could have saved us, it just seemed to have been in a downward spiral since last summer. My husband and I both receive our wages from the company and although my husbands job has been secured in part of the business that will now be bought and run independantly, I am less certain as I have always stayed at home with my children and been paid salary, now there is really no way around paying me through the books in this seperate company.
My grandfather has always financially been there for me and my brother, paying for our education, cars, houses and everything else, and while my brother will be fine as he is independant now, I am definately not. I had my three children very young and my grandparents wanted me to stay at home with them so paid to keep it that way. Also because I assumed that grandad would always be there, I overindulged in every way possible so now have a rather hefty debt I have no way of paying back. I feel deeply sorry for my grandfather as he feels he has let the world down, so there is no way I would ever burden him with my hidden debt now. He has just always been the rock and now I don't know what to do. A little background quickly. this is my dad's dad, but my dad died when I was 8 years old. My mum struggled but didn't cope with us so my grandparents basically took responsiblility for us in every way and this is how I have become so reliant on them. I was allowed whatever I wanted (within certain limits) and never thought about what I was spending because there was no consequence, one day I would pick up an inheritance and it would all be solved.
My oldest two children are at private schools and while the 4 year old is only in reception and can be moved without too much disruption, I worry about my daughter. She can be quite shy, withdrawn and while very intelligent she is not comfortable around new people and situations. She is in an all girls school and it would break my heart to move her as I just know she would go into her shell and not work at all. My youngest is only 2 so its not an issue for him.
I know this just sounds like a spoilt girl getting her just deserts and this is what it is I guess. I was handed everything on a plate but the truth is I'm really scared. I've been shaking all day, crying on and off and it feels like my world is falling apart because everything I've ever known is crumbling. I don't know how I'm going to fill my car with petrol by next week without running up more credit card bills which just isn't an option anymore.

I suppose I'm putting this out there because I'm scared, I've grown to know you all like friends and I want to know that it will be ok. I think at 27 its time I grew up and lived in the real world, I just don't know where to start yet,

Claire xx

 

[mark&sue]

Claire

Maybe it won't be as bad as it seems. I am sure your daughter will adapt. Many people move from town to town and children have to move schools and it won't be as bad as you think.

Has this been a complete bolt from the blue? No warning or anything? I am sure everyone here feels your pain.

Fingers crossed it is not as bad as you first think when you have time to go through it.



and if it helps you to keep posting we are all here for you.


Susan

 

[carolfoy]

Oh, Claire, my heartfely sympathy, do NOT think we'll judge you because you have been less than thrifty, I'm sure there would be many people in a worse situation if they'd had 'all their bills picked up for them'. First things first. DO NOT let your hidden debt get out of control. sort out how much it is and what you can do about it. Find out if its easier or cheaper to get a loan to pay it off or clear it by adding it to your mortgage. As I have no idea how much it is please do not do this lightly and ONLY do it if you can manage the repayments.
You CAN move the children to cheaper of free schools, cjildren are amazingly resilient and any resentment would be soon forgotton whereas if you get in debt over the years because of their school fees they will never forgive themselves or you for not giving them th eoption to move. Is there a small 'village' type school around you could get them into? this would ease them in without pushing them into a huge crowd.
Next thing - make more money, is there anything you fancy retraining to do? or perhaps get yourself a part time or evening job to earn money for petrol etc.
Cut back, you can make a lot of budget decisions, where and when you shop, price you pay for stuff, learn to shop around. ebay all the clothes you never wear or car boot the toys the kids don't play with.
Design web sites for other people. we all know you have a talent for it so PUT IT TO USE, go see the smaller private shops in your area and offer your services.
You are a woman, you are strong, you WILL be ok.
and best of all, you still have a loving and caring family around you. remind yourself of that and count your blessings
sorry to ramble.

 

[vicky1bfc]

Oh Claire

I don't think i can add anything else,it look's like you have had some good advice from those poting first.

Just wanted to send you

 

[natalielongstaff]

i hope that things turn around for you soon, when one door closes after all

 

[wideeyes]

oh dear I really hope things will be okay for you and your family and try not to feel bad about the situation. I am sure a lot of people can easily get into these situations.

Also would like to echo from reading your trip reports that you do seem to be a very talented person with a lot to offer and maybe you can find away to put these talents to use in which will benefit you and your family.

I wish you all the best for the future.

 

[SNOWHITE7]

I haven't any advice to add but hope things don't become as bad as you fear. Sending

 

[jen_uk]

Sending you and


Hope everything works out ok.

 

[KayleeUK]

I hope things work out for you

 

[wilma-bride]

Claire, sending you a PM honey (and some hugs till it arrives )

From what little I now of you, you seem to be incredibly determined and I'm sure you will get through this

 

[angel659]

Hi

I really sympathise with you. I found it really hard when I moved out of my parents. I fell pregnant at home and had no idea how much things cost. We had no deposit for a house so we took out a 100% mortgage with cash back. Never again. My parents wouldnt help me out even though they did everything for me when I lived there.

I am trying to say is that we were stupid when we moved out. Took out credit to pay for things. I had Casey and couldnt return to work and our credit became bigger and bigger. We dug our heads in the sand. If we sorted out the debts in the beginning then it would never of got that far. All I can say is make sure you sit down over the weekend work out how much you owe, if re-mortgaging would help, taking your child out of private school and if you had a part-time job foer holidays etc.. I wish we did this. We are fine now, but it took a good kick up the back end to sort things out.

Good luck and please post or pm me if you need to talk.

Love
Michelle
X

 

[mandymouse]

Sorry to hear your bad news Claire, I'm sending some Pixie-Dust and I hope everything works out for you all

 

[shellbell]

Claire i am so sorry to hear of your bad news. I really hope things work out for you. We are all here for you. PM if you need a chat.

 

[wils]

Oh Claire what a stressful and upsetting time for you There is no need to apologise for the lifestyle you've had and I'm sorry that you are having to make changes so quickly. I can understand why you are scared

If you decide to move schools then the autumn term will be ideal after a long summer break when you can talk to your children and prepare them.

I lurk on the forums on moneysavingexpert.com and there are people there who have successfully lowered (and paid off) tremedous debts. There is also advice on mortgages, credit cards etc.

You know where we are if you need comfort or to vent and I'll be thinking of you and your little family

 

[Lisash]

Sending you Remember we are always here for you

 

[cannp123165]

Sending Hugs and Pixie Dust your way...

 

[jns]

Hope you feel better now after sharing it
sending you all lots of
and one for your Grandfather as well

 

[Verity Chambers]

I'm sorry you are feeling bad, Sending you and ,

xxx

 

[Miffy2003]

Just a thought Claire - does your DDs school offer bursaries to enable students whose parents are no longer able to pay school fees to complete their education there? If yes, that would be a great solution possibly?

Mine used to (I am going back some years now though so my advice could be totally out of date).

Things will get better

 

[Cyrano]

Hopefully everything will work out. Kids are surprising good at coping with change