I Need Opinions, Please.

[Madi100]

My grandmother's 80th birthday is in August. We are having a big surprise party for her. I am putting together a slide show of her life. I've gotten pictures from all different family members with pictures of Grandma in them. Well, my mom and dad are divorced. My dad is remarried. My parents divorced fifteen years ago. My step mom used to type memos and answer phone for my dad, now she cooks his supper, if you get my meaning on that one. The only reason I throwh that in is because if anyone should be bitter about the whole divorce, it's my mom. And, believe me she was/is... Althought my parents can get along (I refuse to have two parties for my children's birthdays), they aren't friends. But, my mom's brother died last year, and my dad went to the funeral.

OKay, here's where I need an opinion. I want to use wedding pictures. Of course, I won't use the picture from my parents' wedding. However, my mom was around for all of the other weddings. My step mom doesn't want any pictures of my mom in this slide show. Now I won't put any in there of her, except that I think that a wedding is a special event, and I want to iinclude those. I want family pictures with my grandma. So, I would like to have one picture in there from my aunt's wedding with all of the family, including my mom. Step mom, who can be irrational, says she doesn't want it in there. I wasn't asking her opinion, she just offered. Is it wrong to put that picture in there?

 

[ToriLammy]

No you are not wrong. Your mom played an important role in your grandmother's life - she gave her you. Put the picture in and don't worry about your Step Mom.

 

[geffric]

I agree.. you are doing this as a special slide show for your Grandmother...it's her that is the focus not the step mom..

 

[Beth76]

I agree too. There's no reason you have to not include a picture that has your mom in it. It' not like you're putting a bunch of pictures of your mom in. The WAS a part of the family at that time, wasn't she?

 

[floridafam]

What right does your stepmom have to tell you not to put the pictures in there?

Do what you want.

 

[CajunDixie]

Since it is for your grandmother then the only opinion that matters is hers. How does your grandmother feel toward your mom?

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Since you say that your stepmom can be "irrational", I am going to say do not include the picture. This women is your link to your dad and if your tick her off you will be the one to suffer.
Now of course if you are prepared to suffer the consequences, then go ahead, but I would say be up front to her and "work it out" beforehand. Maybe you can plead your case for the picture and explain how important/special/wonderful it is to you. Maybe she would be inspired by a lunch and good conversation?

I do not know what I would do. In DH's family we have had similiar problems, it really stinks!

 

[Cinderellafifi]

I think you need to be very careful as you may end up wtih some hurt feelings (they could linger long after the party...).

Grandma is your dad's mom, right? If so, I think it might be best for you to leave your parents' wedding pix out. If she is your mom's mom, then so long as your mom and your grandma are okay with it, you should probably do it.

My mom was married to another man before my father and I would not want to have to go to a party to look at those photos, not to mention ones of my husband's first marriage.

Good luck. This isn't easy!

 

[EsmeraldaX]

Originally posted by ToriLammy
No you are not wrong. Your mom played an important role in your grandmother's life - she gave her you. Put the picture in and don't worry about your Step Mom.

As much as I get sick looking at pictures my boyfriends exes, I think your step mom is being irrational. Where as my BF has no reason to have pics of exes around, your step mom has to realize that before her your dad was married to and had children with another woman and that therefore that woman will ALWAYS be a part of his life.

 

[Madi100]

Originally posted by CajunDixie
Since it is for your grandmother then the only opinion that matters is hers. How does your grandmother feel toward your mom?

My grandma really likes my mom. I think she feels guilty in a way because of what "her son" did to my mom. I don't know as if my mom has ever been brought up by my dad's family in a negative way. One of my aunts was my mom's best friend in high school. So, they are pretty close. If my mom is in town, she stops to see my grandma. They send Christmas cards. So, it's not a problem of people seeing that picture and a horrid converstaion errupts from one face.

 

[Madi100]

Originally posted by Cinderellafifi
I think you need to be very careful as you may end up wtih some hurt feelings (they could linger long after the party...).

Grandma is your dad's mom, right? If so, I think it might be best for you to leave your parents' wedding pix out. If she is your mom's mom, then so long as your mom and your grandma are okay with it, you should probably do it.

My mom was married to another man before my father and I would not want to have to go to a party to look at those photos, not to mention ones of my husband's first marriage.

Good luck. This isn't easy!

The picture is not of my parents' wedding. It is of my aunt and uncle's wedding. My mom is in the family picture. I would never put my parents' wedding picture in there.

I do need to be very careful because my step-mom tends to not let things drop. She always gets her way, and if she doesn't, you know it. I love her to death, but a lot of times we do things to keep her from getting upset. We had a bridal shower for my sister. My step-mom helped with it. Her name was on the invitation. At the shower I told her that she could sit down and enjoy the shower with her friends and my step-sister (not related to step-mom) and I would do it all. Well, step-mom threw an absolute fit because she didn't get recognition for the shower. When we decided to go out for supper with my mom, step-dad, and that part of the family, step-mom got really mad. We spent the night at her house. She wouldn't speak to us for the rest of the weekend or for about two months afterwards. She is very sensitive and EVERYTHING bothers her. After saying that I'm sure you'd be amazed to hear that I am pretty close to her.

I'm not going to let it be a big deal because it takes away from the point of things. I think that I'm simply going to tell my dad that I want to use the picture, and he needs to make it OK with her. I'm not going to have a confrontation about it. But, is it worth it for one picture that people may or may not notice?

 

[HollyJoy]

Your Mom should be included, afterall, she was part of your Grandmother's life too!

 

[WDSearcher]

Originally posted by Madi100
She always gets her way, and if she doesn't, you know it. I love her to death, but a lot of times we do things to keep her from getting upset.

I think your step-mom needs to be reminded she's a grown-up! I know 5th graders who don't behave like that.

It's hard to try and work around high-maintenance people, no matter how much we love them. But I think that if the family pictures are important to your grandmother, then they should be included. You're not highlighting your mom, after all, and she won't be at the event, but she is a part of your grandmother's past. No matter what your step-mom wants or wishes, nothing will change that. I'd put in family photos and not worry. If your step-mom gets all bent out of shape, so be it. Maybe it's time she understood that it's not always all about her? (I know ... easy for me to say ... I won't be there!)

 

[EsmeraldaX]

If you step - mom is so upset about seeing the picture, then perhaps she can leave the room during the slide show. I left the room during some of DBFs old home movies in which he was all lovey with his ex

No one cared and they were all pretty understanding about it. And it saved me from having to see something I knew would make me feel sick.

Problem solved.

 

[gymnasticsmom68]

Who cares what your step-mom thinks?

What does this mean?

now she cooks his supper, if you get my meaning on that one.

 

[Madi100]

Originally posted by gymnasticsmom68
Who cares what your step-mom thinks?

What does this mean?

You need the rest of the statement in there about how she used to type his memos and answer his phone. She used to be my dad's secretary. And the only reason I shared that was that my mom didn't do something horrible to my dad to give my step mom reason to hate my mom. It would be the other way around on that one.

 

[Madi100]

Originally posted by WDSearcher
I think your step-mom needs to be reminded she's a grown-up! I know 5th graders who don't behave like that.

It's hard to try and work around high-maintenance people, no matter how much we love them. But I think that if the family pictures are important to your grandmother, then they should be included. You're not highlighting your mom, after all, and she won't be at the event, but she is a part of your grandmother's past. No matter what your step-mom wants or wishes, nothing will change that. I'd put in family photos and not worry. If your step-mom gets all bent out of shape, so be it. Maybe it's time she understood that it's not always all about her? (I know ... easy for me to say ... I won't be there!)

You make some very good points and said it very well. Thanks. I do really get along with my step-mom, but it is hard at times that we do things to make her happy instead of because we want to. I think that even though it is just one picture, I'm going to use it anyway. It's a very special picture, and my mom is one small person in the picture.

 

[gymnasticsmom68]

Originally posted by Madi100
You need the rest of the statement in there about how she used to type his memos and answer his phone. She used to be my dad's secretary. And the only reason I shared that was that my mom didn't do something horrible to my dad to give my step mom reason to hate my mom. It would be the other way around on that one.

I get it, I'm slow. LOL

I wouldn't even for a minute concern myself with what the step-mom thought. Do what you know is the right thing to do.