I need help with potty training...

[rluey29]

My son is 2 years and 4 months old. We started potty training when he was around 2. He took to urinating in the potty immediately. We showed him once and wanted to do it from then on. I think he's only had 2 accidents.

The problem is with the pooping. He's terrified of it or something. He wears underwear all day but he just started a preschool where they do not allow diapers at all and I've been worried about what will happen when he needs to poop there. But he just waits until he gets home everyday. However, his teacher and my mother is constantly giving me grief about him not pooping in the potty. He knows when he needs to poop and he will come and tell me that he needs a diaper so that he can poop. I've tried sitting beside him while he was on the potty and reading potty books, bribing him with presents and candy and nothing is working. My mother has moved in with us temporarily so it's gotten worse because she is hard on him about it. I feel like he may not be ready but they won't let up. Last night we tried sitting him on the potty and he cried so hard that he was dry-heaving. My mom was mad when I let him get up and gave him a diaper.

What should I do??? Does anyone have any methods that has worked?

 

[ckoncurat]

GIVE HIM TIME!!!
I have six kids, am currently potty training the last one, and am in the exact same situation. My son is a little older than yours, wears underwear and pees in the potty pretty consistently, but still waits to poop until nightime or has accidents. My biggest advice is, don't sweat it! They all get it in time! 2 is young for a boy, he will come around. You can try to catch him right before he needs to go, but don't get uptight about it. This is precious time with your little guy, and you dont want to waste it behind mad at him. I was so stressed out with my oldest daughter when she was potty training, but with the others I just learned to have patience and be positive. Try not to let anyone else give you grief about this, and praise him for the good job he is already doing. HUGS!!!

 

[SaraJayne]

He's playing you. Get rid of the diapers immediately. And don't give in.

I understand why your Mom is upset...'cause you gave in.

Let him poop in his pants....NO DIAPER, and make him keep it in there for a couple mins. It won't hurt him and he'll understand what it means to poop in your pants (ie, how it feels and the mess (and stink) it makes).

I can almost guarantee you he won't do it again.

OR, you can sit with him on the potty until he does it ~ regardless of how long it takes. Everyone has to poop eventually.

 

[kirbydog48]

He's playing you. Get rid of the diapers immediately. And don't give in.

I understand why your Mom is upset...'cause you gave in.

Let him poop in his pants....NO DIAPER, and make him keep it in there for a couple mins. It won't hurt him and he'll understand what it means to poop in your pants (ie, how it feels and the mess (and stink) it makes).

I can almost guarantee you he won't do it again.

OR, you can sit with him on the potty until he does it ~ regardless of how long it takes. Everyone has to poop eventually.

Wow, that's pretty harsh! Often boys are not developmentally ready until later. I think that if you make a huge deal of this, it will set him back even more. Many boys aren't trained until 3-31/2. Tell mom to stay out of it, he'll do it when he's ready.

 

[ms.yt]

He's playing you. Get rid of the diapers immediately. And don't give in.

I understand why your Mom is upset...'cause you gave in.

Let him poop in his pants....NO DIAPER, and make him keep it in there for a couple mins. It won't hurt him and he'll understand what it means to poop in your pants (ie, how it feels and the mess (and stink) it makes).

I can almost guarantee you he won't do it again.

OR, you can sit with him on the potty until he does it ~ regardless of how long it takes. Everyone has to poop eventually.

I can guarantee that you don't know how every kid is going to react to this technique. I don't for the life of me understand why people think 2 is the magic age for potty training. Each kid is different and bullying them about potty training isn't going to make it happen.

 

[SaraJayne]

Wow, that's pretty harsh! Often boys are not developmentally ready until later. I think that if you make a huge deal of this, it will set him back even more. Many boys aren't trained until 3-31/2. Tell mom to stay out of it, he'll do it when he's ready.

Seeing as the OP said he attends a school that doesn't allow diapers, she really doesn't have a choice, does she?

She can either let him (the child) keep manipulating her or find a new school. I guess it's her choice.

 

[SaraJayne]

I can guarantee that you don't know how every kid is going to react to this technique. I don't for the life of me understand why people think 2 is the magic age for potty training. Each kid is different and bullying them about potty training isn't going to make it happen.

If the child knows when he needs to pee (and can control it) he can do the same for poop.

 

[ms.yt]

My son is 2 years and 4 months old. We started potty training when he was around 2. He took to urinating in the potty immediately. We showed him once and wanted to do it from then on. I think he's only had 2 accidents.

The problem is with the pooping. He's terrified of it or something. He wears underwear all day but he just started a preschool where they do not allow diapers at all and I've been worried about what will happen when he needs to poop there. But he just waits until he gets home everyday. However, his teacher and my mother is constantly giving me grief about him not pooping in the potty. He knows when he needs to poop and he will come and tell me that he needs a diaper so that he can poop. I've tried sitting beside him while he was on the potty and reading potty books, bribing him with presents and candy and nothing is working. My mother has moved in with us temporarily so it's gotten worse because she is hard on him about it. I feel like he may not be ready but they won't let up. Last night we tried sitting him on the potty and he cried so hard that he was dry-heaving. My mom was mad when I let him get up and gave him a diaper.

What should I do??? Does anyone have any methods that has worked?

Here's the method you should use. Tell your mother to back off! I live about 30 miles from you, and people here are nuts about thinking you have to be potty trained at 2. For most boys, that isn't going to happen. My oldest son was a little over 3 before it happened, and my youngest is 3 1/2 now and is having the exact same experience your son is having. He's great about peeing, but he's scared to poop in the potty. But you know what, a few more months isn't going to matter a hill of beans in the long run. It will happen soon enough when he's ready for it. How many times have you been asked on a job interview how old you were when you were potty trained? My ex-MIL bragged all the time about how advanced her kids were because they walked, talked and potty trained early. Well, that's fine, but it didn't make any difference as to what kind of people they became. One is in prison for murder, one is an alcoholic and one is a loser who won't keep a job! So apparently forcing kids to potty train early isn't going to make everything smooth sailing for the rest of their life or anything, so why do people think it's so important?

 

[ms.yt]

If the child knows when he needs to pee (and can control it) he can do the same for poop.

I agree that he could do it, but for some reason he's not understanding it and is scared of it. Your suggestion about keeping poopy underwear on him for a little bit doesn't always work. I know firsthand, so your "guarantees" are meaningless.

 

[SaraJayne]

Here's the method you should use. Tell your mother to back off! I live about 30 miles from you, and people here are nuts about thinking you have to be potty trained at 2. For most boys, that isn't going to happen. My oldest son was a little over 3 before it happened, and my youngest is 3 1/2 now and is having the exact same experience your son is having. He's great about peeing, but he's scared to poop in the potty. But you know what, a few more months isn't going to matter a hill of beans in the long run. It will happen soon enough when he's ready for it. How many times have you been asked on a job interview how old you were when you were potty trained? My ex-MIL bragged all the time about how advanced her kids were because they walked, talked and potty trained early. Well, that's fine, but it didn't make any difference as to what kind of people they became. One is in prison for murder, one is an alcoholic and one is a loser who won't keep a job! So apparently forcing kids to potty train early isn't going to make everything smooth sailing for the rest of their life or anything, so why do people think it's so important?

I hope you aren't suggesting that potty training at a normal age is going to make kids grow up to be murderers, alcoholics and unemployed.

 

[Wishing on a star]

However you decide to handle this, your mother needs to BACK OFF!!!!!!

The last thing your child (or you) needs is for her to make this even more of any kind of an issue.

You need to speak with her when your child is not present... Tell her that you appreciate her advice!!! And, that you will consider taking away the diapers... BUT, VERY SIMPLY, SHE MUST STAY OUT OF IT, PERIOD. Your child should not be a pawn and be emotionally caught between his mother and his grandmother... The bigger the issue is made to be, and the more emotional angst is involved... the WORSE it will be.

Okay, about the training... I am of the camp that 'if he is old enough to verbalize... "

Look, OP, you simply cannot bargain, rationalize, etc.... with a two year old... It sounds like you have fallen into that trap... and you see the frustration that will ensue. Just don't go there. This should not become a supercharged emotional control issue.

If / When you decide to take away the diapers, it needs to be a very non-emotional, non-confrontational, non-event. Tell/inform him that he is a big boy now, that there are no more diapers/pullups... and that is just the way it is.

A word from experience here...
You do NOT want your child to get into the 'holding it all day' as a means of maintaining a control issue for a toddler. Been there and done that when my son was 2-3. By age 5, we were taking him to a pediatric gastroenterologist where he was diagnosed with encopresis, and he was placed on a prescription for a long term treatment on Miralax.

Thank goodness, even though we thought these problems would never end... they finally did... as they always do!!! In fact, my son, now 11, just went on an overnight back-pack rustic camp (no facilities) with my husband and a few other scouts. DH informed me that when nature called, DS had no problem asking for some wipes and heading for some bushes! So, obviously, DS now understands that, hey, when ya gotta go, you gotta go...


If / When the diapers do disappear... I would not make that 'tomorrow'.... Give the issue a good rest.... Explain to your mother that you will be 'temporarily' forthcoming with the diapers... for a while, until the angst subsides a bit... Explain to her that during this time, she MUST keep her mouth shut and not interfere.

Just know that millions of us other moms have been there!!!

 

[NikitaZee]

Poor little guy. Our son had the exact same problem - when he needed to poop, we would put the diaper on him and then sit him on the toilet immediately - (advice from our pediatrician) - somehow he felt comforted by that and would go, in the diaper, but on the toilet. After several weeks of this, he lost his fear of the toilet and was good to go without the diaper. BTW, he was older - closer to 3. Don't make him poop in his underwear and sit in it - that's not going to make anybody feel better, and there's no guarantee it'll even work. I agree - MAKE your mother back off this one. It's hard enough without that additional conflict in the house.

 

[Wishing on a star]

.....My mother has moved in with us temporarily so it's gotten worse because she is hard on him about it. I feel like he may not be ready but they won't let up. Last night we tried sitting him on the potty and he cried so hard that he was dry-heaving. My mom was mad when I let him get up ......

I couldn't help it...
I just re-read the original post, and this is just plain WRONG!!!!

Not appropriate.

You (and your DH if you are married) need to tell your mother to BACK OFF.

 

[floridafam]

Tell Grandma to stay out of it.

Give him time. I thought our youngest DD would be going to high school in diapers. She finally trained at 4 but she has developmental issues.

I decided to just stay home for a week. We didn't go anywhere! I put diapers away and didn't push it. We had the potty seat out in the living room and she started going in that. We would sit her on there when it looked like she had to go and when she did go we made a big deal of it and showered her with praise.

She moved from the potty seat to the toilet pretty easily.

Believe me, they will get the hang of it. It can't be forced.

 

[Snoozan]

Oh, the poor little boy. He is only 2 and in a school where no diapers are allowed? That's not fair to him. I had 2 DS's and the first one was alot like the OP's little boy. He, however, would not poop for DAYS and made himself in alot of physical pain by doing this. I look back now and wish I'd known better, but he was my first "experimental" child. Please do not make a battle over this with him. He's not doing this to manipulate you - he's just not sure how to control his body and why should he? - He's only TWO!

 

[Wishing on a star]

Oh, the poor little boy. He is only 2 and in a school where no diapers are allowed?

I have to say that I agree with this...

While many children can and do potty-train while 2...
I would have some serious reservations about a day-care that demanded two year old toddlers be fully potty trained... I would have to wonder what other inappropriate requirements and attitudes there may be.

OP: Not just for the potty-training thing.... I do know that you want your child potty trained... But, in general... as a parent, this kind of requirement would be indicative to me that this may not be a place where I would want to leave my little toddler.

 

[ckoncurat]

Seeing as the OP said he attends a school that doesn't allow diapers, she really doesn't have a choice, does she?

She can either let him (the child) keep manipulating her or find a new school. I guess it's her choice.

This is not a manipulating person- this is a toddler!! He will get it, they all do!!

 

[Jsme]

My son is almost 15 now but we had some of the same issues. We tired alot of different things. Finally he wanted a bike. He was not quiet 2. We told him big boys get bikes and the pooh in the pottie. We explained to him that we would let him pick out a bike and when he started using the pottie to pooh we would buy him the bike. Took him to Toys R Us, let him pick it out, ride it and then leave with a crying boy. He never had an accident again. We went back and bought the bike a week later.

Moral is ... does he want something? Can you use it to get him to pottie?

 

[DisneyMomx7]

He's playing you. Get rid of the diapers immediately. And don't give in.

I understand why your Mom is upset...'cause you gave in.

Let him poop in his pants....NO DIAPER, and make him keep it in there for a couple mins. It won't hurt him and he'll understand what it means to poop in your pants (ie, how it feels and the mess (and stink) it makes).

I can almost guarantee you he won't do it again.

OR, you can sit with him on the potty until he does it ~ regardless of how long it takes. Everyone has to poop eventually.

Are you kidding me? The child is 2!

Now I have trained 7, count em 7, kids. The easiest one was trained at 18 months and the hardest one at 3 1/2. Relax, they all train on their own time schedule. Tell your mother in no uncertain terms to BACK OFF FROM YOU CHILD. He is not manipulating you, he simply isn't completely ready to train yet. Believe it or not I've heard of lots of kids who ask for a diaper to poop. The harder you are the more constipated the child will become, and that can lead to LOTS of problems.

BTW the one I had the hardest time training is in Law School now so obviously how early the child is trained doesn't have a whole lot of bearing on their future!

 

[Tinijocaro]

Not reading the whole thread but all I have to say is he's still a baby. There should be NO pressure, no tears at this point. All it's going to do is drag out the whole process for you. Pooping is ALWAYS (well most always) the last to go. Lay off the little fellow and tell everybody else to leave him alone. Poor guy.

My son is 2 years and 4 months old. We started potty training when he was around 2. He took to urinating in the potty immediately. We showed him once and wanted to do it from then on. I think he's only had 2 accidents.

The problem is with the pooping. He's terrified of it or something. He wears underwear all day but he just started a preschool where they do not allow diapers at all and I've been worried about what will happen when he needs to poop there. But he just waits until he gets home everyday. However, his teacher and my mother is constantly giving me grief about him not pooping in the potty. He knows when he needs to poop and he will come and tell me that he needs a diaper so that he can poop. I've tried sitting beside him while he was on the potty and reading potty books, bribing him with presents and candy and nothing is working. My mother has moved in with us temporarily so it's gotten worse because she is hard on him about it. I feel like he may not be ready but they won't let up. Last night we tried sitting him on the potty and he cried so hard that he was dry-heaving. My mom was mad when I let him get up and gave him a diaper.

What should I do??? Does anyone have any methods that has worked?