I need help from fellow vegetarians

[PrincessJasmine08]

I am 20 years old. I have been more or less a vegetarian (lacto ovo) since I was 16 years old. However, I am still having a really hard time explaining this to my family. I live at college, however my parent's house is only about 20 minutes away so I often go home for dinner. Every time I go home my mom bugs me to death to eat whatever meat product she has cooked. She also calls me about once a week if I don't go home to present some evidence she has dug up that not eating meat is bad for you. I explain time and time again that it just doesn't appeal to me, I don't believe eating meat is okay, etc. She just doesn't get it. She is convinced I am going to wither away from an unhealthy diet. I need help explaining to my mom that if done correctly a vegetarian lifestyle is perfectly healthy. I also need help exlaining that although I don't hold it against my family that they eat meat, it is not something I want to do. Any suggestions?

 

[PrincessKitty1]

Actually, I think you've said it really well in your post! "Mom, if done correctly a vegetarian lifestyle is perfectly healthy. And although I don't hold it against my family that they eat meat, it is not something I want to do."

I would also add something to the effect of, "I've been vegetarian for 4 years and I really don't think I need to continue to justify my choices over and over. I do not want to be pressured to eat meat, and I don't care to discuss this any further."

PrincessKitty1, 50 years old and a vegetarian since the age of 14

 

[PrincessJasmine08]

Actually, I think you've said it really well in your post! "Mom, if done correctly a vegetarian lifestyle is perfectly healthy. And although I don't hold it against my family that they eat meat, it is not something I want to do."

I would also add something to the effect of, "I've been vegetarian for 4 years and I really don't think I need to continue to justify my choices over and over. I do not want to be pressured to eat meat, and I don't care to discuss this any further."

PrincessKitty1, 50 years old and a vegetarian since the age of 14

Haha, maybe I just need to print out my post!

 

[Hedy]

I am 20 years old. I have been more or less a vegetarian (lacto ovo) since I was 16 years old. However, I am still having a really hard time explaining this to my family. I live at college, however my parent's house is only about 20 minutes away so I often go home for dinner. Every time I go home my mom bugs me to death to eat whatever meat product she has cooked. She also calls me about once a week if I don't go home to present some evidence she has dug up that not eating meat is bad for you. I explain time and time again that it just doesn't appeal to me, I don't believe eating meat is okay, etc. She just doesn't get it. She is convinced I am going to wither away from an unhealthy diet. I need help explaining to my mom that if done correctly a vegetarian lifestyle is perfectly healthy. I also need help exlaining that although I don't hold it against my family that they eat meat, it is not something I want to do. Any suggestions?

*Maybe* see if you could get your iron/B12/protein levels tested? My parents didn't worry about me too much, but I'm fond of pointing out to other naysayers that my omnivore dad had issues with his B12 levels and I did not.
But my sympathies.

 

[PrincessJasmine08]

*Maybe* see if you could get your iron/B12/protein levels tested? My parents didn't worry about me too much, but I'm fond of pointing out to other naysayers that my omnivore dad had issues with his B12 levels and I did not.
But my sympathies.

How would I go about doing this? Just ask my doctor at my next appointment?

 

[Tigger&Belle]

It's a hard thing for some parents to accept. Took my mom a long time not to blame my boyfriend for introducing me to vegetarianism. People sometimes ask me how she took it when I brought home a Jewish guy. I say that wasn't a problem (and wasn't, even when I converted), but him being vegetarian! That was a big deal! Even long after we got married, she still talked about it. And when we had our first child she wanted to know if we were going to raise her vegetarian. No, mom, we're going to feed her meat while we're vegetarian. Even my meat eating siblings that she was ridiculous.

I think that you are doing a good job with her. If you get tired of hearing her quiz you, maybe cut back on the meals at home. If she asks why, say that you're tired of being quizzed about your diet. You've explained how you eat well, are healthy, etc. You can also have some articles that you've found about how eating a vegetarian diet is healthy, how a person can eat right, etc, etc. Pull those out if she pulls the other articles out. Or better yet, if she has e-mails, send her an article every day or two.

BTW, my almost 16yo son would like to really cut back on the dairy and eggs (not go totally vegan, but head in that direction). I'm trying to be supportive, but I'm already juggling the likes and dislikes of other family members when planning meals and I can't say I'm embracing what he's doing. I do buy vegan products whenever possible, though (vegan vegie burgers, meals, etc).

 

[PrincessJasmine08]

It's a hard thing for some parents to accept. Took my mom a long time not to blame my boyfriend for introducing me to vegetarianism. People sometimes ask me how she took it when I brought home a Jewish guy. I say that wasn't a problem (and wasn't, even when I converted), but him being vegetarian! That was a big deal! Even long after we got married, she still talked about it. And when we had our first child she wanted to know if we were going to raise her vegetarian. No, mom, we're going to feed her meat while we're vegetarian. Even my meat eating siblings that she was ridiculous.

I think that you are doing a good job with her. If you get tired of hearing her quiz you, maybe cut back on the meals at home. If she asks why, say that you're tired of being quizzed about your diet. You've explained how you eat well, are healthy, etc. You can also have some articles that you've found about how eating a vegetarian diet is healthy, how a person can eat right, etc, etc. Pull those out if she pulls the other articles out. Or better yet, if she has e-mails, send her an article every day or two.

BTW, my almost 16yo son would like to really cut back on the dairy and eggs (not go totally vegan, but head in that direction). I'm trying to be supportive, but I'm already juggling the likes and dislikes of other family members when planning meals and I can't say I'm embracing what he's doing. I do buy vegan products whenever possible, though (vegan vegie burgers, meals, etc).

I shouldn't just tell her I eat at Moe's every day?

I really liked the idea of emailing her articles. That'll wear her down! No, but seriously, I think if she could read actual evidence she would feel a little more supportive of vegetarianism.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I don't know if e-mailing the articles will really educate, but I was going for the wearing down approach. And the, "if you can do it, I can do it better" approach. Yes, even at my age I'm mature.

Before I was vegetarian, when I first went to college, I used to babysit for a little boy, who was vegetarian. He was the cutest little chubby, rosy-cheeked boy I'd ever seen. A real sweetheart and obviously not starving. For years when my mom would show concern over my kids (or even future kids) being vegetarian, I'd bring up baby Jesse and how healthy and chubby he was. Each time I'd bring it up like I'd never brought it up before. Finally my mom got it and told me to quit mentioning him. But it probably took a good decade of me mentioning him.

 

[MAKmom]

Both my brothers are Vegetarian & I have been in the past. Tell your Mother your are finding her dinners uncomfortable & stressful. Tell her this issue is effecting your relationship. Tell her to pick her battles wisely.

BTW my Mom still thinks vegetarians ONLY eat vegetables. For 20 years we have been explaining to her she does not need to make 5 different vegetablesfor dinner.

 

[PrincessJasmine08]

Both my brothers are Vegetarian & I have been in the past. Tell your Mother your are finding her dinners uncomfortable & stressful. Tell her this issue is effecting your relationship. Tell her to pick her battles wisely.

BTW my Mom still thinks vegetarians ONLY eat vegetables. For 20 years we have been explaining to her she does not need to make 5 different vegetablesfor dinner.

Oh well, at least she offers variety!

 

[luvmydogs]

Hey Princess Jasmine!

Aww, sweetie, I am 39 years old, have been a lacto-ovo since I was 14 for strictly moral reasons, and my mother *still* makes comments about my diet. Now, I live over 700 miles from my parents, but when I do go home to visit she never fails to comment about what I eat. I do all the cooking when I visit (my parents aren't that well health-wise), and I always make their favorite dishes--I just don't eat the portion of meat I cook for them. Boy, do I get the eyerolls. I also hear about how she hopes I'm not brainwashing ds11 into becoming a veg., too. Like she's never seen that boy scarf down a burger!

I eat a lot more than vegetables (in fact, I probably don't eat enough of them)! You can get a very well-balanced diet without eating meat, and there are a lot of good websites out there that can teach you about balanced nutrition, and from where you can get some really good recipies.

It can be difficult sometimes, because I've found that when some people disccover I'm a vegetarian, they worry that I'll go into a diatribe about the horrors of the meat industry and pick apart them for eating meat. My love for animals is the reason I don't eat them, but I have no desire to pressure or convert anyone, and it sounds like you're not either. You just want others (or your mom in particular) to respect *your* choices, and there's nothing wrong with that!

You come across to me as very well-spoken and compassionate, and I believe that if the way your mom speaks to you is truly bothering you than a heart-to-heart talk is in order. Let her know that you're not trying to get her to give up meat, but that you really need her to accept your well thought-out and heartfelt reasons for doing so yourself. I wish I had told my mom how I felt much earlier in life--I usually just put up with her comments, but her lack of respect for my choice and reasons for it did bother me--and still does.

Good luck!

 

[PrincessJasmine08]

Yes, it's the eye-rolling and little comments that get to me. I don't understand why just because I don't want to eat meat that is an issue. If I was telling my family they were immoral and wrong for eating animals and I was criticizing them I would say they have room to talk. But that's not what I'm doing. I just want them to accept this decision. They don't have to respect it, they don't have to approve of it, they just have to accept it. I have been at this for 4 years and when we go to family gatherings everyone is always surprised that I'm still a vegetarian. They all tell me they assumed it was just a "phase" and that I was going to get over it. At family gatherings my lifestyle is never taken into account and there are never vegetarian options yet people get offended when I refuse to eat their food. I guess I just come from a meat loving family that can't understand the decision I have made!

 

[PrincessJasmine08]

oh yeah, luvmydogs....I LOVE your avatar, that is too cute!

 

[Tigger&Belle]

oh yeah, luvmydogs....I LOVE your avatar, that is too cute!

luv, I don't think I ever told you (embarrassed to tell you, I suppose), but for the longest time I didn't realize the point of your avatar. It wasn't until someone mentioned something about it awhile back that I realized what it was. Before that I just thought it was a pic of a nice little chick. Nope, I'm not the brightest bulb in the pack!

 

[luvmydogs]

luv, I don't think I ever told you (embarrassed to tell you, I suppose), but for the longest time I didn't realize the point of your avatar. It wasn't until someone mentioned something about it awhile back that I realized what it was. Before that I just thought it was a pic of a nice little chick. Nope, I'm not the brightest bulb in the pack!

You've been sitting too long on those leather seats in your minivan. You're becoming one of those People Eating Tasty Animals fanatics!!!

 

[barkley]

if your mom provides you with literature on the negatives of a vegan lifestyle why not provide her with some on the positives. there are lots of good materials out there on how if properly done a vegan lifestyle can have tremendous health benefits. since the seventh day adventist church promotes a vegan lifestyle for health not spiritual reasons they have lots of materials on it (look under abc bookstores)-they also have materials that are supported by data from their outstanding hospitals (not sure-but if you go to the loma linda or st. helena hospital web sites they may have links with printable information).

if you want to get her a book that realy details the benefits of a vegan lifestyle (and also one that does not include processed foods, loads of sugar, other unhealthy items) grab her one of dr. macdougal's books. he was/is a doctor that practiced a vegan lifestyle (he's seventh day adventist) and observed allot of differences in the general health of the vegan patients vs the non vegan he treated. his books realy explain how a properly implemented vegan diet can benefit the body-and for your mom's sake it explains how the 'things' she believes you are losing out on by virtue of not eating animal products can be obtained through non animal products.

 

[Laura]

I don't have a lot of advice, as I only got flack from one person in my family for going veggie 7 years ago, and it wasn't my dad. He was concerned about my health, but I loaned him my copy of The Idiot's Guide to Being Vegetarian and that helped. He doesn't bother me about it, and now only strangers and distant family members seem to think it's okay to criticize me. Fortunately, my SIL's mother is a vegetarian and she and most of her family have been vegetarians for years and years. Also, my dad has visited India (on business), which has a large population of vegetarians and he could see for himself how it can be a really great diet.

Really, a vegetarian diet isn't necessarily healthier than a meat-inclusive diet. It's all in the approach to the individual foods you eat. For example, I could eat mac-n-cheese all day and that would be bad for me. Alternatively, I could eat hamburgers all day and that would be bad too. If your mom's giving you info about why it's better to eat meat, show her information on how a vegetarian diet is beneficial and show her how you've been managing what you eat. It's been four years since you went veggie; it's time for them to get over it.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

You've been sitting too long on those leather seats in your minivan. You're becoming one of those People Eating Tasty Animals fanatics!!!

You had to bring that up here??? You will suffer, lady...not sure how yet, but you will pay!!!

Hey, maybe when my mom sees my leather seats she will somehow gain some respect for me... Nah, it will probably only fire her up and give her hope that I'll eat meat.

 

[Sherri]

Oh it sounds like my house when I became a vegetarian in 8th grade, I am not 36 and a full vegan as of two years ago.
I found my parents had blamed each other for me being a vegetarian (as if it were a bad thing). Then my Mom blamed the school.
The bottom line was I wasn't going back to eating meat.
I explained to them that I loved animals too much and I would stay healthy by eating extra protein and taking vitimins.
Of course family functions outside of our home were difficult, being that I come from a meat eating (partial hunting) family.
But as time went on they all accepting me for me and respected my choices, though none of them ever agreed with them.
Stick to your wits. First explain WHY you chose to do this, then explain how you plan on staying healthy.
For me the bottom line was that I was not going to eat an animal to please anyone.

 

[luvflorida]

I live at college, however my parent's house is only about 20 minutes away so I often go home for dinner. Every time I go home my mom bugs me to death to eat whatever meat product she has cooked.

Speaking as a mom here. I know the one thing that would make me stop bugging you about being a vegetarian would be if you told me you were going to start coming home less and less because you just get tired of hearing all the negative comments at dinnertime. That would cause me to rethink my comments. As your mom, I would want you to come home and enjoy meals!

My youngest daughter has been a vegetarian for 6 years, ever since we took a trip to Key West and she saw all the cute chickens raoming free. I fully support her decision, but I know I also worry about her getting enough of the right foods to stay healthy. She doesn't eat meat, fish, eggs, or a lot of other things. She isn't even that big on veggies! I make sure she gets a daily multivitamin and I try to have a lot of things in the house that she does eat.

I agree with others that maybe you should show her literature that supports a vegetarian lifestyle, and really talk to your mom about how it hurts to keep hearing the negative comments.