I need child rearing help (chore related)

[AlexWyattMommy]

I get that you need Xamount more sales people in order to sell the product, but the 10:1 ration to implement said sales of product wasn't very smart. 7:1 isn't much better unless you have that 1 in the right areas to begin with.

Word is going to get out that can't deliver fast enough what they sell and then that will be hard hearsay to get away from.

Shall I put the ice in the hopper?

 

[Fran98765]

We started a marble reward system and it seems to be helping tremendously. My son is eager to do extra chores and so forth... the power of the marble!

We wrote up a list in 3 sections: Expected behaviors, Extra behaviors and Negative behaviors. We based our lists on the ones at http://www.easychild.com/free-chore-lists.htm which are separated by age. The top section should have things your kids will get marbles for all the time... if they are always going in the negative, the program won't work. We use a mason jar and when they fill their jar they will get a reward of a toy or video game or special dinner out, whatever they choose. If my son starts to have a fit or hit (which is his main issue), we can mention that he will lose marbles. We calmly say what he should do, ie calm down and take a break from X and come back when you are calm, if you hit or fight you will lose X marbles (and may lose privileges as well, like video games or tv). Many times this works as a detterant for the bad behavior. He also never flushed the toilet (ick), he is almost 100% flushing now, since he lost gems for not flushing.

My step son arrives on the 24th for the summer and he has a lot of issues and bad behaviors. We are really hoping the marble plan will work for him, as it has for my son. I'll let ya know in a few weeks!

And since we're going to WDW in less then 3 weeks, I am making a special behavior chart/list for vacation week and will use points instead of marbles, (not lugging down jars of marbles!) and if they get X points at the end of the trip they can get an extra souvenir, price range will be determined by points earned.

My stepson has a horrible behavior of bawling/crying hysterically in restaurants, which is really irritating and embarassing. He is 10.5 and he still did it the last time we saw him at Christmas. So... that will be a huge neg marble/point reducer for him. We ensured that every restaurant we plan to dine at while at WDW has at least one food item he likes on it, so there is no excuse for him to cry. Going someplace like Marrakesh and expecting him to do well would have been a little mean! LOL

I know your guys are a bit older, but I bet this will help. Several of our friends are using this system with good results as well, but we all have little ones.

 

[BernardandMissBianca]

I get that you need Xamount more sales people in order to sell the product, but the 10:1 ration to implement said sales of product wasn't very smart. 7:1 isn't much better unless you have that 1 in the right areas to begin with.

Word is going to get out that can't deliver fast enough what they sell and then that will be hard hearsay to get away from.

Shall I put the ice in the hopper?

yeah it would be nice if the ratio were lower, but it is a really new company. They have never handled remote employees before so it is a learning experience for everyone, plus they are supremely picky about the type of person they want. DH was one of 10 candidates and he was the only one they picked. I think they are going about it the right way it just stinks in the mean time. I keep telling myself it will get better, it just isn't coming fast enough. And the quiet period for the stock options from the old job will be over in August, the stock will get sold right away to pay off everything we owe to the world except the house. This will put us in a better position when we move. Then we could move back to Atlanta or California (where the home office is) and we can afford the move.

Word is already out, the is the company of all companies. Their reputation is the best of the best, people will wait. The VP of finance is just an antsy number cruncher. Sorry, I sound like a braggart.

 

[BernardandMissBianca]

We started a marble reward system and it seems to be helping tremendously. My son is eager to do extra chores and so forth... the power of the marble!

We wrote up a list in 3 sections: Expected behaviors, Extra behaviors and Negative behaviors. We based our lists on the ones at http://www.easychild.com/free-chore-lists.htm which are separated by age. The top section should have things your kids will get marbles for all the time... if they are always going in the negative, the program won't work. We use a mason jar and when they fill their jar they will get a reward of a toy or video game or special dinner out, whatever they choose. If my son starts to have a fit or hit (which is his main issue), we can mention that he will lose marbles. We calmly say what he should do, ie calm down and take a break from X and come back when you are calm, if you hit or fight you will lose X marbles (and may lose privileges as well, like video games or tv). Many times this works as a detterant for the bad behavior. He also never flushed the toilet (ick), he is almost 100% flushing now, since he lost gems for not flushing.

My step son arrives on the 24th for the summer and he has a lot of issues and bad behaviors. We are really hoping the marble plan will work for him, as it has for my son. I'll let ya know in a few weeks!

And since we're going to WDW in less then 3 weeks, I am making a special behavior chart/list for vacation week and will use points instead of marbles, (not lugging down jars of marbles!) and if they get X points at the end of the trip they can get an extra souvenir, price range will be determined by points earned.

My stepson has a horrible behavior of bawling/crying hysterically in restaurants, which is really irritating and embarassing. He is 10.5 and he still did it the last time we saw him at Christmas. So... that will be a huge neg marble/point reducer for him. We ensured that every restaurant we plan to dine at while at WDW has at least one food item he likes on it, so there is no excuse for him to cry. Going someplace like Marrakesh and expecting him to do well would have been a little mean! LOL

I know your guys are a bit older, but I bet this will help. Several of our friends are using this system with good results as well, but we all have little ones.

we did something similar with Quarters, they had 3 chores a day (2 on weekends) with 1 quarter per chore. They could get 5.25 a week. If they hit the 5.25 they could trade their quarters in for $6. They got a bonus if everything was done.
If they wanted help they had to pay the helper, or they could pay someone else to do it. If they volunteered to help, they got no money. If I asked more than twice to do the job, they didn't get paid even if they did do the job. If I did it after they were told 2x, then they had to pay me.

They also had money taken away for bad behavior, breaking things (DS6 broke DD's piggy bank and ad to buy a new one), and DS11 got money taken away for climbing over the baby gate (he can step over but the littler ones climb it and broke 1 gate). But DS6 and 7 ran out of money, by not doing chores and buying things they wanted.

Oh idea!!
DS6 and 7 want pokemon video games, I wonder if I should buy them and have a display like in a store. They could put them on layaway. Think that would work?

 

[PrincessNancy96]

it is, and they are talking surgery but he can't take 6 months off to heal. We have another DR appt on June 20. Then we see what's next. And then we have to deal with the settlement.

trust me I am sooooo ready to ship her off to you!

Urgh! On the 20th appt... Poor thing...

Send the kids over... I'll be home and ready to have them after the 15th...

As for the upteen to 1 ration.. tell little VP dude that we all said to grab his bag, pull his chair out from under his desk or A%% which ever he desires first and get himself out there to start implementing! Can't implement effectively w/o the man power.. Where was he in Supply & Demand 101???? Probably in a chair wondering what he was doing there! Dork!

 

[BernardandMissBianca]

Urgh! On the 20th appt... Poor thing...

Send the kids over... I'll be home and ready to have them after the 15th...

As for the upteen to 1 ration.. tell little VP dude that we all said to grab his bag, pull his chair out from under his desk or A%% which ever he desires first and get himself out there to start implementing! Can't implement effectively w/o the man power.. Where was he in Supply & Demand 101???? Probably in a chair wondering what he was doing there! Dork!

he had a DR appt for this Friday but he is in CA. The next available was late June. They are wicked busy there.

I think the VP slept through S&D 101. LOL

 

[believen]

Here are a few things that have worked over the years. With my 3, different things worked with each child. Life is not always fair.....
Have a set routine each time you walk through the door: including carrying your own stuff from the car and putting it where it belongs-nothing done before that happens- no TV, no snack, etc.
these are things my kids hear in there sleep!
If it belongs to you TAKE IT TO YOUR ROOM.
Don't leave a trail.
5 minute pick up(or 10)
After each of these things, I had a basket or trash bag, anything not picked up, went in the basket. If they never asked for it, it was out of there! If it was important(homework, ball glove, etc) they had to earn it back by doing "my jobs" If they left it out, because they didn't care, Then it became a whole other issue!
I could never keep up with charts or allowance. You pick up after your self and take care of your things, because you are part of the family. If not, you have no fun!
Unfortunately, the only way anything works, is with consistancy on the Mom's part. Sometimes I have the energy, sometimes, not so much! But I do know, A hard week of staying on top of them, and they usually started doing it without much prodding, it just becomes what you do.
My kids are almost grown, I have a people pleaser who picks up after herself, but her room is a clothes, shoes disaster. I keep the door shut. I have a DS who takes after his Dad and sees no problem with total chaos and thinks its clean if there isnt trash visible- he loses priveleges, friends and the computer are what works now. Then I have a DS who is organized, keeps an awesome room, etc. We have different issues with him LOL- he oversleeps, has an attitude,etc but his room is clean!
I've done the Fly Lady program, and have adapted it to fit my personality. There are some things that I will never be able to accomplish!

It was easier for me to have the kids pick up their stuff and not help with many chores. (control freak?) I still say "If it belongs to you......" but not too often! and I haven't had to use the basket in years. They hated the basket!
Prayers for you and DH
Vicki

 

[Lisa]

Oh idea!!
DS6 and 7 want pokemon video games, I wonder if I should buy them and have a display like in a store. They could put them on layaway. Think that would work?

That might properly motivate them.

 

[BernardandMissBianca]

Here are a few things that have worked over the years. With my 3, different things worked with each child. Life is not always fair.....
Have a set routine each time you walk through the door: including carrying your own stuff from the car and putting it where it belongs-nothing done before that happens- no TV, no snack, etc. do that now, every day reminder, I need a tape recorder that turns on when the door opens
these are things my kids hear in there sleep!
If it belongs to you TAKE IT TO YOUR ROOM. I have a basket on the stairs, that works most of the time. grab something on the way up.
Don't leave a trail. I like that! I think that needs to go on the header on the stairs.
5 minute pick up(or 10) do that with a timer, need to do that more often.
After each of these things, I had a basket or trash bag, anything not picked up, went in the basket. If they never asked for it, it was out of there! If it was important(homework, ball glove, etc) they had to earn it back by doing "my jobs" If they left it out, because they didn't care, Then it became a whole other issue! good idea. I have te basket on the stairs but Im need my own "it's mine now" basket.
I could never keep up with charts or allowance. You pick up after your self and take care of your things, because you are part of the family. If not, you have no fun!
Unfortunately, the only way anything works, is with consistancy on the Mom's part. Sometimes I have the energy, sometimes, not so much! But I do know, A hard week of staying on top of them, and they usually started doing it without much prodding, it just becomes what you do. there are days when mom has no energy. LOL
My kids are almost grown, I have a people pleaser who picks up after herself, but her room is a clothes, shoes disaster. I keep the door shut. I have a DS who takes after his Dad and sees no problem with total chaos and thinks its clean if there isnt trash visible- he loses priveleges, friends and the computer are what works now. Then I have a DS who is organized, keeps an awesome room, etc. We have different issues with him LOL- he oversleeps, has an attitude,etc but his room is clean!
I've done the Fly Lady program, and have adapted it to fit my personality. There are some things that I will never be able to accomplish! I have tried this but the rooms are too disorganized for fly lady to work. If I can get the rooms straight, then I think Fly will work for me. Plus I do the daily chore list here.

It was easier for me to have the kids pick up their stuff and not help with many chores. (control freak?) I still say "If it belongs to you......" but not too often! and I haven't had to use the basket in years. They hated the basket! with 6 people they have to help with chores. I can only stand doing the dishes for so long before I am tempted to toss the dishes and go back to paper plates.
Prayers for you and DH thanks!
Vicki

Thank you for your input Vicki. I know it will get better as they get older, or at least I hope. I am just trying to train them right from the beginning. Although I do know my little brother was the same and now that he has his own place, he has had an eye opening experience.

 

[party of 3]

Oh and shortly after starting this thread I left to make the kids lunch, DD tore all the keys off my computer!!!!! I just spent the last 2 hours putting them back on. But only 3 are broken, not bad. Except the E, you never realize how much you use the E til it's busted.

i know this is not funny, but boy did i laugh when i read it! sorry!
i just can't help it. just the pic of her picking the keys off the computer is way too funny!!!ok slinking off to the corner. i'm not laughing at you - i'm laughing with you!!!


as for advice- i have none! we are terrible at putting that away thing. we are really really trying at being better at it. trying to show ds the right way, but it sure it hard.

 

[BernardandMissBianca]

I can laugh now, DH is bringing home a junk powerbook from work to replace the keypad. She also tore off the rubber thing on the H that pushes the keys back up, so if there is a word or two with no H, you know why.

lord knows I wanted to kill her when I found it! I only checked on her because she was quiet. I knew she was either up to something or asleep.

 

[party of 3]

oh when there's quiet.....there's usually trouble!

the other day it was so quiet in the house and i yelled from my bedroom,
"bubba what are you doing?" no answer......
i go marching in his room ready to flip out and he's sitting in the rocking chair in his room reading a book! i felt so bad because i thought for sure he was up to something!

now this is not usually the case.

 

[pixeegrl]

We have 3 boys 13,9, & 6. By the time we all get home-I work at a preschool with after school care so they get off the busses and stay with me-it is usually around 5-5:30. First thing they do is bring in their stuff from the van and put it away! Shoes and backpacks put in the right places. Those who have homework get right to it those who don't get to unload the dishwasher. If there is any laundry everyone puts away their own stuff. DS 13 helps the little one hang his shirts up. We take 10-15 minutes to put away anything that doesn't belong out. They always hurry too because they know they can't play video games or computer until they do. After showers everyone has to make sure their dirty clothes are put in the hamper-DS6 is constantly asking me is this dark or light mom?-if I find them in the bathroom they loose a privilege. I don't usually make them clean their rooms during the week but on the weekends they know they have to do it or again they loose privileges and wind up cleaning it anyways. DH helps me keep onto them so I know that helps a lot! Eventually they just learn work before play. I guess you really just need to be consistent with them. They also help clean the house on the weekends since our week is so busy with school and work we usually take one day to clean and with everyone helping it only takes half the day, the rest of the weekend is for having fun! Sometimes though I just tell them to go outside and play and if you come in you are cleaning! Helps me get some quiet time LOL!

 

[bearbear]

My friend uses a time in. She has a list of chores that are age appropriate and if they act up they are sent to the list and have to pick one. I can't remember how long the time in is for. I will try to have her post. Her user name is julielouhoo.
It sounds like it works great.

 

[aroyer]

I don't have any real advice... DD is too much like me and her room is usually neat and here lately she has been doing things without me asking . (I know this won't last.) DS is just getting to the age that he needs to learn to pick up after himself. I need to be more consistent with him in that regard.

I have to agree with PO3- I have a visual of your DD taking the keys off and it makes me giggle! DS was quiet not too long ago and I found him under his train table shoveling jelly beans in his mouth as fast as he could.

Hugs, prayers and pixie dust to you and DH!

 

[BernardandMissBianca]

My friend uses a time in. She has a list of chores that are age appropriate and if they act up they are sent to the list and have to pick one. I can't remember how long the time in is for. I will try to have her post. Her user name is julielouhoo.
It sounds like it works great.

oooh, good idea!

DS was quiet not too long ago and I found him under his train table shoveling jelly beans in his mouth as fast as he could.

Hugs, prayers and pixie dust to you and DH!

I can see DD doing this too, she is learning to be sneaky way to early!

Thanks for the P&PD!

 

[party of 3]

DS was quiet not too long ago and I found him under his train table shoveling jelly beans in his mouth as fast as he could.

OMG! that is way too funny!!!! i can't help it, but i just laughed right out loud!!!!

 

[aroyer]

It was hysterical. It was so hard to not laugh in front of him. He knew what he was doing was wrong too- he starting apologizing the moment I found him. Stinker. I giggle every time I think about it.

 

[mommy2mrb]

we use a chore/responsibility chart for DD. She gets quarter for every chore and a quarter for every 3 responsibility check she earns, one of which is be nice to Mom, if she's not I take two checks away. This has worked well for us so far this year, last year was another story.

It helps she is earning money for the AK cruise and our DLR trip. I don't buy her any toys anymore, if she wants something she has to earn the money first. we are planning on opening up a savings acct for her this summer and she will be saving half.

Good luck with finding something that works. Hope DH appt goes well and he doesn't have to have surgery.

 

[MyLittlePiglet]

).
My step son arrives on the 24th for the summer and he has a lot of issues and bad behaviors. We are really hoping the marble plan will work for him, as it has for my son. I'll let ya know in a few weeks!

Why did I never realize you were in the stepmommy club Fran??? Well one more thing about ours families that is the same. LOL