I need anyone who has ever filed a formal seperation to help me.

[Helopoh]

Well Long story short. DH has decided he wants a Seperation agreement. He has confessed to me that he has cheated on me and that he wants to make sure that we have everything on Paper. I am crushed at this point and really feel numb. I have no idea about legal papers and I don't know any lawyers unlike him who has a paralegal as a friend.( I won't even tell you how much I dislike this woman) He cheated with a woman at work and needless to say he is as confused as I am. He doesn't know what he wants. I can't even begin to know what to do. I need some advice here. I have no job or cash I just would love for our life to be back to normal but I am not getting anywhere with that dream.

 

[SonjaB]

Call an attorney....you NEEEEEEEEED an attorney. I can't stress this enough.


{{{{{HUGS}}}}}

 

[jipsy]

Get thee to a lawyer quickly. A lawyer, not a paralegal.

 

[binny]

(((hugs))) my friend Im sorry I wasnt online earlier when you tried to reach me.



Call Legal Aid first thing tomorrow you NEED one! Do not do this alone PLEASE!


and pardon while i hop on a plane to kick his @##

 

[Pooh93]

As the others have said, get a lawyer and focus your energies into getting things done to protect you and your son. Even if you do reconcile, you are going to need some time to sort things out. Do not let "h" talk you into anything until you speak with a lawyer. Forget the "other woman"and his "confusion." It takes two to tango and you need all your strength for you and your son. (I do not mean this to sound harsh) I am very sorry you are going through this, but you are alot stronger than you think. Don't sell yourself short. {{HUGS}} and I'll be rooting for you whatever happens.

 

[~Sparkly~Zoe]

I also suggest that you get a lawyer immediately!

 

[WebmasterAlex]

another vote for RUN do not walk to a lawyer. A mistake at this point could cost you and your son dearly.

 

[Serena]

Get a lawyer. Call any one of your friends, call all of them, find someone that can recommend a lawyer to you.
My lawyer waived the fees for me, or she was/is planning on getting paid by him in the divorce process.

 

[shelle94]

I also suggest getting a lawyer. My Mom went through all of that about 10 years ago. She found a great lawyer that set her up on a reasonable payment plan. She had a job at the time, but no savings of her own.

If you think things are going to get nasty I suggest making copies of his paystubs, tax returns and bank statements. My Mom's lawyer told her to do this and she was glad she did. When it went to court my Dad claimed he made much less than what he actually did and said there was nothing in savings. There was a couple of thousand in their joint savings and he took it out. He didn't want my Mom to get anything from him even though they were married for 20 years. It was horrible.

I'm sorry you have to go through this. You know you can come to the boards anytime you need support. We are all here for you.

 

[Cinderellafifi]

Yes, you need a lawyer. I am sorry you are going through this. Sending you lots of HUGS!!!!!!

 

[CarolAnnC]

This man obviously cannot be trusted, so heed the advice listed above and retain an attorney first thing tomorrow! Your child, your financial well being and anything jointly owned are at stake here.

There seems to be so many people going through this lately. I fear people cannot make a permanent, lasting commitment nowadays. It is very disheartening to hear of folks like yourself dealing with infidelity. {{{Hugs}}} to you and hang in there. Better days will be ahead for you.

 

[Zurg]

Talk to an attorney ASAP.

Here some P & PD till then

 

[Briar Rose 7457]

I agree, get a lawyer. it may be difficult for you, because you don't want to have to think along those lines, but you have to protect your financial and legal interests right away. I have heard horror stories about support, custody, assets, etc. when one party had legal representation and the other hadn't gotten there yet because they felt they didn't need it, or were too emotional to think about it, or hoped to reconcile. legal advice -- if you get a separation agreement, you can reconcile later, but if you don't have the agreement in place and you don't get back togehter, you're not going to be happy.


you must be feeling a whole range of emotions. you do need some emotional support. you cna find som esupport groups on line -- iVillage has a range of message boards for people goving through a divorce -- and you might want to find an in-person support group as well.

 

[bobcat]

I have been in your shoes. Like everyone has said get a lawyer now. That should be your first priority. Get copies of everything, hopefully you won't need it but if things get worse it will be hell trying to get this info from him.

I know things are upside down now but hang on it will get better.

 

[aahmom1]

I'm so sorry you have to deal with this.

 

[EdiePA]

but, having been down this road for the last 21 months, I can offer some advice.

First, do make an appointment with an attorney. I used our family attorney, but only after making sure that he could fight for my sons.

Second, get very educated about your financial situation. I went into my first meeting with my lawyer and could barely answer any questions. You need to know account balances, mortgages, IRAs or 401Ks, stocks, insurance, etc.

Third, get on-line and get educated about separation/divorce laws in your state. My not-soon-enough-to-be-ex kept coming to me with 50-50 splits and Pennsylvania is not a 50-50 state.

I echo the iVillage recommendation -- the support is great.
Here's a link to some great info
http://pages.ivillage.com/cl-wildlucky4me/id4.html

HTH,
Edie

 

[twinmomplus2]

Fatherhood coalition, do not flame me..... But, your DH asked for this seperation. well then in most states he can be responsible for your lawyers fees. Also most consults are free. Get a lawyer a family law attorney and make sure you are informed as to your rights and your childs. Good luck, Hey did I say get a Lawyer!!!!!!!

 

[Gail T AGAIN]

Originally posted by SonjaH
Call an attorney....you NEEEEEEEEED an attorney. I can't stress this enough.


{{{{{HUGS}}}}}

I agree with SonjaH. get a lawyer, that was the first thing I did. he really goyt more for me then I ever would of gotten on my own cause I was to stupid and naive. Good lucky, you'll be fine. We all feel we wont be but you will surprise yourself how much you can do alone,

 

[kbeverina]

I'm so sorry I know it's hard right now to think in terms of protecting yourself, but that's exactly what you have to do. I've watched so many divorces in our neighborhood over the last 10 years--the only one of my friends who came out of it without going bankrupt and without fighting for custody of her children, was the one who the day after finding out her husband was unfaithful took action to protect herself. She closed or took her name off all of the joint accounts and made appointments with several lawyers for free consultations. She documented everything. She was hoping for a reconciliation and did go to counseling, but still protected herself financially for the sake of the kids and made sure her children were in the best environment possible as far as school and daycare.

The spouse who's leaving always tries to convince the other that there's no need for an attorney, that they can work things out between themselves without the expense--believe me, it rarely happens that way. It's always good to have some friends you can cry to and at least one friend to make sure you do what's in your and your son's best interests, as hard as it is for you to hear that you shouldn't feel sorry for your husband and give in. Good luck, and, again, I'm so sorry.

 

[Pugdog007]

When I was going through a divorce many moons ago, my attorney told me that "a formal separation agreement is a waste of money." She claimed that only 1% of couples who filed a formal separation ever reconciled. Apparently, a formal separation cost-wise is the same as the actual divorce. Furthermore, she said that a formal separation request by one party or the other is typically just a "formal request" to fool around or do whatever they want without fear of the consequences.

Don't do anything rash, do contact an attorney and get your financials in order, don't move out or leave the home overnight for any reason.

Best of luck.