I need Advice.. Please Respond

[dex23]

I am the new at this long term relationship thing and i just aggrivated my girlfriend and really made her mad what are somethings that i can say to make everything ok

 

[tar heel]

How about something like:

I'm so sorry I did what I did. The last thing in the world I meant to do was to hurt you/aggravate you (whatever fits). I'm new at this long-term relationship thing, but it's the best thing that's ever happened to me. I really care about you, and I need you to be patient with me because I'm trying to learn how to be a good partner.

This is going to get moved to the Community Board, so look for it there.

 

[pumpkinfish]

tar heel,

I did the long distance thing with my boyfriend (now husband) for one year. He was in NY and I was here in VA. The worst thing that could happen was trying to argue over the phone. You need to remember to communicate with her. Be honest, without hurting her feelings any more. Think about what you said to aggrivate her, and why she is feeling upset about them. Always place yourself in her shoes. It is hard, because things that are so petty really get blown up when you are far away, and it isn't like she can look at you face-to-face.
Even if you know you are right, don't be stubborn. If she is wrong, she will come around after you reason with her.
Mainly ask what is upseting her, listen, and respond.

good luck

 

[DukeStreetKing]

It doesn't matter what you say or do, it's too late. You've already pissed her off so start looking for someone new and learn from this mistake.

Oh, maybe you could try to apologize for whatever you did. That sometimes works.

 

[WillyJ]

Well, an apology never hurts., . but then again if whatever you did wasn't something your really sorry for it wouldn't be fair to act like you are so at least she knows and you can talk it our together.. .

If you messed up and know it, then sincerely apologize without any qualifiers added (i.e. "Yeah I was wrong but. . " and then give her some space and whatever time she needs to accept or reject it..

Not only is that the honorable, fair, and decent thnig to do. . but thowing the ball in their court and then staying incommunicado usually drives them nuts. . LOL!!

Good luck with it. . unless you did something really bad sho'll accept your apology and continue on with the relationship.. . if not then it probably wasn't meant to be anyway. .

 

[Saffron]

If you messed up and know it, then sincerely apologize without any qualifiers added (i.e. "Yeah I was wrong but. . " and then give her some space and whatever time she needs to accept or reject it..

Awwww, that's right.

Not only is that the honorable, fair, and decent thnig to do. . but thowing the ball in their court and then staying incommunicado usually drives them nuts. . LOL!!

Heyyyyyyyyy! Willllllll!

 

[Serena]

uh oh!!!


Apologize whether you were right or wrong. If not for what you did, apologize for her hurting. If you messed up, own up to it. Try to make up for it and try to learn from your mistake. Above all, don't try to blame her for it.

It'll be alright, as long as you really care.

 

[lulugirl]

Just buy her something expensive.

 

[WillyJ]

Oh, hey now. . don't be mad baby!

Oh sure I was wrong but remember that time you posted that thing that hurt me . . no I don't remember exactly but it was much worse then this and I was only kidding around and there's that election and that hurricane and..

Let me call you baby! It was a typo. . it was a mistake. . I'll do better. . come on baby!



Uhhhh. . wait a sec.


I meant to say I am sincerely sorry for that hurtful comment Maggie. You have every right to be upset, and I'm truly sorry.

I hope you can forgice me; I understand you might need some time to thing things through, and I respect that and will wait to hear from you.

 

[Serena]

boy he can talk fast

 

[Saffron]

Will darling ....

 

[Serena]

Come on now you two, kiss and make up.

 

[Saffron]

We will Laurie, as soon as the flowers get here.

 

[WillyJ]

Yes dear. Whatever you say dear. Shopping for towels at K-Mart sounds like fun dear. No, re-roofing the house isn't that hard, I'll start right away dear! Can I get you anythnig from the store dear? Anything you need or want dear? No I won't embarrass you again like that dear. Watching "Steel Magnolias" with is fun for me too dear. . . .

 

[Serena]

Ooooh, get him Maggie.

 

[KristaTX]

Dex23 - You're countdown timer says you are at WDW now. Is that an old one or are you fighting on your vacation?

Tell her you are sorry you hurt her and that you love her (if you do). And then say "let's go out someplace and talk about it". Then, just listen to her and occasionally make listening noises - "I see", "oh", "really?", "I'm sorry", "hmmm", etc. . Don't try to fix her, don't throw solutions for her at her, and don't make excuses for your self right now. Otherwise you better get ready for things to get worse before they get better.

I have to put a plug in here again for the book Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. Once you get past this fight, get that book, read it, and have your girlfriend read it. Very helpful .

 

[Kallison]

She is right -- you are wrong -- followed by flowers, chocolate and jewelry is always nice.

 

[dex23]

Thank you for the help

 

[Trinity721]

Listen to her, I mean really listen. Whether you think or know you are right or wrong. A good excercise that I learned about is to have the person who is mad, say why they are mad, and then the other person paraphrases or summarize him/her so they know you are listening. That way you can understand what the root of the problem is, and know you are on the same page.

For example:
GF: You hurt my feelings because you said you didn't have time to see me today.
BF: So you feel hurt because I couldn't see you today.
GF: Yes, so I felt neglected.
BF: I understand, you were hurt and felt neglected. Well what I meant was....etc, etc

You get the idea. Both of you should take turns, really listening to each other. Don't just offer her a quickie solution because the same problem will keep arising. Don't be afraid to say you are sorry when you realize you are wrong. Don't say "You are this, or you are that... Say what you did was hurtful, not you are hurtful". don't play the blame game, that doesn't solve anything.

That's all I can think of right now, but good luck! Fighting and arguing is natural, it's getting through those tough times that determines what relationships last and which don't.

 

[dex23]

Is it normal to argue at least once a day?