I must confess...

[tinatark]

I haven't completed projects for my kids, but I can remember waking them up an hour or more earlier than usual so they could do something they "forgot" to complete.

 

[meliss8599]

We have never done ANY homework or projects for our kids. That is our rule...we want them to LEARN, so we don't short-circuit that process by doing their work for them. They have learned to be responsible and tell us about anything they need help with, or suffer the consequences with a failing grade. This policy takes effect by the time they are in 1st or 2nd grade, depending on the kid. At 5 or 6 sometimes they forget, of course. After that, there really isn't any excuse for a kid without other issues to drop the ball like this. I would have let my daughter take the zero, to teach her a lesson.

The problem is that I don't think 7 year olds care if they fail or not unless it is something intrinsic which is not the norm at that age. In my opinion as an educator, at that age they REALLY don't understand the importance or significance of school or grades.

I just about cried a few months ago when my own daughter (9) asked me why I care so much about grades. And, believe me, I have always stressed the importance of education both verbally and through example--I JUST finished my teaching degree this past May so she saw how hard and how much I worked to complete my education.

OP, I TOTALLY feel for you. I am a teacher and my OWN daughter couldn't be more irresponsible at times. We're working on this and and we have implemented checklists and calendars and written reminders so things have gotten better but it's still hard to be a mom. Good luck to you.

 

[bgirldeb]

Frankly, from what I see, most of these projects are meant for the parents to do.

That's what I was going to post. I'm all about personal responsibility for my kids, but this includes things that are within their scope and abilities.

We have a standing joke in my office that these sort of things are work for the parents.

 

[Loverly]

Well that is my point. The weekend was totally packed out with MY stuff and by the time Sunday night rolled around I realized I had dropped the ball. :

If the weekend was busy with YOUR stuff-what was your DD doing while YOUR stuff (please elaborate) was going on?

 

[bellebud]

i don't think 7yo is old enough to totally take the fall. i wouldn't have let my kids get the zero. i'd either have gotten the material ready that night, and woken them up early to do it (and of course I'd help them along), or maybe the stay home thing.

I had to laugh when a fellow mom at our school recently said to me "I have more homework and projects this year than any other! It's taking up so much of my time!!" and she's not *doing* the work for her kids, but the parental involvement needed to get a lot of things done is just huge, and she now has 3 in school (5th, 4th and pre-K).

Maybe some schools aren't like this, but there are many times at ours when a project is assigned that couldn't possibly be done 100% by the child. If it could, why not do it in school?

 

[stashbin]

If the weekend was busy with YOUR stuff-what was your DD doing while YOUR stuff (please elaborate) was going on?

Well let's see....we have had family in town so we have had company (including a house full of kids) all weekend. The point is, I forgot about the project. My DD7 is not responsible enough to remind me to help her with the project. (we are working on this but sometimes I forget things too so she gets it honest).

 

[tar heel]

I agree with pretty much what feralpeg said.

At that age, I would have gotten the materials together, woke her up an hour early and helped her complete the project before school. I don't think I would have completed it myself, though, although my dh did once make a "hut" for my oldest who was in tears b/c his hut kept falling apart.

.

 

[nuttylawprofessor]

My mom helped with many projects while I was in elementary and junior high. Heck, I don't think I colored a single take-home cut-and-paste assignment from the time I was in 1st grade. Mom always did the coloring-in for me. Despite this, I somehow still learned responsibility. I've managed to be gainfully employed and never been fired. I've never hopped from job to job. I attended and graduated from a top-tier university and law school on time.

You're a good mom. Life happens. And we know you'll do better when you can, right?

 

[Skatermom23]

I haven't done what you did, but I did have a situation in which I wish I had!
When DS was 8 he had a paper due, that he told us about but it required the parents to answer questions. This assignment was given on a Monday and due the next day. Well, Monday was my birthday and when the kids got home everyone was caught up in celebrating with me and we went out to dinner and got caught up in the moment. By the time we got home, we forgot about this paper. In the morning, DS said something to me and I told him not to worry that I would call the teacher and explain to her what had happened and that I felt partially to blame since he had told me. Her response was that he should have stood up to me when we got home and refused to go to bed until I completed my part of the assignment! She said he would never learn to be responsible if he didn't stand up to me! I took the matter to the principal and she totally backed the teacher. My poor DS got a lunch detention plus a zero! I was ticked.... This was a Catholic school that I pulled him out of shortly after because of crap like this.

It's nine years later and I wish that Nun could see my very responsible, respectful, honor student now!

 

[mamacatnv]

I have never completely done a project start to finish but on more than one occassion the kids project has become a family project. I totally agree with the personal responsibility aspect of kids doing their own work but I am also a Mom, with a busy household and sometimes stuff just happens.

At the beginning of the year DD had been out of school for 7 days out of 10 due to Strep followed by a nasty sinus infection. During this time she kept up on all her school work except for the big State Report that we all forgot about. We realized it was due the next day at about 8:30 on a Sunday night. I started doing the research and printing information - DH helped DD decipher the information and DD wrote the report in her words. We then took the report apart and we each colored a page.

It is not the norm but stuff happens.

 

[ThreeMusketeers]

I get what you were doin' girlfriend, but nope you shouldn't have done it.

Mommy was not to blame! Kiddo was. She is 7. Old enough to make sure she gets her stuff done on time. If she dosen't. That is a lesson she is going to have to learn.
Mommy didn't know about the project, how was she supposed to take her to the store?

I would have just let her show up with no project. She is old enough to remember to show you her paperwork. ON HER OWN. And old enough to accept the responsibility if she show's up w/o it.

how's she ever going to learn if your doing it for her?? (And i'm not talking about learning about the project, I'm talking about learning about the BIGGER PICTURE here)

 

[MushyMushy]

I haven't done what you did, but I did have a situation in which I wish I had!
When DS was 8 he had a paper due, that he told us about but it required the parents to answer questions. This assignment was given on a Monday and due the next day. Well, Monday was my birthday and when the kids got home everyone was caught up in celebrating with me and we went out to dinner and got caught up in the moment. By the time we got home, we forgot about this paper. In the morning, DS said something to me and I told him not to worry that I would call the teacher and explain to her what had happened and that I felt partially to blame since he had told me. Her response was that he should have stood up to me when we got home and refused to go to bed until I completed my part of the assignment! She said he would never learn to be responsible if he didn't stand up to me! I took the matter to the principal and she totally backed the teacher. My poor DS got a lunch detention plus a zero! I was ticked.... This was a Catholic school that I pulled him out of shortly after because of crap like this.

It's nine years later and I wish that Nun could see my very responsible, respectful, honor student now!

Stood up to you??? Wow. I would have been outraged by that.

I get what you were doin' girlfriend, but nope you shouldn't have done it.

Mommy was not to blame! Kiddo was. She is 7. Old enough to make sure she gets her stuff done on time. If she dosen't. That is a lesson she is going to have to learn.
Mommy didn't know about the project, how was she supposed to take her to the store?

I would have just let her show up with no project. She is old enough to remember to show you her paperwork. ON HER OWN. And old enough to accept the responsibility if she show's up w/o it.

how's she ever going to learn if your doing it for her?? (And i'm not talking about learning about the project, I'm talking about learning about the BIGGER PICTURE here)

Mommy DID know about the project.

In my mind, that changes everything. That goes back to the post I just quoted -- if mom doesn't go out and buy the materials, then what is the child supposed to do? "Stand up" to her? Is she supposed to nag mom the entire weekend until it gets done? That's just too much to expect from a kid.

 

[ThreeMusketeers]

Stood up to you??? Wow. I would have been outraged by that.



Mommy DID know about the project.

In my mind, that changes everything. That goes back to the post I just quoted -- if mom doesn't go out and buy the materials, then what is the child supposed to do? "Stand up" to her? Is she supposed to nag mom the entire weekend until it gets done? That's just too much to expect from a kid.

I still don't see where it said she knew about the project. (???)

What am I missing?
Then again, it's been a long day and I am trying to DIS while I work

 

[goodeats]

I don't know, I would think a 7 year old would have asked her mom at some point during the busy weekend if they could go to Target to get poster board?

 

[mamamary]

I've never done a project for my kids but I've helped. As someone mentioned earlier they give some assignments that you know some kids just can't do alone. This wasn't for a grade but an extra assignment - last year my son had to dress like Benjamin Franklin. Well I'm the one that went online and found the lovely wig and bi-focals. I got the pants, shirt etc. together. So I can understand where you are coming from.

 

[MushyMushy]

I still don't see where it said she knew about the project. (???)

What am I missing?
Then again, it's been a long day and I am trying to DIS while I work

She said later that she found out about it the day DD brought it home. That's where I wouldn't let my kid take the fall for it. School's hard enough without us messing up for them.

And I've done my share, that's for sure!

 

[ThreeMusketeers]

Aside from the logistics of all this:

Isn't there a point being missed?

The teacher gave an assignment for a reason.

Not b/c she wanted to ruin anyone's birthday, or weekend. But b/c she found it to be a valuable learning tool on many different faucets.

This will help the child when it comes to real world occasions. Outside of elementry school. it's about developing good habits and learning how to sort through priority.

I guess, the first thing that popped into my head was..why was the mom packing the child's bookbag for the morning? She's 7?? That should be something she is doing on her own the night before, which may trigger the "OMG! I still have to do...." and then they can handle it before it's too late.

My daughter is 6 and she is handling these tasks just fine. I'm sure a 7 year old can.


**************
I just wanted to add, we all do things to help our children, I am not judging you for it. I am sure you love your daughter like crazy and only want the best for her. I have done may things out of love for my daughter, w/o first thinking of the long term effect.

 

[lucyanna girl]

Yes, I have and I still have managed to raise three pretty good kids.

One has his master's Degree, one is a High School Teacher, and DD is a high school junior and ranked third in her class.

Sometimes life gets busy and I forget things. I refuse to hold my child to a higher standard than I do myself and expect them to never forget anything. Besides, she did tell you.



Penny

 

[brockash]

The problem is that I don't think 7 year olds care if they fail or not unless it is something intrinsic which is not the norm at that age. In my opinion as an educator, at that age they REALLY don't understand the importance or significance of school or grades.

I just about cried a few months ago when my own daughter (9) asked me why I care so much about grades. And, believe me, I have always stressed the importance of education both verbally and through example--I JUST finished my teaching degree this past May so she saw how hard and how much I worked to complete my education.

OP, I TOTALLY feel for you. I am a teacher and my OWN daughter couldn't be more irresponsible at times. We're working on this and and we have implemented checklists and calendars and written reminders so things have gotten better but it's still hard to be a mom. Good luck to you.

ITA. I would never expect that a 7 year old would remember, think about or be able to organize in his/her own plan the entire project, time that it would take ect. The child is 7. I don't think at that age they're old enough to even comprehend that kind of organization. I'm impressed that the 7 year old even remembered to show mom the paper. OP, don't beat yourself up about it... we all as parents drop the ball at times (I applaud you for not trying to blame it all on your daughter- as I know I've caught myself doing at times, when really I'm the one that should have handled it differently.) There will many more projects that she'll get to do on her own...I would just make sure she understands that you won't be doing anymore of her projects.

 

[ReneeA]

I normally do the majority of the work for my kid's "projects". I talked to my 2nd grader's teacher about it and she said it's to be expected at that age.

I also guess I'm a bad mom because I sit with my kids while they are doing their homework, help guide them to find the right answer when they are stuck, and pack their backpacks for them in the morning. Every single one of my friends does things this way, too.