I love my husband, but.....

[wvjules]

Just had this same argument this morning! We both work full time. He gets home first. About 15 mins before me - I don't get home until 6pm. My mom runs a daycare in my house during the day. Yesterday I get home (everyone was at soccer) and the dog had gotten in the trash. Poopy diapers everywhere and mashed into my floors. Sink filled from daycare stuff. Dishwasher that had to be emptied. I end up staying up until midnight every night just so I can get done what I have to. What does he do??? SIts on the couch and watch t.v. Why??? Because he has been working all day...ummm...I thought that's where I was and longer than you! He told me I needed to sit down and relax. I really don't see how you can sit down and relax with everything that needs to be done. How does he expect the house to get clean and the lunches to be made? I then left in a huff to go get a bottle of wine so I can be prepared when the hurricane came. He must have gotten the hint becuase when I came home everything was spotless and vacuumed. I know how frustrating it can be. Make sure you take time to yourself. Even if it's just reading a book. That is part of why I stay up so late at night. I would go crazy if I didn't have alone time and the only time I can get it is very late at night.

I wouldnt have cleaned up either. Sounds like you should be upset with your mom and not your husband. It was HER mess!

 

[sbell111]

Easier said than done. I live in Florida. Sticky stuff and food particles attract bugs. I won't have bugs in my home just so I can ignore trash on his part of the room. But then again, hubby is neater than I am, so I don't have to worry about it.

I've lived in Florida. Leaving a plate in the sink for a few hours or a wrapper on a nightstand is not going to make everything go kafka. After all, the bugs would have to already be in your house to find these items, right?

 

[PrincessSuzanne]

There's a difference between taking care of a household and cleaning up after a grown man. He should be at least able to close the cabinets!

You'd think, but even as many times as my husband has left a door open and hit his head on it, he still won't close the doors . I just laugh hysterically at him, maybe some day he will learn . I don't understand how it isn't a habit to close a door your just opened, it just seems like a normal reflex to me.

Suzanne

 

[punkin]

You'd think, but even as many times as my husband has left a door open and hit his head on it, he still won't close the doors . I just laugh hysterically at him, maybe some day he will learn . I don't understand how it isn't a habit to close a door your just opened, it just seems like a normal reflex to me.

Suzanne

Is this purely a male thing? The only person I've ever known to do this is DH. My stepfather, my uncle, my nephew (all men I have lived with for extended periods) never left cabinets open. I think maybe he was raised differently.

 

[PrincessSuzanne]

Is this purely a male thing? The only person I've ever known to do this is DH. My stepfather, my uncle, my nephew (all men I have lived with for extended periods) never left cabinets open. I think maybe he was raised differently.

It must be, there were no males in the home when I was growing up (just mom and grandmother), so I just use that as an excuse for everything DH does. And almost everything I heard about my grandfather, he could do almost no wrong, somtimes I wish DH was more like that.

Suzanne

 

[jrmasm]

It must be, there were no males in the home when I was growing up (just mom and grandmother), so I just use that as an excuse for everything DH does. And almost everything I heard about my grandfather, he could do almost no wrong, somtimes I wish DH was more like that.

Suzanne

It's not. My husband closes cabinets but one of my daughters doesn't.

 

[lovesmurfs]

Is this purely a male thing? The only person I've ever known to do this is DH. My stepfather, my uncle, my nephew (all men I have lived with for extended periods) never left cabinets open. I think maybe he was raised differently.

No, it's likely a personality thing more than a male/female thing. I tend to be the OP's husband in our household. And, yes, I've been known to leave drawers and my closet door open. Somehow, I've already moved on to my next task (in my head) before I finish the one I'm working on and generally don't even realize I'm doing it. However, I do my best...and DH knows I try.

OP, since it appears that your DH isn't going to change, maybe you could leave a sink of water when you go to bed? That way, DH's dishes will get rinsed, even though the water will be cold.

 

[pandaroo]

No, I don't expect for him to empty the dishwasher, but I would like it if he would rinse his dishes off! He wakes up every morning, has a bowl of ceral and makes his lunch, and then puts it all in the sink. Then I have to scrape off all the dried up ceral and milk. It would only take him a second to rinse out the bowl!

Time to get paper plates for your DH. Put a paper cereal bowl and paper plate out for him every night.

 

[phillmolly]

Time to get paper plates for your DH. Put a paper cereal bowl and paper plate out for him every night.

I like this idea!!!!!

 

[mhsjax]

I've lived in Florida. Leaving a plate in the sink for a few hours or a wrapper on a nightstand is not going to make everything go kafka. After all, the bugs would have to already be in your house to find these items, right?

Not ants. As explained by out bug guy, and thanks to him we don't have bugs. BUt any send in a scout and then they come back and let their little buddies know that there is food available.

Lived here all of my life 47 years, I remember my mom yelling at my dad to clean up the crumbs so the ants wouldn't get in. Maybe no if the dishes are left in the sick, I do that more than I care to admit, but the sticky wrapper on the nightstand, yuck. I actually don't want any food in my bedroom thank you. AS for the kitchen I have no problem with hubby sticking dishes in the sick as long as they just put some water in the bowl so the food doesn't stick.

 

[Momvic5]

I find it rude...I am a SAHM, but my job is NOT to go around picking up after everyone. If you get a dish out, you rinse it and put it away...if you open it, you shut it....if you dropped it, you pick it up...if you got it out, you put it back. It is called being responsible for yourself and considerate of others. My thought is...if you can make the effort to get it all out, then you can make the effort to put it all back. If not, you are just being lazy and inconsiderate of the others in the house. I am famous for saying...."if you made the mess and don't feel like cleaning up after YOURSELF, how do you think I feel about cleaning up YOUR mess?". My feelings would be hurt too if my dh left the kitchen a mess on a regular basis. I say vent away!

 

[ccgirl]

other than not having the daycare in the house, I have the same problem as you. We both work; however, I do the cooking, cleaning, taking care of kids, etc. Yes, I've tried to get him to do it, but he would rather it be a mess. I've tried leaving stuff out, but he doesn't care.

Can I be nosy and ask why you are expected to clean the daycare stuff when it's your mom doing it? Is it bc they are your kids?

Not nosy at all. My mom watches my son along with my 2 nephews and 2 other children. My sister has a tiny house but is currently adding on to hers. It should be done in a couple of weeks then the daycare is moving there and I can't wait!

Are you really upset that your husband didn't clean the house in the 15 minutes that he had prior to your arriving home?

Further, why should he have to clean up after your mother? Since she is running a business out of your home, she should be cleaning up after it.

Finally, it's not like he was sitting on his duff while he expected you to get cleaning. Instead, he suggested that you sit down with him and relax a bit.

I'm not seeing the problem here (or the urgency to go get wine).

(Edited to add that it might be a good idea to institute a rule that poopy diapers not be put in the regular trash in the future.)

My DH actually did clean the house in the 15 minutes since I was gone. I had already cleaned up the daycare stuff. He just had to clean up from dinner and vacuum etc. The problem is, he likes to sit and relax every night. It is not just a one time occurence. I get that everyone needs a "night off" every now and then. Like I said, this is every night. He does sit and watch while I clean. We both get frustrated cleaning up after the daycare. We have talked about it and it changes for a while and then goes right back to the way it was. So glad it will move to my sisters in a couple of weeks. My son is 2.5, I don't want to buy one of those diaper genies or anything so I wrap the diapers in scented diaper bags and put it right in the trash. We are going to get he cabinet locks so the dog can't get in the trash anymore though.

 

[lovesmurfs]

My son is 2.5, I don't want to buy one of those diaper genies or anything so I wrap the diapers in scented diaper bags and put it right in the trash. We are going to get he cabinet locks so the dog can't get in the trash anymore though.

Why doesn't she use a trash bag for diapers and throw it in the outside garbage pail daily? I had an in-home daycare (for a short time -- takes a special person, and I'm NOT that special person), and that's what I did.

 

[ccgirl]

Why doesn't she use a trash bag for diapers and throw it in the outside garbage pail daily? I had an in-home daycare (for a short time -- takes a special person, and I'm NOT that special person), and that's what I did.

Because that would make the most sense. The garbage pails are already out in my driveway. When we take the trash out of the cabinet we bring it outside. For some reason; she can't make it there. This is OT, but the in home daycare has just been more of a hassle than I thought it would be. It has been a long 2.5 years. I am paying her the same I would as a daycare center and yet it is costing me more (heat/ac on during the day etc...).

 

[DWGal210]

What would upset me is the apparent distepect he has for you. You're "just" a SAHM, sitting on your hiney all day. I bet you $1,0000 that if he stayed home & raised the kids, he would be singing a different tune.

If he were my husband, he'd be sleeping in the couch for a while.

 

[RadioFanatic]

Because that would make the most sense. The garbage pails are already out in my driveway. When we take the trash out of the cabinet we bring it outside. For some reason; she can't make it there. This is OT, but the in home daycare has just been more of a hassle than I thought it would be. It has been a long 2.5 years. I am paying her the same I would as a daycare center and yet it is costing me more (heat/ac on during the day etc...).

You're kidding! How did you get wrangled into that? And why can't she clean up after herself, especially if you are paying her?

 

[judypriv]

I hear ya. I love my husband. Great man, son-in-law, husband and father but I do get tired of cleaning up after him. I work full time so it's a burden BUT I have called strike. I told him a few months ago I am on strike about a few things that make me crazy. Just a few:

1) I no longer put away his clean clothes. I will place them neatly on his dresser and he can pick through them or put them away.

2) I will no longer clean and straighten his closet. I close it. Let him pick through it for shoes or whatever.

3) I no longer put his junk away. If he leaves IPOD out, I out it on his dresser. If he leaves mail on the coffee table, it goes on dresser. Etc.

I feel this is fair and so far works about 1/2 the time. Just having a little strike helped me feel better and saved me those 10 minutes or so a day.

 

[sbell111]

Not ants. As explained by out bug guy, and thanks to him we don't have bugs. BUt any send in a scout and then they come back and let their little buddies know that there is food available.

Lived here all of my life 47 years, I remember my mom yelling at my dad to clean up the crumbs so the ants wouldn't get in. Maybe no if the dishes are left in the sick, I do that more than I care to admit, but the sticky wrapper on the nightstand, yuck. I actually don't want any food in my bedroom thank you. AS for the kitchen I have no problem with hubby sticking dishes in the sick as long as they just put some water in the bowl so the food doesn't stick.

Ummm, no. Our bug guy treats the outside of the house to keep the ants from coming in. It works like a charm.

My DH actually did clean the house in the 15 minutes since I was gone. I had already cleaned up the daycare stuff. He just had to clean up from dinner and vacuum etc. The problem is, he likes to sit and relax every night. It is not just a one time occurence. I get that everyone needs a "night off" every now and then. Like I said, this is every night.

I truly believe that everyone should be allowed to sit down and relax after a long day at work. It shouldn't just be something that is occasionally allowed.

He does sit and watch while I clean.

In all fairness, it is YOUR mother's mess.

We both get frustrated cleaning up after the daycare. We have talked about it and it changes for a while and then goes right back to the way it was.

In that case, we would have simply told your mother that the daycare was no longer welcome in our home.[/QUOTE]

 

[The Moonk's Mom]

Sorry but the stone ages are over. Like others have posted it is one thing to be a sahm and take care of the house but it is another to be taken advantage of because one is too lazy to pick up after themselves

I don't feel like I am in the stone age...I guess I would have if my DH had ever said to me that he expects these things of me, but I expect them of myself. I am teaching my children to take care of their own things and they are "usually" pretty good about picking up after themselves. But I have to say, my family does not leave big messes all around. But I do the dishes...they just have to get them to the kitchen, I wash, dry and fold all of the clothes (except the socks...they get done once a week...I hate folding socks). DD puts her clothes away by herself and the boys do it for the most part. (if they want to end up in the right place they still need help)

I worked outside of the house for 18 years and worked hard but I always knew I wanted to be a SAHM. My DH will even tell people that I have a much harder job than he does...but I love it!

 

[pigletgirl]

DF is like that. Its the same way with the laundry basket too. He can get them next to it, but somehow not IN IT...

*sigh*.....maybe its just a guy thing? Or just plain laziness?