I know this isn't Disney, but I need advice.

[DisneyTiger]

I think that is a wonderful idea.

I had the same thing when I was pregnant for Grace. It didn't start until 35 weeks and I got to stay on bed rest at home. I went in the hospital 3 times. The third time they delivered her. She was born at 37 weeks. I know that is a big difference. I will pray for her and the baby. My heart just goes out to her. I am tearing up as I type. I know she must be scared, thats why I agree that inspirational stories would do her good.

It is a scarey time for all of us. It's just so hard because they went through so much to even concieve him - it's a boy by the way - Noah Thomas. They were finally successful through IUI. I know you can relate to this! It was extra hard on me and DH because he can just look at me and I'm pg. My SIL actually didn't talk to us for a while when she found out I was pg for niumber 2. I got pg when my first was only 9 months and after only a month of trying. It was very upsetting to her but I understood.

 

[HerdOHuds]

When I spent two months on bedrest with the kids, I really appreciated it when friends would come by and rub lotion on my feet. Or a hand massage was really nice. Those hospital sheets are soooo dry and I was never out of the bed except to potty and shower. And showering only happened every other day. My room was not deluxe and there were no spa services at my hospital so I really really liked those lotion rubs occasionally.

I also enjoyed watching AFV which is sooo silly, but I never failed to laugh at the stupid crotch shots or prat falls. And the videos of children misbehaving were very comforting.

I would steer away from the inspirational stories. Things might go badly. If she has all these stories rolling around in her head she might get into the mindset of why did they do okay and she didn't and really beat herself up.

If she isn't already, bring in her own personal pajamas. They are much more comfortable than hospital gowns.

Good luck. It is so tough wondering if the baby is okay and what more you could do to make things go smoothly. And the guilt can be pretty overwhelming.

 

[DisneyTiger]

I don't have any other ideas, but I will tell you that I am due in September 2008, and there have been 4 or 5 live births on my birth club at Babycenter.com.

And some of those were earlier than 28 weeks! Several healthy babies! One might even be coming home in the next two weeks!

Just keep her spirits up! It's a trying time, but each week the baby stays in the better it is for both her & baby!

Wow, that is great news to hear! I really believe that the baby is going to be fine. Small, but fine.

GL with your pregnancy! What an exciting time! Is this your first?

 

[DisneyTiger]

Thank you all for the tips and prayers. I actually just talked to my SIL on the phone and she sounded sooooo tired! I told her a few things that I have heard about babies being that early and that they're fine now. She didn't seem too receptive so I am going to just stick to being there for her. It's so hard to tell what she wants to hear. I don't think she even know what she wants to hear.

So here's the update...
She is having another ultrasound on Thursday. If her amniotic fluid has dropped even a little, they are taking the baby. Seeing as how it has dropped from 12 to 6 in less than a week, it's highly likely that it will drop more by Thursday. Looks like we'll be having a baby on Thursday! She has also asked me to be in the delivery room. She wants someone there who has been through a section and I've had 2. Piece of cake I say! But I really need to prepare myself for seeing that tiny, hopefully 3lb baby, come out of her tummy. Will he cry like normal, will he look normal? I don't know. I am going to be taking picture for them also. It will be hard for me to determine what will be appropriate pics to take. Uhhhhhh, why is everything so difficult! And here I am worrying about what stroller to take to WDW! Wow, puts things into perspective doesn't it???

 

[Abbigator]

I, too had preeclampsia, starting at around 27 or 28 weeks and delivered my son at 31 weeks. He was 2lbs14oz. He is now a happy, healthy and smart 5 year old. There is an organization called the Preeclampsia Foundation, with a website, preeclampsia.org, that has a wealth of information about preeclampsia and a very supportive community/message boards, if she has access to a laptop. The only bad thing is there are a lot of stories on the website, and unfortunately not all are happy stories. But there is a board for parents of preemies that could help her with knowing what to expect. It is a very scary and emotional time, knowing that your baby is likely to be very premature. Just try to be there for her and be understanding if she gets angry, irritated, depressed, etc. I will say a prayer for her and the baby.

 

[olivia's mommy]

Just wanted to send good vibes to your SIL!!!!!

I also had the beginnings of pre-eclampsia, and before they were going to induce me, DD decided to come on her own at 33 weeks! She was tiny but is thriving now at 16 months . The hospital stay was definitely boring, I just watched tv, played cards with DH and rested. AFTER the baby comes, that is when things get hectic and can be really stressful. In the meantime, you could cook her some meals to freeze, and make sure she has everything she needs at home. We were lucky in that I am an early planner so the nursery was done, clothes and supplies were washed and ready so maybe you can help that way. Sounds like her little one will be in the NICU for a while so even though she will be at home, without a baby to keep her busy, she'll be driving to and from the hospital two or three times a day, pumping milk for the baby and then resting the rest of the time. So helping out around her house now would be an awesome gift!!

All the best to her, keep us posted!

 

[momx2]

I was on bedrest, at home, for 2 1/2 months with DD #1 and 5 1/2 months with DD #2. I will honestly say that all I wanted was to basically be left alone. I wanted very few visitors. Maybe I was depressed, I don't know..... I just developed a routine to get me through the day and didn't want it disturbed. It was harder with the first DD even though it was shorter. The second time I knew what to expect more or less. I would say offer to be there for her, but honestly since she has a DS already, offer to help him and her husband. I was more worried about them than me at that time. I may have been an odd ball, but that's how I felt then. Good luck and I'll say a prayer for her and the baby.

 

[coteau_chick]

It is a scarey time for all of us. It's just so hard because they went through so much to even concieve him - it's a boy by the way - Noah Thomas. They were finally successful through IUI. I know you can relate to this! It was extra hard on me and DH because he can just look at me and I'm pg. My SIL actually didn't talk to us for a while when she found out I was pg for niumber 2. I got pg when my first was only 9 months and after only a month of trying. It was very upsetting to her but I understood.

I went through something similiar when I was pregnant for Brennan. My SIL was pregnant and due at the same time as me. She had a miscariage at 10 weeks. It was so hard. I know she loved me and we were best friends but it was hard. I tried not to talk about the baby. She had a few breakdowns. Brennan was a newborn that Christmas and she decided not to show up to the family gathering. She stayed home alone and her husband and other two children came. It took us five years to have Brennan and he was the joy of my life but I felt like I had to hide him from her. She finally got pregnant and had a beautiful baby girl. I was in the room when she was born. When they handed the baby to her she said, "God sent you to me to heal my broken heart."

 

[Rylee]

Hi, I hate to go off subject here but I need some advice and I know there are some wonderful, caring people out there on the DIS that may be able to help me. My SIL is due in October with their first child that has taken many years and lots of fertility treatments to conceive. She was admitted to the hospital last week with preeclampsia. They are probably going to have to take the baby this weekend. She'll be 28.5 weeks. Anyway, I am trying to find ideas of things to cheer her up while she's in the hospital. She really can't have visitors and has to just sit in a dark hospital room as to not make her BP go up. I took my DD3 to see her last week to cheer her up and when we left, her BP had gone sky high! Any ideas of what else I can do?

Hi,

I was on bedrest with our 5th child, due to a high-risk pregnancy... he would be born with a rare birth defect and I was experiencing low amniotic fluid. I was induced at 37 weeks and our son spent 5 weeks in the NIC Unit.

I have some different suggestions for you...

As well as continuing to be there for her emotionally, there are many other things you can do for her. While I was on bedrest, all I kept thinking about was everything I should be doing, everything that needed to be done. (Think positive thoughts.) She'll want/need to spend all her time with the baby, so... if these haven't been taken care of, you could be a great help with...

That "nesting" feeling...

• Clean her house.
• Set up the nursery.
• Buy and pre-wash a few items of preemie size clothing.
• Get vasaline, alcohol wipes, some preemie diapers, etc.

See if someone can...

• Arrange for someone from the NICU, to come and talk with her, so she'll have an idea of what to expect.
• Arrange for a Child Life Specialist to talk with her about the effects of early hospitalization.
• Have a lactation consultant meet with her.

• If she plans to breastfeed, make sure she has a good pump, or look into renting one from the hospital.

• If the baby is still in the hospital when he's ready for more stimulation, bring in items to decorate his crib... mobil, pictures, etc.

• Prepare some meals for her husband and son.

• Offer to care for and entertain their other son, so they can spend some time alone, now and after the baby is born.

• Consider giving a gift card to Make & Take Gourmet or other restaurants.

Wishing Noah Thomas a healthy and happy life.


BTW - Our son is now 7. He's had 5 surgeries with more planned in his future, and he's doing great!

 

[coteau_chick]

Hi,

I was on bedrest with our 5th child, due to a high-risk pregnancy... he would be born with a rare birth defect and I was experiencing low amniotic fluid. I was induced at 37 weeks and our son spent 5 weeks in the NIC Unit.

I have some different suggestions for you...

As well as continuing to be there for her emotionally, there are many other things you can do for her. While I was on bedrest, all I kept thinking about was everything I should be doing, everything that needed to be done. (Think positive thoughts.) She'll want/need to spend all her time with the baby, so... if these haven't been taken care of, you could be a great help with...

That "nesting" feeling...

• Clean her house.
• Set up the nursery.
• Buy and pre-wash a few items of preemie size clothing.
• Get vasaline, alcohol wipes, some preemie diapers, etc.

See if someone can...

• Arrange for someone from the NICU, to come and talk with her, so she'll have an idea of what to expect.
• Arrange for a Child Life Specialist to talk with her about the effects of early hospitalization.
• Have a lactation consultant meet with her.

• If she plans to breastfeed, make sure she has a good pump, or look into renting one from the hospital.

• If the baby is still in the hospital when he's ready for more stimulation, bring in items to decorate his crib... mobil, pictures, etc.

• Prepare some meals for her husband and son.

• Offer to care for and entertain their other son, so they can spend some time alone, now and after the baby is born.

• Consider giving a gift card to Make & Take Gourmet or other restaurants.

Wishing Noah Thomas a healthy and happy life.


BTW - Our son is now 7. He's had 5 surgeries with more planned in his future, and he's doing great!

Wow that is very good advice. I am so glad you found this thread. I am sure disneytiger will appreciate you awesome advice.

 

[mom in 2005]

Just wanted to check in and say I agree with what Rylee suggested. I had a micro preemie dd born at 25.9 wks, very small, 2 lbs. and I'd been on bed rest for 10 weeks not for the same reasons and one of the things we'd had no time to do was to prepare the house, our lives, our cars, our anything for the baby because we thought we'd have plenty of time.

If she is having a c section, then she won't be able to drive for at least 2 weeks, so will you be able to take her to the hospital if her husband is working during the day, do her grocery shopping, cook some meals. My dd stayed in the hospital 2 months after she was born and it was hard leaving her there each nite when we went home. The thing that was suggested to me that I never followed up on was to keep a journal of my feelings but also of my daughter's progress each day with pictures. Anther thought is buy a disposable camera for the NICU, that way, the nurses will take pictures of the baby during the day while your sil is at home. Also, babycenter.com has an excellent preemie message board with women who've experienced it all and in most instances the stories while scary end up positively.

The hard part comes once the preemie is here and the day to day is nothing like when you have a full term baby that you can hold and take home and show off and bathe and feed and dress and play with. If the baby is really early you can't do much of that. In fact, I was the only one who could hold our dd for the first few days and even then it was quick and there were tubes all over the place. So your sil will need real support once the baby comes. My family was great and so were my friends and so was the staff at the hospital.

If she needs someone to talk to once the baby comes, let me know or if you need some other ideas I'll gladly help you out. I'm pretty sure there are some other preemie moms on the disboards too.

Naomi

 

[Rylee]

Hi Naomi,

How is your daughter doing now?

We were told to bring an instant camera with us, too. (We also brought our other camera.) With the instant camera, I took one picture a day, placed it in a photo album and labeled them, Day 1, Day 2, etc. In the pictures, you can see his progress as slowly the tubes and wires came off.

I kept a journal... I've look at it from time to time over the years, but it's hard for me to read, even now. I remember my feelings as if it were yesterday, but... I'm glad I have it. I intend to save it for my son, if he'd ever like to read it.

In our case, we delivered and had our son receive his care, 350 miles from home. Although, overjoyed with the birth of our 5th child, I remember it as one of the saddest times in my life. My husband was able to stay in Boston with the baby and me for the full 5 weeks, but we had to leave 4 other children at home. The worst feeling was not being able to "make it better," because as the "Mom," we supposed to fix everything.

As for our family, they helped out in ways they could... my mother stayed at the house with the children, Aunts help to run the kids back and forth to activites, to keep their life as normal as possible. My Father in-law help with financial support, (We stayed in a hotel) etc.

OP - consider getting your SIL a hard covered journal, maybe two... one for her feelings, but also, one to keep a medical journal of every procedure performed, medication given, etc., for future reference.

 

[mom in 2005]

To Rylee,

This is Naomi. Thanks for asking. My dd is doing good, she's 3 now and you'd never know she had been a preemie. We went thru speech therapy for about a year and she's doing really well. I'm amazed at her progress when I look back at her pictures. Medical science is great!

Naomi

 

[DisneyTiger]

All I can say is WOW! I knew that there were some great people out there in the DIS, but y'all have just been amazing. I appreciate hearing all of your tips and stories. Like I said before, we all have no idea what to expect. This is a scarey for all of us.

I should mention that somewhere along the way it was misunderstood that my SIL already has a son. This pregnancy is actually her first. They know it's a boy and his name is going to be Noah Thomas. Just wanted to clear that up. That's why it's been extra hard for everyone. Not that this would not be a horrible situation no matter what pregnancy it is.

Abbigator... the preclampsia.org is a great website. Thanks for telling me about it!

Olivia's Mommy...thanks for the good vibes

Rylee...you sound like you really handled your situation well and are a great inspiration to others.I will definitely take to heart everything you said. Thanks so much!

mom in 2005...didn't even think about the not being able to drive thing. Luckily we both live right around the corner from the hospital so that makes it a little easier!

coteau_chick...the story about your SIL brought me to tears. I can't even imagine going through that with her. What a beautiful thing to be in the room with her when the baby was born. Wow, I have chills!

I also really like the journal idea. I think I may tell my MIL about that. She is a nervous wreck. They live in Katy (just west of Houston) and want to be here so bad for their daughter. It's just so hard to plan on when to come. She will like the idea of being able to give her DD something to use in the hospital.

It's hard to respond to everyone but this is such a personal thing that I want to! You all have been just so wondeful!

So, update for the day:
Her protein levels and BP are up. They are doing the second ultrasound tomorrow to check the amniotic fluid. They have tenatively scheduled a C section for Friday but the ultrasound tomorrow will really tell all.

Thanks again and keep those prayers a comin'! I will post an update tomorrow as soon as I know something!

 

[tlbwriter]

If she is having a c section, then she won't be able to drive for at least 2 weeks

Is this something new? It certainly wasn't the case when I had a c-section, but that was 9 years ago.

 

[Rylee]

Thank you all so much for your tips and concern. This is just all so new to us. I was blessed with two easy conceptions, pregnancies, and births. About as perfect as they come. They've just been through so much. She had an ultrasound today and her amniotic fluid has dropped from 12 to 6 (not sure what they measure it in). All I know is that if it gets down to 4 then it's go time. They will have another ultrasound on Thursday so I'm thinking the baby is coming by the weekend.

She does have a DS. And no, our hospital doesn't have a spa. They're actually building a new facility now that will have all of that but not yet. I just feel helpless but I know she is where she needs to be and all will be well. Again, thanks for the support. I can keep this going if y'all would like to hear her progress. We can use all the prayers we can get

DisneyTiger,

We can all use a little humor whenever we can find it.

You said, "She does have a DS." A couple of us Diser's thought you meant Dear Son, you meant a Nintendo DS!

 

[DisneyTiger]

DisneyTiger,

We can all use a little humor whenever we can find it.

You said, "She does have a DS." A couple of us Diser's thought you meant Dear Son, you meant a Nintendo DS!

Ok, duh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That is pretty funny. Thanks for pointing that out. I was wondering where that started! I guess y'all would have thought I was crazy if I would have said something like she didn't have batteries for her DS, or she gets sick of the DS and doesn't want to play it anymore! Now, that would have been confusing!!

 

[disneybridetobe]

Hi,

I was on bedrest with our 5th child, due to a high-risk pregnancy... he would be born with a rare birth defect and I was experiencing low amniotic fluid. I was induced at 37 weeks and our son spent 5 weeks in the NIC Unit.

I have some different suggestions for you...

As well as continuing to be there for her emotionally, there are many other things you can do for her. While I was on bedrest, all I kept thinking about was everything I should be doing, everything that needed to be done. (Think positive thoughts.) She'll want/need to spend all her time with the baby, so... if these haven't been taken care of, you could be a great help with...

That "nesting" feeling...

• Clean her house.
• Set up the nursery.
• Buy and pre-wash a few items of preemie size clothing.
• Get vasaline, alcohol wipes, some preemie diapers, etc.

See if someone can...

• Arrange for someone from the NICU, to come and talk with her, so she'll have an idea of what to expect.
• Arrange for a Child Life Specialist to talk with her about the effects of early hospitalization.
• Have a lactation consultant meet with her.

• If she plans to breastfeed, make sure she has a good pump, or look into renting one from the hospital.

• If the baby is still in the hospital when he's ready for more stimulation, bring in items to decorate his crib... mobil, pictures, etc.

• Prepare some meals for her husband and son.

• Offer to care for and entertain their other son, so they can spend some time alone, now and after the baby is born.

• Consider giving a gift card to Make & Take Gourmet or other restaurants.

I completely agree... I had a placenta previa and was put on bedrest at 20 weeks, and then in and out of the hospital 4x, and DD was born at 35w6d. I was a mess because I had nothing done, nothing purchased for the baby, and her room wasn't done (still isn't, lol!) and I just felt horrible because all the other moms had their nurseries done, and everything just waitng for the baby to come. DD was in the NICU for 3 weeks, and the biggest concern was getting to and from the NICU, since I was a c/s and couldn't drive. If you can free up some time and drive her to or from the NICU, I'm sure she'd appreciate it!

 

[mjejj]

I had preeclampsia too. Mine started at about 27 weeks and I was on bedrest for 2-3 weeks and in the hospital for about a week and my son was born at 32 weeks(just barely). He's just fine now, a crazy four year old.

I agree with the other posters about talking to someone in the NICU, I also found a really informative book (I think it was called "Preemies"). If your SIL is being given Magnisium Sulfate to keep her BP down (I was given it thru an I.V, I had a pretty bad case.) she may not want to have the tv on. I know I couldn't stand any noise or light and I couldn't see well enough to read. I think they said that it does something to your nervous system, I can't remember. I did like having my feet rubbed and I remember someone sent me some beautiful flowers and the scent actually made me feel better.
The journal idea is great, not only for seeing how far the baby has come, but in the short term to remember what she has been told by the doctors and nurses. I had to keep asking the same questions because I could not remember a thing. It was a helpless feeling and I wish someone had suggested a journal for me. Also, maybe some soft pillows to lay on. I found the more pillows the better. Those beds are really uncomfortable.

Sorry to ramble on, I remember how awful it was just laying there feeling horrible. I couldn't even get up to go to the bathroom and wasn't able to wash my hair for 5 days! Yuck, just thinking about it now is gross. Good Luck to your SIL. It's amazing how much they can do for these tiny babies.

 

[vettechick99]

No advice but I wish her luck!!