I know I should be crazy over the moon ecstatic, but I'm not.

[surfergirl602]

I just found out yesterday that I'm pregnant. Now, before you look at me like I have four heads.. this is a very GOOD thing. We've been struggling with infertility for about two years now, and have been trying for another child. Sept 08 we did five consecutive rounds of clomid with no luck. We decided to take a break after two miscarriages and let my body recover and relax. We went on vacation. Had a wonderful summer. Oct 1st I had an OB appointment to try some new techniques. My doc wanted to see what was up with my body, so we were going to do another Clomid challenge test. AF was supposed to start on Oct 6th. I was spotting, but it looked different than regular AF, so I took a pregnancy test just to be sure before I took my meds. It came out a big fat dark positive. I am still in shock, it was such a surprise. With nada every month for two years, it was such a surprise. A good one, yes, because now I don't have to take that messy yucky drug, but I'm so nervous and scared that this is just going to be another miscarriage. I told DH, and he was shocked too. I don't want to tell anyone, just in case. I don't want to have to tell them bad news. I don't want to get my hopes up, I don't want to get attached. I need to call my OB and let him know because he'll be expecting blood work results soon. The funny thing is, my hubby just turned in a semen analysis yesterday afternoon. I just wish I could let myself be happy, but another heart break would just kill me. I just hope that this one will stick. Is it wrong that I'm not excited and happy? Thanks for letting me vent - I don't have anyone else I could tell! LOL... so I tell all my thousands of DISers. Go figure.

 

[kevschickee]

STICK BABY STICK!!!! Have an happy and healthy 9 months. It took over 2 years to have my 1st I also took clomid for 2 cycles (it was awful). So I want to wish you only but good times with this pregnancy

 

[GeorgiaAristocat]

I'm so sorry that you have to feel so conflicted at this point. OF COURSE you're worried - who wouldn't be? Don't beat yourself up about it. BEST OF LUCK and I truly truly hope it sticks. I had a girlfriend who went through a bunch of troubles and miscarriages - I can't imagine the heartache. You will have a whole bunch of people out here thinking positive thoughts for you!

 

[dumbo_buddy]

i struggled with infertility for a long time. when i finally got my BFP i felt...weird. excited but scared. it took me a little while to finally become over the moon. i understand your worry too. i had a miscarriage as well and it made my pregnancy that stuck so scary.

perhaps your doctor can prescribe progesterone suppositories? that kept my bean nice and sticky (and he's now 3.5 months and napping in his swing )

 

[lattemomof3]

I have a dear friend who had several miscarriages, so her dr. started giving her a shot of some hormone (progesterone?, I think), she has 4 kids now! Ask your dr. if there's anything you can do to help the baby get past the early, scary part. It is very normal to feel scared, especially after all that you have been through. Positive thinking can do wonders, too. Your body will sometimes follow what your mind believes, so imagine yourself getting bigger, and glowing, and having a beautiful baby!

 

[surfergirl602]

I guess I forgot to mention that we already have been blessed with three beautiful girls. My oldest will be 9 in two weeks. I am very thankful and grateful that we have them in our lives, but our family just doesn't feel complete. We bought DVC because we needed the room... might as well fill it to capacity, you know?

sigh... off to call the OB now.

 

[disneynut14]

I know exactly how you feel. I had a hard time to get my little beans to stick and when one finally did, I couldn't be happy about it until I was at least 13 weeks along.

Just try and take it easy. Think positive!

Here is sending some superstickiness your way!

 

[PiperPizzaz]

Congrats! That is so awesome.
I understand being scared but, will it make it hurt any less if you did have a MC if you aren't happy about it now? I think probably it would hurt the same either way so, go ahead and be happy. Give yourself permission and I promise the feelings will be there.

 

[polkadotsuitcase]

Sending powerful velcro vibes your way!

 

[quinns-mommy]

I haven't been trying for that long, but can relate to your confusion.. I recently just re-married back in December and we started trying right away. We finally had a positive result in June and we were just on . Well, I started feeling weird about things and went to the dr for 3 weeks straight and they couldn't tell me anything. . Well, I have a cousin that has been through a few miscarriages so I called and talked to her for a bit. Well, turns out she was right. I went to the dr and once again, told them everything that was going on and after an ultrasound, it was determined that the baby didn't make it past 6 weeks. . So, the whole time I had been going to the dr, something WAS going on. Anyway, back to your story... I too am very hesitant about getting pregnant again. I would love it but at the same time I am going to be scared to death. We decided to take a couple months off the planning and "trying", to let my body get back to normal and heal properly. We are going to Disney next week, and have decided after the trip that we would start trying again. But, I'm going to be scared to death, the whole pregnancy! I know everything happens for a reason, but sometimes you can't help but wonder why it does...
Just know that we are here if you need to talk and rant! That's what we women do!!!

 

[shrymah]

You will get there. I've got quite the history of losses & am now 15 weeks pg. We just started telling people because we were afraid we would just have another loss. But now that I've had a couple of dr's appts, a good ultrasound, positive news on the 1st tri screening... we are feeling more optimistic. I still feel like I am jinxing myself when I tell people (though not telling really isn't realistic at this point since I have quite a belly). Just wanted to let you know that I don't think the extra worries will ever go away but each milestone you get through will help you feel more confident & happy. Don't beat yourself up for not feeling really happy at this point either - it's all normal.

 

[PrincessKell]

Here is to your baby sticking like sap from a pine tree! I can never get that stuff off me. haha I know your pain, and I wish you the best of luck! Keep us posted. and feel free to vent anytime.

 

[kpgriswold]

I've been there too. So sorry for your losses. Here's hoping that this little one is a keeper!

Give yourself permission to feel whatever you feel. Ambivalence is totally normal. And there will be plenty of time to be happy if all goes well.

I WOULD encourage you to share with some of the people who you are close to. Having to report another loss is terrible, but some folks are going to notice that you are not yourself, and then you will have to tell them anyway. It's worth it to have someone to worry with.

 

[momof1princess]

congratulations! your reaction sounds pretty normal-you're afraid to be excited, because you don't want to be disappointed. if you don't mind, i would like to say a prayer for your new baby, and that you have a healthy, uneventful pregnancy and delivery.

 

[momof1princess]

sorry, double post! congratulations again!

 

[2binak]

I am so sorry for your losses. We lost our first DD to a birth defect mid-pregnancy. We knew we wanted to have more children so months later, we planned our next pregnancy. We got pregnant on the first try and were soooo happy....then the nerves and anxiety kicked in. I didn't want to get too excited and then I began to feel guilty. I told myself, "This baby is as loved and wanted as DD was and this baby deserves as much happiness and love and excitement as we had when we were pregnant with DD." Sure I still had my moments of nervousness, but I didn't let them overshadow the pregnancy and I tried my best to think postively when those negative thoughts crossed my mind. We want to try for baby #3 soon and we have as much excitement as we do anxiety, but we'll try our best to not let the anxiety overshadow the excitement & joy.

DH and I are the type of people who can't hide our emotions from anyone so we've told immediate family and very close friends of both pregnancies very early on. I know not everyone is like that but it might help if you tell some people close to you and can share some of your feelings with them.

Good luck! I hope this little one sticks!

 

[MomtoAlexnWilliam]

I don't think you sound crazy at all!!! You've been through a lot already!!! I am praying for you have to a sticky bean in the belly!!!

 

[nursegirl]

Don't beat yourself up over not being ecstatic - I've decided after a very difficult year of pregnancy issues that ANYTHING you feel is valid and justified. All the emotions, thoughts, fears, expectations, and anything else are more than ok to have.

And I agree that its easier for some reason to discuss and put personal things out there with kind strangers. I just say that my being a little bit crazy makes me a better mommy!!

STICKY, STICKY PIXIE DUST!!

 

[RyJMom]

I think your feelings are very normal after what you've been through. I pray everything will work out this time. The more comfortable you feel the more excited you will get. Congrats!!! Tell Hubby I'm sorry he just did the sample - if he'd have just waited he could have got out of that. ha ha (same thing happened to my Hubby -after 18 mos of trying the Dr ordered a sample and w/in a week I found out I was pregnant)

 

[ktlm]

I completely know where you are coming from. After a 3 year battle with infertility I finally got pregnant and I was ecstatic. I m/c a few weeks later. I did not get pg again for almost exactly a year. I could not get excited or happy. I was so terrified that I would go to that 6 week ultrasound only to once again hear that there was no heartbeat and that a m/c would be imminent. After we heard the heartbeat, I was better, but still scared until I hit the 12 week mark and could quit taking progesterone supplements. From that point on I was nothing but happy and excited. Hang in there! What you are feeling is completely normal after what you have been through. It's okay to be scared to be happy. Here is to wishing and praying that you have a happy healthy pregnancy! Make sure they have checked your progesterone level with your bloodwork and make sure it is strong. If it is even close to borderline, get them to put you on progesterone supplements immediately. I believe that helped me and I know that saved my good friend's baby. Her level was so low they told her they didn't think the pregnancy would be viable, but they prescribed her supplements anyway just to see if they might help. Her adorable little boy is 3 now.