I just found out youngest DS pulled over by police last night! Update #64

[Pembo]

TC - First, I can't believe DS is 18 and a senior! When I met you he was just a boy!

Second, I understand why you're angry and I'd say something too. But remember he probably was a bit nervous to say anything to you. Don't be too hard on him.

 

[sunshine girl]

The thing that would bother me the most, I think, is his explanation to the officer that pulled him over, saying that he didn't like how the person in front of him was driving, so he decided to tailgate? What kind of explanation is that?

I agree with the previous poster who called this out also. This behavior is not a good sign! One should not tailgate another driver because one doesn't like how the other is driving! Two wrongs don't make a right.

18 years old may be legally adult, but I've read that the brain is still forming up until age 25... teenagers are still in the process of learning how to make good decisions. (this is slightly OT but just for fun, here is a link anyway: from the Washington Post: Brain Immaturity Could Explain Teen Crash Rate)

The OP found out about this incident through her employment fair and square; I can understand her wanting a word with her son!

I'd want to take the opportunity to try and teach a child that his decision to tailgate was wrong, regardless of the other driver. Maybe teach a little lesson on why "road rage" (as retribution in any form, even as mild as tailgating) is bad!

 

[ols386]

I hope his dad realizes that if son got into a serious accident and the other party sues he will be sued also because his name is on the title.

This is true.

And as has already been said, his reason for tail-gating was that HE didn't like the way the person in front of him was driving. That alone shows immaturity and poor judgment. Circumstances like this can also lead to road-rage very easily.

 

[Tuffcookie]

Well, DS did not come home at lunch time today so we had our talk after I got home from work and before he had to be at his part time job.

I reminded him that he is to maintain his emotions when he gets behind the wheel of the car. I had already looked up all the charges, if he would have gotten the citation instead of just the warning. He would have been looking at $110.00 for reckless operation,another $117.00 court costs, and 2 points on his driver's license.

He promised not to do it again. I told him he better not do it, at least in this town because I have my spies!

(and no, I do not think the police are my personal spies in case someone wants to jump on my case for posting that!)

TC

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Why in the world would you get involved in this at all? If your son didn't get a ticket then it's over, right? No points on insurance or any ticket to be paid? Why would you put yourself in the middle of this at all - especially with an 18 year old?

It happened, he handled it fine, and life goes on. Stay out of it, mom.

Respectfully, he gets room and board--so he's still a kid until he pays his own way.

 

[DVCLiz]

Respectfully, he gets room and board--so he's still a kid until he pays his own way.

Respectfully, that's not at all my point. There are plenty of 21 and 22 year olds right now who are still on the mom and dad dime at college. It's not about when you become a self-supporting adult. It's about backing off in your role as a parent to a child who needs guidance and overseeing and letting him or her grow up and learn on his or her own. And this was a great opportunity to do that. One that the OP felt she couldn't or wouldn't take.

 

[shortbun]

I work at a school, things I find out at school, stay at school. I know all kinds of tidbits about my kids, if I acted on them, my kids would be grounded for life.

My opinion is to let it go mom.

Really? Because you find out at school, your kids get a free pass? They sure lead a charmed life. I would make sure my kids didn't know they were not responsible for anything they did at school because I work there.

I gotta say that my son is responsible for any action he takes, no matter how I find out about it. I do not see the reasoning behind your take on it but hey, they're your kids and they are glad they're not mine.

 

[mjkacmom]

These days you can't get a ticket without any one in your house finding out.

I got a ticket a few months after getting my learners (3 actually in the same stop, about 200$ worth).... But the next day the junk mail started rolling in for traffic schools, lawyers, and what have you. And continued for a month after I paid. Besides trying to get to the mailbox first, there was no way i could've kept it a secret.

LOL - that's how DH gets caught every time! I know he's afraid to tell me (because here in NJ it can really be a problem with insurance and state surcharges - 1 ticket can equal thousands of dollars). The last time, it's because his misplaced his "get out of jail free" card from a friend of ours who is a Jersey City Sargeant.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Respectfully, that's not at all my point. There are plenty of 21 and 22 year olds right now who are still on the mom and dad dime at college. It's not about when you become a self-supporting adult. It's about backing off in your role as a parent to a child who needs guidance and overseeing and letting him or her grow up and learn on his or her own. And this was a great opportunity to do that. One that the OP felt she couldn't or wouldn't take.

I'm not sure I agree.

If the young man in question isn't paying his car insurance premium or the maintenance on his vehicle, then the person who is has every right to be aware of his antics on the road.

She doesn't have to helicopter, but him being legally an adult doesn't mean that he gets to remain hush hush when he is pulled over by the cops.

That's the trouble of living on your parents dime into adulthood--you think your independent, but aren't. And if you wish to keep your run-ins with the law to yourself--when you get caught, you can enjoy the consequences of your independence.

And evidently he didn't handle it fine. What he told the cops was extremely odd and an unsafe practice.

 

[mjkacmom]

I work at a school, things I find out at school, stay at school. I know all kinds of tidbits about my kids, if I acted on them, my kids would be grounded for life.

My opinion is to let it go mom.

But what he was doing was dangerous, and I would like to talk to my kids if I happened to be in the OP's situation.. What if someone told you that your kids were up at school, riding bikes without helmets, even though they're supposed to. Would you let it go because it happened at school?

I don't think she's going to do any more than discussing safe driving, and the risk of tickets and increased insurance premiums.

 

[Disney Doll]

My father was a cop. If I did anything, he'd know about it before I got home.

 

[lsyorke]

That was quick. I didn't tell my dad about my first warning (age 17) until 10 months after I received it.

LOL! I got pulled over, MANY years ago when I was 17, for speeding by the local favorite town police officer. Got a warning and thought I was off scot free....until that same officer went to church with my Mother...snagged!

Let this be the worst that he does.

 

[DVCLiz]

A funny update...

I was coming down a main street in my hometown with a 35 mph speed limit. As I crested a small hill I saw a wreck ahead in the opposite - just one car but it was totally smashed in in the front. I was tooling along and the cop stepped out in my lane and held out his hand for me to stop. He said, "Do you know how fast you were going?" I said, "I'm sorry, was I speeding? I didn't think so, but I didn't have my cruise control on so I'm not sure." He said, "It looked like you were coming pretty fast over that hill." Then he gave me a little lecture about speeding and implied that the smashed casr was my fate unless I slowed down.

Not sure how going 41 or 42 instead of 35 is going to cause me to crash, but I was a good driver and crept all the way home, glad that no one was going to rat me out.

Just thought I'd share...

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

A funny update...

I was coming down a main street in my hometown with a 35 mph speed limit. As I crested a small hill I saw a wreck ahead in the opposite - just one car but it was totally smashed in in the front. I was tooling along and the cop stepped out in my lane and held out his hand for me to stop. He said, "Do you know how fast you were going?" I said, "I'm sorry, was I speeding? I didn't think so, but I didn't have my cruise control on so I'm not sure." He said, "It looked like you were coming pretty fast over that hill." Then he gave me a little lecture about speeding and implied that the smashed casr was my fate unless I slowed down.

Not sure how going 41 or 42 instead of 35 is going to cause me to crash, but I was a good driver and crept all the way home, glad that no one was going to rat me out.

Just thought I'd share...

But the ultimate question is...did you tell your DH (or kids)?? JK - I couldn't resist!!

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

But the ultimate question is...did you tell your DH (or kids)?? JK - I couldn't resist!!

I was going to ask the same thing.

I think the cop should be more concerned about how fast the crashed car was going.

 

[DVCLiz]

But the ultimate question is...did you tell your DH (or kids)?? JK - I couldn't resist!!

I was going to ask the same thing.

I think the cop should be more concerned about how fast the crashed car was going.

lol - I'm a single parent and both of my girls are away at school, so only the cats and the dog know...and everyone who reads the DIS, of course.

He obviously was pumped up about the wreck and looking for something else to do while he was waiting for the wrecker to get there. I couldn't have been going more than 4 or 5 miles above the speed limit.

I would hate to have him tattle on me to anyone I knew!!

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

I would hate to have him tattle on me to anyone I knew!!

As long as your mom or dad don't work for the police station, I'd say you're in the clear!!

 

[sacall]

I reminded him that he is to maintain his emotions when he gets behind the wheel of the car. I had already looked up all the charges, if he would have gotten the citation instead of just the warning. He would have been looking at $110.00 for reckless operation,another $117.00 court costs, and 2 points on his driver's license.
TC

Well, you should tell your son my story. About two weeks ago, while taking my one daughter to dance and the other one to the library, I was driving on a road with a 35 mph that slowed down to 25 mph around a bend. As I approached the bend and started to slow down (I was doing about 32 mph at this point), I see a van with a young man driving right on on rear bumper. I also see this young man screaming and giving me the finger as I'm driving. My younger daughter even said something. He was really out of control.

Well, not understanding what in the world I am doing wrong, this van passes me on a double yellow line (we are just getting around the bend with limited sight), still screaming and giving me the finger. He then slams on his brakes when he pulls in front of me. Luckily, I had really backed off from him because I could not understand what his problem was. He starts again and comes to a red light. I should mention, this road is right by a park where people are crossing the street all the time. At the red light, I stay back several car lengths because I can still see him ranting and raving. He then opens his door and starts walking back to my car. Of course, my kids are starting to cry. I pull out my phone and dial 911. He sees that I'm on my phone, he then gets into his car and starts backing up to hit me

Well, I now have the police on the line, I give them his plate number. Light turns green he turns, I tell the police where he is headed. They do pull him over and I head over to a gas station to meet a police officer. We give our stories. Know what his story was - he was hungry and I wasn't going fast enough

What is the ending to this story - after I turned over my written statement, they forwarded to the city attorney who issued a bench warrant for him. He is being charged with reckless driving, reckless endangerment and a couple of other things. They can even charge him with assault since he tried to hit me with his car. How much you think that is going to cost him and his parents (he was 21 and was driving his Mom's car).

My kids were terrified - I was terrified. I hope he learns a lesson from all of this and pays a pretty penny for being such a jerk.

Stacy

 

[sbell111]

I can't imagine why anyone would expect their 18 year old son to inform them that he got pulled over and received a warning. If he got a ticket, that's another thing as might have had an effect on their insurance rates, but not a warning.

He could have at least given me a "Thank You" for getting him out of it!

TC

According to the OP, he got pulled over, received a warning, and you found out later. How did you 'get him out of' something that you weren't even aware of?

 

[Tuffcookie]

sbell111: According to the OP, he got pulled over, received a warning, and you found out later. How did you 'get him out of' something that you weren't even aware of?

Wow, you don't understand I was JK when I posted that?

The incident is over and DS learned his lesson (I hope). Those that would have handled things differently, more power to you.

TC