I have to hand it to you SAHMs!!!

[belle&beast]

I worked full time in the school system when DD was born and took a semester off after her birth. Then I decided to work part time following that first summer, but took a job that I worked year round. I had another baby and DD is getting close to school age...Last year I decided to go back to the schools and I was lucky there was a position available and I am able to work part time which had not been an option in the years past. This is my first summer off with 2 kids and I am really struggling!!!! They fight all the time, we have a tattler and a fake cryer and I feel like a referee! I know it is also partly their ages- DD will be 5 this month and DS is 2.5, but will they ever get along??? The fighting is a new thing, they used to be so sweet to each other! Anyway, I had to say that staying home with my kids is the most difficult job I have ever had! We are doing everything we can to stay busy- that seems to help, but I still need a day or two to clean and do laundry. Any suggestions? We have a positive behavior reward system, but it does not seem to prevent the fights!

 

[mommyintn]

Thank goodness it's not just me!! My boys are 7 and 3 and what you described is our house everyday, I feel like I might lose my mind sometimes.. But then you hear them for a brief moment getting a long and it's heaven, then back to "He touched me", "Don't look at me" or my 7 year old telling the 3 year old he isn't prounouncing something correctly! Ugh. I took a suggestion from my SIL and I make the boys face each other and take turns saying nice things about the other (Ben is funny or Connor is a good brother etc., but they have to come up with it!) for 3 minutes. At least it gets them on a positive note.

 

[Savsmommy]

I am a SAHM with a 6yo DD and 2yo DS. I know exactly how you feel. Mine fight a lot too. It definitely is no easy job. By the end of the day I am worn out. I try to keep them busy as much as possible. We go to the pool, beach, parks, water parks, zoo and even to different malls so they can play on the play areas. Anything to just get them out of the house. I usually clean the house when DS goes to bed at night, around 8:30. If I try to clean it during the day it will just get messed up again. I usually do laundry on Fridays so that way I dont have to do it on the weekend. Grocery shopping I do at night when DH gets home. I cant bring my kids because all they will do is fight and DS wont stay in the cart for more than 10 minutes. DH works 6 days a week so it gets hard sometimes not having him around to help. I wouldn't change it for the world though. I know I am very lucky to be a SAHM.

 

[disnutt]

I'm going to be a SAHM starting next Friday at 4:00 p.m.

I never thought I would want to do it and one reason was the fact that I couldn't imagine doing housework all day. I found www.Flylady.net and realized that I didn't need to do it all day. I've got my routines down and can get so much more done in 15 minutes than I used to get done by working my whole Saturday morning away.

As far as the kids not getting along that is to be expected but I try to encourage my kids by noticing when they are getting along and commmenting on it. I really play up how happy it makes me and how happy they seem when they're playing nicely. They have even stopped fighting once and said they needed to do it because, "Mom really hates when we do this!"

I do like the idea of making them spend 3 minutes saying nice things about each other those times they don't get along. I'm going to try it tonight because I'm sure I'll have the opportunity!

Enjoy your summer!

 

[crisi]

Any suggestions?

Go back to work?

Kidding - I will freely admit I'm a WOTH mom because I couldn't hack it at home. No matter how many tantrums my project team throws at me, no matter what messes I have to clean up - its easier than kids....

 

[liznboys]

I feel like I might lose my mind sometimes

I lose my mind daily!!

I sing this song in my head A LOT:

This is it. This is it.
This is life, the one you get
So go and have a ball.

This is it. This is it
Straight ahead and rest assured
You can’t be sure at all.

So while you’re here enjoy the view
Keep on doing what you do
So hold on tight we'll muddle through
One day at a time, One day at a time.

So up on your feet. Up on your feet
Somewhere there’s music playing.
Don’t you worry none
We’ll just take it like it comes.

One day at a time, one day at a time.
One day at a time, one day at a time.
One day at a time, one day at a time.
One day at a time, one day at a time.

Sing with me fellow SAHM's!!

 

[belle&beast]

Go back to work?

I never thought I would be ready this soon!!! Luckily I only work 3 days a week and that is 8-3:30 and I get the regular breaks, too. I really haven't had such a hard time during the year, but every day is getting me! The thing that gets me is how quickly I lose my patience with my own children and can work with preschoolers with (and without) special needs without thinking twice about it!

I do love being with my children and I know I am lucky to have the best of both worlds. I just had no idea it would be so difficult! I just pictured a fun summer for us all and we have had lots of fun, but when we are at home it gets a little crazy!

 

[Iott Family]

Laughs!
I am a sahm of 4 aged 10,8,2 and 4 months ans I ask myself daily "what was I thinking????".
It seems they can find plenty to argue about no matter what the activity is. Thankfully we all have our own rooms to go to...HA!

 

[bctripp]

I am a SAHM for DD5 and DD8. I lose my mind daily also. . We like to get out of the house on a regular basis, there are some great activities at the local Barnes and Noble Bookstores. We also visit the library and go to the mall and walk around. Mine like to play outside a lot, they can run the energy off. It's seemed harder this year, mine fight more now that they're older. I like to go for walks around the neighborhood when I get time, and music on my MP3 helps too, it's my own little world and it calms me down. Mine are so loud. I think where we live is a problem too, there are always kids at my house from around our neighborhood. Find small chores that the 5 year old can do, and reward $ or a treat for it.

 

[Ariel8676]

Im a SAHM to 3 girls 4 1/2, 3 1/2, and 7 months ..it does get very hectic at times, but i wouldn't trade it for the world. I just try my hardest to keep them busy and entertained. Arts and crafts is always good and takes up a lot of time. We also have a pool in the yard so that is a great thing in the summer..gets them VERY tired..lol
I love the fact that i can stay home and raise my girls, i feel so lucky. My girls call me the fun Mommy..lol

 

[va32h]

My kids will argue about anything - including once (I swear) who was using up more air by breathing.

There are lots of organizations for moms at home. I belong to a club called the MOMS Club - Moms Offering Moms Support. It's an international club, with chapters everywhere.

We get together during the day for all sorts of stuff - sometimes it is just nice to have another adult to talk to during the day! It has definitely saved my sanity on many occasions.

 

[pambo'shouse]

I could not help but chuckle reading all of these because it sounds like my house. I am a SAHM of 4 (9,7,4,and 11 months). Some days are really difficult. I find that if I keep them busy the fighting is at a minimum. When my older boys start fighting I stop them in their tracks. I ask them ( Is that loving your brother?) sounds kind of weird but it makes them think. We talk about how important our famliy is and how no one will love you more than your family. This usually nips it in the bud. I never thought I would have 4 kids much less stay at home but I can't imagine it any other way.

Anyway, I would encourage you to make sure you get adult conversations and not isolate yourself. I am not familiar with the MOMs club but if you have preschoolers MOPS is another option. (Mothers of preschoolers). This has been a wonderful way for me not to get isolated and maintain friendships.

 

[Alex2kMommy]

I'm going to be a SAHM starting next Friday at 4:00 p.m.

I never thought I would want to do it and one reason was the fact that I couldn't imagine doing housework all day.

Me, too!!!

I quit my job last August to be a SAHM. I also had never seen myself as a SAHM. I hate housework, and I thought the kids would drive me nuts, and that I would miss the adult interaction. I had a hard time going back to work after my 2nd son was born, and at the time we couldn't afford for me to stay home. A year later, after re-working our finances, a pay raise for DH and DS5 being old enough for kindergarten it all fell into place.

I love not getting up at 4:30a.m. to be to work by 6:00. I love not having to 'discuss' with DH which of us had more important stuff at work and who should stay home with a sick child. I love seeing my boys' faces in the morning. I love walking DS5 to school, and taking a leisurely walk around the neighborhood with DS2.

I don't miss the stress of the office. I don't miss the office politics. I do miss my friends, but make a point to go into the office for lunch once a month (with the kids.) I do miss the social interaction, but DS2 and I take parent/child classes together (music, art and gym) and have a lot of fun with other moms and toddlers.

You know what? The job change didn't turn me into Susie Homemaker. I still hate housework. I thought I would have more time to do it, but with kids underfoot 24/7, I actually have less. And since we're home more than before, there's even more mess to clean up! But I didn't quit my paying job to clean house for free; I did it to spend more time with my children, so that's what I do, and I clean when I can.

For all the squabbles, mess, dishes, cooking all our meals at home, I really am loving it. I worried that I was making a selfish decision, that it would put too much financial burden on DH, that I was depriving DS2 of the socialization and educational opportunities by taking him out of the Montessori school/daycare. But my DH tells me nearly daily how grateful he is that I did this. No stress about home life for him anymore, no worries that the kids are OK, no push on the weekends to get all the errands and chores done before Monday. We have more time together since we don't have staggered work schedules, and our pace of life is just slower, simpler, and more fun.

On other websites I visit, any issue always seems to wind up in a debate on whether mothers should work outside the home, which I hate. Why can there only be one right way? Why do people think that, as diverse as we all are, that there's a one-size-fits-all solution? I've done both, I've enjoyed both, and everyone has different needs and desires. For me, at this time in our life, this is the right decision. For my working friends, all of them wonderful, loving mothers, their needs and desires vary and they've made decisions that work for their families.

I hope that, whether you work outside the home or are a SAHM, that you do what's right for you and for your loved ones. Give them the gift of a happy, loving mother, and you can't go wrong.

And PS. I'll be looking into flylady, MOMS and MOPS! Thanks!

 

[makinorlando]

My situation is a bit different from all of you, this summer I am a WAH Mom (work at home) Mom, SAHM, single mom, all in one. I work full time from home for a large corporation (aka not self employed - 27 years with the company) - I have had this work arrangement since 1995 prior to DD and our move to Orlando. This is the first summer in all the summers since her birth that she is home all day, every day with me, while I also work - without help. I have no choice but to work - DDs father has not been a part of her life since she was 5 months old when he left us - he has paid a whole $253.00 in child support in all these years, and is running and hiding like a coward.... so they can't catch up with him through any place of employment....(get the train back on track.....) I am the SOLE source of income.

Now about house work.... what a joke. With her here 24/7 (with the exception of a few play dates and 1 week of VBS) it seems like no matter what I do - by the next day things are a mess. I have to give her credit she has been very good at entertaining herself while I work (there are not kids around to play with in our neighborhood much right now....) but some days I will come out of my office to toys from one side of the room to the other. My bedroom (where she likes to sleep - I sleep in the guest room - which I prefer) has become a battle zone of Polly Pockets, Pokemon and My Littlest Pet shop toys! Even FLYLADY can't help me right now!

During the school year, when she is gone part of the day - I can multi task with work and housework - laundry, dishes, mopping, in between conference calls, and emails, but now if she sees me not at my desk - she wants my attention, so I have to limit my "breaks" to lunch time and potty breaks! We do go to the library, or run errands, or like today we went to see POTC at an early show - (now I will have to work this weekend to finish a project).....

They go back to school here in just one month 8/7..... and although I dread the homework battles, at least maybe my house will stay tidier!

She helps with some things, but is not consistent, and I get tired of fighting about some things. I just don't have it in me!

I have my work cut out for me this weekend. I WILL CLEAN tomorrow - I borrowed a carpet shampooer (sp) and need to do her room (where she never sleeps) and the guest room - thankfully the only two carpeted rooms. I am going through her clothes and toys, and expect to have boxes of stuff for Freecycle or trash or maybe EBAy by Monday! I can't stand the "stuff" that is around the house.... clutter clutter everywhere...... not to mention the fact that we have 2 dogs and five cats. Thank goodness I pay someone to do the lawn and clean/service the pool... I just don't think I would have time.

I have no family her in FL, and she and her friends haven't gotten into sleep overs yet - so I have NO BREAK! Thankfully my mother is coming for a 3 week visit with my great nephew who is like a brother to DD (18 months apart) - in just 10 days - she is my sanity, and loves to putter and do laundry, and all sorts of little projects while she is here. God Bless her 82 year old heart!

NO TRIPS TO DISNEY UNTIL THE HOUSE IS CLEAN (we live only 40 min away and were ther 4 times last week!).... that's what I keep telling myself... I also need to tell my self no DISING after tonight!

Oh well.... sorry - I guess this got a little Off topic, but I sure feel better that I got all that out! Maybe with a pot of coffee and a good movie, I can stay up and clean all night!

Thanks for letting me vent!

 

[LighteningMcQueen]

I'm a SAHM and I think daily I'm going nuts.
My kids are 4.5 (twins) and one has special needs (autism).

We spend so much time shuffling to/from therapy that I feel more like a taxi-driver than a SAHM.

We have a breakfast counter and I will have them have snack there so I can start dinner. We eat a lot of casseroles that I make throughout the day (plus I can toss them in the oven on delay start since we're gone to therapy so much I'm never home to cook at the right times).

I have my typically developing child in preschool so he can have some good peer interaction because frankly, I am way too pooped physically & mentally to do a good job of scheduling and following-through on playdates.

My husband's hands will fall off if he picks up a toilet brush, so my house is not as clean as I would like, and I'm a neat neat neat freak, so it killed me for a couple years, but I'm getting used to it. I have an enormous front loading wash machine and do maybe 1 load a day to keep up.

I am so looking forward to them going to full-day kindergarden so I can go back to work and rest. I don't care if every dime I make goes to pay whatever (housecleaner, fast food), it will be a vacation.

 

[scraptoons]

SAHM for 8 1/2 years. I have four words that get me by.

THIS TOO WILL PASS!!!

We all greet DH at the door with enthusiasm. Of course he gets a little overwhelmed. But we're happy to see a new face.

I learned some stuff:

You don't have to keep the house perfect. Dishes and laundry will ALWAYS be there. Just make sure the piles are clean piles.


Nothing cures fights better than everyone (including mom) having a time out by laying on their beds.


2nd fight cure: Take away the item being fought over.


My DF's peace cure: Send them all out in the back yard and lock the back door for two minutes. (hehe) The kids won't notice the door for ten minutes. What they don't know can't hurt them.
(Disclaimer...the back yard is totally fenced in and gate is locked...the yard is in plain view thru the window so she is watching in silence)

Best way to find peace with being a one income family and stress of SAHM:

Quiet time with the Lord - a verse or two read while sitting on the "throne" can be possible before the next knock on the door.
- whispering prayers and singing praises while doing chores. Kids love to sing along.

Lisa Whelchel has a great new book out....Taking Care of the Me in Mommy.

 

[Dancemom03]

Just visited the FlyLady site and it's just what I was looking for.

That's what I am - a "Sidetracked Home Executive" years ago I had a book written in the same format as FlyLady's site but lent it to a friend who said she needed it more. She must have too 'cause when I asked for it back she'd lost it

Do you get the daily FlyMails and if so are they helpful?

 

[vhoffman]

I'm a SAHM with two 9 year olds, boy and girl. I haven't read this whole thread, however, a common problem seems to be fighting amongst siblings.

Mine do fight, and it either has gotten somewhat worse lately or I'm more sensitive to it. Finally I decided I can't referree everything, nor should I. Unless they're seriously hurting each other (which they never do) I've found it best to let them work it out themselves. I came up with a good technique--I'm an "only child" so when one of my kids runs to me with a complaint about the other I tell them that I never had a sister/brother so I don't know what to do in such circumstances. Its something they have to work out. Then I just ignore it and go on with whatever....so far, its been working! They get back together, which they always did anyways, and I'm not in the middle and stressed. However, my technique will only work for "onlies" (parents, that is!)

 

[scraptoons]

I'm a SAHM with two 9 year olds, boy and girl. I haven't read this whole thread, however, a common problem seems to be fighting amongst siblings.

Mine do fight, and it either has gotten somewhat worse lately or I'm more sensitive to it. Finally I decided I can't referree everything, nor should I. Unless they're seriously hurting each other (which they never do) I've found it best to let them work it out themselves. I came up with a good technique--I'm an "only child" so when one of my kids runs to me with a complaint about the other I tell them that I never had a sister/brother so I don't know what to do in such circumstances. Its something they have to work out. Then I just ignore it and go on with whatever....so far, its been working! They get back together, which they always did anyways, and I'm not in the middle and stressed. However, my technique will only work for "onlies" (parents, that is!)

I had two older brothers who were out of the house by the time I reached Jr high. So I'll be in the same boat as you from that age up. But while they were still at home, they loved to "practice the art of aggrivation" on me, I have lots of stories to tell my kids when they whine against each other.
So when they complain, I respond with "I remember my brother doing that..once upon a time". They finally give up and quit complaining because it gets soooo old.

 

[XYSRUS]

Humor, humor, humor. I stay home with 4 boys and they're crazy and fun and silly and messy etc. Don't get involved with the arguing. I say even if someone's bleeding I still have a good 5 mins. before I have to attend to them. Kids have a lot more negotiating skills than they lead you to believe. Keep 'em busy-pool, baseball, take a walk, throw rocks-nothing fancy or expensive. Keep yourself together-just b/c they have a million places to be doesn't mean you don't get a shower and a cup of joe in the morning! Good luck and have fun!