I have decided I really don't like my husband

[Ohiodislover]

I love him, but really really don't like him. I am finding more and more that I don't care if he works late, don't care if he sits in the den, and don't care if we eat as a "family" I am sad that we have been married for 20 years and together for 24. I am sad that we have an 11 and a 15 y.o. who's world would suck if we split.

I just don't know what to think anymore.

 

[Planogirl]

I suggest setting up a time to have nice long talk with him. It sounds like you've grown apart.

Good luck.

 

[handinpocket]

Yes, have a heart to heart. Plan an adult only getaway weekend. I know that is really trite and probably won't do it, but that is the best advice I can give with little to no knowledge of the issues (not that I think you should share the issues).

Best of luck.

 

[vettechick99]

Time to reconnect! Retrouvaille (retrouvaille.org) is a great place for y'all.

 

[Miss Peach]

Now that you realize that at some point there was a fork in the road and you took different paths, you need to decide what next...

If you want to fix this you need to be proactive. Talk to him--with a counseler or your clergy person (if you have one)--if you need help expressing yourself. Do not delay--either fix this together or separate as friends. Everyone should be coming home to someone who is happy to see them and wants to spend time with them. If you don't want to do that for your husband, let him get out there and find someone who will!

And the kids will recover from the shock--right now you are just teaching them to live lives of apathy and loneliness.

Good luck,

Cathy

 

[C.Ann]

Well that doesn't sound good.. I'm sure there are reasons behind why you are feeling this way, so it's time to get them out in the open with your DH so you can work on saving your marriage..

Good luck!

 

[Sheree Bobbins]

Please consider marriage counselling. This dissatisfaction sounds too big for you to handle on your own. How much is your dissatisfaction due to his behaviour and how much is due to your own growth process?

My husband left me by taking me for a walk and detailing all his complaints against me. Then he drove away leaving me with no options. I never had the chance to work on the marriage. I don't wish the same for you.

 

[dyna]

Felt that way many times myself....sometimes for couple yrs or more at a time...I stuck it out an after 35 yrs together we doing better than we ever have and he treats me better than he ever has before.

This past summer while looking for anniversary stuff to celebrate my parents 60th anniversary with i found a saying...."Being married 60 years means that you have fell in love with the same person many times....

DH never believed in spending money for us to go to counseling tho at times we needed it an prolly needed my head examined for staying with him but we stuck it out together.

I'd give it some time before I made any decsions I regretted later known many ppl female an male who was out of what they thought was an unhappy or bad relationship doing it all working paying bills everything on own decided to late that actually they had not had it so bad.

 

[Rora]

I agree with the others-- time for a talk. I'm so sorry this is happening.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

You sound like you have become roommates. I would sit with him and share your concerns and see how he feels.

 

[bumbershoot]

 

[nmmom95]

You need to talk to him.

 

[LOVETHATMOUSE]

There are alot of people out there in the same boat as you....just saying....

 

[Poohbear123]

There are alot of people out there in the same boat as you....just saying....

Yep, me being one of them,,,,

 

[miinutes]

Look back at what you feel in love with him for and try to rekindle that flame, also marriage counseling can not hurt. If you have children that takes a huge toll on the relationship set up a first date night and see how that work as romantic as you can make it, away from home. Sometime things get stagnant and you need a jolt to the relationship a way for both of you to re connect but it will take effort on both parts

 

[MoniqueU]

I guess all people are different but that doesn't seem like the end of the world with me. I have a husband that works long hours and we don't have a ton in common or chit chat all the time. I do love him, I most of thie time like him and other times I just go HOLY CRAP can I make it one more day with this guy? I love it when it works alot and I have the house and kids to myself. We do not like the same tv shows so don't sit and cuddle while we watch tv and we both have drastically different sleep schedules so often don't sleep in the same bed. But he is mine, I love him and while our marriage might not be other peoples idea of a marriage I don't expect another person to provide me happiness.

 

[rie'smom]

OP, over the past 30 years, my husband and I have both gone through phases like yours over the years. It passes then we're great again.
Givt it some time.

 

[PaulaSB12]

If you do decide to end the marriage leave the children with the father, why spit him from his family because you want out of the marriage.

 

[NHdisneylover]

This sounds like a sound and lonely place to be in and I am sorry However, it also sounds like (based on what little information is in the post) that you are not making much effort to help yourself here.

Even if you "don't care" if he sits in the den, fix a couple of drinks and snacks you both like and go sit with him and talk anyway. Try to arrange it so that you DO eat as a family when possible (even if you don't care) and engage your husband in the conversation. Make plans for the TWO of you to go out and do something once in a while. Just get it on the calendar and do it.
Honestly, I feel sorry for you that you are lonely in your marriage--but I feel even sorrier for your husband hat you are seeing you have grown apart and not making any sort of effort to fix things (unless you are and did not post about it).

Of course, counseling is another great place to look for help (but others have laready said that many times).

 

[NCRedding]

I've been married for 21 years and I'm going through similar feelings. If you are like me, you are non-confrontational, and are questioning everything, including if you are just being selfish, or if you are unrealistic or have higher expectations of romance or passion than is realistic. It helped me to read "Too good to leave, too bad to stay" and "How to know if it's time to go." I also read "The five Love Languages" and I watched other people in their relationships. Looking at all this gave me the strength to know that there are real problems; I'm not selfish or unrealistic. They gave me the strength to talk to my husband; who knows how or where it will turn out for us.