I have been sentenced to Disney-Time out :(

[RogueKnits]

My wife is quite upset with me about the trips my daughter and I take to Disney. My wife hates the place and doesn't want anything to do with it. My daughter and I love it and try to go every few years, though I pushed it with a few extra trips recently, thus earning the time out.

I try to go places she wants to go as well, but 9 times out of 10, she cancels the trip for some reason (doesn't think we should spend the money, possible future medical costs, etc).

I am hoping to somehow convince her to let us go in December 2016, but that is a battle I am not prepared to fight yet. So now I just sadly read these boards and get jealous of everyone. I left all the Facebook groups I was in since it made me sad as well.

Not sure why I am posting it...just to pass along my feelings to those that would understand I guess.

Thanks!

That's very sad. You don't have to answer, but I wonder if your wife maybe suffers from some form of anxiety disorder? You said that even when you plan trips to places she wants to go, she cancels due to worries about money, future medical costs, etc. As an anxiety sufferer myself, those are classic worries that I and others have when a vacation is planned. If she does have an anxiety disorder, Disney can be a very triggering place (lots of crowds, overstimulation, schedules to meet, fears of "missing something") so that could explain her dislike of Disney. So, I know others have mentioned couples' counseling, and that may be what is ultimately needed, but it's possible your wife may benefit from some one-on-one counseling as well.

Again, I could be totally off base. Just wanted to add my thoughts because that one line really jumped out at me as thoughts I've had about my vacations. I especially have these thoughts when it's a place I'm not really excited about (i.e. a trip to visit my husband's extended family who I don't know well) but they even come up when I'm planning to go somewhere that I enjoy.

 

[kaetra]

You allowed your hoarding MIL to move in? OMG you are a saint. I hope your MIL and your wife know how lucky they are to have you!

I would not be strong enough for that, not at all. Nope. No sir.

 

[OhThePain]

Have you given any thought to a Disney cruise? It's Disney without being in Disney. While you still get the service and vibe of being in Disney, it is not Disney in a tacky way that is really in your face. It gives you a chance to be completely immersed in the Disney experience or you can be very far removed from Disney to the point you don't even notice you are on DCL. There are lots of adult only areas you and your DW can relax in together and lots of areas you and your DD can get your Disney fix together. Maybe you can try to sell her on that?

It's a tough situation not matter how you slice it and I hope it all works out in the end.

 

[verleniahall]

I agree with those who suggest counseling. Good Luck!

 

[rwdavis2]

It sounds like you could benefit from marriage / couples' counseling to discuss what's going on here. It sounds like you've had this clash many times before and it's a point of contention that she also feels very strongly about. Sitting down and discussing it with an outside voice could be very healthy and open up dialogue that's difficult to do alone.

I was thinking exactly this. You have more than a vacation problem.

 

[ArwenMarie]

Oh that's too bad. Maybe give it a rest for six months and see if she mellows on it a bit, sounds like she has stuff on her mind right now. December 2016 is a long time away yet.

 

[GATORinaZ28]

Thanks All. And thanks AquaDame. I did up the ante with this last trip. I knew it when I did it, and now am paying the price for it. And thanks LSUfan. We are financially secure and only have 2 debts (house and 1 car at any given time). She has actually always been very hesitant to spend any money. She is very good at saving it. I am sure that is part of everything.

And I want everyone to know that I wasn't coming here to complain about my wife. I love her very much. We just celebrated 15 years of marriage the other day.

Also, I wasn't looking for counseling, but simply wanted to post my sadness about not being able to reserve anything Disney for who knows how long. I knew others would understand.

 

[lmcarr49]

Why are you letting your wife run you? Is she this controlling about everything?

 

[GATORinaZ28]

You allowed your hoarding MIL to move in? OMG you are a saint. I hope your MIL and your wife know how lucky they are to have you!

lol...I know it. So far it's been mild because we try to fend it off the best we can, but her room is already showing signs of it after 6 months

 

[Candleshoe]

My husband and I have our own money as well as shared money. Each paycheck goes three ways: most into a shared account and equal amounts to our individual 'piggy banks'.
This stopped a lot of arguments over his over spending (LOL*) on guitars and my trip addiction. Also when we give gifts it's truly a gift, not money spent out of "our account".

Only issue is me traveling with DD, I feel her money should come from shared monies, so that takes discussion.


*Laughing because before we moved to this method of money management I used to get really upset over the kind of money he'd spend on his music addiction. NOW it doesn't matter, because it's HIS money. Ditto with me taking solo trips to Disney or when I gamble.

 

[Amanda999]

Maybe she isn't a traveler at all. (The way I read your post is the alternate destinations get cancelled. But maybe I read that wrong.)

Is it possible to just plan your own vacations and she stay home.

There are folks who do that happily.

This (above).

I go to Disney 1 to 4 times a year with our twin DS's, while DH stays home. (We would vacation - all together - elsewhere, but one DS is disabled and this is the only place that has ever engaged both him and his brother and that they both enjoy. So, we both love the kids being at WDW, I like going, but DH doesn't love going. (And, he works and I don't, so I have more time off.) He stays home with the dog (which has the added benefit of saving $450/week in boarding costs). (He also gets a 'dad-cation' - he likes some quiet home alone time.))

It works all around for us.

So, maybe explore if vacationing separately once a year or biannually works for your family.

Life is short - if vacationing differently works for your family, then do it. (Oh - and people do ask why we do this. I just say "someone has to stay home and work to pay for it!")

 

[cygnusx1jg]

If I may ask, what is it about Disney does you wife not like? Not saying this is your situation, but I have known people that just didn't care for the Magic Kingdom, but did enjoy Epcot, HS, and or AK. Also wondering what vacation spot has she gone to and liked. Thanks.

 

[GATORinaZ28]

If I may ask, what is it about Disney does you wife not like? Not saying this is your situation, but I have known people that just didn't care for the Magic Kingdom, but did enjoy Epcot, HS, and or AK. Also wondering what vacation spot has she gone to and liked. Thanks.

She hates the crowd, the cost, the name, pretty much everything. She has told me numerous times that she doesn't understand what would make someone go in the first place, much less go back over and over. I think alot of that is I was brought up with Disney magic as a kid and she was not. Then when we first took her, it was in July, crowded, and hot. I think that first impression killed it. My fault on that one.

We went to San Francisco and New Orleans which she enjoyed. Now, though, when we try to book anything, it's somewhere different with far less people. It's just a matter of booking something and keeping it. I admit that I dont want to go to those places (Savannah, GA...Sedona, AZ...Ponce de Leon, FL), but would do it.

 

[2binak]

I know someone who, anytime you mention her leaving her home town, she gets anxious. She dreams of traveling to beautiful places, but she can't enjoy being away from home at all. Even a 1-hour car trip to see family makes her anxious. She spends the entire visit thinking about getting home. Her husband has planned a dream trip abroad but ever since he told her about it, all she's done is worry. She's going to go because it really is an amazing trip and he's put so much thought into it, but I know that she won't enjoy the trip because the anxiety will overpower her. OP - maybe your wife has a similar anxiety related to travel but is afraid to admit it. Like some of the other posters have said, I too think that this is an issue to bring it up in your counseling sessions. If you don't, you and your daughter are going to eventually resent your wife for taking these trips & memories away from you.

 

[nkereina]

While I don't think I'd ever suggest counseling based off a one-sided brief post on a message board, I do question if your wife's reaction is as extreme as described. You make it sound like she is vehemently against Disney, or vacations in general, which isn't normal. It's normal to be opposed to vacations if you have bills due or are in debt, and it's normal to oppose a vacation destination. But to be so against it to the point where you have a real argument about it doesn't seem right. Is it because she's not being included or something?

 

[smitch425]

While I don't think I'd ever suggest counseling based off a one-sided brief post on a message board, I do question if your wife's reaction is as extreme as described. You make it sound like she is vehemently against Disney, or vacations in general, which isn't normal. It's normal to be opposed to vacations if you have bills due or are in debt, and it's normal to oppose a vacation destination. But to be so against it to the point where you have a real argument about it doesn't seem right. Is it because she's not being included or something?

Did you read the thread?

 

[Madame]

Just a thought, but even if you are financially secure your DW could still have anxiety over frittering money away.

My Dad grew up in a household where, let's just say that he never knew where the next meal was coming from & his father was a hoarder and had serious financial troubles.

I couldn't understand until I was older why my Dad constantly obsessed over money...

 

[nkereina]

Did you read the thread?

LOL. I missed page two. So no.

But I'm still not about to tell someone they need marriage counseling based off a message board post

 

[scrhsa]

My husband is the same way. He even told me not too long ago that he was tired of hearing about anything Disney related. I calmly reminded him about how often and how much he talks about football...for the past 25 yrs!!! I told him that as long as I can save the money without it affecting our daily living there is nothing wrong with it. If he wants to come he can come. He tends to get a bit jealous about the girls and I going places without him. I then remind him that he choose not to go with us 90% of the time. He is a homebody. And if there is someplace he wants to go all he has to do is bring it up and start making the plans

 

[Magic Band Defender]

How about a SoCal beach vacation or LA vacation and you and your daughter just spend a day or two at the Disneyland parks?