Hi everyone.
Quite a few of you followed my story and tried to give me advice and help me out. Thank you. I have an update, things have changed a little bit. I am still confused and my head is spinning in 50,000 directions, but I have taken a step back and I am slowing things down a bit.
DH still will not talk about anything that has to do with our relationship. If we do talk, it is because I approached him and he is giving me an answer to a direct question. A few weeks have gone past, and the original plan was he was going to move out Labor Day weekend. Since the 3rd week in August, we thought maybe I should move out with the kids, and get them settled somewhere in the same town, so when the bank forecloses on the house, they won't have to be uprooted. Dh agreed that made the most sense. I went to look at a 3 bedroom apartment and filled out the application. A week went by and I had not heard from the landlord. I left numerous messages, and he never returned my call. Another week goes by, and I see the rent sign had be taken down. I got my answer as to whether or not I got the apartment. I didn't. Now, we're back to square one. There are no other apartments in town available right now, and we still haven't told the kids anything. (We don't want to tell them until we know exactly what it is we are doing).
Now, I am starting to have second thoughts. The more I think about packing up and leaving, the more I don't want to do it. So, I asked DH if he wanted the seperation. Again, Dh was no help here. He kept saying that he was confused at what I wanted. I want him to leave, I don't want him to leave, I want him to leave, now it looks like I don't want him to leave. I told him not to be confused about what I want. I wanted to know what HE wanted. I still had no idea, because he wasn't telling me anything. I finally asked him point blank, if he loved me, and he admitted he did love me. HALLELUAH. It only took 14 years, but he finally said the words "I do love you." He said he wants to leave, but then he doesn't want to leave. He still think counseling won't help and I asked him why he thought that, he said because we are two different people.
I'm not going to force counseling on him, but for my own piece of mind, and to help me sort out my own thoughts, I made my own appointment. I went yesterday, and I really liked the therapist. Just from my point of view, he said he was glad we have not seperated yet. He said the two of us have a lot going for us, and depending on how much DH is willing to put into it, he was fairly certain we could work this out. He needs to meet DH, before he can tell me anything concrete. I did invite Dh to go to yeaterday's session, which, no surprise, he didn't go. The therapist set up an appointment for two weeks from now and he gave me an idea of what to say to DH to get him to go. It's really is the truth. I am asking the therapist to help me figure out where to go from here, and he would like DH to come in so he can meet him, and then he will be able to give me a better idea of what to do, or what not to do.
I am pretty sure that if I make it sound like it is all about me, Dh will go.
So, that's my little update. We're still together, DH finally said "I love you", I'm seeing a counselor and I am not so rushed to have this be over.
I tell you, I will never again have an opinion on someone else's marriage. I used to be the first one to say, if you're not happy, then leave. What's the problem? I never realized how hard it is, the emotions that are involved. This is the hardest thing I have been through in my life, and I don't wish it on anyone.
Quite a few of you followed my story and tried to give me advice and help me out. Thank you. I have an update, things have changed a little bit. I am still confused and my head is spinning in 50,000 directions, but I have taken a step back and I am slowing things down a bit.
DH still will not talk about anything that has to do with our relationship. If we do talk, it is because I approached him and he is giving me an answer to a direct question. A few weeks have gone past, and the original plan was he was going to move out Labor Day weekend. Since the 3rd week in August, we thought maybe I should move out with the kids, and get them settled somewhere in the same town, so when the bank forecloses on the house, they won't have to be uprooted. Dh agreed that made the most sense. I went to look at a 3 bedroom apartment and filled out the application. A week went by and I had not heard from the landlord. I left numerous messages, and he never returned my call. Another week goes by, and I see the rent sign had be taken down. I got my answer as to whether or not I got the apartment. I didn't. Now, we're back to square one. There are no other apartments in town available right now, and we still haven't told the kids anything. (We don't want to tell them until we know exactly what it is we are doing).
Now, I am starting to have second thoughts. The more I think about packing up and leaving, the more I don't want to do it. So, I asked DH if he wanted the seperation. Again, Dh was no help here. He kept saying that he was confused at what I wanted. I want him to leave, I don't want him to leave, I want him to leave, now it looks like I don't want him to leave. I told him not to be confused about what I want. I wanted to know what HE wanted. I still had no idea, because he wasn't telling me anything. I finally asked him point blank, if he loved me, and he admitted he did love me. HALLELUAH. It only took 14 years, but he finally said the words "I do love you." He said he wants to leave, but then he doesn't want to leave. He still think counseling won't help and I asked him why he thought that, he said because we are two different people.
I'm not going to force counseling on him, but for my own piece of mind, and to help me sort out my own thoughts, I made my own appointment. I went yesterday, and I really liked the therapist. Just from my point of view, he said he was glad we have not seperated yet. He said the two of us have a lot going for us, and depending on how much DH is willing to put into it, he was fairly certain we could work this out. He needs to meet DH, before he can tell me anything concrete. I did invite Dh to go to yeaterday's session, which, no surprise, he didn't go. The therapist set up an appointment for two weeks from now and he gave me an idea of what to say to DH to get him to go. It's really is the truth. I am asking the therapist to help me figure out where to go from here, and he would like DH to come in so he can meet him, and then he will be able to give me a better idea of what to do, or what not to do.
I am pretty sure that if I make it sound like it is all about me, Dh will go.
So, that's my little update. We're still together, DH finally said "I love you", I'm seeing a counselor and I am not so rushed to have this be over.
I tell you, I will never again have an opinion on someone else's marriage. I used to be the first one to say, if you're not happy, then leave. What's the problem? I never realized how hard it is, the emotions that are involved. This is the hardest thing I have been through in my life, and I don't wish it on anyone.
I'm sorry that it's harder than you expected, but I'm glad that you are going the counseling route. I've been hoping you were doing well. I hope that the counseling has a positive outcome for you (whatever that may be!) and that you can come to a resolution that will bring you peace and happiness. (And whatever happens, I'm really glad he finally told you he loved you!)
