I have a bit of a dilema!?!

[Martha7]

I think everyone has hit the nail on the head. You need to talk to your dh and figure out why he doesn't want you to go. Is it because you'll be spending your only vacation week without him? I feel that if you go on this trip, he'll hold a grudge against you for years perhaps. In the end, you'll regret going, because it'll keep coming up as an unresolved issue. I think Frantasmic really nailed the control issues involved. My dh and I had to work out the family stuff years ago. It really burns me up that my mil always tried to get us to see them over the holidays, (we lived overseas and had a company-paid home leave), even though it meant that my Mom wouldn't see us. Now, my Mom has passed away, and I'm glad that we always stuck to the plan of alternating the family visits. Fair is fair. You need to get to the root cause of what he wants, but do it in a calm, non-accusatory way. I always ask my dh, "In your heart of hearts, what do you really want", and then try to get at the reasons that he feels that way. I have always taken a hard look at the very different ways that we were raised, and usually, the answer lies within. It may be that he was raised feeling that you should take care of your investment, (your house.) Maybe the house represents your new married life together, and he'll resent you not working side by side with him. I know my dh doesn't expect me to do some of the hard physical labor with him, but he always asks me to go and get some tool that he forgot to take out of the toolbox, for example. I always need to run and get him a drink. He loves the feeling of accomplishment and results he gets after doing something around the house. He doesn't see it as something, "that will be there to do later." Grass needs to be sown at a certain time of year to get a good foothold, for example. So, talk to him, and see if you can get more information. His saying that he'd be disappointed if you went, made me feel that he was reserving the right to sulk about it later! Another thing, my dh hates to be "psycho-analyzed," so I have to be pretty careful about my wording. Please let us know what happens.

 

[opal]

Dh and I will celebrate 25 years next week. This issue has come up for us a couple of times for us over the years. One time was a WDW trip with a girlfriend a few years back. (we had been on a couple of "girls weekends" before, NYC etc. and it never bothered him) Well, we started planning the WDW trip and he got real weird, said I shouldn't go, to expensive etc. I pointed out since we have annual passes, it would be less than his suggested trip to NYC or Boston. Still weird. Finally I mentioned, sweetly, of course, that perhaps his problem was more that I wanted to go to WDW without him than it was I was going away without him. Put in that perspective I think he saw things differently. He came home the next day and said, "You know I think you and your gf should go to Disney" .
We did and had a great time.

Unless, DH can give a good reason for you not to go, I would go. To ask you not to go for no other reason than he would miss you is IMHO a bit selfish and telling you that if you do go he will be disappointed is a bit controlling. You're going to WDW with your parents...not on a wild singles cruise.

 

[kilee]

Every marriage is different, thats a fact. However, all relationships should be kind, caring, and giving. Otherwise they are not healthy ones.
We don't have both sides of the story, so we can only post based on what we've been told. What we've been told is basically DH doesn't want her to go now or in January, irregardless of finances. However, he'd be willing to go if they took his parents. That in itself raised a red flag. That and he'd be very disappointed if she went, but it was up to her. Talk about a double edged sword. It's great that you'll miss each other, but they do say absence makes the heart grow fonder. I think you have some serious communicating to do to figure out just how healthy the relationship is. I could never imagine my DH telling my not to go on a trip w/ my parents. As long as he were invited, and it was his choice not to go- he'd send me off w/ his blessing. That is the way my sisters relationship is, my parents, and most of them around me. The only one's that I know that are not that way, are definetly not the friends and family members I see as having solid, long lasting relationships. I don't know how they live like that.
Either way, you didn't know what to do. I think rather than worrying about Disney just yet. I'd worry about figuring out why this is even an issue.

 

[TKERBELL]

I posted earlier and after re-reading past and reading present posts - I think the majority agrees that communication is the key - bottom line - no more, no less than that.

I sincerely believe that there is not a control issue - I simply think he wants to spend vaca time with you as his new bride and there is a satisfaction of working together on a dream (house, overseas vaca....you get the point).

Good luck in whatever you do - and let us know how it goes!!!!

Peace, Love and Pixie Dust

 

[skiwee1]

First off take a joke.
I have been with my DH for 18 years. He does his thing and I would never dream of taking it away from him or making him feel guilty. He adores golf and visits to Portugal to see family. He does these things on his own as money allows.
In turn he encourages me to be who I am, sense of humor and all , and would never dream of making stay home to watch him install our new furnace ( next job we are doing). Marriage is a wonderful partnership but it alone does not define me. If it did I would have felt smothered and resented him and probably divorced him. Now I get off my soap box and encourage The OP to go with her gut.

Your marriage sounds like mine. We've been happily married 19 years. We love to spend time with each other but also have our own interests. I love WDW and he loves golf! I go to WDW 4 week or so a year and he goes golfing 4 weeks a year. A happy marriage is one where one wants the other to be happy and not lay a guilt trip on you. DH knows how much I like to travel and I know how much he likes to golf. We wouldn't dream of stopping one another from doing that. To the Op I'd lay it on the line that while you are flattered he will miss you you are still going to WDW because to not go would make you very unhappy. Early marriage or not, you need to nip this in the bud pronto!

 

[Mom of Sleepy Bashful and BabyDoc]

Yes, but it doesn't sound as though the OP's DH is being selfless at all - I mean, he took a holiday a while back without her, so why can't she go and do something she loves?

Like you said, selfless love works both ways.

And that's why I said something isn't right. He's not really giving a reason for her not to go, other than he will miss her. There's got to be something else because..........didn't he miss her when he was on HIS trip?? But it was fine then, see what I mean? He's not saying something and she's gotta find out what.

 

[donzgyrl]

The whole reason I was originally going to Florida with my parents was because they just sold their house and were planning on moving down there. But they were unable to find a place that they liked in the short time they were down there. I was gonna help them move. Then they said that they were still gonna go, to go to WDW. That's when they asked if DH wanted to go.

I talked it over with DH last night. I told him how bad I wanted to go, I asked him when he thinks a good time for us to go to WDW and he said he's not sure. Also another reason he doesn't want to go is because at the age of 27 he has Rheumetoid Arthritis (sp?) and an underactive thyroid, he was diagnosed shortly after we were married, and he has some really bad days where he is literally in pain just walking around the house. His medications help somewhat but not enough! So he thinks it would be a waste of $$ to pay for tickets for him if he may not be able to tour any of the parks. So I asked him if he'd be dissapointed for long if I went, he said that he'd get over it by the time I return. We both still have vacation time left, so we'll just take that time together!

So I'm going!! I don't know when I'll be able to go back to WDW so, I have to take advantage of this.

When we were talking about taking his parents down, they said that they didn't want to go! They've never been there before! And they didn't want us to pay for everything. Of course after crunching #'s, it was gonna be expensive, so DH was glad that they didn't want to go! So maybe some other time!! My DH wanted to do this for his parents because they've never had a REAL vacation! They've gone to Indiana to visit family but that's it! Plus his mother was diagnosed with cancer last year, she had surgery and the Dr.s think they got it all, but shes has to go to Chemo and radiation. He wanted to do something special for her.

All is well with DH & I!!

Thank you for all of the replies. I wanted other peoples oppinions, if I didn't I wouldn't have posted this question!
So Thanks again.

BTW
I'll have my Lime Green Mickeys!! Most likely on my little Baby Blue backpack!!


Donzgyrl

 

[PratersloveDW]

Donzgirl,

I am so happy to hear that you are going - and of course, that your DH is okay with it! Have a great time just being with your parents and be sure to tell us all about it when you return!

~SPrater

 

[Dorisk3]

I'm so happy that you and your husband worked out a solution! All the best to you and have a great time!

 

[bopper]

Look on the DisAbilities forum on the disboards. Maybe your husband would do well renting one of those scooters to get around.

 

[TKERBELL]

I am so happy to hear that all is well with DH and that you are going with your folks - I agree with one poster about the DISabilities board....You and your DH would be VERY surprised about how many people with disabilities do go and do have a good time - and there are so many options with the park tickets - but again $$$$ being an issue as well - I SOOOOOunderstand about the almighty dollar and it's power!!!

Anyway enjoy your trip and enjoy your folks