I hate this student

[Schmeck]

My thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I think you need to work someplace else. Any place that expects you to call the student's parent to tell them that you won't be going to work (and why) is not a professional place, and you also mentioned the mother of the child with autism was supposed to call in for a substitute? That is also not her responsibility!

You should just have to call the school and let them know that you will be absent, and for how long, and they should be responsible for getting a sub.

Children on the spectrum may have difficulty relating to others' needs. They can take everything so personally, and their world really does often revolve around just themselves and their interests. I know you can't go into too many details (Confidentiality laws would probably get you fired for what you've already posted here if the parent finds it and complains) but what you've posted about his response doesn't surprise me. While I've been blessed to work with some fantastic, caring students, I've known that a lot of responses are coached/trained, and I take them with a large grain of salt - especially the bad ones!

 

[Tuffcookie]

Dear OP, Your post reminded me of how extra sensitive I was of people's comments after I had my miscarriages (I had 4). I remember putting on a brave front at work, coming home and crying my eyes out. It was not an easy time! So, to you!

I think I would have called and talked to the principal at the school and would have not even bothered talking to the mom. All the mom needed to know was that you were going to be off on emergency medical leave for a couple of days. The principal could have lined up a substitute.

Autistic children can be extremely insensitive! (I know, I have one with Asperger's) If you are truly unhappy with this position and feel it is affecting your health perhaps you would be better off leaving.

TC

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I'm so sorry for your loss, I too lost a child a long time ago. But it is not this kids fault this happened to you, and the fact that you can openly state you "hate" him, shows that you do not have a full understanding of his disability. I agree that it is certainly not in either of your best interests for you to be his para at this time, if ever. I would encourage you to speak to your principal about reassignment.

I agree with this.

I am so sorry for your loss. I've had many miscarriages and they are heartbreaking.

 

[Totally Tink]

I am extremely sorry for your loss. I think you need to take some time off from your job. I'm sure you're not thinking rationally at this time, and it's not fair to you or the student.

 

[xoprincessmomxo]

I am very sorry for your loss. I cannot imagine the pain you are going through. But, IMO, this job isn't right for you if you can feel such hatred towards this student. It is not fair to yourself nor the student.

 

[Buckalew11]

I am sorry for your loss. I hope you can get yourself reassigned. No one should hate going to work that much if at all possible. You need time to grieve the loss of your baby.

 

[Luv'sTink]

I am so sorry for your loss. You do need to time to heal.

I have lost four babies, 16 weeks, 20 weeks, 8 weeks and 6 weeks, it will seem as though you can not turn around without being reminded of your son. And yes, you are looking for a reason this happened, there probably will not be any answers.

I know I felt so guilty, that it had to be something I had done, but in reality the likely hood I or anyone else had done something to harm my babies was very very unlikely. I also remember reading things into things people said or did and now when I look back I know they were not really saying anything or doing anything to hurt me, I was the one blaming myself and I just knew the world was blaming me also, which of course was not true.

There are a lot of great websites on the internet with support groups, I found a few that helped me immensely through. Babycenter.com especially. Here is the grief and loss section.....

http://community.babycenter.com/groups/topic/6/grief_loss?sortby=pop

Take it one day at a time....

 

[Scurvy]

I am so sorry for your loss.

I can understand being unhappy with the student, though it sounds as though the bulk of the blame for the recent comments by the child lies with the parents. I agree with previous posters - if it is at all possible you should try to be reassigned somehow. If that is not possible, don't give those people any more information than is absolutely necessary. If you have to be out, don't tell them why just tell them you won't be there and leave it at that.

 

[Handbag Lady]

Get out of there! It is harmful to your health.

Now, I know the student has disabilities and I'm sure his mom spoke to him about it to help him understand your absence, but really, she should have never told him the WHY parts.

Ask for a transfer or quit.

 

[Cindy B]

I'm sorry to hear about your loss.

First, it is hard to understand why/how a student is "feeling". There are some severe disabilities and one specific one shows little empathy to others.
Children/students with autism can be very insensitive and they will (and can) just state what is on their minds --ie no "filter".

Now in my district, it is the employee or the building principal's responsibility to find a sub. As the employee, you would either call the sub contractor or the principal or supervisor would do it for you. I would not have involved the persons mother-- it is not their business why you would be out. I would have told the principal that you had a medical emergency and been done with

I'm not sure why the students mother is involved. I've seen too many problems where the parents tend to misconstrue things and in this case could complain to the state ethics board that the district was not following IDEA rules.

Good luck and try tomorrow. This working relationship may have overstepped its bounds and you may need to be reassigned eventually.

 

[Magic Mom]

I'm so sorry for your loss.

 

[Tanuki]

That lack of social skills is one of the things we see as part of autism. Also the inabiliby to flexibly adjust to changes in the routine - which causes meltdowns. Although it's hard not to take it personally you need to just keep telling yourself that the child couldn't really be aware of the effect of what he was saying. Also your nerves are too on edge right now to deal with the disruptive behavior.

I think you need to just take a break from your profession in order to have time to grieve.

But also consider that all of us going into a "burnout" profession think "that will never happen to me" and so did I, but one day I realized I was burned out from an overdose of caregiving and had to make a switch to something different.

It's really good that the internet gives us a place to share our feelings anonymously with others sometimes.

 

[happygirl]

I'm sorry for your loss

I think you need to take some time off

 

[robinb]

I am so sorry for your loss {{hugs}}. I too had a m/c almost 11 years ago at about 12 weeks along.

The miscarriage is NOT your fault. You did nothing wrong. "Stress" does not cause miscarriages. You did not put your baby in danger. It is so easy to blame ourselves but please try to put those thoughts out of your mind. {{hugs}}

 

[Totally Tink]

Get out of there! It is harmful to your health.

Now, I know the student has disabilities and I'm sure his mom spoke to him about it to help him understand your absence, but really, she should have never told him the WHY parts.

Ask for a transfer or quit.

You really need to know the specifics of the individual and his/her disability. It makes me sad that the student is getting blamed for this.

 

[Magic Mom]

You really need to know the specifics of the individual and his/her disability. It makes me sad that the student is getting blamed for this.

I don't think anyone, even the OP, truly blames the child for the miscarriage. But its plain to see she is under an enormous amount of stress working with this child, and it may be best for her to transfer.

 

[KirstenB]

I'm sorry for your loss.

I'm also sorry for the student. Despite what people may think, no one would choose to go through life being this student. A lot of his environment and his reaction to it, is not within his control. It may not seem like it, but he's doing the best he can.

 

[disneyjunkie]

It makes me sad that the student is getting blamed for this.

I agree.

OP, I'm sorry for your lost.

 

[maymom96]

Thank you for the kind replies. I have calmed down and am feeling better. I have constant battles with my emotions and my common sense. My original post was when my emotions were in control. Common sense is back right now.
First off, I understand about autism. This student has issues that are beyond autism. This student rules the roost at home and thinks it will also happen at school. There are no consequences for this student at home. Mom says that XYZ will happen for bad behavior but XYZ never happens. The student laughs at me when I say I am calling mom for bad behavior. Mom has gotten to where she now laughs when I call her (even when student attempted to hit me).
I don't blame the student for what happened. I do blame the stress from work on not being in tune with my body. If I had more support from the school and the parents, I think working with the student would be more tolerable. But as someone said, I often feel like I work for the student. I have even been told that I have many bosses and the parents were one. When I was hired, one objective the principal had was that I keep the mom happy so she didn't call him.
As for why the mom called a sub. The protocol at our school is it's up to the aids to find a sub. Because my student is such a difficult case (and doesn't deal with change), I need to make mom aware of my being absent so mom can decide if student will stay home or not. I was not able to call for a sub because of what was going on. My husband often runs off at the mouth and discloses more information than needed.
For the posters who have said not kind things, I pray that you never have to know what I am going through. You may have a child with autism, but I lost my child and will never know what he would have been. Get beyond the fact the issue of me working with a child with autism and realize that My baby died two days ago. (btw, that was emotion speaking)

 

[dogluva]

I am very, very sorry for your loss. I, too, have lost three babies and it is the worse thing I have ever gone through.

This post is disturbing as a special educator. Please consider a new profession. This child is disabled and does not need someone to hate him/her on top of that.

You are not helping this child or yourself. Take some time off to heal and think if this type of job is for you. It may not be. It is a very stressful job and not everyone can handle it, especially when you are having personal problems.

Take care.