I had terrible parents...anyone else?

[brockash]

Is it just me, or does anyone else seem to think that a lot of the adults on these boards seem to think that the kids today are just horrible spoiled little brats??? I do think there are some valid points here and there, but my goodness when I read some of the things on these threads (not just this one, I've read quite a few recently) I feel like there's a group of ppl. out there, that for some reason, are very hateful and resentful towards "todays children." I don't get it, yes things change just like things were different for my parents than their grandparents. The other thing I don't get, is depending on what generation you are, you're most likely either the parent or grandparent of these group of "todays kids," so wouldn't it also be saying something about how you either are parenting these bratty little kids, or how you parented the parents of them? I just don't get all the resentment??

 

[allison443]

Man, looking around these days I'm convinced I had the worst parents in the world!

My parents expected me to behave in school, do my homework and get the best grades I was capable of achieving. If there was a conflict between a teacher and me, the teacher was right and I was wrong.

There was NO TV on school nights. I did homework or I read after swim practice.

My parents expected me to do chores at home: making my bed, keeping my room clean and helping out around the house WITHOUT expecting payment!

If I joined a team, my parents expected that I would go to practice, do what the Coach said and stick with it until the season was over even if I didn't like it.

If I misbehaved or didn't live up to their expectations in school or at home-I could expect to lose privileges.

My parents didn't provide alcohol or drugs for parties and I was expected not to use alcohol or drugs at other kid's parties.

When I got my license, I was occasionally allowed to borrow the car-if it was returned without a full tank of gas I didn't get to borrow it again.

When I turned 16, I was expected to get a job in the summer.

It's probably a really good thing I never had kids of my own...the way things are these days if I was anything like my parents I'd be considered abusive!

I guess this is tongue in cheek, but seriously, don't you know any parents that still enforce these rules? I know plenty! Sure there are some that are lenient, provide alcohol, don't expect their kids to work, etc, but that has always been the case, and I am probably older than you

 

[allison443]

Nothing irritates me more than the self-congratulatory tone of people who think that thier background is better simply because it was harder.

Many of us were raised by parents that believed us before the teachers, were merciful with concequences, allowed tv on school nights, didn't force us to complete sports seasons we hated, and didn't force thier teens to work. We turned out just fine.

Not everyone that raises children the same way, yet somehow people with very different parenting styles manage to raise happy healthy productive children that become happy, healthy, productive adults.

 

[PeterPan09]

I guess this is tongue in cheek, but seriously, don't you know any parents that still enforce these rules? I know plenty! Sure there are some that are lenient, provide alcohol, don't expect their kids to work, etc, but that has always been the case, and I am probably older than you

It's very tongue in cheek...but primarily based upon what I hear around me at the office. In cubicle world, it's pretty hard not to hear the phone conversations that are going on, and the lunch room is filled with parents talking about "how dare that teacher say that my child isn't applying himself!" and three sentences later talk about how darling Johnny spent 6 hours on his X Box last night. My favorite is "well, I buy them the beer and stuff because they're gonna get it anyway."

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

I will have to respectfully disagree. While I think love should most certainly be the most important thing it is by far not the only necessity to being a good parent! I've known some terrible parents who had children who turned out to be little monsters and they loved their children very much! IMO there is so much more to being a good parent than just loving your children!!! I think that it is perhaps this line of thinking that has created a generation of selfish people with entitlement issues. It is my job to love my children AND to mold them into decent human beings. The two don't neceassarily go hand in hand.

Somehow you missed the point of my post entirely...

 

[luvmy3]

Is it just me, or does anyone else seem to think that a lot of the adults on these boards seem to think that the kids today are just horrible spoiled little brats??? I do think there are some valid points here and there, but my goodness when I read some of the things on these threads (not just this one, I've read quite a few recently) I feel like there's a group of ppl. out there, that for some reason, are very hateful and resentful towards "todays children." I don't get it, yes things change just like things were different for my parents than their grandparents. The other thing I don't get, is depending on what generation you are, you're most likely either the parent or grandparent of these group of "todays kids," so wouldn't it also be saying something about how you either are parenting these bratty little kids, or how you parented the parents of them? I just don't get all the resentment??

I'm not quite sure what you mean when you say "things" however I know some things that should never change, like respect, responsibility, discipline, etc. There doesn't seem to be a whole lot of that today (by parents and their children). Sure my perspective could be different because now I'm a parent but what I witness on a daily basis from alot of kids (and sometines their parents) is frightening.

 

[Deb in IA]

My favorite is "well, I buy them the beer and stuff because they're gonna get it anyway."

Careful - there are plenty on these boards who have said the same thing!!

I, however, still believe in setting expectations for my children, such as no underage drinking.

And guess what? They've lived up to it.

 

[merryweather20]

QUOTE=merryweather20;35558371]I think its unimagineably poor parenting skills to just assume your child is lieing anytime they bring up a conflict with a teacher.QUOTE

I think it's unimaginably poor parenting to assume your child never lies.

Getting both sides of the story is always best. However, it would be a good thing for parents to teach their children that even though an adult may be wrong, they're still an adult and the child should always be respectful....and that starts with the parents being respectful as well.

Hit the news feeds. I see plenty of reasons I'd want my child to be able to talk to me about issues they had at school.

Being respectful of the teacher has nothing to do with it. The OP's position was that parents should always take the teacher's side. This is not just wrong its dead wrong.

Quite frankly if your child is a pathological liar that is a completely separate issue.

 

[stashbin]

I'm not quite sure what you mean when you say "things" however I know some things that should never change, like respect, responsibility, discipline, etc. There doesn't seem to be a whole lot of that today (by parents and their children). Sure my perspective could be different because now I'm a parent but what I witness on a daily basis from alot of kids (and sometines their parents) is frightening.

 

[PeterPan09]

Careful - there are plenty on these boards who have said the same thing!!

I, however, still believe in setting expectations for my children, such as no underage drinking.

And guess what? They've lived up to it.

I'm sure there are...there are people here who missed the point of this whole exercise.

I'm originally from NJ and way back when I was a Senior in HS, the drinking age was 18!! I turned 18 in November, and the law changed in January so I was grandfathered and legal through most of my senior year. The only thing my parents said was that if I chose to buy booze for younger kids, I could be in trouble with the law. I didn't want any part of that so I never did it.

I would go to bars with my older friends, but alcohol was never had that forbidden fruit quality for me so I wasn't someone who drank to excess. Still don't. I'll have a beer or whatever, but it's no big deal to me.

 

[jamimb]

Somehow you missed the point of my post entirely...

I am sorry if I misunderstood what you where trying to say. It sounded to me that you were saying love was the only requirement for being a good parent and I was stating my belief to the contrary.

 

[brockash]

I'm not quite sure what you mean when you say "things" however I know some things that should never change, like respect, responsibility, discipline, etc. There doesn't seem to be a whole lot of that today (by parents and their children). Sure my perspective could be different because now I'm a parent but what I witness on a daily basis from alot of kids (and sometines their parents) is frightening.

Hmmm, so really you think there aren't any parents today that require their children to be respectful, teach them responsibility, discipline them ect.??? I mean do you really think you're the only (or one of the very few) parent of today that teaches their children these things? Do you really think that when you were a kid or when your parents were kids, that there weren't these types of behaviors out there??? Seems very naive to me Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of parents today, on both extremes (of treating their kids like crap/slaves, to the parents that think there child does no wrong) that aren't very good parents, but I also know for a fact there were these types of parents out there when I was a kid, and I'm sure when my parents and grandparents were as well. I don't see how ppl. can say it's a "children of today" problem

 

[Piglet4Ever]

My brothers and I did chores around the house for free as well After my mom went back to work when I was 12 I also started making most of the family dinners and taking care of my younger DB's till my parents got home. Of course I didn't love it, but I did it because that was what was expected of me.

I did babysitting for spending money, but that was the only paying job I had till after graduation. My BFF's 10 yr old son recently told her he would clean something around the house if he got paid. She said no you'll clean what I tell you to just because I told you to!!

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

I am sorry if I misunderstood what you where trying to say. It sounded to me that you were saying love was the only requirement for being a good parent and I was stating my belief to the contrary.

The point was that there are many methods for parenting, but none will succeed without love. Yes, you can fail with love, but you will fail without it...

 

[PeterPan09]

Hit the news feeds. I see plenty of reasons I'd want my child to be able to talk to me about issues they had at school.

Being respectful of the teacher has nothing to do with it. The OP's position was that parents should always take the teacher's side. This is not just wrong its dead wrong.

Quite frankly if your child is a pathological liar that is a completely separate issue.

um...that's not exactly what I was getting at. My point was-my parents did not immediately assume that I was a perfect little snowflake and if there was a problem it was my teacher's fault. I hear that attitude DAILY where I work, and my friends who teach tell me that it's often the first thing they hear when a conversation begins about a problem with a student. "What did you do to my child??"

And honestly-I can't remember one time that a teacher reprimanded me when I did not do something to deserve it. I talked too much in class, occasionally forgot my homework or wasn't properly prepared. When I did those things-I got detention AND I got grounded at home. And that's exactly as it should have been.

 

[luvmy3]

Hmmm, so really you think there aren't any parents today that require their children to be respectful, teach them responsibility, discipline them ect.??? I mean do you really think you're the only (or one of the very few) parent of today that teaches their children these things? Do you really think that when you were a kid or when your parents were kids, that there weren't these types of behaviors out there??? Seems very naive to me Don't get me wrong, there are plenty of parents today, on both extremes (of treating their kids like crap/slaves, to the parents that think there child does no wrong) that aren't very good parents, but I also know for a fact there were these types of parents out there when I was a kid, and I'm sure when my parents and grandparents were as well. I don't see how ppl. can say it's a "children of today" problem

You might want to go back and read my post again. I think you may have read some words that weren't there.

 

[jamimb]

The point was that there are many methods for parenting, but none will succeed without love. Yes, you can fail with love, but you will fail without it...

Totally agree with the above statement. I disagreed with you earlier because you said it was the ONLY thing necessity to being a good parent.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

Totally agree with the above statement. I disagreed with you earlier because you said it was the ONLY thing necessity to being a good parent.

That was one sentence in a larger post, responding to another post. You have to take things in context...

 

[jamimb]

That was one sentence in a larger post, responding to another post. You have to take things in context...

I understood the context.

I quote "Seriously, the only necessity to being a good parent is love."
I understand that you were trying to say that what ever you do it does not amount to a hill of beans without love and I couldn't agree more but I also felt the need to disagree with your first sentence. If you had said the most important thing is love I would not have even responded because I totally agree but you said you ONLY need love and I had to strongly disagree with that statement.

 

[merryweather20]

um...that's not exactly what I was getting at. My point was-my parents did not immediately assume that I was a perfect little snowflake and if there was a problem it was my teacher's fault. I hear that attitude DAILY where I work, and my friends who teach tell me that it's often the first thing they hear when a conversation begins about a problem with a student. "What did you do to my child??"

And honestly-I can't remember one time that a teacher reprimanded me when I did not do something to deserve it. I talked too much in class, occasionally forgot my homework or wasn't properly prepared. When I did those things-I got detention AND I got grounded at home. And that's exactly as it should have been.

Honestly I can remember one time, and one time only when I was reprimanded and I deserved it. My parents agreed I shouldn't have done X, but appreciated the fact I didn't want to be a door mat, considered the teacher's punishment fair and called it a day.

But generally these things aren't about being reprimanded, a child is only at the stage for so long where they insist they weren't talking in class when really they were.

When I read the phrase one particular teacher came to mind. And that teacher wasn't the one that reprimanded me. But, boy did I have some chats with my Mom about her! Crazy but my Mom beleived me word for word! When I needed an extra hug I got one, and when my mark was only slightly lower than usual she And when she went to the parent teacher conference she didn't put all reason to the side, to beleive only what the teacher said. And when the teacher got a little too rediculous she stepped in.

Imagine!