I guess it's over

[Punkin's Mom]

My marriage, that is. My husband of 14 years left me I think for good. I've been cycling through some pretty strong emotions. Strangely I was fairly calm during the actual conversation. I knew it was coming. But the day after this astronomical sense of panic set it. All I could think about was how to convince him to give it one more try. Then it started to sink in that no matter how much I was fighting it, I can't do anything to change his mind. And the more I tried the more he pulled away. Then I started grieving the loss of my spouse, my family, my future, my lifestyle. I'm sure I'll be grieving for a long time. And I'm really scared because my future is so uncertain. I never thought in a million years this would really happen. But I'm also starting to get really angry. I'm trying not to let that overcome me, because we've been very amicable and have agreed on everything and I don't want let the situation deteriorate. But I can't help being mad as heck at him for abandoning me and destroying our family. I want to yell "Be a man - fix this!" It all seems so selfish of him. He convinced himself that it wasn't even worth trying to fix things because he wasn't feeling what he should and he won't settle for a marriage that is simply pleasent. Even though every thing I've read and what the therapist told us said to work on the small stuff and build on those little connections, he decided that he should feel a substantial connection before he would put forth any effort. I don't know how you have instantaneous connection without doing anything but that was his theory and he stuck to it.

So now I'm left with the major decisions and very unattractive prospects. We've got 2 small kids that I have to protect as much as humanly possible. I don't know if I should sell the house or not. I don't know if I'm even employable at this point plus I hated what I used to do - I never thought I would need to do it again.

Anyway, sorry for the rant. Thanks for listening (or reading - whatever).

 

[Tiggerlover91]

Wow. I don't know what to say. DH and I were almost divorced at the 9 year mark, but we made it through. It was ALL my fault though and when I got my junk together...we hung tough! We celebrated our 15th last May and I still can't believe it sometimes. We don't have any children yet, but I hope to soon. I'm 37 and don't want to be 40 having my first.

Gee...what do I tell you? Be strong...take care of those babies...pray (it works, just not in OUR time)...and just keep that head up! Keep us posted and best to you always.

 

[swea_pea1]

Sorry you're going through this.

 

[AZMickeyfans]

to you and your family. Stay strong during this rough period for yourself and the kids. I'm so sorry. Good luck.

 

[grlpwrd]

I'm sorry you have to go throught this... stay strong.



Are you a SAHM? There are many SAHMs who returned to work even here on the DIS. There's ALWAYS hope.

 

[Mysteria]

I am so sorry. I can't offer advice as good as many here can because I have no children. I have been through the break-ups though. My heart goes out to you.

Myst

 

[sweetspicy]

Sending lots of .

 

[Punkin's Mom]

I'm sorry you have to go throught this... stay strong.



Are you a SAHM? There are many SAHMs who returned to work even here on the DIS. There's ALWAYS hope.

Yes I am and I never thought I'd go back to work, even when my kids both get to school. I haven't worked for over 6 years - I don't even know if could write a resume. I honestly don't remember exactly what I did at my previous jobs. I am so rusty I would probably have to take a class or something before I could start working. Like I said, I don't even want to be an accountant again. I only did it before because I was reasonably good at it, it was fairly easy to find a job and it paid well enough to put my husband through law school.

 

[disneyfreakk]

"It is rewarding to find someone you like, but it is essential to like yourself. It is quickening to recognize that someone is a good and decent human being, but it is indispensable to view yourself as acceptable. It is a delight to discover people who are worthy of respect and admiration and love, but it is vital to believe yourself deserving of these things.


For you cannot live in someone else.
You cannot find yourself in someone else.
You cannot be given a life by someone else.

Of all the people you will know in a lifetime, you are the only one you will never leave or lose.

To the question of your life, you are the only answer.
To the problems of your life, you are the only solution."

Jo Coudert


This has helped me through many problems in life, may it give you some comfort as well.

 

[miss missy]

SO sorry

You shouldnt make any rash decisions right away. Give your slef time to heal and to get used to the changes. You will feel all those emotions, anger, sadness and loss. Its normal!!

I am so sorry. I don't know why people think love should just come and stay and that it shouldn't take work It isn't that easy, no one said it would be.

I think being married (15 years here) and raising kids is the hardest thing a person can do!! Its back breaking work all around! It's not something I think is easy, yet when it is going right, it is the best thing in the world. I am so sorry he wouldn't stay and work on it. You will be OK. Take care of you and the kids and let yourself greive all you need too!!!!!!

 

[Cool-Beans]

I cannot imagine what you must be going through and am so sorry that you're hurting. I'll say a prayer for you.

Get a good lawyer as soon as possible. The best thing about lawyers is that they carry through on the stuff you are angry about...and they fight FOR you, which eases your burden a little.

I wish you all the best and hope that something good is around the corner for you.

 

[crazyforgoofy]

I am glad the two of you want an amicable split but you must protect your children and yourself. Do you know where the assets are? Do you know a good attorney? You need to grieve the loss of your marriage but you also have to be sure to protect what is rightfully yours. I've been through it. I know how frightening it is, how overwhelming. You have my deepest sympathy but also my encouragement to put on your big girl panties and your momma boots and ensure you and your children are provided for. I let my former husband off easy and my children suffered for it financially and emotionally because I had to work like a dog to provide for them so their lives changed enormously. I recommend you learn from my mistake.

 

[ChrisnSteph]

I'm so sorry. I wish I had some good advice, but all I can say is I hope the Lord gives you the strength to get through this. Hugs to you!

 

[holycow]

All I have is for you




Lisa

 

[sydally9367]

I am so sorry you are going through this I know there is a thread around here somewhere that has some great advice for those about to or those currently in divorce proceedings (if the search lets me, I'll find it for you); maybe you can find some good advice and support in the thread.

I'm sure it's difficult right now because you have so many thoughts swimming through your head, but try to take it one day at a time and only handle one thing at a time; you'll only overwhelm yourself if you try to solve every problem at once. Maybe write down a list of things that you need to take care of and tackle one each day or prioritize (sp?) your list and handle them that way.

Stay strong and we're always here if you need to vent

 

[dreamcometrue]

I'm so sorry you have to go through this!! Stay strong and positive for your babies!

As for going back to work, I quit my job right before I had my first child in 1995. I went back to work a few hours a week (wouldn't even consider it part time...it was VERY part time) when my youngest started Kindergarten 2 years ago. I now have a part time job working as an elementary school clerk and I love it! I worked in an office before I had my first and never thought I could get back into it because technology changes so much and even though I have been keeping up to date with internet stuff and typing, office procedures etc. still change! I was hired with the school district first try and it's not that easy getting in there!

Good luck and you can always come here to vent!

 

[deekaypee]

I'm so sorry; even if you know it's coming, a divorce is never easy. I went through a fairly amicable divorce too, one which everyone saw coming, including myself. All I can really say is, please don't feel pressured to process your emotions by a particular date or to move through the stages of grief. Everyone deals with things differently; just try to take things one day--or one hour--at a time. Maintaining your health and that of your family are the most important things.

But like many other posters, I mostly wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you.

 

[sydally9367]

I found the thread for you, hopefully this will provide some help and support for you also

http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=1236438&referrerid=&highlight=divorce

 

[terri01p]

I really can't imagine what your going though. You can't make someone else feel for you the way you want them too if they don't want to...get tuff, stay focused...the only reason I'm replying to this thread is because I had a dear friend who after 11 years of marriage this same thing happened to her, she was a SAHM and thought she would never make it on her own with her kids, guess what , she did...I had lunch with her the other day and after 9 months of everything she said shes so happy now in her life. You can make it !

 

[Muffy]

Get a good lawyer to look out for your rights. It concerns me that your husband is a lawyer. I hope he doesn't try to take the house or any assets that you need to take care of your children. Take care.