I give up! (potty training)

[NotUrsula]

She's been in panties 1 year now - with multiple accidents a day.

And yes - she'll be 3 in 23 days!

So when you started this she was not yet two? I would think by now you would be understanding that she isn't really ready for this, for whatever reason. Some kids just are not, and it isn't a moral judgment.

I'm guessing that as the youngest in the family she's not real thrilled with the idea of being a big girl -- lots of kids really enjoy being the littlest and don't *want* to age out of that special position. IME, in such situations pressuring them to act like a big kid just backfires, and they dig in their heels and make it a point to prove to you that they "can't".

I don't think nakey-butt would work on this kid if she's been feeling the sensation of urine running down her leg for a year now and she still apparently hasn't learned to stop it. It sounds to me like this is a power struggle now, and since it is her body, you can't win. You need to lose the battle to eventually win the war.

 

[goofy4tink]

I didn't read all the other posts. Doesn't matter. I potty trained three kids...this is a battle you can not win. You can not make a child poop/pee when you want them to. It will lead to nothing but trouble. Put that kid back in diapers. Yes, it's a pain, but no bigger pain then having to deal with soiled underpants.
You may be surprised...take away the pressure and she may just decide it's time, all by herself. No child has graduated from high school in diapers!! Take a more laid back position. It will work itself out sooner rather than later...I promise!!

 

[LadyZolt]

My first two were boys and they were trained by 2.5 years old. I was happy my youngest is a girl because statistically they get trained younger -- well, of course, mine did not. LOL! I tried at 2, I tried at 2.5, and I tried at 3. And she just wasn't ready -- did not care about it, was busy being a toddler. By 3.5 she was trained, and we learned later that she has a much larger than usual bladder, which is probably why she didn't feel the urge to go when we thought she should. So, as long as your pediatrician says she's fine, just wait and she will eventually want to wear "big girl underwear" and she'll train herself.

-Dorothy (LadyZolt)

 

[Teresa Pitman]

Let me join the chorus of "back off."

After seeing other parents go through the kind of thing you've been through, I decided I wasn't even going to do any potty training. I figured if they were still in diapers by the time they were, oh, six or seven, we could have a rational discussion about it then. I did let them come in to the bathroom and see the adults in the house using the toilet, but never tried to get them to do it.

Guess what? Each of my four kids reached a day when he or she announced to me "I want to use the toilet." The oldest to make that announcement was 3.5, the other three were under 3 years old. And then it all happened in a day - they took off the diapers, started using the toilet and accidents were very, very rare.

I'm not saying you should follow my totally hands-off approach. But I think it does illustrate that even if you do nothing about it, your child will learn to use the toilet. And your relationship will be a lot happier if you're not spanking, giving time outs, giving (or withholding) stickers, etc. over it.

Teresa

 

[disney1990]

Another vote for back off. Your child is just not ready yet. She will be potty trained before she goes to kindergarten.

 

[MamaLema]

I work in a daycare and I am also in the "backoff" camp.

Go back to diapers, forget about potty training for a few weeks or even a month. You have no control over this. Try again after a weeks and things should be better.

 

[luvmyfam444]

For my boys I used fruit loops. My boys shot at them and within a few days they were trained! For my daughter, I used blue toilet cleaner, I told her if she peed she would magically turn the water green and get a prize. It took her a bit, but she got into it. But to this day, my boys wont eat fruit loops!

ha ha ha! funny that your kids won't eat them now!

Like the water thing - that's something that she'd probably love & I get a clean potty too - think I'm gonna ask dh to bring some home tonight!

 

[DisneyMomx7]

OMG - please back off!

I can't imagine spanking a 2 year old for not being potty trained.

I've trained, seven, count em seven kids. One potty trained at 18 months and one was almost 4. They all go at their own speed. They don't go to
kindergarten in diapers. It isn't a sign of bad parenting or lack of intelligence on the child's part. Some kids just take longer than others. Just like some kids walk or talk earlier.

BTW the one that trained the latest is about to finish his first year of law school and graduated from college summa cum laude!

 

[DeluxePrincess]

I "tried" to potty train my DD at 2.6 years. All that did was leave me and DH frustrated. After a few weeks of grief, I decided to not press the issue. Back to diapers we went. 7 months later, DD announces that she wants to wear "big girl panties" and use the toilet. That was it. No more accidents or diapers since.

I think that we should introduce the toilet to our kids and see how it goes. If it doesn't work out, no big deal. They will eventually come around. She will let you know when she's ready.

 

[luvmyfam444]

BUT there is a time frame...she can't be in school @ 3 in diapers - they won't accept children unless they are completely potty-trained!

 

[freckles and boo]

BUT there is a time frame...she can't be in school @ 3 in diapers - they won't accept children unless they are completely potty-trained!

When does school start? September? Back off for a month or two. Give her a break! We faced the same deadline with my older daughter, and you know what? The school let her go in pull-ups the first few months. As she saw the other kids in big kid pants she wanted to wear pretty panties, too. The staff wouldn't change her, but they did completely understand.

 

[DeluxePrincess]

BUT there is a time frame...she can't be in school @ 3 in diapers - they won't accept children unless they are completely potty-trained!

Oh, I see. I didn't have to worry about that. In that case, go all out with the blue water!! Stay positive. If she senses that you are upset with her, it will hurt her progress.

 

[meliss8599]

If they had accidents, they cleaned them.

I agree, this works. When I taught preschool, if the older kids (late 3's and up) had accidents, we did not do anything FOR them except the wiping and cleaning. They needed to remove their socks, shoes, underwear, and pants themselves. Once they realize how NOT fun it is to do it themselves, they learned EXTREMELY quickly.

When I knew my daughter was ready (she was dry the entire night, would be potty trained for a week and then revert, etc.) but she just wouldn't want to take the time to go to the bathroom and the rewards stopped being incentive enough, I set a timer for every 15 minutes on my oven. Whenever it beeped, whatever she was doing was to be stopped and she had to sit on the potty for two minutes. If she went, great, lots of praise. If she didn't, nothing was made of it, we still attempted every 15 minutes. Once she realized that it was NOT fun to have her playtime/TV time/socializing/etc. interrupted every 15 minutes, the accidents stopped in three days.

Good luck, I know how frustrating it can be.

 

[bgirl29]

ha ha ha! funny that your kids won't eat them now!

Like the water thing - that's something that she'd probably love & I get a clean potty too - think I'm gonna ask dh to bring some home tonight!

The thought of using toilet bowl cleaner would make me a little nervous. Maybe that is just me, but what about just some food coloring instead.

Now from the bring it home tonight comment I take it that you have decided not to wait awhile. If you continue just please realize that this is going to be a power struggle. I remember how frustrating this can be. I too have a DD that gets her stubborness from her mother. When I was potty training her it was obvious that she was capable, but she just didn't want to go on her potty. When I finally was sick of trying to bribe her to use the potty I told her she could wear diapers as long as she wanted because I was tired of the whole thing. I then put the potty seat away and put her in a diaper.

That same day my sister came for a visit. My dd asked for her potty seat. I told her no that I didn't believe she wanted to use it and I was tired of looking at it in the bathroom. When my dd was not looking though I was making motions at my sis to grab the darn potty and get it to my dd. Well my sister put the seat back in the bathroom and my dd used it and the next time she went on the toilet and that was it! No accidents and no more diapers at all.

Sorry that is a long story but my point is that it was not MY decision to make. My dd daughter had to decide for herself that she was ready. As soon as I gave up trying she could accomplish it for herself.

Good luck. I hope that you try and give your daughter the freedom to be a big girl on her own. You never know if you back off it could happen in no time at all.

 

[Minnesota!]

BUT there is a time frame...she can't be in school @ 3 in diapers - they won't accept children unless they are completely potty-trained!

So? My son's school has the same rule. He didn't get to start at 3. Big deal. He pee trained at 3y1month and poop trained at 3y5month. Not that big of a deal.

All you are doing it setting yourself up for more frustration. Let her do her own thing on her own time.

 

[Mkrop]

This worked for both boys, set the timer for every two hours and they had to go sit in the bathroom (we conquered standing later) and neither kid like the potty seat they prefereed the ring on the toliet. This got them peeing in the toliet.

 

[luvmyfam444]

it is a big deal if I want to work & need a place to take her...

And regualr school starts here early August but I was hoping to put her in the 2 day a week summer program that starts last week of May or so....

 

[luvmyfam444]

I agree, this works. When I taught preschool, if the older kids (late 3's and up) had accidents, we did not do anything FOR them except the wiping and cleaning. They needed to remove their socks, shoes, underwear, and pants themselves. Once they realize how NOT fun it is to do it themselves, they learned EXTREMELY quickly.

When I knew my daughter was ready (she was dry the entire night, would be potty trained for a week and then revert, etc.) but she just wouldn't want to take the time to go to the bathroom and the rewards stopped being incentive enough, I set a timer for every 15 minutes on my oven. Whenever it beeped, whatever she was doing was to be stopped and she had to sit on the potty for two minutes. If she went, great, lots of praise. If she didn't, nothing was made of it, we still attempted every 15 minutes. Once she realized that it was NOT fun to have her playtime/TV time/socializing/etc. interrupted every 15 minutes, the accidents stopped in three days.

Good luck, I know how frustrating it can be.

she already will remove her clothes completely if I ask her to - and will put her dirty clothes in the wash & get herself new panties, clothes & dress herself.

I have NOT tried the strict schedule of every 15 mins(didn't know how many mins to try) - maybe I should try that - I've been way more relaxed then that - taking her when I need to go & such -

 

[justhat]

OP, like you, my kids trained on the early side. My daughter was 24 months and my son was 22 months.

But with my son, don't take that age too literally. We started at 20 months, at his urging, as he was in a preschool class where he was the only untrained kid (and youngest by a lot) so he did NOT want to wear diapers anymore. He started taking them off as soon as we got them on, if we even got that far. At 22 months he was primarily trained, but still had accidents if he got distracted, excited, etc. They were few and far between at home, but on vacation when he was 24 months, they were consistent, multiple times a day. Got home and things were okay, then about 3 days a month he'd have daily accidents, then be fine. He's now nearly 32 months and is accident free. But, it's also been 11 months. I can't tell you when he stopped with the accidents, but it was easily a good 6 months after we started training.

Anyway, my point is, they don't all catch on quickly. Even if they know what to do, they don't always want to. It's the one thing in their lives at this point that they have control over so they don't want to give that up. So even if they do 'get it', when it becomes the power struggle that it is, they will opt not to use the potty just to assert their indepence.

And at this age, they truly don't understand that potty accidents are 'bad'. So punishing (whether with time outs or spankings) are not only ineffective, but confusing to the child as they don't really see what they did wrong. It's not like hitting a sibling or whatever, where there is a clear cut right/wrong, and even an almost 3yo knows that, this is a completely different situation. If you're going to stick with the underwear, then I would back off the punishment and stick with praising for all the successes. Otherwise, just go back to diapers (not pullups) until she says she's ready.

Regarding the "not ready till they're dry in the morning," my 5yo still wakes up with a wet pullup nearly every morning and she's been day trained with only 2 accidents since 24 months (which were because she had a UTI as she has a kidney disorder). My son is also wet every single morning, but again, totally day trained for months.

 

[OctMtnWoods]

Please tell me what I should do now....

I'm giving up - I'm tired of the mess...

would you put her in pullups (which we really can't afford) or diapers...

yes I've tried everything, stickers, chocolate, gum, spankings, time out, corner, taking away & bribing to buy something new.

Poor kid is probably very confused. Like everyone said. Back off.