I feel like I'm burning out... Small update post #43

[minniecarousel]

Great news! You need the breathing room, and you may have to level with her. Let her know that you need to some things on your own. Please reach out to other family members. I'm finding that's so important. I don't know what I'd do if I didn't have my sisters to take over on Saturdays.

Hang in there.

 

[tar heel]

Be gentle with your mom, but don't let her talk you into putting her bed in the living room. You must take care of yourself or you won't be any good to her.

My mother is my dad's caregiver and she has a lot of trouble telling him "no." Sometimes, it just has to be done for the good of everyone, including my dad.

Your husband is a saint -- take care of him!

 

[Ember]

Today was a very hard day. Mum accidentally doubled up on her pain meds twice in one week. She was showing signs of toxicity so they came in last night to do sub-dermal hydration. She won't be on it long term, probably a few days to flush her system of the excess medication.

But it made today really hard. The sight of the saline bag induced sheer panic. *Warning* The next part is kinda gross so you may want to stop here...


All day all mum could do was come up with outlets for her anxiety. She was convinced that her stool was black and that it meant she was bleeding internally. I haven't seen her so worked up. We were on the phone with the nurses and my wonderful, darling, DH finally went himself to check her poop while on the phone with the nurse trying to work out how to calm her. It wasn't black.

She's calm again now, but it was so stressful. Prior to the stool event she was convinced her hand tremors (another sign of toxicity they will go away) were an impending sign of her death. I had to call DH home from the university and he lost an entire days worth of work when he had to drop his experiment so suddenly to come home.

DH has to make a short trip, two nights, to see his PhD advisor next week and I am dreading it almost as much as my mother. For three days I'll be alone to cope with her ups and downs.

We have talked to the nurse about more support here at home, and she's connecting us with the social services person at the cancer center. I was hoping to hear from her today, but no luck. Hopefully tomorrow.

 

[hellokitty86]

No words of advice, just hugs and wanting to tell you I'm thinking of you and your Mother.

 

[dismom2]

Thought you could use another

 

[mickeyboat]

, Ember. I know this is tough for you.

My FIL is dying of pancreatic cancer, and DH is basically his primary caregiver, although his sisters come as often as they can. FIL is still living at home, which presents different challenges. As much as he wants to live at home, he is very very lonely and very very afraid of dying, so much that he sometimes refuses to go to sleep for fear he won't wake up.

DH went with FIL to his doctor's appointment yesterday and the doctor and the palliative care team are going to do some things to help him. They are making the arrangements for everything, which is a godsend since DH and I both work full time. Here is the latest plan:

They are giving him a small dose of an anti-depressant. He has been exhibiting signs of depression, which really throw him off with everything else. He is very clingy and weepy, and has no energy.

They instructed him to take his anti-anxiety meds to help calm him down before bedtime instead of his pain medication. That should help him be more alert, less sleepy all the time, and more able to function on a daily basis.

They are making arrangements for a Visiting Nurse to come by periodically (she called this morning and will make her first visit today). She can help him with his personal needs and help him get his meds straightened out. I think she can also reassure him that he is o.k. medically for the moment. I hope he can also ask her questions that he might not be comfortable asking the doctor in front of DH.

They are making arrangements for Meals on Wheels to deliver to him. I think that it will make sure he is eating well, and give him something to look forward to when they come.

There are so many services available through palliative care and it is their goal to help. So take advantage of it.

Here are a couple more hugs, you need them.

Denae

 

[pixiewings71]

Ember, I have no advice but I wanted to tell you that you are every Mom's dream. What a wonderful thing you're doing for her and that your DH is helping says a lot about what type of guy he is. I can only hope that my kids would do as you have done if the need was there, you are truly an angel on earth and your Mom is lucky to have you. I'm sure she tells you that too but I wanted to make sure you know others recognize that as well. (((HUGS))) to you, DH and your Mom.