I Feel At My Wit's End--updated pg 4

[diznygirl]

I like the ideas about the writing pad - and the full name bit (good idea C. Ann!)

But I would tell the liason officer at the beginning of the meeting that what happens at this meeting will determine whether your next stop is the police office to file a report against the boys.

Good luck!

 

[MagicKingdom05]

I feel bad for the kid, because we have all been there. If it was my son, not only would I be screaming at them for the way they are handling it, I would surprise the heck out of them and have my lawyer with me unannounced.

I can see there reaction now. They ask you who that other person is and you tell them it's my sons lawyer. I bet they would get going then.

 

[KAMLEM]

I don't have any advice that's any better than what everyone else already told you, I just hope you can get this situation resolved. I can still remember how scary it was to be bullied as a kid and nobody should have to go through that. This is a little off track, but how did they get his hat out of the locker??

 

[TENIA66]

I'll pray for you all....I would appear and demand to speak to the principal and ask if I need to contact an attorney to represent the interest and safety of my son since they can't seem to hear you talking. Call the cops, call the school board. These boys probably are just harassing your son but others also.

I have noticed that an attorney might get the attention of the school board when nothing else will.

Also, try calling the individual teachers for your son and school board members. Make enough noise that they pay attention.

 

[TENIA66]

Now, the liason did want to remind me I didn't have an "angel" either. When I asked him if my ds was physically hurting people or bullying them- he said no. BUT-- we did have to punish him a few weeks ago for running in the hall. Well, long story short-- he ran in the halls I guess to get away from these other boys. He still did his punishment, and in 7 yrs that is the only thing he's gotten into trouble for.



I guess it would have been ok if he would have not ran and gotten hurt???Have they lost their minds??? May the principal get the treatment he is giving out.

 

[Southern4sure]

My oldest DS in 7th grade had this problem. The bullies and DS had been in the same class since 1st grade (private school) and were really friends but yet bullies. I did complain and let the school know I was not happy how they were handling the situation. I reached a point in telling DS that if anyone touched him physically that it was ok for him to fight back. He might get in trouble at school for fighting but he would not be in trouble at home. We told him once he hits back to put the kid on the ground and do not get up until an adult pulls him off. I made an appt. with the school principal and told him what I instructed my child to do. I also told him I was putting him and the school on notice that if my DS was forced to defend himself because of their lack of dealing with bullies that I wanted every cent I paid since K4 back and if that meant a lawsuit so be it. You should have seen the look I received. I told the principal that telling this to my DS went against everything I previously told my DS. If the school would not take care of the bullying, I was giving my blessing to DS to beat the crap out of the bullies and I dared the school to issue punishment for my DS.

Needless to say, all bullying miraculously stopped.....

Good Luck. Sometimes we have to make demands and this is one of those times.

 

[nealymouse]

Hate to sound Attorney happy but if it were me I would call an attorney.
I had a very simular thing happend to me in the work place. I went all the way up the ladder only to be told it was a ware house except it.

I hired an attorney that my company ended up having to pay but it was all taken care of.

 

[MinnieM3]

First of all

I can't imagine what you and your DS are going through. Shame shame on that school for not dealing with this assault/bullying/harrassment of your child. Aren't there witnesses to this stuff? How to the other stand there and let this happen? Aren't teachers in the doorways during class changing time? This school has some improving to do to protect their students.

Definitely keep notes and take notes. Notify the police and get the name of the person you spoke with just so you can throw in the phrase, "I spoke with Sgt. Taylor at the Mayberry Police Department regarding the situation and what our options are as far as actions to protect my son." If I had a friend who was a lawyer I'd talk to him/her about it just to I could also use a line similar to "I've also spoken to our family attorney concerning this matter."

I had a not similiar situation at the school where I teach with the asst. prinicipal who was treating me visibly differently than other teachers.....long story, I'd get chewed out for doing something many other teachers were doing, during my leave of absence during the chemo part of my breast cancer he said I was not allowed in school property, weird crap like that, and I finally wewnt to my prinicipal with a manila folder with "paper' in it and a notebook and let her know what was going on and that I was being harrassed by him and was keeping a careful notebook on all the incidents and I didn't want to have to take it to a lawyer...... gee.....no more harrassment....

 

[rt2dz]

Keep up with the police. Tell the school you are calling the police. Tell the school that if they don't take care of it, you'll not only go to the papers/tv stations, but that you will sue them to. Then DO IT!! Don't give the school but one more chance.

 

[noseybuddy]

I had a situation with my DS in High School, but it was the bus driver that was harrassing the students. I had called transportation a few times complaing about this bus driver but never got a response. Well the bus driver was harrassing my DS one day and my son had enough and stood up for himself. Well I get a phone call from the school to come pick him up that he isn't allowed on the bus. I get there and the principal isn't even there he left for the day. I couldn't believe it. He didn't even wait till we got there, and then the vice principal tells me he is suspended on the next day. I said I don't think so, he will be here. So we went home typed up all the stuff that had gone on leading up to this and we went into the office the next day to meet with the principal. We were very well prepared for this meeting and I could see how uncomfortable he was. We also told him that we contacted our lawyer about the situation, but our lawyer advised us to try and work it out first but if need be we will take them to court. The principal was shocked. So the outcome came down to the principal asking US what we wanted from him. Walked out of there with everything I wanted and a clear record for DS.

 

[kilee]

My son has now been issued 3 locks because the boys have been able to get into his. They are the combo kind-- but they all have a key hole on the back that is opened w/ a skeleton type key so the school can do searches on the lockers if needed. According to my son-- the key hole triggers easily w/ a bobby pin. So, that is assumed how they are getting into his locker. The school is adament that they cannot have any other type of lock on their lockers and it has to be school issued (I can understand this part).

It really seems nobody wants to really be "involved" as far as the teachers go. My son was thrown into the lockers right in front of the school liason. I questioned the gentelman about this and he told me once again-- it looked like horseplay. My son said he's not friendly one bit w/ these kids- and it was in no way shape or form "for fun". He has gone to this gentleman for assistance in the past. He essentially has brushed him off.

According to this gentleman and the principal--- there is an offsite training seminar tomorrow and nobody can meet w/ me prior to first thing Thursday morning. At that time I do intend to take notes, and I will be letting them know I intend to file a report w/ the on-duty school police officer immediately following. Actually it may be best if I have them pull the police officer in for the meeting so I can kill 2 birds w/ one stone and see if that doesn't get their attention.

The thing is--- when I did talk to the police today-- they said they can take a report but that is the only thing they can really do about it. I was hoping they could go talk to the parents and see if they didn't make a difference.

I hate to bad-mouth the school but it is a joke. Last year my son was choked on the bus by a 3rd kid (that since moved but made this duo into a trio of terror). He was choked so bad- he had bruises that formed around his neck. I filed a report w/ the school right up to the superintendent. As well as w/ the police. Who didn't help. They said they could basically only take a report. The bus driver claimed he didn't see anything. The video recorder ironically didn't have a tape that day (even though we were previously told it did), and they claimed to of interviewed all the kids on the bus that day and nobody seen anything. The other boy claimed he "accidentally" had pulled on ds's backpack. Which isn't worn around his neck. I had photo's and still got blown off. I was told it was an accident (it was no accident- this was ongoing) and there was nothing they could do over an accident.

 

[kilee]

I just wish I had kept dates earlier. I only have incidences from then. I only started with the dates about a month ago when it was still going on and I wasn't getting anywhere w/ the school.

I am also going in w/ the state contact info so they know I'm serious. If I don't get resolution then I am going to be forced to contact an attorney. Not sure what he's going to do though.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

I would advise you to file the report even if the Police seem unenthusiastic.
A Police report is an excellent record of dates and facts from your point of view. Every time a file gets a little bit thicker, it becomes more worthy of attention. In fact, every time you file a report make sure you get a copy for your records, and then stick one copy in the mail addressed to the school Superintendant.

Does your son carry a cell phone? If so tell him that from this point forward, he is instructed to not go to the school officials with this problem. Call you, Call Dad, or call the police immediately.

Make sure that the Principal and School Liason officer knows that he has been given those instructions.

Every little bit that shows them YOU are through messing around with this will be cause for them to realize that this is a problem that is not going to be solved by ignoring it.

 

[OceanAnnie]

I'm mad for you!

Do you have a student handbook handy? If so, what policy does the school have for bullying/violence?

Can your DH go with you to the meeting? It would be great if he could to provide support for you. It's going to be a tough meeting. They have a history of minimizing the problem. Treating you as if you are the problem. You have to turn it around. Do your homework on the school policy & goals, school districts policy & goals. Write them in your notebook.

I bet if you sat down with your DS you could get the dates of the other incidents between the two of you. It might be of importance later.

I'm from C.Ann's school of thought. Get everyone's name and title. Write down everything stated during the meeting.

Tell them your DS doesn't want to attend school anymore because he doesn't want to deal with the bullies. Tell them you are upset, because it's their job to deal with them. And they have failed him. Ask them if alienating their students is one of their goals, because they've succeeded.

Let them know what has been occuring is not acceptable. Ask what they plan to do in the future to insure these incidences stop. Come prepared with what you want to occur to insure your DS's safety, just in case they don't have an adequate plan. (highly likely they won't have a good plan or follow through)

Know your next step if you are dissatisfied with this meeting.

This is what I would do. Good luck and keep us posted!

 

[VickiVM]

I've read all the posts and I want to thank Kilee for sharing. Although I don't believe my son has experienced anything this severe, he does have issues with some kids at school. He is a straight A, well-mannered kid who would not raise a hand to anyone. Bless his heart, you'd think he had a bullseye on him sometimes. It is hard these days to raise a respectful and confident young man that doesn't cause trouble nor is a magnet for trouble either. You just want them to blend in, have friends and be respected.

When he's told us about specific incidents we've also given him permission to use the defensive moves he's learned in karate. But it pisses me off that we have to 'train' our children how to avoid physical bullying at school. They should not feel unsafe at school. That's just wrong. And what is even more amazing is that so many adults don't see this. Either the 'boys-will-be-boys' attitude regarding aggressive behavior is acceptable, or parents are just too lazy to instill respectful behavior in their kids.

I hope the OP can get this resolved. Middle school is tough, that's true, but when the bullying is interfering with academics, then the school needs to get involved in a pro-active way. And that gentleman who mistook the pushing around for 'horseplay'??? When did 'horseplay' become civilized behavior? These are children on the verge of becoming young men and women - not horses, for God's sake.

Keep us posted, Kilee.

 

[kilee]

I just want to thank everyone again for their support. I did a bit more research and got the state superintendent's name as well as contact info.. Doesn't hurt to have it w/ me to show that I am serious about taking this further if they don't want to satisfy the issue.

Dh is going to try to be home (he works out of town 3-5 days per week). So, he's not sure just yet if he can make it home or not by Thursday morning. He would most likely lose his patience faster than me- so it might be better if he's not there. He doesn't always think before he speaks.

 

[OceanAnnie]

I did a bit more research and got the state superintendent's name as well as contact info.. Doesn't hurt to have it w/ me to show that I am serious about taking this further if they don't want to satisfy the issue.

You might want to contact his office before the meeting. You wouldn't necessarily have to speak with the superintendent. (It would be great if you could.)

If you talk to his assistant, ask what the state superintendent's stance is on bullying in schools. Reference your call and quote the stance at the appropriate time during the meeting. That would send a message!

 

[Luigi's Girl]

I just want to thank everyone again for their support. I did a bit more research and got the state superintendent's name as well as contact info.. Doesn't hurt to have it w/ me to show that I am serious about taking this further if they don't want to satisfy the issue.

Dh is going to try to be home (he works out of town 3-5 days per week). So, he's not sure just yet if he can make it home or not by Thursday morning. He would most likely lose his patience faster than me- so it might be better if he's not there. He doesn't always think before he speaks.

I would go one better and make an appointment with the Superintendent so they can see how serious you are. In situations like this if you're not satisfied at the school building level you follow the proper channels and go over their heads. Good luck!

 

[Pooh_Friend#1]

Wow such great advice. I hope everything works out for you. Please keep us posted.

 

[BeNJeNWaFFLe]

No more talking on the phone. Go into the office and raise holy heck!

My mom is great at this stuff. I can loan her to you for the meeting.

All joking aside, this school is putting you and your son through absolute crap! Don't let them do this. This is not bullying anymore, this is harrassment. The locker thing, the school knows that it has been broken into more than twice. That is completely unacceptable that they won't allow your son to use a different lock. I don't know the laws but isn't breaking into your sons locker a criminal act?

Now lets think for a moment. Running in the hallway vs. Harrassment...which do you think is more serious? Running in the hallway isn't the smartest thing to do but is on the far other end of the scale compared to what they are doing to your son. It doesn't take a genious to see this. This school obviously doesn't want to deal with any of this. They are just trying to blow you off. Those boys are old enough to understand that what they are doing is wrong and the school is just allowing them to continue.

I agree with the other posters. Call the superintendent right away. This has gone on far too long. And when you go to your meeting write everything down. Like another poster said, I am mad for you! Here's to hoping all goes well and many 's to you and your son.