I don't want to die.

[Foofy]

Hello everyone,

I am a 45-year-old Disney nut who is the textbook example of obesity.

I am 6'4" and 410 lbs. Every day I expect to have a heart attack... every, single day. Most days, I only leave the house to go to the office. I don't have the energy to do anything. I feel like I'm slipping into a depression.

I have been reading your postings for a while, and have tried to follow all of the wonderful advice. I will lose 20 lbs only to gain it back. I get discouraged very quickly. I'm at the end of my rope with no where to go but down. I don't know where or how to begin getting back into shape. I don't want to die.

I'm not sure why I posted this horrible message. Maybe I just wanted to see it in writing. Maybe it's a cry for help... don't know.

Have you ever been down here before? If so... how did you get out?

 

[lil mermaid]

Well, I don't want you to die either

I can't say that I have been where you are, but I did find myself with quite a bit of weight to lose after my second baby was born. I joined Weight Watchers, and the best thing about it IMO were the meetings. I loved having the support of all those other people. Have you tried WW?

May I also suggest a visit to your doctor. Maybe he/she could help to point you in the right direction.

I am sorry that I wasn't of more help, but just know there are lots of people out there who care.

 

[Foofy]

Honestly, the points system has always worked best. I always fail though. As for my doctor, he used to give me calorie-controlled diets to follow... all with the same results. He's not what you might call a "caring" guy.

 

[coastiewifern]

You need to find the right doctor. Maybe your family doctor isn't the best. They probably aren't specialized in this. Obesity has become such a problem there now are doctors trained to deal with it. Research your options. Find someone who deals with addiction as well as this is a food addiction.

 

[pjlla]

I think that you (and your doctor) are forgetting that SO MUCH OF being overweight is a psychological thing. Perhaps in addition to finding another doctor, you could also find a nutritionist and a psychologist. You need to get to the root of why you are eating yourself to death. If even the constant fear of dying doesn't keep you on a "diet" then there are some things that you need to work out besides just your overeating. And don't forget... whatever plan you come up with to lose weight needs to be a LIFESTYLE CHANGE, not a "diet". It has taken me MANY, MANY years to come to this realization, but now that I have I am having the most weight loss success that I have ever had in my adult life. I'm not saying that I have perfected this or that I don't "fall off the wagon" at times. But I have finally realized that this is something ("this" being the healthy eating and moderate exercise that WW has taught me) that I will have to do for the rest of my life, in order to stay slim and healthy. Yup, there are times that I find it very depressing and overwhelming to think that for the rest of my life I have to measure and weigh food, count points, limit fats, etc. But it isn't nearly as depressing as the thought of spending the rest of my life FAT, SEDENTARY, AND POSSIBLY SICK.

Sorry if this is harsh... I didn't mean it to be, but you sound like you are at the end of your rope. Feel free to come back to WISH many, many times to ask questions and such. We are all very open and helpful here. Good luck and best wishes to you. I'll say a prayer for you today.....................P

 

[CarolA]

I agree with others. FIND A NEW DOCTOR, MONDAY!!!!

Call your local hospital, almost all of them have referral services. Tell the nice person who you get that you have insurance A and need help with obesity. She/He should be able to give you several names that take your insurance and hopefully will be better then "not a caring guy" (Wonder why he went into medicine?)

Good luck, admitting you need to take action is step 1!

 

[FireDancer]

I agree with a PP that said do not diet, change your lifestyle. Diets have set beginnings and endings and just seem more temporary.

I would also caution against looking for the magic bullet. A healthy lifestyle is work. It is reading labels (and understanding them), cooking instead of eating out, and walking when you can instead of driving. But once these lifestyle changes become new habits (and hopefully better habits), they will feel as natural as your current habits.

It will take time, it doesn't take one week to put on all the weight and it will take more than one week to take it off. When it seems like it is taking a long time remember that regardless of what you do time will tick on, hopefully it is ticking you closer to a long healthy life instead of closer to a tragically young death.

Good luck!

 

[eyor44]

Yes, a lifestyle change is the direction to go, but don't try to do too much at one time.
Change eating habits, but also understand what you eat, when you eat and why.
Don't do other things when you eat. Watch tv or read. Concentrate on what you are eating and how much. Stop when you are full. A lot of us were conditioned by our parents to clean our plates whether we were hungry or not.
When in a parking lot, don't look for the closet spot. Most of us park in the same area by habit. Park one row further from the office or store, the next week park another row out.
Do you have a dog? Dogs love to walk. If you don't have a dog, can afford one and are not allergic, consider visiting the animal shelter. Dogs have so many benefits for your health. They love you. Are always happy to see you. Are relaxing to pet in the evening after a long day. and are a great incentive to take a walk around the block. When I got my dog a few years ago, I could barely make a few blocks, now we walk a mile easy. Notice I say a few years ago. We started out slow and added just a bit each week. It hasn't always been easy and I have slipped several times.
and yes, the depression really gets bad at times. That is when I hug my dog and we go for a walk. Exercise, even a little bit releases endorphins (?) which make you feel better.

 

[mrsklamc]

This may not be a popular answer, but a friend of mine was in your spot and she had bariatric surgery. It totally changed her life.

You would still have to learn to eat healthy and excercise- you'd still be risking your life if you didn't. But even folks I know who had serious complications would still do it again in a heartbeat.

I'm so glad you posted. I want you to know that there really are people who care.

 

[Lesli54]

Yes, I have been down there before, if you are talking about depression related to being overweight and wondering if this is what the rest of your life will be like. I think many of us have been there even though we have differing amounts to lose until we are at a healthy weight.

A couple of years ago, I was over half way to reaching my goal until I had a bad car accident. After that the weight eventually came back on. Some of it was due to inactivity after the accident and some was due to the fact that I slipped "off the wagon". As was mentioned earlier, you might slip up, but you get back up and start again because you do want a better life. Right now, I am working on losing the weight again.

A few things that I did learn from before is that it takes time and there isn't a single "right" way to do this. What works for one may not work for another. WW works for many, but you said that it didn't work for you. Maybe then you should try another program. I agree, you should find a new dr. and discuss various programs of weight loss. A good dr. will work with you to find something that does work for you.

It is an emotional challenge as well and yes, you do have to make it a lifestyle change. For me, I find that if I become overwhelmed and let things "pile up", I eat because I get stressed feeling like I am under so many "mountains" of various projects. Then depression can kick in "wondering where to begin", then the eating to "put it off", then it "piles up", then eating.........you get the picture, it can be a vicious cycle. The solution? At least for me is to be more organized and get things done right away. Which when I look back to times when I was at a healthy weight, I took care of things right away. So you do have to confront the reasons for eating.

This may or may not be you, but it is an example of the fact that taking the weight off to save your life is not just about diet. You will need alot of support and we are here to give it to you. Maybe you could consider starting a journal over on those boards. Sometimes it helps to discuss the struggles and the successes. Even the smallest thing can be a success and a step in the right direction. Good luck in your decision.

 

[dwheatl]

I just saw your post about your wish to lose weight. I have a friend who was where you are. She had to retire early on disability because her weight was destroying her joints.
She joined Overeaters Anonymous and was able to lose about 200 lbs. She has kept the weight off for more than ten years, was able to come back to work for 8 more years (she retired recently, but is over 65, so no wonder). She told me that the only way she could control her weight was through OA. They treat obesity as an addiction to food, and follow pretty much the same steps as AA or NA. If no other diet is working for you, that may be the way to go.
Also, any physical activity you can participate in will help. The one advantage to obesity is, every move you make burns more calories than for the average person. Keeping 5 lb. weights by your chair and doing a few curls while you watch TV helps build muscle mass and ups your metabolism. I put on a pedometer, and try to get in 10,000 steps a day, many of them done during commercials in front of the TV. If you are too tired to stand, you can try some of the Sit and Be Fit videos. It's all good.

I am someone who lost 70 lbs on WW, gained back 40, and has lost 20 of that. I am far from perfect, but I am still better off than I was 50 lbs ago. Don't try for perfection. Just try to do your best. There are many of us rooting for you.

 

[ohMom]

i have just read those posts from WISHers that truly do CARE about you, including myself there is alot of wisdom and suggestions, I echo them all

I definately encourage you to find another doctor. for the first time in my life I have a doctor that I feel really listens to me and sincerely cares about my well-being. it has made a HUGE difference

Would it help you to think of your goals as mini-goals, if the overall goal is overwhelming? for example, this week i'm going to drink 80 oz of water each day. challenge yourself to make small changes that you feel you can do. as that becomes routine, you add another healthy habit......

also to the DIS and to WISH. i'm so happy that you decided to join in and leave lurkdom i love your username....when my DD was a baby/toddler she/we called her pacifier her 'foofie'. don't take that the wrong way, it just makes me smile when i see it

 

[dare2dream]

Please check back in and let us know how you are doing. I also have a long weight loss journey ahead of me. I need to lose 150 pounds and I am all talk and no action. Let's work together to get moving to where we need to be.

I have been thinking about going to Overeaters Anonymous for a while. I will go to the meeting this week. I am actually thinking of doing TOPS (take of pounds sensibly) and OA. One meets Thursday night and one meets Saturday morning. I need all the help I can get.

Well I just had a piece of birthday cake for breakfast. Thanks a bunch to my husband's employee for sharing it with us. DH has started his 11 day diet today so no cake for him. There are still 3 pieces left on the plate. I WILL NOT eat anymore today.

So Foofy, what are your goals for today? I am here to do this with you. Let's support each other. It will be hard work but I know you can do this if you set your mind to it and never give up. You are worth it.

 

[Foofy]

Thank you all so very much for responding. Your kind & supportive words actually choked me up a little.

As for goals... my goal is to stop eating after dinner. After careful self-analysis, I realized that I've been eating a large snack later in the evening for most of my life. I'm going to keep a list my goals in date order to see if I can follow thru.

If anyone has any other goal-oriented suggestions, I would really appreciate it.

Thanks again. You don't know how much your support means to me.

 

[mrsklamc]

I'm so glad you came back!

I would suggest writing down everything you eat for a few days. I thought I had a good handle on my calorie count, but putting pen to paper really opened my eyes! I wasn't eating nearly as reasonably as I thought!

 

[dare2dream]

I'm glad you made it back. BTW the birthday cake is safely in the freezer to be enjoyed another day.

Now I need to formulate my game plan for BL7.1. I am not looking forward to obscessing about losing weight for another 6 weeks but it must be done. Tonight is TOPS and I WILL go because I must go. I really need to get out of my box and try something different to get going on this weight loss journey.

I hope you can also formulate a game plan that will work for you.

 

[mrsklamc]

What is TOPS?

 

[Lesli54]

TOPS is Taking Off Pounds Sensibly. You can look them up online.

 

[Lesli54]

Foofy, it is great to see you again. Consider that a huge step in the right direction.

I think taking out your evening snack is a great place to start. Just remember that it may not be easy at first, but it really doesn't take long before that becomes a new habit. May I suggest that you replace your snack time with a new positive activity such as journaling your thoughts for the day or a hobby that you haven't done in awhile, or something new that you want to try? It is much easier to get rid of negative habits if they are replaced by positive ones.

Setting your goals by dates are great, but remember that it takes time so if you don't reach a certain goal by a certain date, just tweak your dates.

I set long term goals according to events that will happen during the year, such as I would like to see X lbs lost by vacation, a birthday, or anniversary, etc. Also, I set short term rewards for every 5lbs lost (could be any amount of loss you want). For these, I like to "treat" myself with something other than food or new clothing. It could be anything that makes you feel better about you.

The other thing that I suggest to everyone is...once the clothes become "too big" box them up and send them to charity ASAP. It does mean sometimes that you have to buy a few pieces if you don't have something that fits well in your closet, however, it beats the alternative of having too much room in your clothes and not noticing the weight going back on. Besides when you put on smaller clothes that fit, you will feel like you have made some great accomplishments.

Just some things to think about. I really wish you much success on this journey.

 

[Eeyore'sthebest]

Foofy - I would seriously consider weight loss surgery if I were you. I had it 16 months ago and it absolutely changed my life. I spent a lifetime of yo-yo dieting. I was just about your weight but much shorter. It sounds like you truly want to change so that makes you a perfect candidate for surgery. I've lost over 200 pounds and have energy that I didn't know was possible.

Check out www.obesityhelp.com. Its a wonderful website that helps people with dieting as well as the different WLS. Its a great support group.