Fishbone†
<font color=blue>Does strange things while sleepin
- Joined
- May 31, 2001
- Messages
- 1,372
... but that remains to be judged.
Here's the situation:
For the most part I have little to no family issues - especially after being on the board for a while. I just can't imagine what some of you go through!! But.....
As background, I'm single and have dated on and off a couple of times, but relatively speaking, I haven't dated much, and only seriously once (since high school). It's not for lack of desire. I would love to be happily matched with someone, but the way I figure it, it's a lot of breakfasts together and I'm not a morning person, so I want it to be right. I would rather be single forever than in a bad marriage. But..... don't think for a moment that I don't wish for what some of you have.... all of the time. I particularly struggled the past couple of months as we planned and celebrated my younger brother's wedding.
Anyway, I have this uncle who CAN NOT let it go. EVERYTIME (and I do mean everytime) I see him, he brings it up. "When are you going to do this?" (at every wedding) "No one yet?" "What's wrong with you?" On and on and on..... and I would just smile and shrug.....until about a year and a half ago when he said "If you don't start bringing some boys around, I'm going to think you like females".... implying of course........ while to some this is a lifestyle, for me it was an insult. (This is not up for debate, nor is it meant to insult - it would be as if I insulted someone else's choice). At that point, I was done tolerating..... I implemented the avoid and ignore tactic. Last fall I brought the guy I was seeing to my cousin's wedding..... "See that doesn't hurt so much, does it?" "So, it can be done."
Anyway, we broke up soon after that (my choice), and I was not dating last weekend when my brother got married. I was NOT going to let him ruin my day.... I was having fun..... I had had my pity party, and I was okay with all the obvious questions from the much more sensitive and caring guests. "So, now it's just you." "Well, at least we get to do this one more time." "Are you dating?" And then he comes, and I wasn't playing his game... so I started talking to someone else. He got frustrated said something about me being crabby.... "Can't take it, huh?", so I calmly turned and said "You know, sometimes it just gets old, and you just don't want hear it anymore." and went my own way. It's his tone, his method, his crudeness and his crossing of the line. Anyway, if you're still with me, you ARE good. I was basically able to avoid all contact with him until later that night when I grabbed a broom to sweep the dance floor...... as I passed him, he said "There's the little witch with her broom." I didn't react, I just continued on.
Fast forward to the next morning - we went for breakfast, and my dad in his well-meaning but less than sensitive manner started a conversation with said-uncle about my dating life and what they could do to help (as if!!). I let it go, but when I got home, I rather firmly explained to my dad that the topic was off-limits with him and my uncle, and then had to explain why (so my dad would understand). Needless to say, my dad was livid - more so than I, and "banned" my uncle (to us only) from any of our future family events. This is NOT what I wanted to create, and meant to make that clear when my dad was calm, but hadn't quite gotten there yet.
Apparently my dad called him today, and my uncle denied saying any of it.... I thought that might happen with the first comment, especially if he said it without thinking and didn't realize the impact. Sometimes if it didn't mean as much to you as the person you were saying it to, it's easy to forget a flippant comment like that. But I can't believe he denied the witch comment - so deliberate, and so recent.
I didn't want a big deal made of it, I just wanted my dad to be aware so he (my dad) was more sensitive to what he tells people..... I kind of feel sad that it happened, sad that it's been opened up, and sad that my uncle denied it rather than just admitting his "error" or expressing his frustration. My dad hasn't said anything - my mom told me this (after I realized that my dad had called my uncle today and I asked her).
Am I just being over-sensitive?? And has anyone else experienced this?? Will it just blow over, cuz I can only handle conflict for short periods of stubborness, then I quit.
Sorry it's so long - even if no one reads it, it feels better to just say it.
Thanks for sticking with me if you did. Sorry Popdaddy - I didn't mean to.
Here's the situation:
For the most part I have little to no family issues - especially after being on the board for a while. I just can't imagine what some of you go through!! But.....
As background, I'm single and have dated on and off a couple of times, but relatively speaking, I haven't dated much, and only seriously once (since high school). It's not for lack of desire. I would love to be happily matched with someone, but the way I figure it, it's a lot of breakfasts together and I'm not a morning person, so I want it to be right. I would rather be single forever than in a bad marriage. But..... don't think for a moment that I don't wish for what some of you have.... all of the time. I particularly struggled the past couple of months as we planned and celebrated my younger brother's wedding.
Anyway, I have this uncle who CAN NOT let it go. EVERYTIME (and I do mean everytime) I see him, he brings it up. "When are you going to do this?" (at every wedding) "No one yet?" "What's wrong with you?" On and on and on..... and I would just smile and shrug.....until about a year and a half ago when he said "If you don't start bringing some boys around, I'm going to think you like females".... implying of course........ while to some this is a lifestyle, for me it was an insult. (This is not up for debate, nor is it meant to insult - it would be as if I insulted someone else's choice). At that point, I was done tolerating..... I implemented the avoid and ignore tactic. Last fall I brought the guy I was seeing to my cousin's wedding..... "See that doesn't hurt so much, does it?" "So, it can be done."
Anyway, we broke up soon after that (my choice), and I was not dating last weekend when my brother got married. I was NOT going to let him ruin my day.... I was having fun..... I had had my pity party, and I was okay with all the obvious questions from the much more sensitive and caring guests. "So, now it's just you." "Well, at least we get to do this one more time." "Are you dating?" And then he comes, and I wasn't playing his game... so I started talking to someone else. He got frustrated said something about me being crabby.... "Can't take it, huh?", so I calmly turned and said "You know, sometimes it just gets old, and you just don't want hear it anymore." and went my own way. It's his tone, his method, his crudeness and his crossing of the line. Anyway, if you're still with me, you ARE good. I was basically able to avoid all contact with him until later that night when I grabbed a broom to sweep the dance floor...... as I passed him, he said "There's the little witch with her broom." I didn't react, I just continued on.
Fast forward to the next morning - we went for breakfast, and my dad in his well-meaning but less than sensitive manner started a conversation with said-uncle about my dating life and what they could do to help (as if!!). I let it go, but when I got home, I rather firmly explained to my dad that the topic was off-limits with him and my uncle, and then had to explain why (so my dad would understand). Needless to say, my dad was livid - more so than I, and "banned" my uncle (to us only) from any of our future family events. This is NOT what I wanted to create, and meant to make that clear when my dad was calm, but hadn't quite gotten there yet.
Apparently my dad called him today, and my uncle denied saying any of it.... I thought that might happen with the first comment, especially if he said it without thinking and didn't realize the impact. Sometimes if it didn't mean as much to you as the person you were saying it to, it's easy to forget a flippant comment like that. But I can't believe he denied the witch comment - so deliberate, and so recent.
I didn't want a big deal made of it, I just wanted my dad to be aware so he (my dad) was more sensitive to what he tells people..... I kind of feel sad that it happened, sad that it's been opened up, and sad that my uncle denied it rather than just admitting his "error" or expressing his frustration. My dad hasn't said anything - my mom told me this (after I realized that my dad had called my uncle today and I asked her).
Am I just being over-sensitive?? And has anyone else experienced this?? Will it just blow over, cuz I can only handle conflict for short periods of stubborness, then I quit.
Sorry it's so long - even if no one reads it, it feels better to just say it.
Thanks for sticking with me if you did. Sorry Popdaddy - I didn't mean to.
). I honestly believe that my DDad and DGrandma don't mean to be hurtful, they want what they think is best. It is just difficult to have to explain ad nauseum why we made this decision. The best tactic I have found is to be clear and firm and then change the subject. Eventually they will get it (like when DD goes to college! 
That's another great one!! 
