I don't know how much longer I can stand this

[Mskanga]

It's been pure torture for lack of a better word to see my daughter go through chemo treatment of her cancer , she is going to be ok and doing good but the treatments are horrible.
She gets one treatment ( cisplatin / adrimycin ) and those two bring all the counts down so low that she ends up in the hospital for days after that getting refills and transfusions, it is literally ripping me apart having to watch her go through this. I try to be strong but at times it gets the best of me.
This week we had one of those "evil" chemo treatments , thank god there's only one left of those , the other chemo is much easier on her , she has four of those left.
I know it's bad to watch a loved one go through this , but when it's your child it's just plain the most horrible thing.
She has been extremely tired and nauseaus now since tuesday , all she wants to do is sleep but somehow I have to give her medication and keep her hydrated , not an easy task at times.

 

[lovemygoofy]

I"m so sorry. I've been reading your posts and giving my thoughts and prayers to you and your daughter. I don't know what it's like to see a loved one going through the treatments and I dont have a child so I have no idea the agony you go through. I know that this will only pull you and your daughter even closer than ever.

If there is anything I can do even just send a get well card or a stuffed animal or a postcard of "hot" army guys(if she is old enough to appreciate ) please let me know I would be more than happy to. I hope for continued success for your daughter and that she fights and wins her battle.

 

[Charleyann]

It is most difficult to watch your children suffer and not be able to stop it. I pray you and her get through this . God Bless and hang in there!

Charleyann

 

[Mskanga]

Thank you Tina , that was very sweet of you. And CharleyAnn you nailed it , it's so hard to see your children suffer and not be able to do anything to make it better .
I am hoping and praying for a better day tomorrow , right now she hates me but I know it's not "her" saying that , she is just sick and tired of it all too.

 

[mommasita]

Continued prayers for your daughter......

 

[Mackey Mouse]

Kanga....You will stand this and it will be hard on you, but you will get through. It is what Mothers, wives, daughters, sons do for their loved ones.. It breaks my heart to hear how hard it is on her and as hard as it is on her, I know it is harder for you to watch as her Mom.....Big hugs!!!!!

I have been on both sides here, one as a wife watching my husband in the battle for his life, and once as a Mom as one of mine battled thyroid cancer, which they say is a relatively easy one, but when you are going through it, it does not seem that easy...the surgery was horrendous and the aftercare for her difficult. She is good, over 10 years now, but with DH sometimes I am so worn down that I want to scream, but I don't. When DH talks to the doctors, he tells them all the time, I am good, I have a team taking care of me, the one who has it hard is my wife, she is the caretaker of me and the family with no team of doctors taking care of her, thankfully I have my daughters. I love him for that, but I would not want to do what he is doing everyday, but he has lots of faith enough for both of us to pull us through.

So once she is better, and she will be better, and you have some time to breath, I hope you do something nice for you.....no matter how small...just something for you.. I am praying for your daughter and am heading to church right now.. she will be at the top of my list with my husband... Hugs again..

 

[diz8297]

I've been following your journey and just want you to know that you both in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[frdeb1999]

I too have been following your posts. And your always in my thoughts and prayers. Been through watching a couple close family members battle this horrid disease and it was rough. Can't even begin to imagine a child. Hope things get much better soon.

 

[LuvOrlando]

Oh, MsKanga, I am so sorry your heart is so heavy. If you need help just ask. If I recall from a previous post you do not live too far from me and I would totally be willing to lend a hand, if even you would just like help with dinner, laundry or cleaning while you care for your baby girl.

 

[nana2tots]

I Pray that everthing will be okay w/ your Dear Daughter, I know firsthand what you guys are going through, it is a horrible thing, Just be Strong, I am trying, even though it is tough sometimes.

 

[CarolynU]

Olga you know how much I am thinking of you. I don't post too much but I always check for any news of Sonia. Keep your spirits up. Simon and I do chat together about the good days when you met him at Epcot and he always asks after you.

 

[NEVERENOUGHWDW]

My mother almost lost me three times in the last 5 years with 2 very serious illnesses.
Even though I am an adult the toll it took on her was more painful to me than the actual illnesses. I will pray for you and your daughter and all mothers that will have this cross to bear with their children.

 

[joyah]

Olga
Hang in my friend. Your on the downhill side and there is light at the of this long hard road. Tom and I think of you all daily and remember all the laughter skiiing that day (when the road gets really bad remember me in that gondola). Soon my friend she will be back to herself. I wish I was closer I'd be there to help you.
Please know that your in our prayers.

 

[agnes!]

P&PD to you and yours.

agnes!

 

[Mskanga]

We are in the hospital again , over the weekend she felt really sick so yesterday I brought her in and she is doing much better today after she started getting fluids and electrolytes.
Nana I am sorry that you have to experience this first hand , it's horrible but somehow we manage to get through it.
Carolyn , I still have the pics we took with Simon and I still laugh when I think how we got to PI but we had a great time. Everytime we go to Epcot my girls always ask if Simon is there , they remember going to visit him. Give him a big hug from me when you see him.
Christy , that ride on the gondola is a classic......I had not laughed that hard in a long time....LOL. We have to do that again sometime but this time with your boys too.

 

[Mackey Mouse]

Kanga, hang in there, you are close to the end of this treatment???? I hope so and I hope that she is doing better each day....You are doing great, this is not easy, but know that you are doing great.. Hugs!!!!

 

[joyah]

Olga
We will definatly do it again. Both boys are old enough and great skiers now. Levi is now starting to snowboard!!! thank god I work at a club and we ski for free here!!!! My snowmobile is feeling neglected!!
I know you've heard it before but I'll say it anyway.....
You've got a wonderfully strong daughter whos a fighter, You are a wonderful mother who will fight to do everything possible for her family. Hang in my friend and if you ever need me I'm here to listen.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I will never forget the look on my mother's face when I had to break the news to her that my biopsy had come back positive for breast cancer. She's very religious and had believed that her "prayers would be answered" and results would be negative. It was a look I'd never seen before and hope I never see again. Very sad. I can only imagine how hard it is to watch your child go through something so difficult (even when that child is an adult).

One thing I picked up from your OP that I'd like to make a suggestion on: in getting chemo myself, I had to "retrain" my mind to think of the chemo not as a posion (and being a nurse myself it wasn't easy), but as a life giving, helpful medicine which would stop the progression of cancer throughout my body. A wonderful nurse at my support center spent two hours with me helping me learn to focus my mind on this type of thinking. So as the chemo was running in, instead of being tense, I relaxed and "welcomed" the substance into my body. I know it's not easy to do, but try to think of it as helpful, not evil. Picture it killing cancer cells - the real evil - in your daughter.

It might be helpful for you to learn some relaxation techniques yourself since your daughter will pick up on your anxieties if you're upset. I actually asked people who brought me to chemo to disappear for a while so I could focus on relaxing. One of my nurse friends took me once and she was making me really nervous being upset with everything that didn't go right (which as you know, can be a lot). There is a book called The Wellness Book which might be helpful for you and your daughter to look through. I lent my own copy to one of my patients and his mother last week for the same purpose. They liked it a lot as it gave them some tools to work with to help them through his illness.

Best wishes.

 

[CarolynU]

Olga huge hugs to Sonia too from both me and Simon.
Surely you didn't get to PI in that lovely brown car did you????? LOL
I remember when DH and I stayed in the Hilton on Disney property and Simon took a wrong turning and instead of going to self park went to hotel valet right outside the entrance. Boy you should have seen the shocked faces when this old rust heap pulled up missing most of its insides, and the roof covered in strange beads and feathers!
Keep your spirits and strength up.

 

[BeadyLady]

Olga and DD

May the strength of others give you the strength to get through! There is a light at the end of the tunnel - and it will come soon!
come join us at the Dis Breast Cancer Survivors Part II -GAGWTA!. I'd link to it but...

Stay Strong!