I did a complete 180

[Wendy1985]

For those who remember me as tinkerbellandeeyor I was completely upset about not having kids but today, I relized that as being the youngest I can study for my test with out a over excited kid in the house about it being Christmas eve or that tomorrow is Christmas, my dh is also working on his business he restores pictures

I onow the above sounds selfish

 

[fla4fun]

There isn’t anything selfish about deciding not to have children. I have never wanted them, from the time I was a child, and have always felt it would have been more selfish to just go with societal expectations and bring children into the world who wouldn’t get the love, support, and attention they deserved. Too many kids have to deal with that, and I think that is selfish on the part of the parents. Not everyone was cut out to be a parent, for a wide variety of reasons. There is no shame in enjoying your child free life.

 

[NannyBeBe]

My daughter has chosen not to marry or have children. Teaching is her passion and she pours her life into her students. For some of her students, who are ignored at home, she is a mother figure.

 

[Lumpy1106]

Totally happy for you - you really need to find happiness and fulfillment in your life no matter what that is - not selfish at all. From the other side, I honestly do not remember what we did with ourselves before we had kids. No idea. We were busy - I know that, and I have zero time for any of it now. Happy though - I literally cannot imagine life without them.

 

[disneychrista]

I remember you second guessing that decision. Parenting isn’t for everyone. I know a few people who “love” babies but just aren’t good parents. It is it not selfish to realize that you made the right choice for you.

 

[1GoldenSun]

Not the least bit selfish. You sound wise and like you know yourself better than a lot of people who romanticize child-rearing.

 

[neverlandsky]

Is it bad that we’re counting down the days until oldest (9 months to go) and youngest 31 months to go) turn 18?

Not at all selfish. Enjoy the “me” and “us” time. We’re looking forward to having that again.

 

[BlueStarryHat]

Nothing selfish about not having kids. I chose not to, and in that regard I have never looked back.

 

[prairie_girl]

Hi Tink!

I was wondering where you had disappeared to. My daughter is 20 and decided a long time ago that she didn’t want kids. She’d be a great mom, as I’m sure you would, but she doesn’t want to be tied down. That, and poopy diapers make her gag lol

 

[Mysterian]

I agree with the sentiment about societal pressures being the misleading drive behind having children for some. I think too many people out there rush to marriage and kids just to conform with friends, family, etc. It's almost as if the child is only an accessory, if the parents are simply in it to keep up with the Joneses and fabricate a false image of their family, especially nowadays on social media.

 

[low-key]

I didnt know you were tinkerbellandeeyor , why dont you people let me know this stuff

 

[MamaLema]

Not selfish at all! I have 3, but I hate when people push and pressure other women to have children.

 

[Skippy918]

You are not selfish at all! I have several friends and family members who chose not to have kids.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I could be wrong, but I don’t think it’s that she doesn’t want them. I think she’s not having them because of her special needs - is that right, @Wendy1985 ? That is a tough thing to come to grips with, for sure, especially working in child care. OP has overcome a lot, including battling people close to her who constantly tell her how to live her life, if I’m remembering correctly. You’re doing a good job, @Wendy1985 . Remember there are lots of ways you can use your nurturing side with either people or, say, animals, in need, etc. And you‘re right - having kids in the house does make it very challenging to do things you need or want to do. They also totally suck up whatever money you have for a very long time, so maybe you can rest a little easier knowing financial burdens will be less for you without kids. But I can certainly appreciate how hard it must be for you, especially this time of year.

 

[mom2rtk]

It's not selfish at all to not want children. It's much more selfish to have them for the wrong reasons (like societal or family expectations). It's very mature to look things over and decide against it.

 

[Shelley Chiarats]

I am another of those that chose not to have children. I told my Mom early on I was "not birthing no babies". I have been married more than 20 years and still no children. Only time I regret it is when I am caring for my aging mother and think about how I won't have a ME to care for me when I get her age. Then I start thinking about getting long term care insurance.

 

[Wendy1985]

I could be wrong, but I don’t think it’s that she doesn’t want them. I think she’s not having them because of her special needs - is that right, @Wendy1985 ? That is a tough thing to come to grips with, for sure, especially working in child care. OP has overcome a lot, including battling people close to her who constantly tell her how to live her life, if I’m remembering correctly. You’re doing a good job, @Wendy1985 . Remember there are lots of ways you can use your nurturing side with either people or, say, animals, in need, etc. And you‘re right - having kids in the house does make it very challenging to do things you need or want to do. They also totally suck up whatever money you have for a very long time, so maybe you can rest a little easier knowing financial burdens will be less for you without kids. But I can certainly appreciate how hard it must be for you, especially this time of year.

You are correct, however I have to admit that your post made me tear up in both a bad way and a good way, bad because you reminded me it is bot my chouce as much as I would like to pretend it was, good way for recognizing my growth

 

[Wendy1985]

I am another of those that chose not to have children. I told my Mom early on I was "not birthing no babies". I have been married more than 20 years and still no children. Only time I regret it is when I am caring for my aging mother and think about how I won't have a ME to care for me when I get her age. Then I start thinking about getting long term care insurance.

I hate to say it but kids should not be born with a job, and you give more then you receive

 

[RangerPooh]

It’s ok to not have kids. My brother decided this when he was a teen as he didn’t want to pass a gene onto any offspring.

I completely understand the ability to study without kids. It’s hard. I had two toddlers when I completed my masters degree. Years later I attempted my PhD, but between working full time and four kids (#4 an infant at the time) I just couldn’t do it. Completed 8 classes over two years before I dropped.

 

[C&Jx2]

I think it’s more selfish to have kids when you don’t really want them TBH. You’re fine Tink! And I’m glad you’re doing well