I could use some feedback on this

[Mpbb42]

Hi,
Let me apologize in advance for not knowing all the lingo on here since im new thanks
So me and the DGF want to go to Disney World right when we get out of school next summer, around May 15th. it will be our first anniversary as a couple then, and yes i know, you'll say we've only been going out a year how can u know you'll still be together? Well it's realistically more like 2.5 years, just 1 year that it's been official. Anyway, we've been planning and planning and getting so psyched to go and my parents now decide that i'm not allowed. Now I just want to lay some things out there and see what you think. Am i being crazy and unreasonable or do I actually have a case here, and if u think i do any help would be greatly appreciated.

The facts: -We will both be 21
-I was allowed to go to italy for spring break with 5 girls and 4 guys from school last year
-I am probably one of the most trustworthy, law abiding sons out there (in all modesty) and yet they still feel like they can't trust me even though i have never given them reason to suspect me of anything. No groundings or taking away the car or anythign like that.
-I am paying for it all with my own money

I dont seem to understand why im not allowed to go live one of my dreams.
any ideas ?

 

[EPCOTgrl1]

So I think this is what is going though your parents mind...

It is just going to be you and your girlfriend going on this trip. That is it. There is no one else going with you, unlike your trip to Italy. There was a group of you that went on that trip. Even if this didn't happen boys could stay with boys and girls could stay with girls. They were not as worried about anything happening...

Yes I do agree that you two are old enough to make your own choices. If you want to go to Disney for an Anniversary trip you should be able to. As long at you are using your own money the entire time that you are there. You are not relying on your parents to chip in. But what it sounds like is that you are still living with them and they still hold the power chip right now...

I don't think that they want to "destroy" one of your dreams to got to Disney but they might not want you to "destroy" your life. We all know that things happen that might not be planned. I think that it was it all boils down to.

But remember this is just my persecution of the situation.

 

[Tricky4L]

My girlfriends parents were the same way and my parents were too for a long time. Eventually they need to understand that you're no longer the lil kid that they long to hold on to. More importantly you need to ask yourself, why are you asking their permission? Living in their house or not you need to set that boundary one way or another.

Its a really sensitive issue but in the end you need to ask yourself are you mature enough to do this? Also how are your GF's rents reacting to this trip? As bad as it might sound, if her parents are fine with it then just go and deal with the repercussions later.

 

[Uuaww]

yeah, what is the worst that could happen if you go?

 

[Mpbb42]

yeah ive been thinking the same thing, im pretty much just gonna go no matter what.
'thanks for the help

 

[floaton]

Well, my girlfriend and I are actually going on a trip similar to this today actually! We both 21 and are going to be traveling to NYC by ourselves for a week and a half before school starts. The first time we told them about the trip they where not thrilled about us going. Although, after showing them how intricately we planned the trip out and seen all the precautions we where taking they warmed up to the idea. They actually helped us out monetarily, something which we where not expecting at all.

My suggestion would to be take the trip, plan, scrimp and save, and show them that you are responsible enough to utilize yourselves and each other to do something that you both want to do together as an ADULT couple. You will be surprised to what reactions you get when your parents start seeing you as a serious adult couple that has goals and dreams that you are willing to sacrifice simple daily activities for to attain a more meaningful goal.

Take the trip. Enjoy the trip. Enjoy each other company. Most of all enjoy being a young couple in love. I know that I am doing exactly that, and I will never have any regret when I am looking at life with such passion for life and love.

 

[Mpbb42]

well, we've been planning the trip and every little detail for quite some time but my mom is a control freak and even doesn't think we can do that. we showed her all the planning we did and we can even pay for it all on our own but she still wants to take over and change all our plans to make them her way. plus she doesn't see us as adults as long as i still live with them, and moving out while im only a junior in college isn't a choice. She also just doesn't know how to be wrong so once shes made up her mind about something she has never once changed it even when there are 3 other people telling her she is wrong she will tell me my dad and brother that we're idiots. her biggest problem is that its not "appropriate" for us to be sleeping in the same room together. therefore the only way she sees us going is if we can get more ppl to go with us so we can split the rooms into guys and girls. I have no clue what she thinks goes on at college but i would almost like to explain in detail to her how it works there. of course then she just says " well this sint college so u obey our rules".....

anyway, im going no matter what cuz were making room reservations soon and once we stary paying for stuff theres no way im no going

 

[floaton]

I do feel for you buddy, an over protective parent/guardian figure is always a huge problem to over come. Just remember that you and you girlfriend are the ones that are trying to start a life together and you have to ultimately be concerned about creating and nurturing happiness you have together. I don’t want to sounds like Mr. Parental Defiant but if the restrictions are as harsh as you described I think I am perfectly in-line with my opinions.

When you do gain the financial independence to get a place of you own its not like your mom will have any right to impend on your household activities or your relationship so just try to deal with the fact that she is using the money situation and household issue as a choke chain for the time being.

It does seem though that you’re on the right track, just remember she might seem like a green horned monster at times but pay her the common human respect still. Believe me, my to be mother-in-law is a monster-in-law and that is just something I have to deal with. I smile and make quaint nice conversation and don’t try to loose my temper when she starts acting out of line or intentionally tries to create a “situation”. Be assertive when necessary though, a person that lets them self be e doormat will be inevitably trampled.

Anyways enough of my ranting that’s what blogs are for lol

Continued Good Luck

 

[EpcotLove]

Jeez, you are going to Disney World- not cancun for MTV's Spring Break...

You are 21, you are an adult. I understand if your parents are supporting you and funding your education, etc, but if you are paying for this trip completely and not wasting their money elsewhere- then I don't see why not.

My parents are very religious, and when my boyfriend (now fiancee) and I went to Disney World together twice last year- they trusted that we would be responsible and make the right decisions.

 

[EpcotLove]

well, we've been planning the trip and every little detail for quite some time but my mom is a control freak and even doesn't think we can do that. we showed her all the planning we did and we can even pay for it all on our own but she still wants to take over and change all our plans to make them her way. plus she doesn't see us as adults as long as i still live with them, and moving out while im only a junior in college isn't a choice. She also just doesn't know how to be wrong so once shes made up her mind about something she has never once changed it even when there are 3 other people telling her she is wrong she will tell me my dad and brother that we're idiots. her biggest problem is that its not "appropriate" for us to be sleeping in the same room together. therefore the only way she sees us going is if we can get more ppl to go with us so we can split the rooms into guys and girls. I have no clue what she thinks goes on at college but i would almost like to explain in detail to her how it works there. of course then she just says " well this sint college so u obey our rules".....

anyway, im going no matter what cuz were making room reservations soon and once we stary paying for stuff theres no way im no going

After reading this- it sounds like you need to move out. Your mom does sound really controlling and you are old enough now to make your own decisions.

I only give this advice - because I have been there too, the exact same situation. I have moved out, my mom and I have a great relationship now, and things are better than ever.

 

[lostinwonderland]

Ok.

I see where your mum is coming from I mean it's not nice to for any parent to think that their son/daughter is doing "naughty things".. I mean come on we don't like to think our parents do it, so why would they like to think we do it... And you two being in the same room is just gonna bring on those thoughts. And the fact you live at home (as most your age do) gives her control over you...

However..

You are 20, you'll be 21, an adult yourself! And as much as she may not like that fact, she's going to have to accept it. I feel bad for you as my mum and my DBF's parents are very supportive of us and accepting that we are adults now and we have to make our own decisions and mistakes. I think you're going to have to be frank with her and try and have an adult conversation with her don't get in a huff and shout remain adult-like since that is how you want her to treat you.

 

[belle09]

I had a similar situation, and I know at least with my parents, the issue was the example it would set for my younger sisters -- they like the guy I'm dating, but since they don't know what guys my sisters will be dating and how "mature" my sisters will be, they didn't want to start a precedent. So, when my DBF (we're long distance) comes to visit while I'm living at home, he stays in the guest room in the basement and I sleep upstairs. The first time we went on vacation together, they were really annoyed with me for mentioning that we were going to get a hotel together in front of one of my sisters (even though they asked me where we were going to stay in front of her...)

So basically, I'm wondering if your brothers are younger or older, and if maybe that's part of the reason your mom is uncomfortable with the trip. If it is, maybe a white lie to your brothers. I know I hate lying to my sisters, but it's worth not having my time at home be hell to just omit mention of where we're staying/what the room situation is when DBF and I travel together, which, I'm happy to say, is pretty often now!

 

[TCWEST09]

You need to do what you want to do. Your parents need to understand that you can make your own decessions. If they love you, they always will.