I can't work this girl out at all...what does your experience tell you?

[StuZioCardyni]

I've come to a conclusion (goodness knows it's taken me long enough)

I really don't care! I don't want to have to deal with all that drama and what happened on Saturday night was so incredibly rude, whatever the situation is nobody deserves that. I'm just going to leave her be. If she wants to be a friend, I'll talk and be friendly but all that other emotional stuff...I can't be doing with it. I've never been a game player, just give me someone straight to be point and honest and i'll be happy...

As I said I'm feeling free, I think wishing on a star got it right, that says a lot

Thanks guys, you all helped a lot...now back on with my life!!

Stu

 

[fey_spirit]

If you like the girl go for it.
Stop playing it safe - there's nothing you want there bench, you have to get in the game.

I'm 25...yeah I know I should ask her why she's acting like she is but to be honest I think she'd get very defensive, she would see she does it!

I would be interested if I could tell how she was going to be. But as it is it would be way to stressful.

The thing that confuses me is how positively she talks about me with her friends (so they tell me) if that's the case I don't see why this stand offish thing happens...last night it was boardering on being rude! Really strange

 

[fey_spirit]

Has it occured to you she might feel the same way?
She might be thinking "Gee he really seems to be into me - but he hasn't made a move... did I read him wrong? Is he not into me? Oh God - am I making a full of myself, I had better look less interested quick before I come off as desperate!"

she gets bad cramps when it's her time of the month...so i'm guessing last night might have been to do with that...it would explain the dreadful mood too.

We're known each other a while but we've only been close like we have for about 6 months or so

It just makes you doubt yourself after a while, that's the frustrating thing about it

 

[fey_spirit]

I can't help but wonder if you're only looking for a girl who's not going to have a bad side... who won't have her moods and wont have aspects you don't like.

If that's the case you're going to be waiting a reaaaallllly long time.
Nobody likes anybody all the time.

I don't think I did...I cooked food, was interested in her day, I didnt say anything wrong as far as I know...She was fine for the first hour then suddenly she turned!

We'll see, I wouldn't want to be with someone that moody! ashame though because when she's nice she's actually really wonderful

 

[joyjoy]

I couldn't get past the fact that you've only known each other 6 months and you already know the intensity of her cramps. TMI!

She sounds like too much work. Dating is supposed to be fun, ESPECIALLY in the beginning.

Good luck with your women.

 

[sbell111]

I am good friends with a girl who it seems has something of a thing for me, at least it seems that way...sometimes. We have days when she's chatty and flirty. Her body language is amazingly positive and she's very very tactile. And then there are times like last night, when she hardly talks, spends all her time on her phone, doesn't answer when I ask questions and is generally very, very stand offish. I happen to know she talks about me a lot when she's with other friends and on the good days there are really no other people who work as well together as me and her. But you just don't have a clue how she's going to be and it makes it so hard to relax. She's 21 so maybe it's an age thing but I would have really thought she would have got past all that...

I'm just a bit confused this morning, sorry if that's not all that much help. I've always been a pretty good judge of people and women but this one frazzles my mind lol

So basically, you have a friend who's female.

 

[Wishing on a star]

She sounds like too much work. Dating is supposed to be fun, ESPECIALLY in the beginning.

I so agree.
If it is this hard just to have a supper together, imagine going thru real adult life challenges with this person.

I think you know that all women (and especially NORMAL woman) do not have such rude and crude moods, and ongoing psyzophrenic changes of character. I think what you have described crosses the line.

If you were making the effort to take the lead, invite her over, prepare a meal, etc... and this is how she behaved... not really acceptable. Not even if she was, theoretically, having a bad day. When we first met, I sometimes prepared meals for me and my now=DH.... I can tell you that if I had asked him to come over and prepared a meal, etc.. and he had acted anywhere close to what you described, that would have, without any doubt, been that last time I dated him.

I am an old-fogey... Been married for 20 years! And, like most marriages there have been a few issues. Well, let me offer an important word of wisdom here.... Looking back to the very beginning of our relationship, our ongoing issues were there in black and white!!! Loud and clear. It is like I don't know how I couldn't have seen it. I glossed over it... Told myself he was just young, still financially destitute, etc... Well, 20 years later those 'excuses' do not hold up.... He is not young any longer... He has in 20 years in a successful position, looking toward retirement... But, that does not change the fact that those 'issues' are still there.

Let me assure you that you need to follow your gut.
Don't try to 'understand' or come up with 'excuses'.

When you meet the right person, you will know it!!!!!

 

[Disney Doll]

See bolded

Hey DisneyDoll

Yeah I don't want anything with her if it's going to be this hard don't blame you there Stu and the reason I've stayed back is that i've never known a girl to be this changeable...I've known a lot of women in my life (and haha i'm not a player...i mean as friends) I find it very easy being around women and I've never had trouble reading them...but this girl confuses me totally. Not a good sign That evening was meant to be the time I was gonna sort it out once and for all. I was going to 'make the move' as everyone keeps saying but BANG out of nowhere the shutters came down lol and then what? you can't make a move then because your gonna loose...So it's not being scared, it's just not being stupid.

What i'm gonna do is leave it for a while, good idea if it was just a mood she'll come back and when she does i'll make sure she knows not to treat me like that and learn to communicate if she's feeling bad and we'll see. good idea Under every other circumstance I'd have been long gone but with this girl something tells me not to be...what is this "something" and what exactly is it saying??? but even then, it can't go on much longer. I'd agree

As for the physical side of things...yeah she's attractive but that really isn't my motive (weird for a guy in his 20s right) not really...my DH's motive wasn't that either. Naturally, it was a nice benefit but we just really clicked together as people too and maybe that throws her because most of the guys she's known, that's all they've thought about, so maybe she is having as much trouble working me out as I am her. it's possible.

I think what I'm looking for, I suppose, is just something soild to work from. I'm not saying I want anything right away I'm just saying 'what on earth is going on with you' because some days she acts like she wants to marry me and other days she acts like she can't even be bothered to be friends with me (it's that extreme) and they way she responds to deep conversations means it's very hard to have that kind of talk... well, why not say that to her? What you wrote in this paragraph, starting with "what on earth". It'll get it all out on the table and maybe you'll learn some things. If you scare her away, then perhaps it's not the right time or place or person.I know a lot of people that know her have similar problems with her, the only difference being they're all women so there isn't quite the range of extremes for them to deal with. No excuse forher bad behavior. Sorry. She's not 12, she's 21.It's really not worrying me today, in fact I feel rather free

It's weird though, you try to be different from 90% of the guys in the world and yet they expect you to treat them like the other 90% even though they're only after one thing. The right woman won't have that expectation.

 

[StuZioCardyni]

I couldn't get past the fact that you've only known each other 6 months and you already know the intensity of her cramps. TMI!

She sounds like too much work. Dating is supposed to be fun, ESPECIALLY in the beginning.

Good luck with your women.

oh i've known her longer but it's only been like this for 6 months...before it was fine, when we were really 'just friends'

 

[StuZioCardyni]

I so agree.
If it is this hard just to have a supper together, imagine going thru real adult life challenges with this person.

I think you know that all women (and especially NORMAL woman) do not have such rude and crude moods, and ongoing psyzophrenic changes of character. I think what you have described crosses the line.

If you were making the effort to take the lead, invite her over, prepare a meal, etc... and this is how she behaved... not really acceptable. Not even if she was, theoretically, having a bad day. When we first met, I sometimes prepared meals for me and my now=DH.... I can tell you that if I had asked him to come over and prepared a meal, etc.. and he had acted anywhere close to what you described, that would have, without any doubt, been that last time I dated him.

I am an old-fogey... Been married for 20 years! And, like most marriages there have been a few issues. Well, let me offer an important word of wisdom here.... Looking back to the very beginning of our relationship, our ongoing issues were there in black and white!!! Loud and clear. It is like I don't know how I couldn't have seen it. I glossed over it... Told myself he was just young, still financially destitute, etc... Well, 20 years later those 'excuses' do not hold up.... He is not young any longer... He has in 20 years in a successful position, looking toward retirement... But, that does not change the fact that those 'issues' are still there.

Let me assure you that you need to follow your gut.
Don't try to 'understand' or come up with 'excuses'.

When you meet the right person, you will know it!!!!!

Yeah I do make excuses for her, i'm going to force myself not to, because she will be back, mark my words, in a few days time when I haven't contacted her, she won't leave me alone but i CAN NOT alow myself to fall back in.

I think maybe you have to look in places and for people you wouldn't normally! To find girls who might really work with you...i'll find her. I really don't ask for much, just a nice kind decent girl...and as much as we click on the good days, on the bad days we just don't work. and that's not to say I won't accept peoples different moods, I just can't deal with someone who changes quite as much as she does

 

[teacups]

When you meet the right person, you will know it!!!!!

Yea, and even more when you meet the Wrong Person, you know it too. But you dont always want to see it. Listen to your GUT. It's never worng.

 

[Serena]

What she did was just plain rude, bad mood or not.

I have a daughter or two, oh wait, they are attached. lol

 

[AlleyKat]

I have a daughter or two, oh wait, they are attached. lol

I was thinking along the same line, that perhaps someone on the board knows of a lovely girl for Stu!

I believe he'll be at Disney around Christmas time(?).

 

[StuZioCardyni]

He is indeed going to disney around christmas time. I can't help thinking i may have inedvertantly created a great line of match makers all ready to set me up
maybe I should supply you all with more detailed information so the poor girls in question have at least some idea of what you're asking from them.

Maybe you should write a list of requests

 

[daisax]

First of all, I don't buy the hormone crap. Until we women stop blaming our hormones on bad behavior, we're never going to get anywhere.

Thank you! That always infuriates me, when women rush to brush off mortifying behavior as "hormones." If you can control it at work, if you can control it with your girlfriends, you can control it on a date. And if you can do none of the above, call in sick and stay home until you get a grip.

OP - I agree with the others... it shouldn't be this much work. And if direct confrontation doesn't work (e.g. "Okay, we were having a nice evening there and all of a sudden something has changed. What happened?") just move on.

 

[HM]

Could she be bi-polar (untreated)?

 

[sbell111]

Yea, and even more when you meet the Wrong Person, you know it too. But you dont always want to see it. Listen to your GUT. It's never worng.

The road to hades is paved with that statement.

Lots and lots of people follow their gut in everything they do, confident that it's "never wrong". Strangely, these poorly thought through gut followings lead them to disaster on a regular basis.

 

[StuZioCardyni]

Well exactly sbell...That's why I haven't just followed my gut and tried to work this out! I haven't heard from her since saturday so I'm no further along to explaining it from anything she's said but I'm confident that for as long as I tread carefully I'll get there in the end

 

[MomNeedsVacay]

Have you seen "He's Just not that into You?". If you haven't, WATCH IT.
It sounds like to me..she likes you as a friend...if she was interested in more, you would know it. She flirts with you b/c it keeps you close and keeps you from dating other women, but she doesn't really like you-- if she did, she wouldn't spend her time texting or acting annoyed. She also knows how into her you are. Are you the one intitating contact and get-togethers?

 

[StuZioCardyni]

Have you seen "He's Just not that into You?". If you haven't, WATCH IT.
It sounds like to me..she likes you as a friend...if she was interested in more, you would know it. She flirts with you b/c it keeps you close and keeps you from dating other women, but she doesn't really like you-- if she did, she wouldn't spend her time texting or acting annoyed. She also knows how into her you are. Are you the one intitating contact and get-togethers?

It's been pretty even to be honest. Sometimes I would and sometimes she would. But I have a feeling you're right to a point i.e. she's keeping her options open and so she's keeping me close until she decides. It makes sense in so far as she has been very noticeable jealous about other girls in my life. But I'm not going to stand for that. Ether someone wants me completely or not at all. And until someone takes a stand against that kind of behavior she'll never learn.