I can't believe my FMIL!

[i*heart*villains]

I just finished talking to my FMIL, she drives me crazy! My DH2B is not excited about paying $500 for pics of the wedding to begin with, so I have a little work to do talking him in to it. Then I talk to his mother this morning and she is discouraging us from getting pics too. She told me that it's a HUGE waste of money and after about a month after the wedding nobody looks at them anyway! She said that we should just bring our digital camera and if we show her how to use it, she can take pictures for us. But I have my heart set on some nice b&w pics on the beach, you know the almost candid type shots.
I think that 10 years from now I won't regret the money I spent on a photographer if we get one, but I might regret not getting one if we don't. I don't know how to explain this to them. I am so frustrated!
Anyway, I just needed to vent.

Thanks.

 

[Skylarr29]

I think you are right. You wouldn't want to look back and think that all the moments of your special day were not captured. You can never re-create the day. I say stand your ground although I know that is a very difficult decision to make. I would just explain it as it is not really an option, it is a neccesity. And if your FMIL is not paying for anything than I don't think you have any obligation to abide by her wishes.

 

[BrideToBe82]

Aww I'm sorry! I would be upset too if my fmil was trying to talk me out of wedding pics. This event is a once in a lifetime thing and if you are anything like me, pictures are an important part of being able to capture the moment and look back at it 10 years from now. Maybe she won't be looking at the pics a few months after the wedding but I'm sure you and your future children will be. This is your wedding so do what you want to do!

 

[JackieSparrow]

I think you should just do it... To me photograhpy is one of the more important costs, if you're going to spend some money, do it here. That is what I'm going to do, because like you said, years down the line you want to be looking at some great photos!!!

 

[JackieSparrow]

I think you are right. You wouldn't want to look back and think that all the moments of your special day were not captured. You can never re-create the day.

WELL PUT!

 

[Cinderella16]

I completely agree with you and I do not think that wedding pictures are a waste of money. There are other ways to cut spending for a wedding, but pictures will last you a lifetime. I think you would regret it if you didnt do what you wanted. I know there are certain things that I will not cut when I get married, for instance, Cinderella's coach It is your day & if pictures are important to you then you should get them. I do not think that it is your MIL decision to make, that is a decision to be made by you and your DF. Good luck with everything keep us posted.

 

[fivefordisney]

I spent so much time looking at my parents' wedding photo album...in fact, when my mom had her second bout with breast cancer, she gave me the album so it would not be a problem if and when she passed... Luckily, she is a tough cookie and survived (again!!!)

When my DH and I married, I was determined to get an album like my parents' album. It is bound like a book...I'm not sure what it is called but it is beautiful, and I find my DDs looking at it all the time.

Spend the money. It won't preclude you from taking great candid shots, but it will ensure that you will have some decent pictures for the future. Who knows? You may want to get a portrait made 10 years from now, and will want a professional shot.

$500 may seem like a fortune now...but in 20 years it won't be. You are absolutely right: you cannot go back in time, and it sounds like you will regret not having the photos.

Good luck!

 

[JackieSparrow]

AND since you are getting married in March, the $500 is like a little over $2 a day until then... if you put it that way it's an easy argument to win

 

[kimnkel]

DFH doesn't want to spend the money on pics, and so, unrelated to that, DFMIL called and said it is a "waste of money"? Did DFH and DFMIL have a little talk, and decide to play a little 2 on 1? Hmmm...might ask DFH, and have a very sweet discussion about that ganging up nonsense.

Anyway: my two cents---spend the money. Get what you want. In fact, demand it. You will (hopefully) only be married once. Certainly you will only ever be this young, and this hopeful, once. As for "no one looking at them in about a month" --horse hooey. Your children, should you have any, will look at them, especially if you have a daughter. She might display them at her reception.

Gently remind your dear FMIL and DFH that you believe in posterity, sentamentality, love, and tradition---and aren't they LUCKY to have such a person in their family?

Traditions MATTER. They are the threads that bind families together, no matter what. Photos are tangible reminders of those traditions.

Good luck! I'm with you in spirit.

 

[i*heart*villains]

AND since you are getting married in March, the $500 is like a little over $2 a day until then... if you put it that way it's an easy argument to win

That's a good point!

I feel so much better after reading all your responses. I've decided I am going to stand my ground about this. I think I just needed to hear it from somebody else. I'll keep you posted on how it goes
Thank you so much, I don't know what I would do without these boards.
Rhonda

 

[bridegirl]

Our wedding photos and video are cherished by our three children - don't miss out on that opportunity!!

Pixie dust,

Susy

 

[FoodLover]

Is your FMIL paying the $500? If not, it's none of her business. This decision should be between you and your fiance, period. If you let her dictate to you now, you'll never get out from under her thumb once you're married!

If it's your money, you have no responsibility to explain anything about it to anyone. Don't let other people drag you into an argument or put you on the defensive.

There are two good ways of dealing with someone who makes a habit of butting into your business (whether it's a FMIL or anyone else).

One is to stand up for yourself, politely but firmly. "Well, we've decided what we're going to do. I appreciate your advice, but I disagree." Then change the subject.

The other way (which works best with super-argumentative types) is to stay neutral, without agreeing or disagreeing to anything. (Say "uh-huh" a lot, as if you're only vaguely interested in what they're telling you.) If pressed for an answer, just say "That's an interesting point of view. I'll have to think about it some more." Then do whatever you already planned to do.

BTW, $500 for wedding photos is far from outrageous! Many photographers charge in the thousands of dollars for wedding packages.

Mary

 

[NJOYURLIFE]

BTW, $500 for wedding photos is far from outrageous! Many photographers charge in the thousands of dollars for wedding packages.

Mary

I agree. We paid way more for our wedding pictures 16 years ago. and no matter what is spent on those pictures, they are priceless.

I'd be seriously ticked at FH2B for bringing his mom into this. Unless she is paying for it, it is really none of her business

 

[disneybridetobe]

That's a good point!

I feel so much better after reading all your responses. I've decided I am going to stand my ground about this. I think I just needed to hear it from somebody else. I'll keep you posted on how it goes
Thank you so much, I don't know what I would do without these boards.
Rhonda

You go, girl!! Stand your ground!

I agree with everyone else, you can't re-create the day. So, save the $2 a day, and go for it!!

 

[Laurafoster]

I agree i would regret NOT having photos of the wedding, alright other people may not want to look at them 5 years down the line but i still will!

 

[dee slack]

We've been married for 10 years and we still look thru' our wedding pics and I've just had our wedding video transferred to DVD as we want to be able to watch it for years to come. I would be absolutely gutted if we didn't have pics to look at. We had a reasonably cheap photographer who took a fair amount of official pics and also my mum took lots for us as well - she is a very good amateur who took lots of candid shots, but I couldn't just rely on her as it wouldn't have been fair to put all that pressure on her.
When my mum re-married, for various reasons they didn't have ANY photo's and she still regrets years on.
When we have our vow renewal next year, photo's are a huge priority for us.

I would say follow your heart, be polite but firm and HAVE LOADS OF PHOTO'S!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[emememem]

You NEED the pictures!!!

 

[scootert]

DH and I were married 17 years ago - my first marriage, his second. Money was practically non existent, but we managed to have a beautiful, small wedding with about 20 guests. The one thing we did not do was hire a photographer. We were married in a very small town in New Hampshire and there was only photographer in town. His prices were extremely high (way more than $500). We agreed we would ask our friends and family to share their pictures with us. To this day, we regret that we did not have a professional photographer. We had many nice photos, but nothing can take the place of professional photos.

So, start setting aside your spare change each day, tell your FMIL you're paying for it yourself and enjoy. Chances are she'll start hinting about wanting a photo album once she sees the photos.

 

[ItGirl753]

My parents did not have a professional photographer (in 1971). They went to a photographer's studio for one portrait on their wedding day, and my grandfather took Polaroids and then passed them around the reception. Well the guests took them! My mom has a tiny album (like a little brag book) with about 10 pictures in it. So sad!

 

[jojoandhb]

Some MIL are very protective. She just wants you to save money. My FMIL is such a nervous person that she won't get in a car in case it crashes or even go to BINGO because she's afraid if she wins the big jackpot she'll get too excited, have a heart attack, and die!
When people give you your opinion, just remember that's all it is. You have a better idea of your financial situation than she does. I sincerely think she's trying to help.