I came home to find my 17- year old daughter and her boyfriend in her room

[RosieRosie]

laying on the bed together with the door open. No one was home. I told her that we never had boyfriends in our rooms when alone at her age. She told me that was 30 years ago and to trust her, that she wasn't going to do anything stupid. What's your opinion?

 

[The Mystery Machine]

If my dd said that to me I would.....



Then I would have the talk with both of them together right THERE. So I can return the....



that they did to me.

 

[Tinkerbelle739]

My humble opinion is: No, they should not be lying on the bed, even with the door open. BUT if they wanted to.... you know, they probably wouldnt do it there.

I would just have given them a very stern warning that it better not happen again and leave it at that.

Maybe having him in her room when you are home is ok. Just set the ground rules now, so they dont get abused later.

 

[aunt lissa]

Honestly....I told my mom the same thing and had a baby at 16! I am in no way saying your daughter doesn't have better judgement, what I am saying is why did they need to be in her bedroom?

 

[kilee]

I wanted to echo the last poster-- I got pregnant at 17!! And I swore UP and DOWN that I was in no way shape or form doing "anything" everytime my mother asked.

 

[mommytotwo]

Let your daughter know that when you are not at home, then her boyfriend and her are to stay out of her room, and if she wants her boyfriend in the room, then she can only when you are at home and the door must still be open.

 

[Beauty]

Another teenage mother chiming in. I told my parents nothing was happening and I was pregnant at 18.

 

[Robmom]

I agree with what the others said. The boyfriend cannot be there when no one is home. In fact, with my DD, the boyfriend will not be allowed in the house, never mind her bedroom if nobody is home.

 

[LindaR]

I agree about talking to your daughter.............HOWEVER.....you also need to take her to the doctor/clinic for birth control.

So many parents do not want to approach this subject because they think they are giving "permission" for their kid to have sex.

Honey, they are NOT going to ask, and they are NOT going to tell you ahead of time. You will find out when someone says, "Mom, I am pregnant."

Get serious. They are going to do what they want, whenever they can. Educate your daughter to protect herself from pregnancy.........and educate her on how to protect herself from STD's.

Before it's too late.

 

[neosnightmare]

my ex and me had something like this happen. we werent doing nething and her parents came home and i recieved a stern "GET OUT". there was no warning or reasoning. i think that was mostly because they hated me. and then i was dating her for the next 4 months without the parents knowing. then we eventually broke up because she hated lying to her parents everyday.

 

[tiggersmom2]

I also told my parents NOTHING was happening. I was a straight A student, and a really GOOD kid. I was also pregnant at 17!

 

[Danauk]

I wasn't going to post but thought I would as an alternative.

I am 27 and have no kids. If your daughter knew you would be home and the door was open then perhaps you could give her the benifit of the doubt this time. Saying that I would still have a chat with her and perhaps get her on birth control just in case. At her age I would not have been thinking about sleeping with my b/f, but that is just me and our parents trusted us (rightly so, I never did sleep with him!) Saying that I know a lot of girls in my year that did. I agree with other posters though, perhaps ask her to stay downstairs when you are not in the house.

 

[Microcell]

I had boyfriends want to go to their parents room, their bed was too small. I refused because I know what they wanted!
I was just telling a fifteen year old neighbor when she asked "You don't trust me?" After I asked her to watch my DS in the back yard while I mowed, instead of the front- It isn't that I don't trust you, it is just that things can get out of control very quickly. I think that goes for dating as well as baby sitting.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Just wanted to ask what she thought was "stupid"? Really I just wanted to add I would get her on BC as well.

 

[Boo97]

My EX-SIL got pregant by my step brother at 16....she had a daughter from the time the DD was 12 she was open about sex and birth control....she thought she was very open and direct because she was a teen mom...her dd got pregnant last year at 17....So, my dear step mom was a great-grandmother at the ripe old age of 55...yup she was a teen mom also....

So, even if you keep communication open it doesn't always work...I pray in a few years when my dd is that age i don't run into this problem..

good luck..

 

[airhead]

Maybe SHE isn't planning on "gettin' busy" but young men have only one thing in mind....

 

[Stephanie218]

17's a little old to be restricting her this much. if she wants to do something with her boyfriend, it will happen...even if you don't let them in her room together. doing that will just make your daughter angrier.
i'm 18, my boyfriend's 19, and my parents are letting us go to florida together this summer alone...
but the suggestion from others to get your daughter on the pill is a good idea.

 

[Robinrs]

Yes, they might just be doing it elsewhere but like my Mom used to say NOT IN MY HOUSE!!

This borders on disrespect.

I would get her on a BC quickly too. My sister had a baby at 14, NOT a fun scenario.

And as for 30 years ago....

Free love was on the rampage 30 years ago. There was less reason to be moral, there was no AIDS and most STDs were treated with a shot. Sex was way more casual and less risky.

Tell her to go back maybe 50 years...

 

[DocRafiki]

What's the big deal? She's 17? She's probably been having sex for the past 4 years anyway.

I used to get in trouble for that when I was 17, and I wasn't "doing anything." But man, the parents sure can make you feel trashy about it, even if you're completely innocent.

Anyway I don't think monitoring her bedroom behavior is an effective way to prevent pregnancy or whatever, as other people have mentioned.

 

[Cruisin]

I think that it does not matter if you tell her that she can't have a boyfriend in her room when no one is home. If they want to do something they will use...... the living room furniture, the family room floor, even the kitchen table,....you don't need a bed at all.

I agree with Stephanie218, that by 17 you can't hold on too tight, that can lead to a lot more serious problems than having a boy in their room.

Where there is a will, there will always be a way......