I am wrong?

[RadioNate]

Thanks for all of the replys. I probley should add something. My wife has not seen her BF since OCT when she moved to TX. That is why I have no probley with her going on the cruise. I guess that is the only time that BF could get off work because I did ask if she could move the date.

When I did ask why she was upset, she said that it is not fair to her to miss out on a family trip. I tried to explain to her that I have missed four trip to WDW bacause I could not get off work and I not once was upset. I understand that sometimes things don't work out and you need to adjust fire and move on.

Someone mentioned that it might be easier if I just chaged the dates which is what I am doing right after I submit this.

Thanks again everyone.

Well you certainly are nice to change the dates. You are in no way obligated to. If your wife didn't want to miss a family trip then she should not have told her girlfriend ok to the cruise.

We have to prioritize all the time in life. The cruise was more important so she misses the ball game.

I don't know why she should be angry at you because she deemed the cruise more important.

If anything, you should be angry that you now have to change YOUR plans to accommodate her. (good luck with that )

 

[Katieinwonderland]

I can understand why she's upset at missing the trip as a family, but she did make the decision on which trip to participate in. I would be upset too, but since it would have been my choice, I wouldn't have said anything. It was great that you could change the dates though, I'm sure it will keep the peace!

 

[rie'smom]

You're right, she's wrong.

 

[DawnCt1]

Thanks for all of the replys. I probley should add something. My wife has not seen her BF since OCT when she moved to TX. That is why I have no probley with her going on the cruise. I guess that is the only time that BF could get off work because I did ask if she could move the date.

When I did ask why she was upset, she said that it is not fair to her to miss out on a family trip. I tried to explain to her that I have missed four trip to WDW bacause I could not get off work and I not once was upset. I understand that sometimes things don't work out and you need to adjust fire and move on.

Someone mentioned that it might be easier if I just chaged the dates which is what I am doing right after I submit this.

Thanks again everyone.

I think that your wife is being selfish and that you should take the kids and have a wonderful time. You sound like a great guy!

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I don't think you are.

She can't be in two places at once and clearly set her priority. A cruise was more important than baseball.

I don't fault her choice--but I fault her logic.
It's a bummer--but you are not at fault for proceeding as planned.

Heck, if I were in her shoes and that was doable for our family--I wouldn't expect my husband to cancel AND watch the kids for 4 days while I was off frolicking kid-free. It wouldn't be fair to him and I would selfish to even ask that he did that.

 

[dex08]

I'm sorry to say this but your wife is just so wrong on so many levels. I'd never put my BFF in front of my family. Your family vacation was planned well in advance of the cruise invitation. She should have told her BFF that she already had a family commitment that weekend. They can plan a cruise some other time.

 

[hereyago]

I am going to tell you what I tell female posters who come on here and say their husbands cant or wont go or think they should stay home while the husband is gone on job or whatever. Take your kids!!!!!!!!!! I am sorry but your wife chose another thing to do, there is no way I would sit and wait after my kids knew we would be going just to appease that selfish behavior.

 

[Miz Diz]

You are really great and understanding. I would have argued that it wasn't fair that she got to take a fun trip and you didn't.

I think she is wrong to expect you to not take the trip while she is crusing with her bf.

 

[DebbieB]

If this was the only weekend you could go to Atlanta or already had tickets bought, I would say go with your kids without her. But if you could easily change it to another June weekend and she cannot change the cruise with her BF who she hasn't seen in a long time, then I would change the baseball trip so that she can participate in both. It sounds like she could have approached it better, like asking if you would mind changing the baseball weekend rather than just assuming you would.

 

[OceanAnnie]

This is a rarity. It's unanimous on the DIS. The wrong-o-meter is very, very strong on this one.

What are you supposed to do while your wife is living it up anyway? Has she made any suggestions? I think the plans you had were fine. But you should absolutely do something fun and exciting with the kids. Don't tell your wife about it till she gets back.

 

[horseshowmom]

Thanks for all of the replys. I probley should add something. My wife has not seen her BF since OCT when she moved to TX. That is why I have no probley with her going on the cruise. I guess that is the only time that BF could get off work because I did ask if she could move the date.

I agree with you. I don't think she was putting her BF ahead of her family as some others have said. I think the circumstances just worked out this way. My husband would have been like you and said for me to go have a great time. Good for you!

When I did ask why she was upset, she said that it is not fair to her to miss out on a family trip. I tried to explain to her that I have missed four trip to WDW bacause I could not get off work and I not once was upset. I understand that sometimes things don't work out and you need to adjust fire and move on.

I do think your wife is being unreasonable. You were willing to be flexible about the whole thing, but she doesn't seem to be. This would be a great way for you and the kids to spend Father's Day together. One weekend without her being there certainly isn't going hurt them and could be a great experience for them.

If she had wanted you to reschedule the trip, she should have discussed it with you when she first brought up the cruise.

Someone mentioned that it might be easier if I just chaged the dates which is what I am doing right after I submit this.

Thanks again everyone.

You're certainly being more than reasonable. While I don't think you should have to stay home on Father's Day while she goes out and has a good time, I do commend you for being so flexible.

You are an easy going guy. I hope your DW appreciates what you did.

 

[mjkacmom]

Wow - I have a very easy-going DH, and I'm the demanding one, and usually side with the wives, but not this time. I wouldn't mind if DH went away with a friend, but if he told me he was going over Mother's Day weekend, and that I should cancel the trip I had already planned, I'd be upset. You should take the kids that weekend, and not be stuck at home!

 

[bumbershoot]

Sounds to me like she didn't really choose the cruise over baseball, as she thought baseball wouldn't be happening. Sounds like a big communication problem, where she was expecting you to understand what she thought would happen.

Happens a lot in my house, though we generally switch the gender roles in communication, so your wife's role in this would be played by my husband,LOL.


I think you're awfully nice to switch your dates, but maybe hold off on it? I would wait a few days, have a few more conversations about it with her. Because surely she is going to see that going out and doing something is going to be more fun for the kids than just sitting around. And unless there's a history of you losing the kids or being irresponsible with them, she will probably realize that they will be totally fine with you and have a grand time.

Then again, I go back to the thought that she really thought you were on the "same page" with her, that this trip with her friend canceled the baseball plans, and she's flummoxed, and really sad that she'll be missing out. If it's really upsetting her that much, then you can cancel...but if she realizes that the trip will be great fun for you and the kids, and perfect timing while she's away, she might not need you to cancel.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Sounds to me like she didn't really choose the cruise over baseball, as she thought baseball wouldn't be happening. Sounds like a big communication problem, where she was expecting you to understand what she thought would happen.

When I was 6...I wanted to see Annie. But some people were going fishing and I wanted to do that too. My mom did pre-warn me that if we did the fishing, that I wouldn't be going to Annie. But all day long, I fully expected that I would still get to do Annie.

Imagine my surrpise when I was heartbroken that I chose one thing over the other and Annie would have to wait until another day.

It is a lesson I carry forth to this day--and I hate missing out on things. So I am very careful about coordinating schedules so that I can not miss things. But if I do--oh well.

I'm sure the OP has other baseball things planned in their future. I learned the lesson at 6. And while we can blame communication--the wife really shouldn't have assumed that the world revolved around her and that her DH should drop everything and not do it until she came back.

I feel bad for teh OP b/c her reaction is actually irrational if she indeed is upset with her husband that he didn't cancel as opposed to just a little saddened that she'll miss out while having such a great opportunity with her friend.

 

[Wishing on a star]

OP, listen to the clear consensus here....

It sounds like you all have many opportunities for these 'family' trips... Baseball, WDW, etc.... It doesn't sound like this was any big earth shattering, once in a lifetime, event.

You are very nice and easygoing to consider changing these dates!!!
That may be a good solution to this angst this one time.

However, realize that your wife seems to be in the wrong here.... She seems to have an issue with anything going on 'without her'. She wants to have control, and to have her cake and eat it too.

I just hope you realize that if this is how the relationship goes with your wife, you are letting this go on....

Just something that you might want to think about.

 

[bumbershoot]

When I was 6...I wanted to see Annie. But some people were going fishing and I wanted to do that too. My mom did pre-warn me that if we did the fishing, that I wouldn't be going to Annie. But all day long, I fully expected that I would still get to do Annie.

Imagine my surrpise when I was heartbroken that I chose one thing over the other and Annie would have to wait until another day.

It is a lesson I carry forth to this day--and I hate missing out on things. So I am very careful about coordinating schedules so that I can not miss things. But if I do--oh well.

I'm sure the OP has other baseball things planned in their future. I learned the lesson at 6. And while we can blame communication--the wife really shouldn't have assumed that the world revolved around her and that her DH should drop everything and not do it until she came back.

I feel bad for teh OP b/c her reaction is actually irrational if she indeed is upset with her husband that he didn't cancel as opposed to just a little saddened that she'll miss out while having such a great opportunity with her friend.

I think we're on the same side here.

And the lack of communication is the same thing as her assuming he understood...she wasn't communicating what was in her head. She might have figured it was obvious. So she needs to work on actually saying the things that are in her head, if that's what the problem was. It's a conversation that happens often in my house, LOL...DH just assumes that I understand what he's saying, when sometimes he's actually saying the opposite of what he thinks he's saying (legacy from his family).

In your case, your mom clearly stated what was going on in her head. You were 6, so you couldn't really understand it. It *seems* that it's possible in this case with the OP, she didn't clearly state the change in plans that might have been obvious to her.






Lots of mights, maybes, seems in there, b/c I would hate to state as an absolute what really happened. But just coming from my experience, I think it stands a better chance than the OP's wife just being a jerk...at least I hope so!

 

[Mommee]

I think it was just miscommunication. I don't think husband is wrong, or wife is wrong (unless BF is boyfriend ), and I don't think the marriage is doomed due to her selfishness. I think she assumed the trip would happen another time, and he assumed that he'd go without her. End of story.