I am totally and utterly depressed *Update 4/4/10*

[mrsmom]

I am so sorry ! Hang in there
Kim

 

[DMickey28]

Today seems worse than it did a couple of days ago. Yesterday, I told my DH I would go into work a little late to give him a chance to go look for work - we only have one car and a scooter - and he refused to get out of bed. I finally had enough, gave him another chance to TRY to help our family out, and he didnt feel like getting out. So I said fine, I am going into work. Well, that upset my DD really badly. She starts crying for me to stay with her and not go to work. I try to console her and tell her I will be back soon, but mommy has to get ready to leave. She is hysterical and I feel awful. My DH then storms up out of the bed and says to me - you obviously dont want to deal with our daughter today, so you are going to work! I told him that didnt even make sense - but he loves to turn things around on me. I told him no, I gave him a chance to get up and look for work, he chose not to, so I had to go in. One of us at least has to work. He then takes a sippy cup off the table and throws it at my face. It missed, but that was it. I took my DD and went to my sisters for the entire day. When I got back, he was there. We didnt speak. But I think I know what I have to do now. I have to leave. It is just so hard - but I have to think about my DD. I know she loves her daddy to pieces and he loves her, but this is getting bad. It is affecting everything around me. I cannot work, sleep or even think. I called my parents and they said they would do whatever I wanted them to do.

I am just a mess today and work seems like it is going to drag on forever.

I can't imagine how hard this is but you are doing the right thing. It may not be forever but something has to change right now. Your daughter will still love her daddy and he will still love her. However, it will hurt your daughter's relationship with her father to see him treat you this way and to see him treat his whole family this way. Better to figure that out now than much later down the road when the damage to your daughter is irrepairable ... she is so young now that she can still keep the Daddy's little girl role without damage while you figure things out for both of you.

You know we are here for you as support too ....

 

[AshleyW]

I'm so sorry for what you're going through. I hope that no matter what happens - you, your DD, and DH end up happy.

 

[Kae]

Sounds like your family could help you & offer support I think it is time to leave. Maybe not for good, if your DH will get help. But you need to leave.

Kae

 

[Planogirl]

You poor thing.

I'm sorry that you have to deal with this. It sounds like you're on the right track though.

 

[Pakey]

I'm very sorry. I have an adult son who is bi-polar who struggles with the meds and their side effects. It's a heartbreaking illness that requires extreme effort to live with, both for the individuals and the people who love them. Unfortunately, loving them is not enough to change them and in the end, they have to do it for themselves. In the meantime, you have to do what is best for you and your child.

 

[Mermaid02]

Take care of your dd and yourself..........

 

[Jenvenza]

I dont feel like I am on the right track today. I am a mess and feel like a failure.

 

[MelanieC]

((HUGS)) - I am so sorry you are going through this. My thoughts and prayers are with you and your daughter right now.

 

[dislaney]

I dont feel like I am on the right track today. I am a mess and feel like a failure.

Please don't feel this way. You are doing what you need to do to keep your dd and you safe. It sounds like your situation has gotten worse and you do what you have to do.

 

[claudia]

Today seems worse than it did a couple of days ago. Yesterday, I told my DH I would go into work a little late to give him a chance to go look for work - we only have one car and a scooter - and he refused to get out of bed. I finally had enough, gave him another chance to TRY to help our family out, and he didnt feel like getting out. So I said fine, I am going into work. Well, that upset my DD really badly. She starts crying for me to stay with her and not go to work. I try to console her and tell her I will be back soon, but mommy has to get ready to leave. She is hysterical and I feel awful. My DH then storms up out of the bed and says to me - you obviously dont want to deal with our daughter today, so you are going to work! I told him that didnt even make sense - but he loves to turn things around on me. I told him no, I gave him a chance to get up and look for work, he chose not to, so I had to go in. One of us at least has to work. He then takes a sippy cup off the table and throws it at my face. It missed, but that was it. I took my DD and went to my sisters for the entire day. When I got back, he was there. We didnt speak. But I think I know what I have to do now. I have to leave. It is just so hard - but I have to think about my DD. I know she loves her daddy to pieces and he loves her, but this is getting bad. It is affecting everything around me. I cannot work, sleep or even think. I called my parents and they said they would do whatever I wanted them to do.

I am just a mess today and work seems like it is going to drag on forever.

First, . You are very blessed to have such wonderful loving parents. From what you have posted I think you are making a good decision.....

 

[claudia]

I dont feel like I am on the right track today. I am a mess and feel like a failure.

you are a HERO!. you have made a good decision for yourself and your daughter.

 

[minkydog]

You are correct. No meds. And now, he cant seem to keep a job.

I think he is depressed as well - but that goes along with him being bi-polar. He says now he has no insurance, so he cant get meds, but he didnt go when he had insurance, so that is just an excuse at this point.

Today seems worse than it did a couple of days ago. Yesterday, I told my DH I would go into work a little late to give him a chance to go look for work - we only have one car and a scooter - and he refused to get out of bed. I finally had enough, gave him another chance to TRY to help our family out, and he didnt feel like getting out. So I said fine, I am going into work. Well, that upset my DD really badly. She starts crying for me to stay with her and not go to work. I try to console her and tell her I will be back soon, but mommy has to get ready to leave. She is hysterical and I feel awful. My DH then storms up out of the bed and says to me - you obviously dont want to deal with our daughter today, so you are going to work! I told him that didnt even make sense - but he loves to turn things around on me. I told him no, I gave him a chance to get up and look for work, he chose not to, so I had to go in. One of us at least has to work. He then takes a sippy cup off the table and throws it at my face. It missed, but that was it. I took my DD and went to my sisters for the entire day. When I got back, he was there. We didnt speak. But I think I know what I have to do now. I have to leave. It is just so hard - but I have to think about my DD. I know she loves her daddy to pieces and he loves her, but this is getting bad. It is affecting everything around me. I cannot work, sleep or even think. I called my parents and they said they would do whatever I wanted them to do.

I am just a mess today and work seems like it is going to drag on forever.

First, I'm glad you and your daughter are in a safe place. It sounds like things are getting out of hand there. I have some experience with bipolar, both in my DS23 and in myself. I have had notoriously poor med compliance in the past. And my son refuses to take meds at all. Together we're a mess!

Last year I had the worst breakdown ever, two in fact. I was confronted in treatment with the non-compliance and between the treatment team and my DH they really put my feet to the fire. Sometimes I think about reducing or eliminating my meds but there will be consequences if I do, so I stay on them.

I think in a situation like you are in it is perfectly reasonable to demand that your DH get into compliance with meds and treatment. If he refuses then you *have* to get out. HIs behavior is affecting you and youir daughter negatively--and neither of you should be required to bear that cost. It's no different than demanding that an alcoholic get sober. If he is doing things that are a direct result of his untreated illness then he needs to find a way to turn himself around. He needs to prove himself all over again.

Depression is a deadly disease, but it can be treated. HOwever, that doesn't mean that *you* have to be his sponser and his mentor,especially when he obviously doesn't want that.You are not responsible for making him healthy. He is. I think by your actions you have already given him an ultimatum. I hope he will treat it as a wake-up call, but in his state of blackness I wouldn't be surprised if he ignores it.

 

[suezpqt]

I just wanted to say that I am truly sad that your family is going through this right now. I grew up in a family that tried to "hold it together"..... it didn't work. I was much older than your daughter when it all started to occur but I can tell you..... it is still tough some times for me and I am now 39! My best suggestion to you is to take yourself and your daughter to a safe spot. You are not going to be any good to yourself or your daughter who needs you.... if you stay where you are right now.

It does not have to be a permanent thing - you leaving. But right now - based on the details that you have shared, it is the best thing. Violence starts small (sippy cup) but unfortunately it can grow to a bigger beast in a matter of moments!

Take care and be safe!

 

[texasthumper]

No words of advice, just some warm hugs from up the road in Huntsville.

 

[snapppyd]

you are a HERO!. you have made a good decision for yourself and your daughter.

I second this!

 

[TEENEE]

I dont feel like I am on the right track today. I am a mess and feel like a failure.

You are NOT a failure. You are letting your husbands actions make you feel that way but you shouldn't. As long as you are taking care of yourself and your dd you are doing the right thing. You can not change your husband; he has to want to change. The best thing you can do is take your dd away from this mess. I know she loves her daddy but being with him and seeing how he treats you will do more damage to her then moving away from him. If she grows up watching him abuse you she will likely fall into the same trap. Please do what is right for her and get her out of that situation. It may not be permanent. There is a chance that this is the wake up that he needs. Keep your head up and remember you have to do what is best for your darling daughter.

 

[Jenvenza]

Thank you all so much for your support. Isnt it funny that total strangers can be the voice of reason and really help sometimes?

I know in my heart that I am not a failure, but today is just a really rough day. I just want to hide under the covers and cry all day - but instead I am at work, trying to keep it together and crying quietly behind a big stack of work!

I feel bad for my beautiful and wonderful DD that she isnt going to get the chance to have a happy family. And I am mad at him for that. I know it doesnt have to be permanent, and I really hope it isnt. But who knows at this point.....

The thought of packing up all our stuff and moving out is what is getting me right now. Stupid, I know. But it is just a big step. One that has to be done though.

 

[momrek06]

Oh Jen, sweetie, I am so sorry you are going through this. I agree with everyone, you have made some good decisions. This is about you and your DD. It sounds like your parents and sister are wonderful people. You need to be with them now.

 

[MrsSpratt]

Praying for you.

You may also want to let your local constable know about the violence/lack of meds. It is good to have documented; they also may be able to help you "force" him into a facility. Good luck! And please, don't feel like a failure or blame yourself - it is not your fault!