I am totally and utterly depressed *Update 4/4/10*

[Jenvenza]

..and don't really know what to do anymore. I can't seem to get through a day without crying. I am constantly sad and have anxiety. My husband and I have been having problems for a couple of years now, but things are worse than they have ever been. And it is because he is not working, or trying to find a job. This has been going on for 5 months. He had a decent job at a national grocery store chain and was fired from that. Then he got an amazing job at another grocery store and was fired within a month. That was months ago and he doesnt seem to have any desire to look for anything and my salary cannot support us and our DD. We are constantly having to ask for money and the bills are piling up and I cannot pay them. I feel like I am at a breaking point and dont know what to do. And this is just the tip of the iceberg - many other have happened as well that I have looked past for the sake of our DD, because she loves her daddy so much. But I really dont know how much more I can take. I feel so sad and depressed.

Thanks for letting me vent and talk.

 

[snapppyd]

Jenn I know you hate to ask for help, but maybe it's time to think about moving out? Can you stay with your Mom? I think your DH needs to think about what he is doing to your beautiful family, and maybe being without you will wake him up.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

The best thing that you can do for yourself and your daughter is have it out. You need to get someone to watch her and sit down and decide where this is going. Threats and ultimatums won't work - but you can and should make it clear to him that he isn't meeting your needs.

If this isn't really about the job, don't make it about the job. After all, there are many families out there with spouses out of work who are not this upset - even if their finances are a disaster.

The only one who can stand up for you in your marriage is YOU. Don't be sad - get mad - and do something about it.

Good luck...

 

[glitterkittyy]

..and don't really know what to do anymore. I can't seem to get through a day without crying. I am constantly sad and have anxiety. My husband and I have been having problems for a couple of years now, but things are worse than they have ever been. And it is because he is not working, or trying to find a job. This has been going on for 5 months. He had a decent job at a national grocery store chain and was fired from that. Then he got an amazing job at another grocery store and was fired within a month. That was months ago and he doesnt seem to have any desire to look for anything and my salary cannot support us and our DD. We are constantly having to ask for money and the bills are piling up and I cannot pay them. I feel like I am at a breaking point and dont know what to do. And this is just the tip of the iceberg - many other have happened as well that I have looked past for the sake of our DD, because she loves her daddy so much. But I really dont know how much more I can take. I feel so sad and depressed.

Thanks for letting me vent and talk.

First of all, you need a big hug. I'm so sorry you're going through this.

It's up to you if you think working on the marriage is right for you, but your staying together for the sake of your beautiful DD...well you know that's not the best idea.

I don't know your DH's history, but could it be that he is also depressed?

 

[PRmamiDEdos]

..and don't really know what to do anymore. I can't seem to get through a day without crying. I am constantly sad and have anxiety. My husband and I have been having problems for a couple of years now, but things are worse than they have ever been. And it is because he is not working, or trying to find a job. This has been going on for 5 months. He had a decent job at a national grocery store chain and was fired from that. Then he got an amazing job at another grocery store and was fired within a month. That was months ago and he doesnt seem to have any desire to look for anything and my salary cannot support us and our DD. We are constantly having to ask for money and the bills are piling up and I cannot pay them. I feel like I am at a breaking point and dont know what to do. And this is just the tip of the iceberg - many other have happened as well that I have looked past for the sake of our DD, because she loves her daddy so much. But I really dont know how much more I can take. I feel so sad and depressed.

Thanks for letting me vent and talk.

Sorry sweetie. I hope things get better for you.

 

[PatsMom]

You might want to start by talking with your doctor. There are medications that can help tremendously with anxiety and depression. And once you have a handle on that, it is easier to take on the other challenges in your life.

I could not believe what a difference a medication could make to my life. Good luck to you - those who have not struggled with depression don't really understand what a black hole you feel like you are in.

 

[ols386]

So sorry. It sounds like you are in a very difficult and frustrating situation. Have you two talked about the job situation? Not sure what else is going on, but jobs/money can have a big impact on any marriage. Hope things get better soon.

 

[focusondisney]

..and don't really know what to do anymore. I can't seem to get through a day without crying. I am constantly sad and have anxiety. My husband and I have been having problems for a couple of years now, but things are worse than they have ever been. And it is because he is not working, or trying to find a job. This has been going on for 5 months. He had a decent job at a national grocery store chain and was fired from that. Then he got an amazing job at another grocery store and was fired within a month. That was months ago and he doesnt seem to have any desire to look for anything and my salary cannot support us and our DD. We are constantly having to ask for money and the bills are piling up and I cannot pay them. I feel like I am at a breaking point and dont know what to do. And this is just the tip of the iceberg - many other have happened as well that I have looked past for the sake of our DD, because she loves her daddy so much. But I really dont know how much more I can take. I feel so sad and depressed.

Thanks for letting me vent and talk.

I'm so sory you are having to go thru this difficult time. You have such a beautiful daughter, I've thought that every time I see one of your posts with her pictures. I'm sure you are trying to be strong for your family & do the right thing for your daughter. I hope you have someone in your life who you can lean on & can help you figure out what you need to do. Prayers & hugs to you.

 

[dislaney]

I don't have much advise as I don't know too much about your situation. I do know that I have a friend whose husband was out of work and it turned out he was also extremely depressed and needed treatment. I don't know if that could pertain to your husband or not but thought I'd throw it out there. I do hope things get better for you.

 

[Motherofboys]

Have you talked to him about going to marriage counseling? It sounds like there are some underlying issues and that this is about more than money, jobs, and bills.

Please consider it. We have had struggles with depression, anxiety, and adult ADD (my DH suffers from it and refuses to get medication, chronic job loss and lack of initiative are both symptoms).

I work to support our family too b/c DH can't keep jobs, he was always quitting over any slight. It's very hard to be the one who shoulders the burdens of the finances and family budget, especially when you feel the other side isn't even trying to help. Please PM me if you want and we can discuss how hard that is, I've been doing it for the past 5 years.

You have a BEAUTIFUL little girl. If her dad is taking care of her and she loves him, please do what you can to try to make this thing work. Get him on board with it, remind him of all he has to lose.

I really hope it works out for you, I know it is not easy

 

[krcit]

I'm sorry you're having a tough time.

 

[dcentity2000]

You might want to start by talking with your doctor. There are medications that can help tremendously with anxiety and depression. And once you have a handle on that, it is easier to take on the other challenges in your life.

I could not believe what a difference a medication could make to my life. Good luck to you - those who have not struggled with depression don't really understand what a black hole you feel like you are in.

I second this. Do not shy away from the idea of medications - they're far more advanced than you could imagine. Ultra-modern medicines such as Tianeptine (Stablon) and Moclobemide (Manerix - you should be able to get these in the States nowadays) in particular have a high success rate with minimal - if any - side effects.



Rich::

 

[Jennasis]

Hugs to you. Everything must feel so overwhelmning and hopeless....but there IS hope. As others have suggested, medication could help, but it won't fix the problem. It can help you cope while you are working to make your life and situation better. Talk to your doctor.

If your husband will consider counseling, that would be a great place to start. If he won't, YOU should go on your own without him.

Do you have any family that might help support you if you did move out? If not, perhpas you could find an inexpensive apartment for you and your beautiful little girl.

Again, HUGS, and feel free to lean as hard as you want on me. I've been told I'm pretty sturdy in the support department!

 

[dcentity2000]

Hugs to you. Everything must feel so overwhelmning and hopeless....but there IS hope. As others have suggested, medication could help, but it won't fix the problem. It can help you cope while you are working to make your life and situation better. Talk to your doctor.

If your husband will consider counseling, that would be a great place to start. If he won't, YOU should go on your own without him.

Do you have any family that might help support you if you did move out? If not, perhpas you could find an inexpensive apartment for you and your beautiful little girl.

Again, HUGS, and feel free to lean as hard as you want on me. I've been told I'm pretty sturdy in the support department!

I should have mentioned the bolded part. Jennasis has it spot on. Medications help - they do not permanently solve.

Not to say you should not take them as a rule though!



Rich::

 

[Jennasis]

I should have mentioned the bolded part. Jennasis has it spot on. Medications help - they do not permanently solve.

Not to say you should not take them as a rule though!



Rich::

I'm occassionally medicated myself.

 

[robinb]

{{hugs}}

I hope that things get better for you and your DD soon.

 

[DMickey28]

Hugs ...

I agree on counseling as a couple and perhaps therapy and meds as well. I have battled depression for years and keep myself closely monitored when not on the meds.

I hope things turn around and wish I had more advice.

 

[dcentity2000]

It may be silly, but natural remedies may help. Aromatherapy, for example. Reflexology. Indian Head Massage. Deep Tissue Massage.

I like the Aromatherapy in particular - you can specifically ask for the oils used to be uplifting



Rich::

 

[wvjules]

You have a BEAUTIFUL little girl. If her dad is taking care of her and she loves him, please do what you can to try to make this thing work. Get him on board with it, remind him of all he has to lose.

I really hope it works out for you, I know it is not easy

But he is NOT taking care of her. He's not even trying to find a job.

OP, I hope things improve for you soon.

 

[Robinrs]

I am so sorry you're going thru this...

It sounds like your husband may be depressed, also. He's seemed to have given up. You're frustrated and that makes all the sense in the world. But you aren't the one who failed, he is. And he's reacting to that failure by giving up. Finding someone to talk to both of you would be a big help, I believe.

I'm sorry I am soooo ANTI anti depressants... so many times doctors have offered them to me but I try not to medicate myself thru problems, I have to learn how to cope thru them. I was offered them after I lost my son AND when my ex became schizophrenic. Watching his reaction to medication was enough for me to use other sources to get thru the hard times of life, everyone has their own way of doing it.


God bless....