I am starting to lose it again...

[preshi]

My aunt is about to die... now we have never been close but I still love her and care about her. Since I found out about all this, which was Thursday, I have just been in a down mood. Friday I went to Los Angeles with my best friend. I thought it was going to be a disaster as most of our trips are but this time it was GREAT. We got to relax and not worry about money, which is usually our problem, and I didn't even mind being around our friends kids. Saturday night we went to a club to go dancing... now I am going to be completly honest here... I LOVED the amount of attention I was getting. I have the worst self esteem. My best friend is absolutley gorgeous... she's the typical blond hair, blue eyed, skinny, big boobs California girl with style and a outgoing attitude to match. I have never been any competition to her in fact I have always been the "sidekick" if you will. But that night I was actually getting attention. Plus the weather was beautiful and the people are more my speed there. I did not want to come home. And since I got home I have been completely distant from my husband. Our counselor has asked me why I am with him and my answer was because it was comfortable. Now I am starting to tell myself that I can't live this charade any longer. That I have to get out. I almost feel like my aunts dying is pushing me to realize these things... life is too short to be unhappy. But then again I have been chronically depressed for almost 13 years with no help so who I am to make a rational decision! I don't know if I can. Thank goodness we see our counselor tonight.

I'm done with my pity party... thanks for listening as usual

 

[Tuffcookie]

Preshi, Sorry you're not happy. I hope you continue with your counseling and that you will figure things out. HUGS!

TC

 

[Baboo]

{{{HUGS}}} for you Preshi. I hope that things work out for you.

 

[dizneenut]

{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}

 

[helenabear]

{{HUGS}} to you Meg. I do hope you can work through all of this soon.

 

[snoopy]

First of all, honey, I wouldn't worry about your friend being prettier than you are. You are a beautiful woman, I've seen your picture, you couldn't have changed that much since the last time I saw you.

I'm sorry that your aunt is dying. I know that must be hard.

As far as your marriage, I can't even begin to counsel you, but I can tell you that we all go through times where the grass is always greener on the other side. I've been married for 15 years, and I go through these times ocassionally - lets face it - its easier to be single than it is to be married, no one else to answer to, yada, yada - but in the end I realize how loved I am and how much I love my husband. I think you may have to weigh your feelings, like how good or bad your life would be without him. If you can't imagine your life without him, even if there are hard times you have to go through, then counseling may help.

Good luck, Preshi.

 

[Buckalew]

Preshi, I am so sorry about your Aunt.

Snoopy is right. You are beautiful. Stunning, in fact.

But, the attention that you were getting... was it just making you feel good about yourself because people were noticing you, complimenting you, asking you to dance? How long would that last? There is life off the dance floor and out of the club. Sure, it was nice (as in the grass is always greener) but what about your DH? Doesn't he think you are beautiful? Does he tell you that? If you need to hear it more, tell him that. There is nothing wrong with that. If you have the love of a good man and you love and care about him, I think your marriage is so worth saving. I think you need to make a decision to make the most out of your marriage. That sounds stupid or simple maybe but, I think that is what we have to do sometimes. Take a stand. Decide to committ yourself to your marriage, your DH and your son. Look at its good points--don't dwell on the negative. Trust me, there is negative to any relationship. Find the good in your DH and focus on that. I'm pulling for this marriage, Preshi...the things you have said here make me think it is worth the fight. I have been there--12 years ago & I had to make a decision to stay or go. I stayed and although everyday hasn't been easy, I wouldn't trade my DH and my marriage for anything in this world. I am hoping the same for you. {{{hugs}}} And I am sorry if I said anything that is sticking my nose into your business. Truly, I only care.

 

[ratsrule]

Can I meet your friend?

My best friend is absolutley gorgeous... she's the typical blond hair, blue eyed, skinny, big boobs California girl with style and a outgoing attitude to match.

 

[preshi]

LMAO!!! Ratsrule...

Thank you everyone. I know the grass is always greener. I am going to stop there before I say something else I am going to regret later. Patrick does tell me I am beautiful he tells me all the time.... but... I don't know. I am shutting my mouth now.

 

[ratsrule]

but I was serious

 

[Teejay32]

You just described my little sister perfectly. (Except she's in FL now.) She gets lots of attention everywhere we go, half of it is the welcome kind, and half of it isn't. So sometimes it's not such a great thing.

{{hugs}} I'm sorry about your aunt.

 

[pw2pp]

Everybody loves attention (including me). Is that enough of a reason to tear apart a marriage? I don't think so. Especially since there is a little boy in the picture.
You say you have been depressed for 13 years. Do you think that going out to clubs (and getting hit on by men) is going to solve your problems?
You say your husband tells you that you are beautiful "all of the time", yet, you still need to seek the attention of other men? Maybe no matter how much attention you get, you will not be satisfied.
Maybe you need some individual couseling besides the Marriage Counseling. That is not a bad thing, alot of people are depressed. Good luck to you.
Sorry to hear about your Aunt.

 

[CamColt]

No advice for you, just some pixie dust being sprinkled your way!!!!
And I want to ditto what the others have said....You are beautiful!

 

[ratsrule]

Can I see a picture of your friend?

 

[Bob O]

Ditto's to ratsrule!!!!

 

[preshi]

This is 7 years ago...

http://pub45.bravenet.com/photocenter/view.php?img=23313&usernum=3835529086

here's last year

 

[ratsrule]

Not being insensitive, I think your description was not valid. Although she looks appealing, your description of her bosoms seem lacking.
So either you weren't truthful, or we need a close up.

 

[Bob O]

Thanks for the photo's, but the newer link from a yr ago comes back as no address!!

 

[preshi]

well it doesn't matter... those pictures don't do either of us justice. I don't have a newer one here.

 

[minniepumpernickel]

I think that you need to decide how unhappy you are? Are you profoundly unhappy? I hate to see people stay in marriages when they shouldn't, but only you can make that decision.

I sincerely hope that everything works out for the best for you!