I am so mad at DH right now!!!!

[tiff211]

Okay, DH and his car obsessions have been our ongoing battle since we got married. When I met DH, he was driving a silver used Honda Accord. He took good care of it but it was nothing fancy. By the time we were married, we had a little bit more money and he started decking out his car, big shiny rims, loud sound system, irridescent paint job. I would get so mad and tell him to grow up. When I was about 8 1/2 months pregnant, he went and spent about $1000 on new tires. I flipped, here i was stressing about maternity leave and not knowing if we would have enough money to cover my unpaid 6 weeks and he here was spending money on things that he didn't need. Never mind you that neither one of us could depend on family for anything so we were just building up savings from our wedding 18 months before. Then he puts in this huge speaker in the back and I tell him the stroller won't fit, he swears it will. One day, we were going out with the baby and of course my car was too "plain" to take so he wanted to take his decked out one. I watched him from the window try for 15 minutes to get the stroller in the trunk. Finally he put it in the back seat next to the baby's car seat!!! Oh no he didn't.....I run downstairs and tell him that if we got into an accident, that would crush the baby. He called me mello dramatic and that's when it go ugly. I took the car seat out and told him we either went in my car or no car. He left by himself.

Anyway, it's been one thing after another, his accord bit the big one and he fixed it and then sold it to some over excited 19 year old!!! Much more approriate. Then he bought a car from my friend's husband. Practical but reliable for awhile, but because it wasn't what he wanted he he didn't have the same passion, when it needed to be fixed, he didn't and it got so bad, he just donated it. Then I said why don't we get something small and safe, cute and reliable so we went to an auction and bought a 98 jetta, Great condition, cheap becuase it was a basic model. It was perfect because I could also drive it to my home parties instead of the gas guzzling Expedition that we have and I know Jettas are usually good cars. But no, he hated the jetta, complained about the jetta all the time. One day, my BIL calls and I answered the phone. He tells me to tell DH he will be coming to pick up the car that weekend. WTH???!!!! DH sold the car to his brother w/o saying anything to me. I was livid. Needless to say, he was still sleeping on the couch when his brother came. To top it off, his brother didn't even pay him the full amount agreed. He was short $500. Everytime DH would say he sold the car for $2K, I would remind that it was really $1.5k.

DH starts looking on ebay for a chevy blazer, he had a picture of one all decked out in his work area. I knew that meant trouble. BUt he was determined that he could get a Chevy in great condition for the $1.5K he had from selling the Jetta. He did......In NH!!! 3 hours away and of course I needed to drive him to get it. I was now sick of the inconvenience of either not having my car because he had it or dropping him off and picking him up all the time. When we get there the sales guy tells him that he paid the wrong price and it was actually more. I almost flipped his desk over on him! Note: we did not pay one penny more!!! Anyway, the blazer looked like crap!!!!!! BUt he drove of the lot like he had just bought the 2007 mercedes benz! Within the month it was in the shop, couple hundred here, couple there, to him no biggie! Meanwhile I am so heated, my flesh is melting off my skin!! In Feb. he calls me and says, he needs $500, I ask him where's his money, he has his own spending account for his "extras", he says he needs it in addition to his. Of course, it the car AGAIN!! He gets it fixed and then in the past few weeks since the weather has warmed up he has been decking it out again. He put new rims that he bought off ebay on. He put a new grill on, got a paint job, vanity plates. Last Saturday, I HEARD him pulling into the driveway. Something was wrong with the crapmobile again. I asked him what was up and he said he didn't want to talk about it. He brought it to his mechanic on Monday and he left a message for him to call last night. I stopped by there today on my way to work and the guy said that it's his whole front something or other and blah, blah, blah, car talk, blah blah, and then he said something that made me see red. He said he thinks because DH put bigger tires on the back, he destroyed the front whahossie thingamajig because the front wheels were spinning at a different speed!! It is going to cost $611 maybe more depending on it something else wasn't destroyed. We are leaving for Disney next week!!!!!!! I call DH and go off. He says he knew that was the problem but he couldn't his special key to get the rims off. Thank God, he has frequent flier points with the mechanic so he's not charging him extra for the work he has to do to get them off!!! Then as I am yelling, DH asks me what is he supposed to do? How the heck do I know? Unsell your car to your brother, the car that has not caused him a day of trouble in the almost 2 years he has had it? We can't afford another car payment. When we get to this point, he gets sick of the car and wants to go buy another peice of crap!!! He's a great husband, father but this is a constant battle with him and I am sick of it.

Thanks for letting me vent!!!

SIgned, the book writer!!

 

[marybet]

I really don't think you have a husband, sounds more like another child. Have you thought about counseling? He needs to grow up and put his family ahead of his cars.

 

[FayeW]

I understand. My husband has a motorcycle that he is constantly adding new chrome here, a new seat there, etc. It makes me nuts! I remind him he's not 18 anymore, he's 40 years old, and the shiny stuff won't make the bike run any better! When he started talking about the loud mufflers the young guys have on their bikes I said " If you put those on, you better make sure your next wife likes doesn't mind them". He's always upgrading his paint ball stuff too. I don't know why they just can't compromise and make do.

 

[Pooh_Friend#1]

Wow, that would make me angry too throwing out money like that on junk. Hugs to you.

 

[mickeyboat]

Wow! I bet you're glad you got that off your chest!

The biggest argument DH and I have had over the past 5 years was about vehicles. He thought we needed an ATV, I didn't. He got one anyway. My blood is starting to boil right now just thinking about it.

I think you really need to sit down with your DH and talk this through. I am sure it's hard to do that with so much else going on, but it's important. Your resentment of how he is handling the vehicle situation is going to spill over into other areas of your relationship - so nip it in the bud now.

BTW - DH and I had a long talk the day the ATV came home. I have forgiven him, but I am certain he will never do something like that again.

Denae

 

[Maleficent13]

Wow...just...wow. I'm not sure if I have anything to add, but I do hope your vent made you feel better! And I hope it was the Expedition you were planning to take to WDW!

 

[gris gris]

Maybe he should start riding the bus I've never experienced anything like this so I'm not sure what to do. Except that maybe you need some sort of "rule" that no one spends a certain amount of money without discussing with the other one first?

I don't think he's acting like a child really, obviously the guy is a car guy and that's okay, everyone needs something they are passionate about, right? I just think the way he's approaching this is childish. Plus he probably feels pretty stupid about buying the Chevy in the first place not knowing if it was a piece of junk or not.

BTW your post made me laugh (although you probably weren't going for that) with all of your funnies - driving off the lot like he just bought a 2007 MB!

 

[andromedaslove]

I really don't think you have a husband, sounds more like another child. Have you thought about counseling? He needs to grow up and put his family ahead of his cars.

OK, that was a bit snarky don't you think?!


To the OP: I wish I had some advice unfortunately, I don't. My DH is just as bad. We had a 1990 Integra that we spent so much money on I could just cry, then when it finally broke down we could only sell it for $700.00. Then he bought a V6 mustang less than 6 months ago, he has already bought 2 new sets of rims and tires for it (don't forget the spinners), and as we speak he is talking to the guy at the Ford dealership about a GT they have on the lot. I have come to the realization that my DH is addicted to cars, and I mean that seriously. He is either reading about them on the comp, maghazines, or he is at dealerships looking at them. I have my own addictions too, though. OK, just one, DISNEY!! We only live 2 hrs away, so whenever I get a chance I am packing up the kids and heading to Orlando, so I guess I can't be too mad at him. Anyway, I just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone.

 

[CathrynRose]

I really don't think you have a husband, sounds more like another child. Have you thought about counseling? He needs to grow up and put his family ahead of his cars.

Nahhhhh - I disagree.

Great Men always have passions - and unfortunetly her hubby chose an expensive passion.

I'd be ticked too! I dont think counseling is necessary ...sheesh!!!

Fortunetly my guy has a *fairly* cheap hobby. He likes tube amps... and tube radios... and since no one wants these stupid things anymore, he "curb crawls" on garbage day looking for these GREAT FINDS!!! Now, he can garbage pick all he wants - it's free! Its when he wants to take this 2nd hand (literal) garbage to the shop, to get it fixed, is when I get a little feisty!

ETA: I cant say much either.... I spend an awwwwwwful lot on Disney (got the guy to let me extend a day last night!) I spend an awwwwwwful lot on perfume, hair care stuff, makeup.... What'cha gonna do?

 

[madalynns mom]

Are you married to my husband??
Seriously he sounds just like my husband. I feel your pain!! His car is his baby and he actually went out and bought it without even mentioning a word to me. 2 years ago he stopped by my work one day and said "hey look what I got" yeah a $23,000 car we can't afford and our daughter barely fits in! We rent a basement for crying out loud! In tires alone that thing has cost an additional $2000. AND WE RENT A FINISHED BASEMENT!!
It's one thing to have a hobby but when you have a family with real bills to pay it's out of control.
I feel your pain! Hang in there I know it's frustrating!! Keep reminding him he's a big boy now and in real life these kinds of toys are not okay (unless you're a millionaire!) and he needs to get his priorities straight.
Oh and tell my husband too because he doesn't listen to me

 

[Chicago526]

Yikes, and I thought DH was bad about his truck! Lucky for me, when I say "no" DH knows I mean "no" and while he isn't happy, he follows my wishes!

Maybe sit down and talk (not yell, talk) to him about this. Ask him what his dream car would be, and how much it would cost. Then sit down and go over the budget, figureing out how long it would take you to save up that amount, so he can go get the car he wants. Maybe if you can figure out a way to get what he wants without having to go into debt, and show him that he just needs to be good for X number of months to get what he wants, he'll come around.

A lot of men are very funny about their cars (trucks, boats, computers, whatever). They had this boyhood dream of the ultimate tricked out whatever, and once they get a "real" job and are making some money, they just go nuts.

DH wants a new truck every two to three years, and has done so. He was upside down on his last trade in (this was right before I met him or I would have stoped him), as a result we now have a 3 year old truck with 100,000 miles on it and no warenty with a payment that would shock you if I told you what it was. A few months ago, DH said he wanted to go truck shoping. I fliped out. First of all, my car is 8 years old, so if anyone is getting a new vehical, it's me. Second, we can't afford it because we're paying off the wedding. Third, there is nothing wrong with the dang truck to begin with! DH fliped out in kind, said he'd do whatever he wanted, I couldn't tell him what to do yadda yadda yadda. I told him, yes, he could do whatever he wanted but if he went and bought a new truck, he would NOT like the consiquences. He cooled off, the next day he appoligized and said he'd never go and buy a truck behind my back.

I've compromised with him. I told him he can get a new truck IF the new loan is for the same length of time as the current one has left (4 years) and IF the new payment is less than the current one, THEN (and only then) can he get a new truck. Chances are he'd never be able to swing a deal like that, but it makes me seem like I'm willing to compromise. And if he is able to do it, then we are a bit better off than before, since our monthly payment is less without lengthening the time on the loan.

 

[grlpwrd]

My dh has a passion for cars and model military tanks. I know he works hard and yes, that everyone has a passion so we compromise. I have my things I like to buy, too, like exercise stuff and techno gadgets so we're equal.

Boys and their toys!

I hope this thread doesn't turn into another men-bashing one...

 

[andromedaslove]

Well... if it does at least we can counter it with the woman bashing thread about the 15yr old boy that got the 18yr old girl pregnant!!

 

[brittsmum1998]

Typical man. With my DH its the "theatre room" .... of course I don't spend much time in there. Give me a reg tv w/ VOLUME CONTROL anyday. Look on the bright side, at least you know where he is. It sounds like he has mostly good qualities.

Oh yeah, I think counseling is a little "extreme" for this kind of habit.

 

[Magickndm]

I can see how it bothers you, especially if you don't have the same passion as he does about cars, but you said he was like this before you even got married. If you really had a problem with it, that would have been the time to figure out if you could deal with it or not.
I guess I just don't understand couples who tell one or the other that they "can't" do something. If you treat your SO as a child, then usually they react as one. Yelling doesn't do any good.
You said he is a great dad and husband. At the end of the day that's what really matters isn't it?

After having said all that I will add that if you two do in fact have seperate money for your different intests, then once that money is gone, that should be it. I'm thinking that should be your biggest arguement, not his hobby itself.

 

[mickeyfan2]

I would recommend that you put the next car he buys in your name too. This would prevent him from selling it to his brother without your permission.

 

[gris gris]

I've compromised with him. I told him he can get a new truck IF the new loan is for the same length of time as the current one has left (4 years) and IF the new payment is less than the current one, THEN (and only then) can he get a new truck. Chances are he'd never be able to swing a deal like that, but it makes me seem like I'm willing to compromise. And if he is able to do it, then we are a bit better off than before, since our monthly payment is less without lengthening the time on the loan.

My DH is a truck guy every 2-3 years too. In fact, I thought we were getting engaged in 1997 but instead he came home with a brand new Dodge Ram! We drove around in my ring for a year Last year I gave him the same compromise as you and believe it or not, he did come home with a brand new truck - with a slightly lower payment.

 

[RadioFanatic]

I don't know, it seems like an addiction to me, similar to gambling. And according to the OP, dh is doing this to the financial detriment of the family which includes children. I think someone needs to step in and make some changes for him - possibly a professional, pastor or even a good family friend.

 

[hentob]

I don't know, it seems like an addiction to me, similar to gambling. And according to the OP, dh is doing this to the financial detriment of the family which includes children. I think someone needs to step in and make some changes for him - possibly a professional, pastor or even a good family friend.

I agree with this. I do believe they need counseling. The husband is disrespecting his wife. Over and over again. He has children and yet sinks his $$ into cars. It is immature and selfish.

OP--Are you the woman who could not find time to exercise? I do not have time to research right now, but I remember you by the beautiful baby in your sig Anyways, I remember reading your schedule and near fainted. You are one busy lady! Yet your dh has time for _himself_ to go to the gym and now for all of this car stuff.

May I be as bold to say that this is NOT "typical guy" stuff? A typical man/father should step up to the plate and take care of his family's needs first and hobbies after the family has been taken care of....

Good luck and a BIG

 

[hentob]

OK, that was a bit snarky don't you think?!

I don't this it was at all. The poor woman was 8+ months pregnant with and stressing about money. Her husband goes out and spends $1000 on his hobby without even talking it over. He didn't even consider her feelings. Who does that to somebody that they love and respect?

This whole "it's a guy thing" doesn't fly with me. I just don't understand when a "guy" puts things before his wife and family, it is called "a guy thing". Nopers. It's called "a disrespectful thing" and "a selfish thing" in my book.

The OP has EVERY right to be angry!