I am so frustrated with child care!

[Feckless]

So, we hired a sitter to come to our house this summer so that our kids could stay home, go to the park, ride their bikes, and have an active fun summer with lots of friends over. I was extremely clear about my expectations for the sitter - we would pay her minimum wage, do deductions, and she would look after the kids, plan activities (she wouldn't have to pay out of pocket for anything but I didn't want to have to deal with scheduling activities if we were paying her to be there), and to do some tidying and light housekeeping. Minimum wage here is $10 an hour. She is a 24 year old university student on summer break. I made it clear to her (PAINFULLY clear according to DH) that my DS can be a handful. Also, I made it clear to her that he and his sister fight. Both things were clearly going to be challenging for her but she said she was up to all of the challenges.

The first week was great and the kids seemed to like her. Second week less so. She got sick on Wednesday night and so she didn't come in on Thursday. She texted me on Thursday afternoon and said that even though she was still throwing up and she was told by a doctor that she had stomach flu, she wanted to come in on Friday because she "needed the money". I told her that she should stay home, but I would still pay her for 4 days (even though she only worked 2 that week - Monday was a holiday that we paid her for even though we didn't have to). I don't know if she wasn't happy with that solution, but she seemed to have an edge after that.

Every morning when I came down the stairs she was reclining on my couch with my daughter's blanket over her. Every. Single. Morning. I asked her if she was feeling well, and she said she was. I gave her lists of things I needed help with around the house (I wasn't planning on making her be Cinderella, but I am paying for her to look after the house and kids!) and also lists of possible things she could be doing with the kids. Find out after that she is making the kids do things that were inappropriate, like clean up after the (old, 14) dog and getting my daughter to change the TV channels for her while she is lying on the couch (sense a theme???). Also, she is texting me constantly throughout the day, basically tattling on DS if he got upset with her, or was teasing his sister. Um, that's what I am paying HER to do. To deal with that stuff! DH got upset, and when he got home this afternoon he told her that we understand that the kids can be rude, and that they fight too much, and that we are working on their behaviour. However, we want her to engage them more and spend more time interacting with them in a positive way, and not just when they are in trouble. Also, that it was inappropriate to be lying on the couch during work hours, and that it was making me upset that she was doing it in the mornings.

Fast forward to tonight: email QUITTING with no notice, completely leaving us in the lurch. She blamed DS for quitting, and said that he was basically uncontrollable. I know just typing this out that if this is the kind of person that she is (I think she is a nice enough girl, just freakin' LAZY) that my kids are better off with someone else, but we have NO ONE ELSE. I have a huge set of meetings tomorrow and DH has no annual leave left. Farmed the kids out with friends tomorrow, going to try to get ancient MIL to come in for two days and then I'll take Friday and next week off and try to get a camp or something together. I promised the kids that they wouldn't have to go to camp and could stay home....

Way to long a post, but I needed to vent and get some perspective.

 

[epcotprincess]

Sounds like what you really need is a nanny and what you got was a babysitter-- this situation seems to highlight the difference. She is doing what a typical 14 yo babysitter does (and she sounds immature since she is 24!) which is to tell them "no" and otherwise talk on the phone and watch tv until mom and dad get home, instead of doing the enriching things you'd hoped for. Is she majoring in education?

I think it sounds like you need someone who is more experienced with children, has raised children of their own, or is a teacher (or in the field of education or studying education.) Plenty of teachers and subs look for summer money, so maybe that could be a solution. Do you know any responsible teachers who have had your kids who could recommend subs they use, or maybe they themselves would be willing to take the job? Substitutes are almost always hard-up for money in the summer since school is out, and most subs are either certified teachers or studying to become one. That could be an avenue for finding someone right for the job.

FWIW I think $10/ hr is more than reasonable for what you are asking the individual to do, but that depends on your cost of living and the person's background. Around here, that's about the amount subs get paid, and they'd be putting up with a lot less flack, even if your DS is hard to handle.

 

[LuLuO]

That stinks. It sounds to me like she isn't one for taking care of kids and that the problem was her, not your kids. I probably would have fired her before now but understand that you are in a tough spot. What were her references like?

We hired a sitter for the summer because I had to have surgery. The going rate around here is $12/hour, more if you want light housekeeping. I used sittercity.com to place an ad and interviewed 6 young women (had almost 20 applicants). All of them seemed like they would be great and had good references and background checks. The one we went with has worked out beautifully and is very hands on. The kids love her and we are going to miss her when she's gone. Hopefully we'll be able to still get her once in a while on the weekends. There are good ones out there.

Sorry you are scrambling now. Do you have any nanny agencies that you could call?

 

[famofsix]

In the long run, she is doing you a favor by quitting because her behavior would have probably gotten worse. Right now, you are faced with working something else out which is going to be stressful in this moment. However, she is not a good fit for your family.

 

[clh2]

You wanted to pay someone $10/hour to do light housekeeping AND watch your kids. And to solve their "behavior" issues???

And then you are somewhat confused about the quality of the care your kiddos were recieving...and then you are confused that this individual "quit" with no notice.

Sorry - I think you were asking for an awful lot (you did indicate one was a handful, and the two kids did fight) for that amount of money. Plus you wanted housekeeping and tidying on top of the childcare.

You were looking for Mary Poppins.

Now I'm not saying it is "right" that this person just "upped and quite" on you. But - the reality is - you hired someone at minimum wage. Why not hire someone with am elementary education or a SPED major - they might be better equipped to handle the behavior issues. Where we live - $10/hour will get exactly what you got - irresponsible childcare.

Hope your next couple of days work themselves out until you find someone who works for your situation. But really - make this about the kids, not the housekeeping. (In my areas - housekeepers make $20 to $25/hour at a minimum - but they will not watch kids for that amount of money.)

My post - probably won't solve your immediate problem. It's goal was to help you consider some of the issues as you work on a solution for the rest of the summer.

 

[JoshAndEvsMom]

Have you tried a child care matching site? In the US we have something called care.com. It costs to "subscribe", like $10 a month but they vet all the individuals and centers offering child care. I'm sure there's something like it in Canada. Hope you find a better situation for your kids!! It sounds like they weren't having much fun

 

[kerplop]

When I was in my early 20s I worked as a nanny and I would do all of the things you described as wanting your babysitter to do. At the time (about 10-12 years ago) I made $350 a week before taxes, plus health insurance because it was a full time job of 40-45 hours a week. I also got two weeks of vacation pay a year. This was in addition to room and board, which depending on where you live may be a lot or a little more of an expense. I was also provided a vehicle to shuttle the kids around and a gas card which I could use solely to refuel. At the time this was totally the norm in nanny-care.

I nannied for three families in this time, two children the first time, one the second, and the last there were three. I was certified in CPR, first aid, and I took a lifeguard training course. I was also going to school in the evenings for an education major.

The point is that you're going to get what you pay for. If you want someone to look after your kids, that's going to cost you probably about what you pay a babysitter now. If you want someone to clean your house? That's going to cost more. You want a babysitter that scholastically enriches your kids or tutors them? Again, that will cost more. You can't just hire some random 20 something off the street and expect miracles. I know it's frustrating! Trust me, I totally get it. But at the same time if you look at what you want versus what you're paying for you can kind of see how it would also be stressful for the provider.

 

[AKL_Megs]

The point is that you're going to get what you pay for.

Exactly. You sort of were expecting a lot for a little.

I know someone who recently went looking for a "nanny" for her infant DS. She wanted the person to, while the baby slept, do laundry, or light cleaning, or dinner prep... for $900 a MONTH... 8 hours, 5 days a week! Yeah, that's pretty much minimum wage here. She didn't get any quality takers on that one!

 

[VAfamily1998]

Exactly. You sort of were expecting a lot for a little.

I know someone who recently went looking for a "nanny" for her infant DS. She wanted the person to, while the baby slept, do laundry, or light cleaning, or dinner prep... for $900 a MONTH... 8 hours, 5 days a week! Yeah, that's pretty much minimum wage here. She didn't get any quality takers on that one!

Sometimes I check out the ads on Craigslist...I've seen people (in the DC area) wanting full time nannies (mon-fri 7:30 am-5 pm, 2 kids) for $500/month!

 

[joyjoy]

My God. We pay $12.50/hr for a file clerk - who, well, files stuff all day. I think you are expecting way too much for a minimum wage job. What did you mean by "do the deductions"? I'm guessing you mean you are going to take federal taxes out of her check and then pay them yourself to the IRS (the Canadian version of IRS, I apologize for my ignorance). Wouldn't it be easier to not do that and have her claim her own earnings and taxes due at the end of the year? Surely there are no other deductions. I'm just curious. Good luck to you.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Looking to sort out this summer first: who are the friends you have the kids farmed out to today? Would their parents be willing to take an extra kid for the remainder of the summer if you paid them (maybe each of yours goes to a different place--eliminating the fighting between them issue) and you pay the parent $40 a day per kid (I am thinking that just splits the $10 per hour you were paying assuming an 8 hour day) plus the cost of activities. I had two summers where I helped out moms picking up the slack when sitters left early (seems to happen at times) and got paid some for it.

I agree that you are asking too much for what you are willing to pay (totally take out housekeeping--if you want quality child care just expect that the provider will clean up the messes s/he and the children create during the day--but not more than that; I worked with kids for years because I LOVE kids--I do not love housekeeping and would not have taken a job that required it when there were plenty of jobs out there for someone who is really good with kids).

At $10 an hour I think you need to research and plan activities and have a schedule laid out and you also need to have easy to prepare snacks and a planned and mostly prepared lunch (for the kids and sitter) available. Heck, lots of teens get $10 an hour to babysit in the evening (DD14 was getting up to $8 when we still lived in teh US and she was only 111/12--but she was good and CPR and First Ai and Red Cross babysitter trained, and, oh yeah, good--the kids begged for her--oh and in spite of what a PP said she DID engage with the kids, only if they were in bed did she do otherwise).

If you try this again next summer, I would also suggest having the potential sitter spend a weekend or two babysitting in the spring so you can find out if the personalities really do match before you are in a summer bind (if this girl had learned then that she really can't handle your son, or you had learned she would text you all day, that might have saved you a lot of grief now).

It is not right that the sitter laid around all day, texted you over every little problem or quit with no notice. I am sorry you had to (have to) deal with that. On the other hand, you really kind of set this up to fail with such high expectations for such low pay. Hopefully it will be a learning experience and you can make things much better next summer.

 

[ems_mom]

I was a childcare provider in my own home as an adult. But I started as a teen and had many varied experiences.

I completely understand your concerns about the level of care your children received. But how could you believe that $10/hour to a college student was going to guarantee good child care?

That's a poor salary for two children, especially if there are known issues.

Hire a professional at a fair price, and you will have the security of knowing they are really being cared for appropriately.

 

[disfan07]

I think you are going to have trouble finding someone for $10/hour to watch the kids and do housework...especially if one of your kids really is a handful.

I am 22 and I have 11 years of experience with children (11 years babysitting, 7 years of preschool camp experience and a year of preschool/daycare experience)

I charge (per hour):
$12- 1 kid
$14- 2 kids
$17 - 3 kids
$20- 4 kids

This is NO housework and I am CHEAP around here ( I actually need to raise my rates apparently from what I've been told). If I am babysitting little ones who still nap, I do occasional housework like dishes, picking up the toys, folding the kids laundry....but it's not expected and I get paid more when I leave if I do that but it's not an everyday occurance.

I would not work for $10/hour anywhere (unless it was someone we were friendly with who we knew was in a tough financial situation....and for that I would probably do it for even less) ESPECIALLY if housework was involved.

People always think that if the kids are older than you don't have to pay as much as when they are babies and preschoolers. So not true, especially if one is a handful like you say.

I would say that if you are looking for someone to watch the kids and do housework, you need to increase pay or else you are going to have trouble finding someone.

 

[superme80]

I think the big problem here is the baby-sitter agreed to the wages. When she was interviewed she could have challenged it or said no. Since she agreed and knew what she was getting into she should have fulfilled her obligations. OP I'm sorry you are in a lurch. I hope you can find someone.

 

[dismom2]

Honestly, I think you need to teach your children how to behave. Maybe then, a lot of your issues will greatly improve. Nobody, and I mean nobody, wants to deal with kids that are rude, out of control, fighting with each other a lot, etc... I think for kids like that, people should pay their help twice as much. She has to deal with that, clean, plan and execute activities, and more? For minimum wage? Good luck with that. Work on your children's behavioral issues, seriously.

 

[dreamin_disney]

how many hours per day was she watching your kids? $10 for two kids plus housework i also think you were expecting to much.


my sisters nanny got married and moved so my sis asked me to babysit for 2 weeks. I agreed. It was I think $100 a week. The deal was to watch 2 kids plus 2-3 day I had to drop off and pick one up from preschool. Sure no problem. My 2nd day she clean up the livingroom, make the beds. She also had a cleaning lady that would clean 1 day a week. Well Then she started cooking BBQ ribs for dinner and not doing the dishes and would expect me to wash the dishes the next day.She would make those dinners that gung would stick to the pans and you hate to wash, yup then she leave them for me the next day-uugh. Oh and 1-2left clothes for me to wash not asked but told. I felt taken advantage of especially when i found out how much she really paid the nany before a lot more $$$$ and she wasnt expected to clean or do dishes.

I paid my sitter $75 a week to watch dd for 5 hours per day. I sent food and snacks. DD basically watch tv and played.

I say for the $10 you were just paying her to show up-lol! sorry.

 

[hereyago]

Now I don't agree with her just lying around and having your DD change the tv channels, did she not have a remote in her hand?

Your kids are old enough to be helping to pick up yes, even after the dog, especially a 10 year old. and those ages are old enough for them to figure out what activities they can do, a babysitter shouldn't be a cruise director for that age to plan out activities.

 

[Feckless]

Where I live, childcare is exempt from the minimum wage requirement. Last summer the person I hired got paid $150 LESS a week than this sitter. My expectations were extremely clear and in writing prior to this sitter taking the job. I have a house cleaner - the light housekeeping I was expecting was basically to keep up with the messes made, including the dog (also discussed and agreed to in advance.). My kid's are outside, riding bikes and having fun a lot in the neighborhood. Any tidying I expected her to do in free minutes, which she would have many. Some days both kids were out to friends houses and i paid her to have a day off. I paid her full time for many part time days I did NOT underpay her based on our area and the going rate and in fact paid much more than what many are paying for here for the same service. I didn't expect her to plan every minute, just to maybe have an idea of something to do for part of the day - one craft, a bike ride, a picnic... Otherwise her job is just to keep me from being arrested for leaving the kids alone - not what I envisaged and NOT what we agreed. She didn't have to take the job and she didn't have to quit with no notice leaving me scrambling.

Thank you to those who had positive suggestions. I have the rest of the summer worked out. They just won't be home.

As for teaching my children how to behave, that is a work in progress. My son has no special needs, he is just a rambunctious 8 year old who can be a PITA at times, like most 8 year olds. His manners sometimes need correcting and he can argue with his sister. Glad some people's kid's are perfect!

 

[Feckless]

I paid her for 40 hours a week and she usually worked way less than that and never once more. She asked me to take the deductions and since I had to match contributions it was more expensive for me. I did not HAVE to take out deductions and remit them.

 

[kamik86]

Honestly I would have done that in college but would have had a problem with a few items.

If Im doing activities with your kids I probably don't have time for much housework. I mean its not like your kids need naps or have homework or anything. So we would probably spend most of the days out doing stuff in which case I wouldn't be doing much housework. I would expect if I did something at your house to clean up after with the kids.

The deal breaker for me would have been the dog. I babysat for two kids in high school The kids were easy to deal with, even the toddler that was still in diapers and was a screamer I could handle well. However the dogs... yeah they had 3 the last being a puppy (but not a small puppy he was huge) you couldn't pay me well enough to deal with the dogs again. I would not have agreed to do anything with the dogs.