I Am Having A Debate W/a Male Friend...

[livie1205]

what do you think is cheating? i think it is anything past flirting....kissing,touching,keeping secrets from your spouse ect.... he says intercourse ....what is he taking classes from bill clinton? lol what do you think?

 

[mamaminnie]

I'm going to say anything that you wouldn't do in front of your spouse (or significant other) is cheating.

 

[tarheelmjfan]

I'm going to say anything that you wouldn't do in front of your spouse (or significant other) is cheating.

Good answer!

 

[kuusimo]

I'm going to say anything that you wouldn't do in front of your spouse (or significant other) is cheating.

AGREE AS WELL! I think you if you are emotionally cheating- that is worse than physically cheating. (and what leads to the physically cheating)

Turning to someone else instead of your sweetheart is cheating.

 

[stenickar]

I'm going to say anything that you wouldn't do in front of your spouse (or significant other) is cheating.

AMEN!!!!

 

[coolbeans]

I'm going to say anything that you wouldn't do in front of your spouse (or significant other) is cheating.

I totally agree. That's a great way to put it and makes perfect sense.

 

[I'mNoPrince]

I'm going to say anything that you wouldn't do in front of your spouse (or significant other) is cheating.

Another vote from a Mans point of view.

 

[NEVERENOUGHWDW]

I think the mind is the most dangerous aspect of cheating. Once you have feelings, desires for someone the actual act never needs to take place it is cheating IMO.

 

[Doc CW]

I'm going to say anything that you wouldn't do in front of your spouse (or significant other) is cheating.

You said it best, I agree.

 

[Kimkimba]

I'm going to say anything that you wouldn't do in front of your spouse (or significant other) is cheating.

ITA with this.

 

[darlak]

When I go out with friends, I'm a little bit of a flirt if I drink at all. Nothing too serious, just a little flirting. My husband knows this and in fact, he and my friends joke that the song, Tequila Makes Her Clothes Fall Off was written about me. (I swear it's not really that bad though!) Anyway, I would never act that way if my husband was there, out of respect for him. In my opinion, cheating is breaking the trust you share with your partner. If I would be ashamed to tell my husband what I did, I think that would be cheating. Having recently celebrated 31 years of marriage, I think we've found what works for us.

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

I'm going to say anything that you wouldn't do in front of your spouse (or significant other) is cheating.

I think this is pretty much the consensus and I agree 100%. I won't do anything disrespectful to my spouse whether he is with me or not when it comes to the opposite sex. I'd never need someone telling DH...guess what your wife did/said when you weren't around. How embarrassing-not to mention damaging to my marriage.

 

[livie1205]

i figured this would be this case.....he thought it would be more of a variety of answers....this is the story...i will try to make it short...this is what i got out of the story anyway...years and years ago he was married and it was a bad marriage, wife was fooling around, well he said he got tired of being alone and him and a female friend fooled around, kissed and made out...anyway, stopped befor anything else happend because he felt so guilty...fast forward 6 years to now...this female he did this to is married to his best friend (after she had 2 kids with other guys) and he is re married to someone else (happy marriage) these people hang out at there house sometimes with the kids and stuff...wife finds out about this drama and is upset..she says once a cheater alsways a cheater...he says he did not cheat...also this lady is always at her house and she did not know about this and feels a little betrayed....he is complaining he does not know why she is so mad????

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

i figured this would be this case.....he thought it would be more of a variety of answers....this is the story...i will try to make it short...this is what i got out of the story anyway...years and years ago he was married and it was a bad marriage, wife was fooling around, well he said he got tired of being alone and him and a female friend fooled around, kissed and made out...anyway, stopped befor anything else happend because he felt so guilty...fast forward 6 years to now...this female he did this to is married to his best friend (after she had 2 kids with other guys) and he is re married to someone else (happy marriage) these people hang out at there house sometimes with the kids and stuff...wife finds out about this drama and is upset..she says once a cheater alsways a cheater...he says he did not cheat...also this lady is always at her house and she did not know about this and feels a little betrayed....he is complaining he does not know why she is so mad????

Wow...my eyes nearly bulged right out of my head when I read this. I guess you could chalk it up to youth if this all took place when they were younger. Still, I'm not a person who likes the whole "lying by omission" thing. Not that this was a topic that would come up in normal conversation, but seeing that they entertain this woman in their home, I think the DH should have said something. I'd be flipping livid. And yes, I totally think what he did was cheating-even if he doesn't. If he doesn't feel that way, then I guess it is okay if his DW does the same thing with say-HIS BEST FRIEND? Now there's a mess I'm glad I'm not entangled in.

 

[lorli]

Ok I just had to tell my story. I was in a very bad marriage for 10 years. After 9 years of him taking household money leaving us very short and not saving a dime, getting into drugs, spending time with friends and not with me, and dismissing my physical needs (not helping out after surgery, not being with me during surgery but at friends, and the list is never ending), I was fed up and found campanionship elsewhere. Yes I considered it cheating, Iwas emotionally connecting with another man, it bcame physical but not intercourse. Fast forward, Iwas afraid of committing to another lifelong relationship because of my first mistake and once a cheater, always a cheater as they say. I'm happy to announce, I am happily married, 7 years now to a wonderful man, and yes we can same money and go to Disney and have the finer things in life. My DH felt I was not cheating, I did not have intercourse, he also felt I not in a true marriage and only stayed for religious purposes. He said, "You are not a cheater, you are an escapist." He was right, I am not a cheater, I did cheat due to circumstances, but I am not a cheater. Happily married with dd (6). One mistake does not condem us to Hades. Just my humble story.

 

[ParrotBill]

Well suddenly the easy answer is not so easy. Lots of unsolvable problems in this story.

There's "she started it"
There's "it was 6 years ago in a bad marriage"
and there's "once a cheater always a cheater"

Once the trust breaks down it almost never rebuilds to where it was. Marriages end when it's a big trust violation. We can't judge his actions without knowing a lot more.

As for the recent issue, see above paragraph. Then I would suggest his new wife should ask herself "has he done anything to violate my trust in this relationship?" The attitude of "once a cheater always a cheater" is a sad thing to me... does not speak well about trust if you simplify life to that level.

 

[nessz79]

I agree that anything that you wouldn't do in front of your spouse is unfaithful. Unfaithful meaning doing something that you're not being completely loyal to your spouse. It doesn't have to be physical. If you wouldn't flirt a certain way with someone in front of your spouse/you know it would bother them, then that's not respecting your spouse.

Now obviously this would be a big range. Some spouses (like mine) don't mind joking around and laughing with their friends. But some spouses are "stricter" than others...which is why you should be careful who you marry!

My HUMBLE opinion.

 

[nessz79]

Also I agree that "once a cheater, always a cheater" is NOT true. There are various reasons people cheat and people can always make a decision that they won't do something like that again. It has to be their decision, and whoever is with them has to trust (their decision also).

 

[flipflop]

AGREE AS WELL! I think you if you are emotionally cheating- that is worse than physically cheating. (and what leads to the physically cheating)

Turning to someone else instead of your sweetheart is cheating.

AGREE!

 

[*KeepMovingForward*]

Also I agree that "once a cheater, always a cheater" is NOT true. There are various reasons people cheat and people can always make a decision that they won't do something like that again. It has to be their decision, and whoever is with them has to trust (their decision also).

ITA! I think that a lot of people learn from their mistakes-whether it is cheating or something else. So I don't believe that adage either.