Dearest Neighbor,
It has recently come to my attention that you are suffering from passive/aggressive and obsessive/compulsive disorders which compel you to take other people's property, without their prior knowledge, on a whim. This was apparent to me when you stole my property and then offered it to anyone with the will to pick it up on the street. In the future, be aware that I too suffer from a rare disorder that compels me to momentarily lose all ability to control my anger and I tend to lash out in ways deemed... well, rather scary. I wanted to warn you ahead of time so that we can avoid any future incidences that may trigger an uncontrollable outburst on my part. As I cannot be held responsible for my actions when others push me over the edge, I thought it would only be right to warn you of this in advance. It is always a good thing to note that others may be even crazier than you are.
sincerely,
Your favorite neighbor