darlak
<font color=darkorchid>By the way, if my children
- Joined
- Mar 23, 2007
- Messages
- 3,236
Because I see that so many folks from north of Alabama, (dare I say it...Yankees) are driving to WDW, I thought I would offer the following helpful hints to those who plan on traveling through Birminham via I-65:
Driving Information:
Birminham has its own version of traffic rules. The truck with the
loudest exhaust goes next at a four-way stop. The truck with the biggest tires goes after that.
Note: Blue-haired ladies driving anything have the
right-of-way anytime.
To find anything in the city, it is required that you know where
Malfunction Junction is, which is the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. It may be one of only two "cloverleaf formation" interchanges in the world. We invented it and only one other city was stupid enough to implement it again -- Atlanta -- making them only a wee bit dumber than we are.
The morning rush hour is from 6:00 to 10:00.
The evening rush hour is from 3:00 to 7:00.
Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.
If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be (at the very least)
rear-ended, cussed out, and possibly shot. This applies to male and
female drivers alike.
You must know that "I-459," "I-59," "I-20," and "I-65" are the same road.
They just loop around, cutting in and out of each other's path. We think
this was a ploy utilized to confuse outsiders and discourage visitors
after the War of Northern Aggression.
Always, always, always, find out if it is a race or football weekend
before you get on any of these highways to travel somewhere. If it is a race or football weekend, stay home. You won't be pleasantly going anywhere
else.
Construction is a permanent fixture in Birminham. The barrels are moved
around in the middle of the night to make the next day's driving a
little more interesting.
If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them over to the
shoulder immediately to let them know -- you can be sure it was "accidentally activated."
The minimum acceptable speed on "I-65" (see above) is 85 mph.
Anything less is considered downright sissy. This is Alabama 's
state-highway-sponsored version of NASCAR -- especially during rush hour (see above) and everyone in the city is driving at once, bumper-to-bumper. If you are in the left lane and only going 70 in a 55-65 zone, you are considered a road hazard, and will probably be "flipped a bird" accordingly.
Do not gawk at the woman in the car beside you in traffic who is
applying make-up, drinking a Diet Coke, smoking a Marlboro, and maintaining a
steady speed of 85 mph on I-65 in rush hour traffic. If she is coming
from a north suburb of Birminham, she might be packing. If she is coming from
a south suburb of Birminham, she IS packing and is not afraid to use it.
Weather Information:
If it's 110 degrees, Thanksgiving could be next weekend. If it's 10-20
degrees and sleeting or snowing, then watch out. Birminham residents
consider this "demolition derby" day and will be all over the roads
(frontways, sideways, etc). Please proceed with caution, as you could
be the next target.
Seasonal Information:
If you stick to the seats in your vehicle, it is Spring.
If you need to let the car "get some air" while standing next to it with
the doors open for a minute before you can stick your upper body inside to
crank it and get the air going, it is Summer.
If you are sweating even with the windows down, driving 55 mph, it is
Fall.
If you finally turn the AC off and roll your windows up, it is Winter.
General Information:
Do not ever speak during the song " Sweet Home Alabama " unless it is
to sing along with the lyrics. This is a form of heresy and will erupt in a
brawl if everyone doesn't show "proper respect" to the band who gave us Free Bird. This is especially true if alcohol is present (notice I didn't say "sold
at this event," but "present").
Yes, we know that Vulcan (our statue) is mooning the entire city. It's not that funny to us anymore, and by now we're used to it.
If you ask someone for a "coke," they will often ask you, "What kind?"
This is not a trick question. Tell them what you want: Sprite, Dr. Pepper,
Root Beer, etc., it is all "coke."
All tea is sweet. If it's not sweet, you have crossed the Mason-Dixon Line
Driving Information:
Birminham has its own version of traffic rules. The truck with the
loudest exhaust goes next at a four-way stop. The truck with the biggest tires goes after that.
Note: Blue-haired ladies driving anything have the
right-of-way anytime.
To find anything in the city, it is required that you know where
Malfunction Junction is, which is the Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. It may be one of only two "cloverleaf formation" interchanges in the world. We invented it and only one other city was stupid enough to implement it again -- Atlanta -- making them only a wee bit dumber than we are.
The morning rush hour is from 6:00 to 10:00.
The evening rush hour is from 3:00 to 7:00.
Friday's rush hour starts Thursday morning.
If you actually stop at a yellow light, you will be (at the very least)
rear-ended, cussed out, and possibly shot. This applies to male and
female drivers alike.
You must know that "I-459," "I-59," "I-20," and "I-65" are the same road.
They just loop around, cutting in and out of each other's path. We think
this was a ploy utilized to confuse outsiders and discourage visitors
after the War of Northern Aggression.
Always, always, always, find out if it is a race or football weekend
before you get on any of these highways to travel somewhere. If it is a race or football weekend, stay home. You won't be pleasantly going anywhere
else.
Construction is a permanent fixture in Birminham. The barrels are moved
around in the middle of the night to make the next day's driving a
little more interesting.
If someone actually has their turn signal on, wave them over to the
shoulder immediately to let them know -- you can be sure it was "accidentally activated."
The minimum acceptable speed on "I-65" (see above) is 85 mph.
Anything less is considered downright sissy. This is Alabama 's
state-highway-sponsored version of NASCAR -- especially during rush hour (see above) and everyone in the city is driving at once, bumper-to-bumper. If you are in the left lane and only going 70 in a 55-65 zone, you are considered a road hazard, and will probably be "flipped a bird" accordingly.
Do not gawk at the woman in the car beside you in traffic who is
applying make-up, drinking a Diet Coke, smoking a Marlboro, and maintaining a
steady speed of 85 mph on I-65 in rush hour traffic. If she is coming
from a north suburb of Birminham, she might be packing. If she is coming from
a south suburb of Birminham, she IS packing and is not afraid to use it.
Weather Information:
If it's 110 degrees, Thanksgiving could be next weekend. If it's 10-20
degrees and sleeting or snowing, then watch out. Birminham residents
consider this "demolition derby" day and will be all over the roads
(frontways, sideways, etc). Please proceed with caution, as you could
be the next target.
Seasonal Information:
If you stick to the seats in your vehicle, it is Spring.
If you need to let the car "get some air" while standing next to it with
the doors open for a minute before you can stick your upper body inside to
crank it and get the air going, it is Summer.
If you are sweating even with the windows down, driving 55 mph, it is
Fall.
If you finally turn the AC off and roll your windows up, it is Winter.
General Information:
Do not ever speak during the song " Sweet Home Alabama " unless it is
to sing along with the lyrics. This is a form of heresy and will erupt in a
brawl if everyone doesn't show "proper respect" to the band who gave us Free Bird. This is especially true if alcohol is present (notice I didn't say "sold
at this event," but "present").
Yes, we know that Vulcan (our statue) is mooning the entire city. It's not that funny to us anymore, and by now we're used to it.
If you ask someone for a "coke," they will often ask you, "What kind?"
This is not a trick question. Tell them what you want: Sprite, Dr. Pepper,
Root Beer, etc., it is all "coke."
All tea is sweet. If it's not sweet, you have crossed the Mason-Dixon Line
I am from Alabama (tiny town of Ft. Payne in North AL, so I guess I'm a Yankee). I lived in B'ham for four years. I lived in Hoover & had to commute to Ensley everyday to work, so I know Malfunction Junction well! This is great info & advice!! 
