Hypothetical question. WWYD

[Arielle22]

ITA! Not to mention, that hopefully the families would be saving the money for the child's education/future ect., so obviously it wouldn't be fair for 3 children to have to share the same amount of money that you gave to the family that only has 1 child ect. Personally, I think the fair thing to do is to give each grandchild a set amount of money.

OP never stands the grandchildren are minors.

When DH's grandmother died, her will stated 10% of her money was to be evenly divided between grandchildren. MIl had only 2 while DH's uncle (MIL's brother) had 5. Each got the same amount.

It comes down to what the will said. If there is no will then the survivors get the estate divided among themselves and can share with their children in the manner they choose.

 

[tinker&belle]

If the will specifies the grandchildren, then each grandchild gets the same.

 

[j's m]

I'm confused. Was your MIL giving money to each *family* or to each *person.* On birthdays, if each of your BIL's kids got a $50 gift, you felt your child should have received a $100 gift? Am I understanding correctly? And at Christmas, if your mother wanted to give every person a $100 gift, you felt your childless sister should have received a larger gift?

Yes and Yes

Especially now since both are in nursing homes and we will inherit zilch. My POA for both is just work and no pay, and neither my sisters or BIL do a thing.

 

[JennsBabySky]

I'd divide equally among grandchildren (same amount to each). However, regardless of the way the money was distributed, I'd never voice a complaint or cause family disharmony over money. Ideally, I'd tell that family member my wish was for them to spend their money in their lifetime. I cannot understand why money would break up a strong family.

Sorry, one of my pet peeves. It pains me when I hear of families being split apart by money issues at the death of a loved one. And no, we don't have a ton of money, but family is way more important than money.

 

[UncleRay]

Each gets the same.

 

[Scurvy]

Doesn't the will specify who should get the money? My grandmother's will, for example, specifically said that the money should be split equally between her daughters. If one daughter predeceased her, then the granchildren on that side would split their mother's half. If both daughters predeceased her, then all grandchildren would get equal shares of the estate. If for some reason the will doesn't specify and you do have the power to choose how to distribute the money (which seems very unusual, so you should clarify that you really have that power before doing anything) then I agree completely with this:

If you are distributing directly to the children, I would think they should get the same amount since they are all the same relation to the owner of the estate. If you were splitting it among just the children (not the grand children), it is fair to give the same amount to each child, regardless of how many children they have. Yes, in practice that gives the only child twice as much if they inherit it from their parent (but they would inherit it from their parent, not from the grandparent's estate).

I say if you are giving it directly to the grandchildren, they should each get the same amount. It doesn't matter how many were in each family, they are all related the same and should be treated equally.

If the money goes to the deceased's children, then it makes no sense to divide it unevenly simply because one person has more children. Each child should get an equal amount. If the money is being left directly to the grandchildren, it makes no sense to give some grandchildren less just because they have more siblings. What purpose would that serve? The siblings are are each individual grandchildren and would each be entitled to an equal portion of the estate regardless of the fact that some of them are more closely related to each other than they are to the others. Honestly I don't even understand that suggestion. Each grandchild is an individual person. They don't pool their money. It makes no sense whatsoever to treat them as a unit when distributing the money, or when giving gifts. Why should some grandchildren be treated as half a person (or even less) just because they happen to have siblings?! That's just crazy.

 

[tlbwriter]

Yes and Yes

Why did you feel your child should get a gift that cost twice as much as your nephew's gifts? Why was spending the same amount on each child not fair in your eyes?

 

[Swimalie]

I'd divide equally among grandchildren (same amount to each). However, regardless of the way the money was distributed, I'd never voice a complaint or cause family disharmony over money. Ideally, I'd tell that family member my wish was for them to spend their money in their lifetime. I cannot understand why money would break up a strong family.

Sorry, one of my pet peeves. It pains me when I hear of families being split apart by money issues at the death of a loved one. And no, we don't have a ton of money, but family is way more important than money.

I agree! My husband's family was split over possessions. One half of his grandmother's family doesn't talk to the other half over the great-grandmother's old furniture.

I have a friend who, when her grandmother died, the money wasn't divided equally between the 5 grandkids (2 siblings and 3 cousins from an Aunt) because of property that my friend and her sister have access to that her mom inherited (the Aunt died in 1982) which her cousins don't have now. I can see the reasoning. The Aunt has been gone for so long and I know personally I would much rather have my mom here with me than get money from another's estate.

 

[Kim♥DISNEY]

You divide the money between the 3 daughters, that is all.

I agree with this PP.

 

[momof1princess]

if the money is going directly to the grandchildren, i would give each child the same amount. i imagine there would be some resentment if the only child got an extra share, just because she has no siblings.

 

[mistysue]

Why did you feel your child should get a gift that cost twice as much as your nephew's gifts? Why was spending the same amount on each child not fair in your eyes?

No kidding, before reading this thread, I never realized I was only worth 1/5 of what a single child was worth... What about the fact that the only child gets 100% of their parents money and time. Those kids with siblings are disadvantaged in that way and this sounds like pissing on them to top it off.

j's m- I get that your kid should get more from you being an only child, but you really think that your child is worth twice as much to the rest of the world as your nephew ONLY because your nephew has a sibling?


OP if you actually get to make a decision, members of the same generation should all EVENLY be given to.

 

[Shleedogg]

I think they should all get the same. I think giving the only child double is, in essence, punishing the other two for having siblings. Seems completely unfair to me.

 

[phred52]

Ok, I have a hypothetical question which DH and I have a difference of opinion on.

Let's say you are the executor of your mom's considerable estate. You want to disperse some money to the 3 married daughters chidren. Two daughters have two children each, the other daughter has one only child. Here's the question:

Do you give each grandchild the same amount of money? Say $5000 each. Or do you give the grandchild that doesn't have siblings $10000 because the other 2 families got that much each in total?

Thanks for weighing in.
(DH says the only child should get double. I say they should all get the same)

ooh my goodness, THIS is my EXACT family. I am one of the three daughters, and just last week my Mom discussed this exact thing!! Here's what she decided .... Eventually, each daughter is getting an equal percentage of her estate. Each of her 5 grandchildren is getting an equal, identical set dollar amount upon her death. She gave it a lot of thought before coming to this conclusion.

 

[2disneyboys]

You are only the executor. It is not for you to decide. Either her will specifies how she wanted it divided or you go by the rules of the state- each child gets 1/3, which would mean that the child from the single child family would get more.

I haven't read this whole thread but I work with estates through probate alot here in va (its' my job)

The poster I quotes is the exact right answers. You get yourself in trouble when you apply your logic, or your feelings or worry about other's feelings. If the deceased did not leave a will that states exactly what to do and how to divide it, then you have to follow the probate law in your juridistiction. The thing is (here in virginia) if you as the executor intentionally or uninentionally distrubute any of the estate improperly and someone contests it and wins, then the $$ comes out of your personal pocket.

1. everyone should have a will that clearly states your intentions
2. if there is no will or the will is not clear, then refer to your state law. Following a legal document (will/trust etc) or the state law will NEVER get you into trouble (well, they can sue, but you have something to back yourself up) Following feeling, emotion or I think she'd want it that way CAN get you into trouble! Be careful as 1. lots of familes breakup over a lot less money than people would think and 2. even your best intentions can get you in trouble ... follow the law put emotions aside!

 

[Shleedogg]

I'm confused. Was your MIL giving money to each *family* or to each *person.* On birthdays, if each of your BIL's kids got a $50 gift, you felt your child should have received a $100 gift? Am I understanding correctly? And at Christmas, if your mother wanted to give every person a $100 gift, you felt your childless sister should have received a larger gift?

I'm confused right along with you. It's not about equality in the "family" it's about being equal person to person.

Take my family Christmas. DH's family has 24 grand/great grand kids; we buy for 19 of them that are under 18. Our budget is $15 per kid. So for BIL #2's family of 4 girls, we spend $60. For BIL #5's family of 1 boy, we spend $15. By your logic I should be buying BIL #5's son a $60 gift? That is clearly not fair and punishing the kids from larger families for having more siblings. If everyone gets the same amount, that is fair.

She sounds greedy to me.

 

[CTdiznymom]

OP here: Thanks for everyones opinions. As I stated in my post this is purely a hypothetical question. We were discussing wills and how estates are divided where feelings get hurt. I think the deceased chldren should get equal shares, and if a separate gift is made to the grandchildren they too should receive the same monetary amount. I encourage everyone to have a will and stipulate exactly how you want you money and your belongings distributed. My DH's aunt just passed without a will and he has been asked to handle it. It has been a total nightmare, and has taken up a considerable amount of time and we are no where near the end.

 

[clh2]

You are only the executor. It is not for you to decide. Either her will specifies how she wanted it divided or you go by the rules of the state- each child gets 1/3, which would mean that the child from the single child family would get more.

I agree with this. the executor just carries out the will, or by the state rules. My guess that with no will (because if there was a will - this wouldn't even be up for discussion) the assets of the estate would be divided between the children, not the grandchildren. It would probably complicate things if one of the children were deceased, but it would be spelled out in probate laws.

Also - an executor of an estate can get sued...just another thing to keep in mind.

This type of question brings up another reason to for all of us to make sure that our wills and healthcare POA's are up to date!

 

[Swimalie]

My DH's aunt just passed without a will and he has been asked to handle it. It has been a total nightmare, and has taken up a considerable amount of time and we are no where near the end.

I agree here. My father in law died without a will. Not a huge hassle since my mother in law was still alive and everything went to her. My husband's grandmother just died without a will (gee, his dad's mom, see a pattern here?) and it's a huge hassle since 2 out of 3 of her kids have passed and so it's a matter of 1 of her surviving kids taking care of her estate and trying to make it fair for all. I feel for him, too. It's been a year since she died and still no progress of settling the estate.

 

[MSSANDRA]

I am going this right now and am SO blessed that my parents were so smart. The will tells us exactly how the money would be divided. 50/50 between the two daughters. If one daughter had passed, her 50% goes to her children in equal amounts. Sisters kids would have divided her 50%, my son would have gotten my 50%.

She had my sister and my name on all her IRA's money markets etc so that none of her money even needes to go through the court. All property (house cars, land etc) is 50/50 but was still in her name so we have to probat that. WE have no issues with that at all and have decided together what we will do. The grand boys are not directly given any money but we know what thier grandma would want and as we sell some of the property, we have decided to divide it between the three boys, two my DN and one DS. No issues what so ever.

Once the money is divided DSister and I can choose what we will give our boys. Both of us will set aside money for college for them.

 

[gillenkl]

I am an only child - speaking from experience all the grandchildren should get the same amount.