Hypothetical question. WWYD

[dimimi]

OP here: Thanks for everyones opinions. As I stated in my post this is purely a hypothetical question. We were discussing wills and how estates are divided where feelings get hurt. I think the deceased chldren should get equal shares, and if a separate gift is made to the grandchildren they too should receive the same monetary amount. I encourage everyone to have a will and stipulate exactly how you want you money and your belongings distributed. My DH's aunt just passed without a will and he has been asked to handle it. It has been a total nightmare, and has taken up a considerable amount of time and we are no where near the end.

I know some people are educated about this on this thread. The same thing happened in our family....so...doesn't the state law decide some of this? I thought it really wasn't up to an individual to decide, but the individual handling the estate would just follow state law?

 

[ancestry]

I know some people are educated about this on this thread. The same thing happened in our family....so...doesn't the state law decide some of this? I thought it really wasn't up to an individual to decide, but the individual handling the estate would just follow state law?

Exactly! I did not read all of the posts (only read the first page) but this isn't up to the executor to decide. If the person died intestate then state law determine how the estate is divided. If the person had a will then their will states how the money is divided. State laws vary from state to state. Most states follow a per stirpes distribution where each branch of the family is to receive an equal share of an estate irregardless of the number of heirs in that branch.

 

[Ginamarie]

Exactly! I did not read all of the posts (only read the first page) but this isn't up to the executor to decide. If the person died intestate then state law determine how the estate is divided. If the person had a will then their will states how the money is divided. State laws vary from state to state. Most states follow a per stirpes distribution where each branch of the family is to receive an equal share of an estate irregardless of the number of heirs in that branch.

Yes, this is exactly correct. If there is no will, the administrator of the will needs to follow the state law in making distributions. Not every state handles things the same, which is why you look at state law rather than some kind of general "United States Code" and why people may have had different experiences in how property was distributed in their case.

As an attorney who handles estates, I encourage people to sit down with an attorney and have a will drafted up which specifies exactly what you want. It may cost a couple of hundred dollars, but it will save your family a lot of money and heartache in the process! The same goes for having a living will/healthcare proxy. Your relatives will thank you for not making them guess at your wishes.

 

[cglaura]

Give it all to charity and let the daughters and grandkids earn a living.

I never quite understood the concept of being "entitled" to the money another person earned...in cases that that is where the inheritance is coming from...the deceased person's savings/investments from their own income.

My brother and I both encouraged mom to set up enough for final costs, and to spend the rest herself on herself for as long as she can.

 

[semo233]

This post made me shake my head because this is a long standing feud between my MIL and her brother. My MIL had three children, two of whome are deceased and her brother has four children. Her brother thinks that he should get more of his father's estate because he has more children. I don't feel children should come into the situation at all. How would the estate be divided if there were no children? Like previous posters stated, if there is money for grandchildren, then that should be evenly split.

 

[talulabelle]

This is how it is supposed to work ; Been through this in my family and most estate attorneys will tell you the same:

The three daughters get even share.

If grandchildren are getting something - and the daughters are all still alive: each grand child gets equal amount. It doesn't matter how many children per family, if the money is for the child: it shouldn't matter what the "family total" is. Each grandchild is equal. Not having siblings doesnt make a person more of a grandchild or entitled to more. Having a sibling shouldn't make a child less of a grandchild.

Now this is where it is different (and what my family had to deal with) If one of the daughters has predeceased their parent. The deceased child's share of the estate should be split equally among that child's children. The estate would not be split between the remaining 2 daughters only. Reason is, when the remaining daughters pass, their children will inherit the money from them. The children of the deceased child should not suffer because their parent had already died. To not leave the equal share to the children of deceased child would be acting as if that child had never existed. Other children of the remaining daughters do not get money as well because the children of the deceased child did. They will get thier share when their parent passes. Any money to be given to grandchildren seperately would still be split equally among grandchildren on top of what the children of the deceased parent already received.

 

[tar heel]

Of course they should all the same!

 

[happydisneyfamily]

If it's going to the grandchildren, they should all get the same amount. When my grandfather was alive, he would give us all money envelopes for Christmas and every child got a $5 bill. It didn't matter that some families had only 1 child or others had 4 children, each grandchild got the same amount and we all felt equally loved by our grandpa.

 

[gr8leg8]

OP here
My DH's aunt just passed without a will and he has been asked to handle it. It has been a total nightmare, and has taken up a considerable amount of time and we are no where near the end.

I am sorry for your loss and hope your post will help others
to talk with their loved ones about their wishes.

 

[allison443]

OP this is something that is determined by state law, (when someone passes away without a will). It is not up to your dh if he is the administrator of the estate.
He will have to file papers with the court accounting for what he did with the estate money. The distribution of the assets must be done in accordance with the law (when there is no will.)

 

[arminnie]

My uncle's will divided his estate among his seven siblings evenly. If the sibling was deceased that share went to the sibling's children.

My mother was deceased. I have two siblings so I got 1/3 of my mother's 1/7th of the estate.

Another uncle was deceased. He had four children. His 1/7 of the estate was split 4 ways.

My cousins whose mothers were alive got nothing.

 

[Mom2Ben02]

When DH's Gpa passed away, he was estranged from his daughter (my MIL). He had changed his will to leave everything to his son (my DH's uncle), even though we still had a good relationship with him, and even named our son for him. DH's uncle inherited over $750,000. We got $1,000 and an old lawn mower we later sold for $50.

 

[esk]

Here's another twist....

DH's grandpa was in failing health for years but pretty well off. Comfortable, not rich.

Had 4 kids. One (my MIL) nursed him through his failing years with "the promise" that she'd get " a huge settlement" when he passed. Two brothers had jobs, etc, and while close to grandpa, had other things going on. Sister floated between jobs, etc, for years and called Dad for "loans" of $10K, $15K every 6 months or so.

So Grandpa passes and they are dividing up the house, land, bank accounts, etc....and it turns out no provision was made for MIL's "promise" of a "huge settlement"....he never changed the will. Everything was divided equally between the 4 of them.

Where the resentment came in was that Sister had been "bleeding" Grandpa for years and in addition to her 6 figure settlement at the end, had gotten probably twice that over the years.....and then MIL, who never got anything, put her life on hold for 4 years to care for Grandpa and got the same thing. The brothers don't care or want to be involved in this, but some bad blood has arisen between the siblings over this.

My mother? She made me and my siblings co sign a bunch of accounts that apparently we can't withdraw from without the other signatures, so that when she passes, it will all be even. DH and I just roll our eyes and tell her to spend it all now, we're not counting on it. One Christmas she even wanted us to all put colored stickers on the things we want....red for me, green for sis, etc so we could work it all out now. We didn't but I'm not real tied to the possessions anyway and my brother would just want money. I'd want the pictures and this old clock I love and I think my sisters wants the china, but other than that, I'm prepared to let the siblings have all of it.

 

[SoonerSarah]

I am going this right now and am SO blessed that my parents were so smart. The will tells us exactly how the money would be divided. 50/50 between the two daughters. If one daughter had passed, her 50% goes to her children in equal amounts. Sisters kids would have divided her 50%, my son would have gotten my 50%.

I completely agree.

DH's grandpa had moved to assisted living before his death, his car was sold and we began the process of clearing out his house, which was also sold before his death. All of his money, CD's, bank accounts, whatever, was put in the names of his 3 children. There weren't really any issues with dividing up the money once he had died, and that was how he wanted it.

 

[CTdiznymom]

I am sorry for your loss and hope your post will help others
to talk with their loved ones about their wishes.

Thank you so much.

Her passing so suddenly without a will has left us with a myriad of problems to deal with. I urge everyone to get a will. Make your wishes known to other family members. Not only your finances, but what you want in the way of your burial/cremation. I also urge everyone to make sure your different accounts are up to date as far as listing beneficiaries. This particular aunt left employers years ago and never updated stock certificates or 401K's. She has beneficiaries listed that have long since passed. It's a real mess that has left my DH frazzled, and other family members upset that they weren't listed on policies.

I hope this thread gets others to act, it certainly has been a lively discussion.

 

[LoveBWVVBR]

They all get the same amount.

 

[gk90]

Thank you so much.

Her passing so suddenly without a will has left us with a myriad of problems to deal with. I urge everyone to get a will. Make your wishes known to other family members. Not only your finances, but what you want in the way of your burial/cremation. I also urge everyone to make sure your different accounts are up to date as far as listing beneficiaries. This particular aunt left employers years ago and never updated stock certificates or 401K's. She has beneficiaries listed that have long since passed. It's a real mess that has left my DH frazzled, and other family members upset that they weren't listed on policies.

I hope this thread gets others to act, it certainly has been a lively discussion.

Best of luck to you on getting it all resolved with the minimum of hard feelings! The events of 9/11 and the passing of family members without leaving wills or leaving crazy wills were what got me and DH to make our wills when some people said we were "too young", in our early 40s. We do need to check/update accounts and beneficiaries. My BIL died without a will and without changing all his beneficiaries--his wife fortunately was well provided for but his ex-wife still ended up with thousands that he had forgotten about.

 

[AmberHeartsDisney]

same, will save head aches later

 

[mom3sonstt]

In my husband's family when his grandfather died, his estate went to his 2 children. My husband's father and his aunt. The aunt then gave a portion of her inheritance to her 3 children, my husband's father did not. It has now all been used up in home healthcare fees - but it kept him in his home longer than if he had passed it on.

On my husband's mother's side of the family - his mother died of cancer several years ago, but her mother is still living. The way her will is set up - her 3 surviving children (assuming they will all still be alive when she dies) each get one/fourth of her estate, the other fourth is split between my husband and his sister.

I know there were no hard feelings between the cousins when the gradnfather died - Just because Aunt Pat wanted to gift her kids with a portion of her inheritance did not mean my f-i-l was required to do the same. On the other side - who knows how that will go. I know on the surface the cousins probably won't say anything about my husband and sister in law receiving the inheritance - but that side of the family is very "me, me, me" and I would be surprised if they aren't already taking the "good stuff" from grandma's house. Not sneaking in and looting it - but "gee grandma, that would look great in my apartment". I have a shelf with little knick knack type trinkets (a music box, a ceramic dog figurine....) that I have been collecting from past relatives, so I hope to wind up with something like that when she goes.