Husband not a Disney fan; need advice (long)

[funcinderella]

My husband is not a Disney fan. He went once in like 1977, and then with me before we were married in 1994. We also did one day at the MK in 2003, when our twins just turned 2. He just did not grow up with Disney like my family did. I went with my parents and brother and my two kids this past summer for 9 nights (kids are now 3 1/2) and we had an absolute blast!(No husband; he went to Cancun with his friend at a different time of year.)Our agreement was that we would all go in Nov 05 with my family and his parents. However, he has decided that he can't spend any vacation time with my family (he thinks my father and brother are too annoying and demanding; I'll admit they can be at times, but I feel he should learn to just deal with it. His family isn't perfect either, and I deal with it. He's also overly sensitive, I feel, about things they say or do i.e. My brother will always ask if there is free refills at a restaurant, and this bugs DH to no end; those types of things.) However, I figured if he can't do it though, that's fine. I'll go with the kids for two weeks and he and his family can come the first week, and my family the second week. Nope, no good either. And he doesn't want to do "separate vacations" again either (ever.) (We did go on a cruise together earlier in the year; it's not like we had no family vacation whatsoever.) So here I am, with a DH who doesn't like Disney much, but won't let me go with my parents either.

Am I doomed to only seeing Disney once every 7 years or so???
Anyone have similar problems or advice??

 

[Brian Noble]

It sounds like he is not a "your-family" fan, rather than not being a Disney fan. While he may be overly sensitive towards your family, it seems to me that "just deal with it" is probably not going to be helpful advice.

If I were you, I'd plan a vacation to WDW with just the four of you, and see each family at other times.

 

[addicted_to_WDW]

Fortunately, my husband is as geeked up about WDW as I am, however if he wasn't, I'd go without him. Maybe I wouldn't go as frequently as I'd like to, but I'd get there at least once every couple of years.

This is not the right solution, but if he refuses to vacation with your family, I'd agree but state in no uncertain terms that you aren't going to vacation with his family either. I'd also have an issue with someone who "wouldn't let me" vacation with my parents.

 

[chesirekate]

He "won't let" you go? Ummmm, sorry, but my husband knows better than to tell me what I can and cannot do. Before our trips this year he couldn't understand my obsession with Disney and wasn't so sure about going. I told him Kate and I were going with or without him. If he wanted to vacation with us he was more than welcome to come along but I was taking my baby to Disney World for her 2nd birthday, darn it. Luckily, he came along and had a great time and wants to go back next year. But if he didn't, I would still go without him.

 

[Bill From PA]

I agree with the WDW trip with just your nuclear family, not the extended one. It sounds like hubby is suffering from in-law issues, I have them myself, so do this with just the 4 of you. One thing you might want to modify while you're still young is the notion that one spouse has to 'let' the other have time with their blood relatives. If either of us doesn't wish to do a trip for whatever reason, that's ok, but neither of us can veto the plans of the other. I hope you situation isn't as restricted as your comment sounded to me.

Bill From PA

 

[ashjohnson80]

Ok I don't know if this is good advice or not but I kind of stay in that same situation with my husband and my family. He is very grumpy about doing things with them and is constantly talking about certain members of my family (even though his is completely disfunctional but that is besides the point). so what i do is coherse him into doing things with my family and he usually ends up having a good time with just a couple of fits of "why can't they make up their mind!?!" or "they need to stop dilly-dalling around" or "no one ever tells me anything". I keep hoping that by putting them together that he will get used to it and start thinking of them as his family. But the verdict is still out on that one...

 

[funcinderella]

Thanks for the input. My feeling also is to say, "I'm going, take it or leave it." This is something my family is really into, and it would break my heart to not be able to share my kids/Disney with my parents (they are the only grandchildren, on top of everything.) My mom also watches our kids 3 days a week for us (and basically whenever we need it, including to let my husband do things like baseball games, etc.) We don't pay her; the only thing she asks is that she can go to Disney with the kids.
I just am wondering if perhaps I am the one being unreasonable here. It's good to hear other people's opinions.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Doesn't sound like you are being unreasonable at all, especially since your mother wants this in return for watching the kids. Maybe you should buy APs, if you don't already have them and take one trip with only your DH and kids, one with you, your kids and your extended family (with or w/o husband) and maybe a long weekend with only your husband. Maybe then he would see a different side of WDW (worked for my husband).

T&B

 

[dizagain]

I would most definitely continue with your plans to go to WDW with your family - especially since it's so important to your mom. I completely understand....we're the proud parents of the ONLY grandchildren on EITHER side of the family (DD's 8 and 10). Naturally they hang the moon in all grandparents eyes. DH doesn't particularly care for my mom and doesn't hesitate to make comments. (For instance, she and my stepfather are coming for Christmas and he asked if they were sleeping in separate rooms "for the kids". Seems someone still takes sides in MY parents divorce a few years ago. Go figure...)

Anyway, go with or without him, but make sure your family (the four of you) has time to yourselves. It's obviously important to him. And maybe he's like my DH - even though he is constantly making digs at my family, he IS kidding around and wouldn't ever try to keep me from them. As for loving WDW, my DH wouldn't ever admit it, but he's very much excited about our trip #2 in June and always compares other places to Disney quality...Have fun planning!

 

[Sandyincanada]

Personally, I would try a family vacation without the parents/inlaws. You'd hate for him to get turned off Disney completely and fight about it all the time. I get along with my inlaws but I would never, ever go on a vacation with them, lol. The things that drive me crazy over the course of an evening would drive me insane over a vacation. Might sound selfish but if I'm on vacation (especially, my once a year longer vacation), I dont want "to have to deal" with anything, thats not much of a vacation. After 25 years of marriage, we've never vacationed separately although it works for some, I guess. We are both very busy with our jobs all year and our vacation is our time to unwind and have quality time together as a family, its very important to us. But I do know that if I ever wanted to go somewhere without him, he would never object. hmmm, after 25 years, he may even pack for me, lol.

Good luck on whatever you decide.

 

[peacefulgirl]

Mine too is not a Dis fan... but I just went with his Mom and Sis in Oct and now am going next week with just our DD. He has no interest. Its a mother-daughter trip instead. He isn't excited about us being alone (safety) in FL, but he also knows that he has a choice and can't tell me I can't go. I am lucky that my Mom is 2 hours away, so in an emergency she is close.

I would hate to go with my nuclear family AND either family, I think too many people, too much hassle. Just my oppinion, which is why I am going back so fast, I love MIL and SIL, but am happy to go hassle free and just have 10 days of time with my DD ... no plans, no schedule, no people to work plans out with.

I say if he doesn't want to go as nuclear, then go with your family if that makes you happy. Compromise in marraige is key, not "telling" what one can and can not do. Ahhh families, LOL always a pain in some way LOL.

 

[eeyore0062]

I think he needs to grow up and deal with it. Sorry to be so harsh! Of course, if he is going to make your life miserable, maybe he should stay at home. That may be the best way to deal with him. Just tell him you are going anyway. The idea of one week with your family and one with his sounds like a good solution, then if he doesn't want to be with your family, he can either join you when they leave or leave when his family leaves.

I don't envy you... I am so glad everyone in my family gets along. Good luck and don't worry too much about it. I am sure it will all work itself out. Things like that always do.

 

[tci1212]

My Husband is not a Disney fan either. He has gone on 2 trips in the last 10 yrs. I went in Aug 04 with my children and my sister and our Mom. My husband stayed home. I am going again in 2 weeks but my husband will be staying home with the 2 younger children. He feels there is much more exciting places to go than Disney World. In my family everyone loves Disney except for him. He doesn't mind that I go, he even bought me Disney Dollars for my Birthday for this trip in January. I hope you can work it out. Life is too short for not living it how you want to.

 

[karensi]

You say that your DH is not much of a Disney fan. How about if you and your parents did the parks during the day, leaving DH at the hotel to sight see, go in the pool, play golf, etc. In the evening you and DH could have dinner together and spend the rest of the evening doing things either just the two of you (one benefit of going with parents) or with your kids. DH may enjoy thr Boardwalk at night and there are great restaurants in many of the hotels you could try. Hope this helps. No matter what you work out I hope you get to go.

 

[dopeyone]

sounds like you should leave both sets of out-laws...i meant in-laws out of your family vacation plans. go with just your hubby and kids. disney should put a smile on even the grumpiest people and if not, who cares! at least you and your children will have a great time making memories that'll last a lifetime. what a bummer, going to disney is supposed to be a happy time.

 

[okapi]

IMHO I don't think he's being fair or reasonable.
1.He should be thankful your mom sits for free. She must live nearby - which can grate on the SIL - he needs space and maybe he views a vaca as being away from extended family members (that's understandable).
2. Compromise as a family: 1 vaca a year to Disney and 1 to his place of choice.
3. I agree w/ the post about not "forcing" DH to go everywhere.
4. Even if "the whole family" goes, meet less often but choose the times, like Crystal Palace @ lunch.
5. Maybe he's looking for romance? Hire a sitter one evening (not mom) and go out yourselves (make it a tradition). Or DO let grandparents have kids for one evening/night, giving you both some alone time together.
6. I wouldn't do 2 weeks, I would start with your family one year, and his the second.
8. I'm sorry, but he doesn't like Disney because...
- A family member irks him? - Sometimes the sister has to step in where the BIL can't tread, other times he needs to let it go.
- Because YOU like Disney a lot? - I agree with you that he should be more supportive.
7. With the greatest amount of respect, you need to oversee/review what happens while at Disney:
- For e.g. is the parents' room RIGHT next to yours? Put some distance between you and parents like separate buildings - POR has several -
- If you and mom are "best friends" it doesn't give DH time to "bond" with you and kids, he's the interloper.
8. So what's in it for him if he goes along with everyone to Disney? You know him and WDW very well, so find a way to persuade him.
I won't say anymore this was a lot, but I wish you and your husband romatic and loving, lasting memories at Disney along with your children and family.

 

[jjarman]

Are we married to the same man? I swear you are talking about my husband. He absolutely refuses to do anything with my family. That is why I go to Dauphin Island, Alabama every year without him. My whole family, brothers, wives, kids and our mother, go every year. It has become an annual reunion for us so DS and I go and DH stays home. He also is not big into Disney. We went 2 years ago and he said he liked it but didn't want to go again. As you can see, I am going in 78 days. It is just DS and me and we plan on having a ball. I say go without DH and then plan another kind of trip with just you and him and the kids. I found out early on in our 20 year marriage that if I wanted to do something I thought was fun I was going to have to do it on my own.

 

[goofy4tink]

My WDW history...first trip was supposed to be myself, dh, dd then 6, and my mother. Dh says no way does he want to spend a week with my mother. She could be a little overbearing with my dd...she's the Meme and she can make her own rules! So, just the ladies went. A great trip, full of wonderful memories. Then we went with another family 2 years later. That didn't go so well. Dh, who had never really wanted to go to WDW, asked if we could do it again, but just the three of us!! So, '03 we go again. A wonderful trip. Dh is finally 'getting it'. We bought into DVC, his idea! My mom died 1 month later, so my dh sent dd, 10, and I off to WDW just before Christmas last year. We had our first trip to BWV in August and just returned from our holiday visit over THanksgiving. So, there may be hope for your dh.

Could you go with just your parents, without your dh, at some point? Then you and your dh could go with your kids another trip? I wouldn't worry about taking his family at any time. There is no reason why your dh should curtail your WDW trips. If he doesn't want to go and enjoy then he can stay home and you can vacation together, as a family, at some other time.

Can you go with your parents for a week, then they leave and your dh could join you for the second week? Or could it be that he just plain isn't interested in WDW...period? If that's the case then you'll have to vacation there without him. My dh couldn't figure out what we loved about 'that silly, plastic place' so much. But now, he feels it's the one place he can go, where he can either relax at the pool, play mini-golf or go to a park. He's typical type A so he has two speeds...go, go, go and asleep!! WDW is perfect for him. And he can't go to the office for a few days like he does if we go to Cape Cod for 2 weeks.

 

[skiwee1]

I would just go without him. I don't understand about this not letting you go. DH and I do hear each other out and if it is something that one of us truly wants to do then the other will go along with it as long as it isn't breaking the bank. I never take my DH to WDW. I go with my little DD and my mom twice a year and leave DH home. He thinks I'm a bit strange to be such a Disney fanatic but he knows when I'm happy we are all happy! I would tell him how you feel and that this will make you happy. You can also tell him that he can go and do something that he enjoys at the same time and everyone will be happy.

 

[Harambe]

DH is more of a "woodsy guy" but he enjoys WDW once he's there (fear of flying doesn't help him).

However, we had the same problem as you at first, only because I was always trying to get a group of family or friends to go down. But some people were always late to the bus stop, or would insist on tagging along with us even if they didn't go on any rides, etc., etc. and DH spent more of the week PO'ed than not.

I can't tell you how great our last couple of trips have been since we've gone with just our family. DH, DD, DS and I have much more fun, and even though it shocked family members when I said we were going alone, it is so worth it to have DH want to go now.

On the negative side - he's starting to tell me where he wants to eat, which resort he wants to try - there can only be one obsessed planner in the family!!!!!