HB2K
I Spit Hot Fire!
- Joined
- May 2, 2002
- Messages
- 611
I found this tape on EBAY from a mysterious seller named Deep Duck.....
As the footage starts we see Michael Eisner, Robert Igler, Jay Rassulo & Cynthia Harris huddled around a conference table in an unknown board room.
Ei$ner: (sinister smile on his face) OK Gang...time to make the bonus! And you know what that means....
Igler: We must increase revenue and the stock price?
Ei$ner: No you idiot....you cut everyone's budget and get your money from there....see this is the reason I can't retire....idiots like you...
Igler: (Scribbling notes furiously) Yes oh wise leader!
Ei$ner: ok .Ive already fired all of those stupid animators and imaginers so theres nothing left there .so that leads me to the parks OK Jay what are you going to do to save money in WDW?
Rassulo: Uhm I was actually going to ask for an increase in budget for capital improvements you see Al gave me these guest surveys who say the biggest problem in WDW is the previous cutbacks ..
Ei$ner: Are you insane man? Didnt you hear the news? Im looking for a BONUS .Im not going to pay for those idiots to have more time to ride those silly rides cut, cut, cut.
Harris: Ive got an idea that worked WONDERS for my budget here in CA .how about you cut the maintenance? Those silly engineers are always replacing perfectly good used parts with new ones. That way no-one knows any different, and you can save a TON!
Rassulo: But didnt that lead to the emergency closure of one E-Ticket and the tragedy on another?
Ei$ner: For the last time Space Mountain was a planned closure for a rehab. And Big Thunder was an accident. Happens all the time .didnt you see the coaster get stuck at Cedar Point? It was all over MSNBC
Igler: Wasnt that when the blackout occurred?
Ei$ner: Who cares you idiot. Sheesh at least the midget went along with whatever I said...listen and learn moron. Jay, Ill get back to you (TURNS ATTENTION TO CYNTHIA HARRIS) What are we going to do with DCA to increase its outstanding profits?
Rassulo: Uhm, boss if I could interject here DCA has become a black eye for my division. I propose we implement a plan submitted by the Imagineers, before they were shown the door, to totally gut the place and start over with .
Ei$ner: Are you saying my idea wasnt good? Its not my fault the public is comprised of a bunch of idiots. Its not DCAs fault the general public doesnt know a good thing when they see it heck its got a Ferris Wheel and everything! And the tortilla making attraction .a stroke of genius!
Harris: Dont forget the Tower of Terror! I bet thatll pack em in!
Rassulo: The watered down ride from Florida that everyones already ridden yeah thatll do it. I think we would have made more money leaving the place as a parking lot .
Ei$ner: Its settled than! No more capital improvements there .ah I can see the check now!
Igler: Does this mean Im getting a bonus too?
Ei$ner: No you idiot .Im still paying off the circus midget and the other stiff .wake up and pay attention. So Jay, back to you what are we going to do at WDW? I mean weve already cut back on the stupid maintenance. I mean really who cares if some of the light bulbs go out .as long as the lemmings can still see the snow globes and find their wallets, thats enough light. Lets see .were already forcing the lemmings away from the pre-paid stuff at the parks and forcing them to the premium stuff at Pleasure Island .but its not enough man where is Paul Pressler when you need him...too bad Gap got him .
(All of a sudden the door opens and .GOOD GAWD THATS THE STUPID GAP MUSIC!?!?!?! In dances Paul Pressler in his stupid Khakis )
Pressler: Hey Big Guy! From one CEO to another, hows it hanging?
Ei$ner: Im still surrounded by idiots. Cindy has some ideas but the rest of this group just has no clue on how to make me money
Pressler: She learned from the best!
Harris: Thanks Paul! Hey I got an idea Michael
Ei$ner: That first name crap is only outside these offices Cindy. You may address me as Mister Ei$ner, Boss or Your Royal Highness, or God if you prefer
Igler: But youre not royalty
Ei$ner: Im the freaking King of the Kingdom, and you will learn from me. One day maybe youll stop being the jester and learn to be a king!
Pressler: So whats up, fellow CEO?
Harris: Mr. Ei$ner is trying to figure out where to make cuts to WDWs budget
Pressler: Bonus time eh?
Ei$ner: You guessed it. Man youre a genius
Pressler: (GIGGLING) And let me guess, my replacement says to go to Imagineering right?
Rassulo: It worked for Walt
Ei$ner: Dont bring up the dead guy again Im still sick to my stomach from having to give that speech for One mans dream. This office is a WALT FREE zone.
Igler: Dont forget it all started with a mouse god I love that line
Ei$ner: And itll all end with a Bonus whats your point?!?!?
Pressler: Well you could always show off the size of your grapefruits and re-visit the proposed open adventure land later than the park plan I didnt get to do it because those idiots wrote in so many letters
Ei$ner: Hey youre on to something Paul I could open Adventureland up late .hey only the TRUE idiots go there anyway
Harris: Ive got a better idea Mr. Eisner how about you close one of the parks each day! Heck youre barely keeping one open anyway with the hours what they are I bet no one would notice and would happily go whatever park we keep open! I mean who needs 4?
Pressler: Thats my girl! (starts the stupid dancing again and exits the room)
Rassulo: Or theyll go to Universal
Ei$ner: Theyll do nothing of the sort does Universal have snow globes? I think not .those idiots will take what we give them and LOVE it. OK! That settles it Those idiots wanted Early Entry back they can have it. But its gonna have to be paid from somewhere so each day one park will open one hour early, but one park will not open at all! I can see the money pouring in already!!!!
(A female voice barges in on the speakerphone located in the middle of the table)
FEMALE VOICE: Mr. Eisner, a Mr. Steve Jobs is on the line for you? I told him you were not available, but he insists that you need to speak with him
Ei$ner: OK Imbeciles, time for me to crush another idiots dreams .scurry off and make_my_bonus! Daddy needs a new pair of shoes!
(Fade to black)
(NOTE: Edited to fix bad VB Tags)
As the footage starts we see Michael Eisner, Robert Igler, Jay Rassulo & Cynthia Harris huddled around a conference table in an unknown board room.
Ei$ner: (sinister smile on his face) OK Gang...time to make the bonus! And you know what that means....
Igler: We must increase revenue and the stock price?
Ei$ner: No you idiot....you cut everyone's budget and get your money from there....see this is the reason I can't retire....idiots like you...
Igler: (Scribbling notes furiously) Yes oh wise leader!
Ei$ner: ok .Ive already fired all of those stupid animators and imaginers so theres nothing left there .so that leads me to the parks OK Jay what are you going to do to save money in WDW?
Rassulo: Uhm I was actually going to ask for an increase in budget for capital improvements you see Al gave me these guest surveys who say the biggest problem in WDW is the previous cutbacks ..
Ei$ner: Are you insane man? Didnt you hear the news? Im looking for a BONUS .Im not going to pay for those idiots to have more time to ride those silly rides cut, cut, cut.
Harris: Ive got an idea that worked WONDERS for my budget here in CA .how about you cut the maintenance? Those silly engineers are always replacing perfectly good used parts with new ones. That way no-one knows any different, and you can save a TON!
Rassulo: But didnt that lead to the emergency closure of one E-Ticket and the tragedy on another?
Ei$ner: For the last time Space Mountain was a planned closure for a rehab. And Big Thunder was an accident. Happens all the time .didnt you see the coaster get stuck at Cedar Point? It was all over MSNBC
Igler: Wasnt that when the blackout occurred?
Ei$ner: Who cares you idiot. Sheesh at least the midget went along with whatever I said...listen and learn moron. Jay, Ill get back to you (TURNS ATTENTION TO CYNTHIA HARRIS) What are we going to do with DCA to increase its outstanding profits?
Rassulo: Uhm, boss if I could interject here DCA has become a black eye for my division. I propose we implement a plan submitted by the Imagineers, before they were shown the door, to totally gut the place and start over with .
Ei$ner: Are you saying my idea wasnt good? Its not my fault the public is comprised of a bunch of idiots. Its not DCAs fault the general public doesnt know a good thing when they see it heck its got a Ferris Wheel and everything! And the tortilla making attraction .a stroke of genius!
Harris: Dont forget the Tower of Terror! I bet thatll pack em in!
Rassulo: The watered down ride from Florida that everyones already ridden yeah thatll do it. I think we would have made more money leaving the place as a parking lot .
Ei$ner: Its settled than! No more capital improvements there .ah I can see the check now!
Igler: Does this mean Im getting a bonus too?
Ei$ner: No you idiot .Im still paying off the circus midget and the other stiff .wake up and pay attention. So Jay, back to you what are we going to do at WDW? I mean weve already cut back on the stupid maintenance. I mean really who cares if some of the light bulbs go out .as long as the lemmings can still see the snow globes and find their wallets, thats enough light. Lets see .were already forcing the lemmings away from the pre-paid stuff at the parks and forcing them to the premium stuff at Pleasure Island .but its not enough man where is Paul Pressler when you need him...too bad Gap got him .
(All of a sudden the door opens and .GOOD GAWD THATS THE STUPID GAP MUSIC!?!?!?! In dances Paul Pressler in his stupid Khakis )
Pressler: Hey Big Guy! From one CEO to another, hows it hanging?
Ei$ner: Im still surrounded by idiots. Cindy has some ideas but the rest of this group just has no clue on how to make me money
Pressler: She learned from the best!
Harris: Thanks Paul! Hey I got an idea Michael
Ei$ner: That first name crap is only outside these offices Cindy. You may address me as Mister Ei$ner, Boss or Your Royal Highness, or God if you prefer
Igler: But youre not royalty
Ei$ner: Im the freaking King of the Kingdom, and you will learn from me. One day maybe youll stop being the jester and learn to be a king!
Pressler: So whats up, fellow CEO?
Harris: Mr. Ei$ner is trying to figure out where to make cuts to WDWs budget
Pressler: Bonus time eh?
Ei$ner: You guessed it. Man youre a genius
Pressler: (GIGGLING) And let me guess, my replacement says to go to Imagineering right?
Rassulo: It worked for Walt
Ei$ner: Dont bring up the dead guy again Im still sick to my stomach from having to give that speech for One mans dream. This office is a WALT FREE zone.
Igler: Dont forget it all started with a mouse god I love that line
Ei$ner: And itll all end with a Bonus whats your point?!?!?
Pressler: Well you could always show off the size of your grapefruits and re-visit the proposed open adventure land later than the park plan I didnt get to do it because those idiots wrote in so many letters
Ei$ner: Hey youre on to something Paul I could open Adventureland up late .hey only the TRUE idiots go there anyway
Harris: Ive got a better idea Mr. Eisner how about you close one of the parks each day! Heck youre barely keeping one open anyway with the hours what they are I bet no one would notice and would happily go whatever park we keep open! I mean who needs 4?
Pressler: Thats my girl! (starts the stupid dancing again and exits the room)
Rassulo: Or theyll go to Universal
Ei$ner: Theyll do nothing of the sort does Universal have snow globes? I think not .those idiots will take what we give them and LOVE it. OK! That settles it Those idiots wanted Early Entry back they can have it. But its gonna have to be paid from somewhere so each day one park will open one hour early, but one park will not open at all! I can see the money pouring in already!!!!
(A female voice barges in on the speakerphone located in the middle of the table)
FEMALE VOICE: Mr. Eisner, a Mr. Steve Jobs is on the line for you? I told him you were not available, but he insists that you need to speak with him
Ei$ner: OK Imbeciles, time for me to crush another idiots dreams .scurry off and make_my_bonus! Daddy needs a new pair of shoes!
(Fade to black)
(NOTE: Edited to fix bad VB Tags)
