By the time I arrive at my room, the rain has stopped. The clouds are still looming, but it looks like its decent pool weather. I slip on my bathing suit, curse the mirror and the image looking back at me (childbearing has not been kind to it and unlike men, women dont experience shrinkage in the pool). Which means one thing:
No pics for this segment. Sorry. Actually, Im not sorry. Sorry about not being sorry.
I walk down for a little water action.
Fortunately, the rain kept most pool-goers and potential oglers away. I drop my things on a lounge chair and walk into the water, letting the warmth spread all over my tired body. The water feels like heaven to me, now more than ever. When it was just Dan and me, I guess I took dips in the pool for granted. I took all leisure time for granted, really. Having an active toddler around these days, leisure time is such a gift because its a rare occurrence. So, considering that a non-shopping mom was having a little pool time
look well my friends because this sort of thing only happens once a millennium. And if you put a drink in my hand
I think the world may implode.
I swim (swum?) all around the pool. I wasnt expecting the pool to be so big. And with so few people in it, I have lots of room to explore. I even go down the lizard tongue slide
although I felt like an idiot doing so. This is when I realized that water play was meant to be done with others. As much as I enjoy hitting the parks alone, this was one activity I really didnt enjoy. That surprised me. After a few moments of utter leisure bliss
it hits me. I was all, Umm
Im bored. Now what?
I stayed in the pool, hoping that I would learn to love it. But just the opposite happened
an incident occurred in that water and this was one thing I completely regretted about telling. Im still struggling with forgiving myself, which hasnt been easy.
I was swimming in an area that was about five feet deep. At five feet four, I can touch my toes on the bottom and just barely keep my head out of water. So Im swimming around and an eight-year-old boy is swimming behind me. He looks like he is a good swimmer, so I dont think much when he lifts his head out of the water and squeaks out a help without even opening his eyes. I figure its some different game of Marco Polo, although I didnt see anyone else around who was paying him any attention.
The boy puts his head back in the water and swims toward me. Again, he looks like hes doing a pretty good job of swimming. He then lifts his head up out of the water, eyes still closed, and squeaks out another help! but this time with a little more volume.
Instantly I look around. There are two lifeguards near us. Why arent they jumping in? Do they not see him struggling? Im also confused: why is he crying for help if he can swim?
I look back at the boy. Hes got his head back in the water and he swims a little more. Now hes swimming right next to me. He again lifts his head out of the water. His eyes are tightly closed. He appears to be crying now and he looks scared. Help! he cries. But I just stand there, wide-eyed and heart thumping, my head spinning as it remembers an article I read just a month before
I was walking on the treadmill, desperate to get in shape for my big solo adventure to the World. Desperate to look decent in a bathing suit in case I decide to go swimming. I so badly wanted my BC (Before Childbirth) body back for this trip and I was burning up the treadmill over the summer as I walked and walked and walked toward a seemingly unreachable goal.
My Parents magazine was open in front of me on the treadmill. I was reading an article on emergency situations with children and how to handle them. One of the scenarios was if you find a child drowning in a pool. Your first instinct is to jump in, the article said. But that is one of the worst things you can do. You may be pulled under yourself while trying to save your child. Throw them a lifesaving flotation device and yell for someone to call 911. If no one is around, call 911 yourself.
I remember thinking that there was no way to ignore all my instincts that are screaming for me to jump in the water and save my baby, let alone leave him there while I go in the house to make a phone call! But this piece of information etched itself into my consciousness.
So here is this obviously stressed and struggling boy, not exactly drowning, but definitely not doing well. And here is me: standing in the water, paralyzed. My brain kept rewinding back to that article: Never try to save the child yourself in the pool. Never mind that I was already touching the bottom. My brain shut down at that moment and I was frozen on the spot. I didnt even call the lifeguards. All I did was look from boy to lifeguards to boy again, hoping and praying that someone will help him. My brain was also telling me, But he can swim! He doesnt need help. And if he does need help, you cant do it. Thats the lifeguards job.
They boy again put his head back in the water and swam a little past me. He was obviously trying to find the edge of the pool. He picked his head up, still keeping his eyes tightly shut. He was openly crying now. And he was terrified. HELP! he screamed. I looked over at the lifeguards. They still didnt hear him and they still didnt help him. I was so angry because there were two of them, they were RIGHT THERE, and they werent helping him. You would think they would be trained to hear that word, right? And I was especially angry at myself because I was frozen on the spot and absolutely helpless to anyone. I finally snapped out of my state of shock because I was about to call one of the lifeguards.
Fortunately, I didnt need to. The boys dad hears him. The man jumps in the pool fully clothed, shoes and all and scoops up his son. That was his initial instinct, and thats how I would expect any parent to react. Including me. Are you alright? the frantic father asks his son. What happened? The lifeguards, now finally clued in to a potentially deadly situation, stand where they are, mouths open and staring at the fully clothed man in the pool who was cradling his son in his arms. They exchange glances, then look back down. The dad is holding his son and comforting him while the boy clings to his dad, sobbing.
The dad carries his son out the pool, past the lifeguards who are standing there with their mouths still hanging open. I kept thinking, They didnt do their job. This is what they are paid to do. This is not right. And then I turned it on myself: You didnt do anything but watch. You didnt even call for help. Youre touching the bottom, for gods sake. You could have helped him yourself. What if that was your own son and some idiot was just standing there, watching it happen?
I stand on the spot and watch the dad wrap a towel around his crying son. He then wraps his arms around him and continues to comfort him. Im so sorry, I thought. Im so sorry I didnt help. Please forgive me. I am so sorry.
The lifeguards are still in a state of shock themselves. They are glued to their spots, watching what is going on with the dad and his son, and doing nothing. They arent walking up to the boy and seeing if hes okay, they arent apologizing to the dad for not doing their job. I am so angry at them I could scream.
After a few minutes the boy calms down and he looks okay again. All the fun that may have been left in the pool is now completely drained out. I swim back to my lounge chair and sit down. And then I drop my head down in my hands and bawl. I bawl in grief for the boy. I bawl in disgust for myself. I hope like hell that little family could ever forgive me, even if they didnt know that I was there and could have helped them. I was cursing that article I read, cursing myself for not assisting the boy, and cursing the lifeguards for not being attuned to what was happening right under their noses. But mostly I cursed myself.
I eventually wipe away the tears, pick myself up, and wearily walk back to my room. I call home because, more than ever, I need to hear my family and know that I am loved, despite all of my faults.
Hi mama, Patrick says on the other end of the phone. Dan and Patrick are on speaker phone and Dan interjects with translations because, you know, Patrick still talks Toddler. And Toddler isnt the easiest language to understand, even when youre fluent in it. Which I am.
Hi baby! How was your day?
Ween now pahtay ann jeev, Patrick says.
We went to a party today, Dan translates.
Ann maugh thee beeg dawg, Patrick says.
And there was a big dog there, Dan says.
Beeg dawg ann wahhhhhhh, Patrick says, pretending to cry.
The big dog made him cry.
Soom fuud nowlum foud. Dee End.
[Click.]
The line was dead. Apparently that was the end of his story. But I must admit, that was the sweetest hang-up Ive ever received.
Dan calls back, we laugh about our silly little son, and then wish each other a good evening. I didnt bother telling him what a terrible person I was. It was good to feel like a wife and mama again.
Then I get undressed and ow! Nice sunburn. On my back? Oh no, silly reader. That would be too obvious. I got burned on my shoulders. Despite the gallon of sunscreen I poured all over them this morning. Go figure.
I say a silent prayer to the boy and his family, and I drift off to sleep.
Coming up: Day 7: The Expedition Everest Singles line: How I developed a love for all things single.