How Would You Handle This?

[GOOFY4DONALD]

In my neighborhood we have this one house..this one family that could easily make an episode of cops top 10 list. The dad is a loud abusive drunk and everyone in the neighborhood knows about it. He doesn't work but does go away for days (don't know where). When the wife, that I have personally seen being hit, is at work and the dad is there the kids do not go to school. They hang around outside all day. Here is my delima...

These kids really want to come over. I have found them playing in my backyard (it's gated). They come over, they call, they look through my windows. They are looking for my kids. (the girl called 5 times last night and today came over and said none of her friend's parents will let them play with her) Now I feel sorry for these kids, I really do. I am just so overprotective of my kids. I am afraid that the dad will come over or that they will tell my kids tings that they don't need to know right now. So without flaming me for being a horrid human being..how would you handle this?

 

[NEVERENOUGHWDW]

No flaming from me.....

Even though I feel terrible for these kids you have to protect yours & based on the family dynamics I wouldn't risk the father coming after his kids while in your yard. Lord only knows what he is capable of.......

Have you reported the behavior? Has the school reported the absences?

This seems like a problem that could just implode.

 

[disneybound2010]

I am with the PP. Your family and their safety must come first. While it is sad that these children are lloking to your family for friendship, I see it as a dangerous situation for you and your children. I would be calling CPS for a welfare check on these children.

 

[GOOFY4DONALD]

Thanks for the replies. I do not need to call CPS...CPS and/or the police come to their house about every 2 weeks.

 

[MoniqueU]

I AM a bleeding heart, I came from a family where my mom was checked out and my dad was an abusive drunk, I needed all the friends I could get. My DD has two friends, twins that are raised rather dramatically then my children are. I just try and show them what a normal household is and a nice place to be. I trust in myself that I have raised my daughter right and she does stand up to them when she hears them say things she knows are not ok. Other neighbors in the heighborhood won't let these girls play at their house either.

I hear you with the drunk dad, angry drunks suck. But I would still feel bad enough to let the kids come play, they are kids not lepers.

 

[Eeyores Butterfly]

I would let them play but keep a weather eye on them. If they have shown no bad behavior themselves, I wouldn't have a problem with it. One of my best friends was a foster kid. It's hard to make friends when you have to live in juvy because there are no homes and the bus picks you up there every day. People were really cruel to her and she really needed a friend. It sounds like these kids are desperate for some kind of positive human contact.

 

[diznygirl]

I'm with the side of trying to be a positive influence on these kids. I was the friend someone needed while we were growing up, and I know it can work miracles.

You could start slow, letting them play in the yard together. Watch carefully and see where it goes. Good luck!

 

[Nancy for Disney]

No flames. I realize it is a delima. My vote is allowing the kids over and keeping them supervised. Everyone needs a friend. I always remind my kids to be nice to the kids that seem to be in need the most. It takes a village to raise a child.

 

[luvavacation]

I was in a similar situation as yours, OP, many years ago.

At our first house, when my children were very young, there was a home across the street that was Section 8. Over the course of 10 years, we saw many strange things happen there and many dysfunctional families, but while I intensely disliked the parents, I always tried to give the children a chance. If nothing else, I figured the kids could come to my house, be supervised, and perhaps have a healthy meal in a home where no one swore or drank.

I did have rules, and the children that came over knew these rules. There was no hitting, they had to share, no inappropriate touching, no swearing, and respect must be shown to me, and I would be respectful back to them. You know, things you teach your own children but some families don't care to bother with.

One particular family had a little girl that was really sweet, she was the only girl out of 6 kids, all older brothers but for one younger brother. The boys were crazy wild and not welcome, but this little girl and my youngest got along well, so she was over a lot.

One day, her little brother came over. He was 3, and she said that her mom said he had to play with her from now on, so if she came over, he had to come, too. Ok, not sure he will like Barbies, but as long as he respects the rules, no problem.

This boy had no respect for anyone or anything, even at the age of 3. I now dreaded the girl coming over, because her brother was always with her. My daughters were tired of this, to the point that they no longer wanted the girl over. I told them we were the only positive influence these kids had, so we had to try.

I had tried to talk the mom at one time, but she was falling down drunk in the middle of the day and swore at me for stepping on her property. The police were often at the home, at all hours. Gunshots would be heard at times (and then the police again) and in the dead of winter, you would hear the constant swearing even though the homes were all closed up. No way was I able to approach any adult in that home to talk about the children coming to my home!

One day, I had it with the little boy. The kids were climbing the ladder to go down the slide on our swingset, and the 3 year old boy said to my daughter, "get your sex-loving fat donkey out of my way" (ok, with harsher words) and tried to pull her pants off. That was it, I told him that was definitely not allowed, he had had enough warnings, he was to go home and never come back. I told the sister she was welcome to stay, but she said her mom would be mad if she did not stay with her brother. As sad as I was about the girl, I had come to realize nothing I did was going to help this boy learn to respect my rules or me or my children, and I was done. I don't care who you are, you don't swear at my children and insult them just to get your way, then proceed to undress them when you get mad!

I felt bad for the little girl, but I did what was best for my own children. I do believe in looking out for children, and I grew up in a neighborhood where all the parents knew you and you were scared of them, and they all disciplined everyone else's child, but loved them all, too. I tried to be that kind of parent, but was unsuccessful. However, I tried. As bad as I felt to banish these kids from my home, I would have felt worse for never trying.

This family moved out in the middle of the night a few weeks later. They left two Dobermans tied to the back tree. We neighbors were glad to be rid of them.