How would you handle this? (May be long)

[klhill]

I am sitting here trying to figure out where to start. I'm not even sure I titled this right. I will try to keep it short as possible but it could be very long.

Actually the title of this probably should be something completely different.

Anyway I will try to make this as understandable as possible. I have a habit of jumping around if you can't already tell from these first few sentences.


I have lived in the same town my whole life. I live here (chose to continue to live here) because my family means everything to me. But I am tired of feeling like they look down on me. Right now they are upset with me because I choose not to have a relationship with my sister. As I said family means everything to me but I do have my breaking point. My sister is older than me by 4 years and we have never really gotten along the whole time we were growing up. At one point the only thing that ever bonded us was one of my daughters and one of her daughters was born on the same day. We were in the same hospital together. Anyway she has 3 kids (2 from a previous marriage) and the 2 oldest was raised by our parents. Why? Because my sister was too lazy to take care of them. She was(is) more concerned about her new husband, new life, new kid. She's one of those people that has to have the best of everything and looks down on others because they don't have what she has. How did she get it? To begin with her and her husband filed bankruptcy and then turned around and bought a huge house and a new mustang. Borrows money from my parents and my parents take care of (well they did, the kids graduated by now) everything for her oldest 2 kids without her ever helping them out. She never comes around unless she wants something from us and what really hurts me is that she will never let my daughter spend the night which hurts my daughter because she loves her cousin. (Talking about the 2 born on the same day) So I have written her off. I have not talked to her in a year and I will not talk to her. I am tired of being the one to try and have a relationship with her, so that's it. Am I doing the right thing here? And when my family brings it up I have a hard time explaining it to them because no matter what I say they just don't seem to understand.

Another problem is...I live right next door to my mother, grandmother,and aunt n uncle. We live on 17 acres all together. My poppy gave my husband and I 4 acres to put our home on and when my uncle and his new wife got married they wanted to put a house between mine and my grans house (on our land) .. we said yes. What bothers me about this is they, my grandmother and my parents are always getting together and eating dinner together but they never invite us. This hurts my feelings. I even brought it up to them once and they just laughed it off. Any time I tell them that I got to go home and fix dinner they ask if I'm making enough for them to and I say no you never invite us. But this doesn't seem to bother them. I just can't seem to get over this.
Also my uncle and aunt have a almost 1 yr old daughter. Her bday is coming up and they are having a big party for her at my grandmothers house and it's some big to do that we are supposed to attend yet they couldn't even be bothered to get my children a present or at least even tell them happy bday on their bday. And this really ticks me off.

I don't know. I just feel so out of the loop around here and it makes me just want to move away and not have anything to do with them all. Of course I can't because I have to pay my house off but anyway. But at the same time even with all I deal with I don't want to be far away from them because despite everything I will always love them. They will always mean a lot to me.

What do you all think.

And it's ok if you flame me. I deal with enough negative attitude from my family that I think I can handle it.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I am sitting here trying to figure out where to start. I'm not even sure I titled this right. I will try to keep it short as possible but it could be very long.

Actually the title of this probably should be something completely different.

Anyway I will try to make this as understandable as possible. I have a habit of jumping around if you can't already tell from these first few sentences.


I have lived in the same town my whole life. I live here (chose to continue to live here) because my family means everything to me. But I am tired of feeling like they look down on me.

Right now they are upset with me because I choose not to have a relationship with my sister.

As I said family means everything to me but I do have my breaking point. My sister is older than me by 4 years and we have never really gotten along the whole time we were growing up.

At one point the only thing that ever bonded us was one of my daughters and one of her daughters was born on the same day. We were in the same hospital together.

Anyway she has 3 kids (2 from a previous marriage) and the 2 oldest was raised by our parents. Why? Because my sister was too lazy to take care of them. She was(is) more concerned about her new husband, new life, new kid.

She's one of those people that has to have the best of everything and looks down on others because they don't have what she has.

How did she get it? To begin with her and her husband filed bankruptcy and then turned around and bought a huge house and a new mustang.

Borrows money from my parents and my parents take care of (well they did, the kids graduated by now) everything for her oldest 2 kids without her ever helping them out.

She never comes around unless she wants something from us and what really hurts me is that she will never let my daughter spend the night which hurts my daughter because she loves her cousin. (Talking about the 2 born on the same day) So I have written her off.

I have not talked to her in a year and I will not talk to her. I am tired of being the one to try and have a relationship with her, so that's it. Am I doing the right thing here? And when my family brings it up I have a hard time explaining it to them because no matter what I say they just don't seem to understand.

Another problem is...I live right next door to my mother, grandmother,and aunt n uncle. We live on 17 acres all together. My poppy gave my husband and I 4 acres to put our home on and when my uncle and his new wife got married they wanted to put a house between mine and my grans house (on our land) .. we said yes.

What bothers me about this is they, my grandmother and my parents are always getting together and eating dinner together but they never invite us. This hurts my feelings. I even brought it up to them once and they just laughed it off. Any time I tell them that I got to go home and fix dinner they ask if I'm making enough for them to and I say no you never invite us. But this doesn't seem to bother them. I just can't seem to get over this.

Also my uncle and aunt have a almost 1 yr old daughter. Her bday is coming up and they are having a big party for her at my grandmothers house and it's some big to do that we are supposed to attend yet they couldn't even be bothered to get my children a present or at least even tell them happy bday on their bday. And this really ticks me off.

I don't know. I just feel so out of the loop around here and it makes me just want to move away and not have anything to do with them all. Of course I can't because I have to pay my house off but anyway.

What do you all think.

And it's ok if you flame me. I deal with enough negative attitude from my family that I think I can handle it.

If you can't move then you need to start doing something to try and get along with your family.

I would start with counseling for yourself and sort your own feelings out. Then go from there.

 

[Disney Doll]

Well, you're not going to change your sister or your parents' reaction ot her, so don't waste your timeon that one.

Truthfully, OP, you can love your family without living in their yard and setting yourself up for being treated like a 2nd class citizen.

I think some counselling for you is in order to help you sort out your feelings.

 

[manning]

My wife had that with her family. Didn't see them unless they needed something. Our attitude is what will be, will be. You are not going to change anything, so move on without them, do your thing. You will be happier.

The beauty thing about us is, after we are both gone they get nothing (we have no children)...they have been written out of the will and they don't know it. They have not been promised anything. But they expect it.

 

[Mom of DisKids]

You know, I was just having a similar conversation with my husband today about this very subject. I have finally concluded that my parents and brother live in one bubble, and I live in another with my DH and kids. I can stew about it, and feel hurt, or I can go on with my life. I used to feel hurt, and after many years I am finally able to just be content with the relationship we do have. I have come to the conclusion that just because they are your relatives doesn't mean you have to get along with them. I felt like a horrible person for a long time for not wanting anything to do with my brother. Until one day, I didn't. I don't really have any advice except for:
*Do what makes you happy
*If you are invited to a situation that angers, saddens, or depresses you.....don't go!
*Worry about what you and your husband and your kids feel, need, and want, not about the relatives' feelings, needs, or wants

 

[JacksLilWench]

OP, I feel like we should be best friends, lol. You pretty much described my life, except I live in my parents' home and I have no kids.

I actually just came to the realization that the only thing that can change is Me. I can't control my mother's actions, I can't change my sister's selfish behavior, but I can change my reaction to the situation. Just to give you an idea of my life, my mother isn't speaking to me right now because I accidently cut up part of an onion that was hers. No joke, she's not speaking to me over produce. And when she found out I used the onion, she about broke the handle off of a saucepan by throwing it into the sink. I run a home-based business (Mary Kay) and she will not buy product from me, she won't host a party for me, she won't take a catolog to work for me. My sister has no idea how selfish she is. She is constantly giving me back-handed compliments-- last week I cleaned out our laundry room completely, and she said to me, "Wow, this looks almost as good as when I did it last time!" That was supposed to make me feel good about myself My sister only comes around when she wants money or "needs new clothes." She didn't even bother to come over or call on my birthday last month.

And all I can do is control how I feel about it. And the way I feel is I love her because she's my sister, but that doesn't mean I have to like her. I love my mom very very much, but right now I don't like her. And no one can begrudge me that. That's the only thing I can control, is what I feel and think. And no one can tell you what you think or feel is wrong.

I do hope everything works out for the best though!

 

[klhill]

Sorry I haven't replied sooner. Our electric was out (storms) and then my computer was down until the hubby got home.
You all are right. I can't change them and no matter how much I may complain about it, it's not going to make a difference. I just need to move on and not feel bad about it.

 

[FredinFL]

Sell your house to the biggest redneck family you can find and move to another state. Sometimes, you just have to save yourself.

 

[southern_redhead]

Sell your house to the biggest redneck family you can find and move to another state. Sometimes, you just have to save yourself.

Ding, ding , ding!! We have a winner!