How would you go about planning this trip with close relatives?

[bangzoom6877]

Our first trip home to BWV will be in July 2010, so we will be booking this August at the exact 11-month mark. My parents, sister and nieces told me that they definitely want to go to Disney for a few days while we are there in 2010 (we are going for 10 nights, and they will probably go for 4 nights). They are not staying at BWV. They will try to stay at the Dolphin if the prices are good, or they will stay at the Pop if the Dolphin is too expensive for their budget (but of course they prefer Dolphin since they will be close to BWV).

Okay, so the plan is that DH, myself, and our 2 sons (they will be 3 and 5 when we go) will drive down from NYC (we did this last year), over the course of 3 days (we are teachers and have the summer off, and we like to take our time getting down there). My parents and sister & nieces are planning to drive to Virginia and take the auto train on Amtrak. My mom has a bad back and can't spend so much time in the car, but she said the train is good because she could walk around. And she refuses to fly (she hates flying) so that's not an option. Then, they will have the minivan to use while in Florida.

We are also planning to visit some relatives in Boca Raton. My sister needs to make this trip in its entirety in an 8-night period, so she plans to leave on a Saturday morning and return home the following week on Sunday. My parents will be traveling with her.

Okay, here's where I am going to sound a bit selfish...DH and I really want to plan this so that my sister and parents are at Disney with us for the FIRST 4 nights of our trip, as opposed to the last 4 nights of our trip at Disney. We would also like to visit our relatives together rather than separately, down in Boca. My mother thought it would be a great idea for them to take the auto train down the Saturday morning, as planned, arriving on Sunday in Florida, and then driving down to Boca Raton and staying 2 nights there. Then, driving back up to Disney on that Tuesday, and leaving 4 nights later to take the auto train back home. This is what would work out best for DH and me. We have enough points to stay 10 nights, provided that there is only one weekend included in those 10 nights. So arriving on a Tuesday would work. This would also allow us to visit our relatives together, as we would meet in Boca on Sunday for that. This is the ideal way this vacation would be, for DH and me.

So, when I ran this by my sister last week, she said that she would rather do Disney immediately after getting off the auto train and do Boca Raton after 4 nights at Disney. I informed her that the auto train arrives in Sanford at 10AM, then you have to wait about an hour to get your car, then drive 45 minutes to Disney. So that would be around noon, and the rooms are not guaranteed to be ready until 4PM, so then she would have to find a way to entertain her kids for 4 hours before getting into the room when they are tired from spending the night on the train. She is afraid they will not do well in the car for 3 hours to get to Boca after getting off the train, but I disagree. In my opinion, they are more likely to fall asleep in the car on the way to Boca, and visiting the family in Boca is the more relaxing part of the trip, so they will be well-rested for Disney after 2 nights in Boca just taking it easy. I think they would be more stressed if they first had to wait around for 4 hours to get into a hotel room, then go to a theme park the next morning and each morning thereafter for 3 days. That is my take on it. I know that is how I would do it with my own kids. Don't get me wrong, I respect the fact that my sister knows her children better than anyone else does, but this is still my opinion and I was trying to give her options. She did not seem mad at all, and she said she wants to book in the beginning of August when the new rates are out for 2010, and that we would sit down over the summer and plan it out.

Another thing I will add is that my sister plans to go to Epcot, Magic Kingdom and Sea World. We would only be going to MK and Epcot with them (we are not going to Sea World next year). DH and I were talking about the trip and since we are planning 2 days at each Disney Park (minus Animal Kingdom), it would be ideal for them to be there for the first 4 days of our trip rather than the last 4. We plan to do any attractions my parents and sister want to do when we are all there together, and then touring the park our way and hitting anything we may have missed with them on our second day at the park. We told my sister and parents that and they were all appreciative.

So, the only thing is, in order to make this work so that they are there for the first 4 days of our trip, we may have to visit the relatives on different days. If my sister and parents arrive on a Sunday and want to do Disney first but that is the LAST 4 nights of our trip, then we won't have enough points left to cover the 10-night trip (we would need to be there 2 weekends and only have enough points for one weekend, so we have to arrive between Sunday and Tuesday at BWV). But if we arrive on the same date and they are there the FIRST 4 nights of our trip, we will be visiting the relatives in Boca on different dates. I know my relatives down there will understand, but I don't want my parents or sister to be insulted. My parents are fine with doing either Disney first or Boca first, but my sister wants to do Disney first and she is very set in her ways.

What would you do if you were me? How would you approach this? The last thing I want is to fight with my sister over this. I love planning vacations, and I love going away with everyone but I don't want this to be extremely stressful until we go! HELP!

 

[mello]

Well, I think I would say very nicely to my dsis, "You sure can do Disney and visit the relatives on whichever days you like, but we're going to do it this way, because it's what will work best for our vacation." And then just let them decide what they're going to do. It's just way too stressful to try to plan other people's schedules.

We did WDW last May with 17 people (my immediate family, my folks & their best friends, my sister's family & my brother's family). I did basically what I just said; we had a few meetings before the trip, and I pretty much said, "My main goal is for everyone to have a good time on this trip - it's YOUR vacation, and you should do what you want to do. Here's what we're going to do, and if you want to join us in our plans, that would be great. If not, that's great too". They all pretty much wound up joining us in just about everything we did, but sometimes people did their own things, and the trip turned out great! They all came home saying it was the trip of a lifetime.

I think the key for you is to figure out what your goals for your trip are, and deciding what's most important, and then going with that. Discuss your goals, and allow for the fact that others may have the same or different goals for their trip, and that's okay too. Think through things like: if you wind up visiting relatives on different days, what's the worst thing that will happen because of it? Or, if you visit relatives later in the trip in order to all do it together, what is the worst that will come of that? What can you live with and what can you not? Then, realize that your sis will have to make her own decisions for her family and be okay whether they mesh with your decisions or not.

HTH : )

 

[disneynutz]

What would you do if you were me? How would you approach this? The last thing I want is to fight with my sister over this. I love planning vacations, and I love going away with everyone but I don't want this to be extremely stressful until we go! HELP!

I wouldn't invite family unless they live in my house.

One of the things that we get a kick out of at Disney is watching the large family groups fight with each other and it seems like it happens almost every trip. We have heard everything from "your husband is no good" to "I don't know who put her in charge, she thinks she knows it all but she ruins every vacation".

We go to Disney to have fun with our family. No matter what you do, you will never make everyone happy.

 

[Sandisw]

Whenever we plan family trips, we make the decision ahead of time that we are going together but separate.

Everyone knows going in (we always stay in our own rooms) that we will all do things that our own families want and then coordinate the pieces that can be coordinated. It usually works out and all of us enjoy the trips much better this way.

By saying this upfront, no one has expectations that we are going to do every single thing together--especially at WDW. My family has been so many times that there are things that we just don't bother waiting in long lines to see. Yet, others may want to.

I think you should plan things the way that you want, make concessions that really don't matter to you, and go from there. And, for your sister, tell her you want her to plan it the way that makes sense for her.

I think the worst part of it would be starting off feeling stressed about the plan before you even get there.

Good luck!!!

 

[bobbiwoz]

How do the relatives in Boca feel? Can they accomodate all of you together for 2 nights, do they want that? Have you asked?

Bobbi

 

[RahRah573]

Well, I think I would say very nicely to my dsis, "You sure can do Disney and visit the relatives on whichever days you like, but we're going to do it this way, because it's what will work best for our vacation." And then just let them decide what they're going to do. It's just way too stressful to try to plan other people's schedules.

Totally agree - in fact, I just recently did this.....for Christmas we are planing our Christmas vacation (me, DH, DS)....my parents are coming and easy - they're sharing the two-bedroom we have reserved....then we have my sister, BIL, niece and nephew (both 8) who want to join us, and a couple whom are friends (of me and my sister) who also want to join us.

At first I was totally open to planning for all of us - getting all the resort reservations, coordinating our flights, etc. - friends were easy - simply gave me a budget to work with (I don't have enough points to use for them, so I'll rent from someone) and already have a ressie I'm working on for them....just need to finalize some details.....and then we'll work together to coordinate our time at WDW for dining reservations etc. for times when we want to be together and times we don't. Pretty simple and straight forward you'd think!

But sisters, well I've come to realize, we/they can be quite a challenge....LOL....not only can't Dsis make up her mind about dates, she's not sure how long she plans to stay, that we'll want to be doing the same things all the time (duh! - we don't have to!)......and she *thinks* as the dates grow closer, she can get a better deal, maybe......oy!......so, I gave her the low-down on Christmas/New Year's at Disney for availability and gave it one last shot to get her reservation in now.....and when she still waffled, I basically set her loose, she's on her own to get a reservation now and if she puts off coordinating when we'll eat together and do things on our own, she's on her own there too....I'll be disappointed if she can't get it together at least at 90-days to know a few nights for ADR's, but ya know what?

At the end of the day, this is our family vacation and her family vacation - I know what we want it to be....and that's what I'm working on, making our vacation what we want......it's up to her to make hers what they want!

 

[Dee77]

Here's my advice- I would make my arrangements as best I can knowing that some factors may need to be changed as the trip gets closer. For one- your family in Boca Raton may have preffered days for you all to visit them. The other thing is maybe as your sister or the rest of your family does some research (which I think is a good idea) she/they may have some ideas of how they want to spend their Disney days.

For our upcoming trip (2nd for me, DH and DD) we will be there at the same time as my in-laws, SIL and her 3 children, all of whom are Disney pros and have been there several times. My mom, brother, his wife and DD5 (all first time in Disney) will be there for the last 5-6 days of our trip. We are all over-lapping and the way I approached it was to make plans that try to work for everyone. My in-laws have preferred dining and parks that we will certainly do with them but I am also trying to "repeat" certain things (Character meals) for the enjoyment of my Mom, Brother, his wife and DNiece. I asked my family who have never been there to read a couple of books I have or watch some of the travel channel shows about Disney and let me know what they would like to do most but they decided to leave it up to me. It would have been better to have more input from them but at least I tried. Maybe asking for specific input will make things easier for all of you.
Good luck and enjoy.

 

[Starr W.]

I wouldn't invite family unless they live in my house.

One of the things that we get a kick out of at Disney is watching the large family groups fight with each other and it seems like it happens almost every trip. We have heard everything from "your husband is no good" to "I don't know who put her in charge, she thinks she knows it all but she ruins every vacation".

We go to Disney to have fun with our family. No matter what you do, you will never make everyone happy.

You've seen those groups too?

It's even better when they all have the matching T-shrits on and start ragging on each other's spouses, kids. My fave was a group like this having their picture taken by a photopass person in front of the castle at MK.

Smiling for the camera and bickering about who's DH was a wiener for not wanting to go on Space Mountain.


Our DVC points are for my immediate family(DH and the boys) to enjoy period.

 

[LSchrow]

you need to do what is best for your family, & your sister needs to do the same. if you both wind up at the same place at the same time, fine. if not, that's fine too.

that's how i do it, & everyone stays happy

 

[JimMIA]

you need to do what is best for your family, & your sister needs to do the same. if you both wind up at the same place at the same time, fine. if not, that's fine too.

that's how i do it, & everyone stays happy

Agree. I wouldn't try to control anyone else's vacation -- you can't anyway, and trying to manage the whole thing will just make everyone miserable. And you'll be blamed for everything even if none of it is your fault.

Make your own plans and tell your sister what your family is doing.

 

[bumbershoot]

"I think they would be more stressed if they first had to wait around for 4 hours to get into a hotel room, then go to a theme park the next morning and each morning thereafter for 3 days."

On the other hand, relaxing *after* the Disney vacation would be nice, before hitting the road to go home.

And seeing them on the last days at Disney means that you'll be relaxed, no big rush to do anything YOU want to do, and you can just go at their pace and do what they want to do.

Honestly I see no bad way to do it, it's all up to what you want! And if you want one thing while she wants another, and if it's not important that you do the disney part of the trip at exactly the same time, I wouldn't stress about this.

I haven't yet been to WDW, but at DLR there's simply no problem in finding things to do before the room is ready. I imagine there are even more things to do at WDW.

 

[bangzoom6877]

How do the relatives in Boca feel? Can they accomodate all of you together for 2 nights, do they want that? Have you asked?

Bobbi

We don't stay with the relatives in Boca (my sister and I are both very allergic to cats, so we stay at a hotel). The relatives in Boca are really easygoing and fine with anything...they are retired, and they always say we are welcome to come any time. They don't really do too much that is very planned (activities in a retirement community, spending time with their children who we would see as well if they are around, etc.). They always tell us to just let them know when it is good for us to visit because of work, school, the kids, etc. They also offer for us to stay at their houses, but like I said, we are allergic to cats so we can't do that.


DH and I were discussing it, and I am going to let my sister know that we will be planning our trip so that the time that they spend at Disney is the first 4 days of our trip, and that way we can spend the days at MK and Epcot with them, doing anything they want to do, and hit any attractions we want to do on our second day at each park, ones we may have missed. That way our boys will get to spend those days with their cousins (they are all very close and have a great time together).

As far as what my sister wants when she is in Disney, she was last there 2 years ago with her girls and did some extensive planning in advance. I know she wants to eat at the castle, but so do we this time around so we would do that together. I know she loves eating in the World Showcase and we would more than likely go to a restaurant there for dinner on the Epcot day. I know that my parents would more than likely end up doing whatever my sister does (as far as dining, Sea World, etc.). I know she wants to stay on property, or at the Swan or Dolphin so she could get into the parks early and have that benefit, but that she has no interest in the dining plan because they are spending a whole day off-property going to Sea World and will be eating there. This will be done without us, and we are all fine with it. I told her we don't want to take the boys to Sea World at least until my little one is 5 (he will be 3 when we go, plus with DVC we have plenty of future trips to make it to Sea World, no rush). She doesn't necessarily understand why we are choosing not to go to Sea World because of how amazing it is, but she does accept it. She also is not planning to go to Disney nearly as often as we are and is not in DVC-thinking mode like we are as far as trip planning goes.

Anyway, I think I am just going to mention it to her the way I described above. I don't want to convince her to plan her itinerary in a different way than she wants to because then if something does go wrong, she would most likely blame me and no one needs that. At least if she plans it her way and if someone has a meltdown, it is not after something I suggested, but something she planned for herself so there would be no arguments. We'll see what happens when we sit down together to plan.

 

[5forDiz]

In July we were at WDW with multiple family members & friends. All stayed at BWV except for my sis & neice; they were at Dolphin which was extremely convenient to meet up with them, etc. She's with Dept. of Ed and got a great 'education' rate - it was less than All Stars or Pop Century rate!
( S&D offers special rates too for gov't. employees, nurses & others )

Since we were a large group we made a list of "must do together" attractions for each day that we usually tried to do first thing in morning or at a pre-agreed upon times during the day. This left everyone with enough free time to do whatever else they wanted at their own pace & gave everyone the opportunity to have some much needed 'space' too. We planned one meal each day that we'd all do together; other meals some would go off on own & some would team up together if they wished to.

Sounds like your plans are coming together nicely, you'll have a great trip

 

[LoveToDisney]

I just scanned thru this thread and this may have been mentioned and I missed it. You never have to "wait around 4 hours for the room to be ready." You can give all your luggage items to Bell Services, check in and get your keys, and head off to the parks. Now you can even have them text or call your cell phone when your room is ready. At that point, you can head back to the hotel at any time, use your room key and have bell services deliver your luggage.

 

[swanwed6206]

One thing I have learned after spending many trips in the World with family and friends is that there is nothing more relaxing than spending time with your immediate household. They are the people that you spend day after day with in the real world, and therefore the people you deserve to blow off some steam with most of all. Also those are the people that deserve your attention as well. We have had countless instances where we want to please everyone in the party thereby infringing on our fun! We went on someone else's dime once (and I realize this is not the exact scenario for you) and the way we handled it was to follow their lead so as not to ruffle any feathers (ie stay out of the planning, etc.) My recommendation is to plan out your trip how you want to, and give your DSis the itinerary. Let her fit her trip in based upon that. Because you want the last 4 days to yourselves, sort of contrive why the former few days would be ideal for her (which it seems like you have). Make it clear what you plan to do well in advance, and she can make her own decisions based on that. Once your three month window comes up, she can tell you what ressies, etc. she would like to be a part of and it all comes through the laundry seeming like you haven't planned anything out for her- reducing a lot of stress hopefully. BTW- DDP might still not be a bad idea (although can't use if at Swolphin) for her because I believe Cindy's is 2 credits.

Also- as far as the Swan/Dolphin goes, we just stayed there this past April (and were married there 3 yrs. ago)- it could not be a better complimentary place for the BWV (we tried to use our points there but they were booked). They should be able to get a rate in the 160-170 range at that time of year. I would probably try to pay the extra money just because of proximity. My recommendation would be for them to book pretty early with AAA, keep calling for adjusted rates, and keep checking for the teacher/nurse discount; I think they come out at the beginning of the year.

 

[LVSWL]

Just wanted to say good luck with your planning. Going with extended family and friends can be wonderful, or very stressful. Many times you don't know until you are in WDW. The most important thing is to be sure to plan your vacation with YOUR family in mind, whether it be meals, breaks during the days, attractions that are special to your children. Sometimes we can get caught up when we are with others, follow their touring plan, hesitant to speak up,not wanting to rock the boat. Soon it is no longer our family's trip at all. There should always be give and take. Especially with children. I think that it is really all about expectations. As a DVC member, I can understand why you want to use your points as you do. If I were you, I would make my reservation to my advantage, and let my family know what my plans were and go from there. This is what is best for your family. More days, best use of points. I hope you have a wonderful trip.

 

[bobbiwoz]

I think you have some good ideas, and I hope it comes together!

Bobbi

 

[bangzoom6877]

I just scanned thru this thread and this may have been mentioned and I missed it. You never have to "wait around 4 hours for the room to be ready." You can give all your luggage items to Bell Services, check in and get your keys, and head off to the parks. Now you can even have them text or call your cell phone when your room is ready. At that point, you can head back to the hotel at any time, use your room key and have bell services deliver your luggage.

I am aware of everything you stated. However, my sister did make it clear that she definitely does not want to go to a park on check-in day. I agree with her on that, that if they are first coming off a train after a 17-hour ride, a hot and crowded theme park would not be a good idea. She is under the impression that they will be able to get into their room right away, and the girls can go right to sleep and take it easy. I know it is possible for a room to be ready before 4PM, but there is no guarantee, and knowing everyone's personalities, there would be a couple of MAJOR meltdowns if they are told they have to wait a few hours, or just to wait and keep calling or that the desk will call them back when the room is ready. In a case like that they will not know what to do, where to go, my nieces would possibly start crying and my sister would get stressed, as would everyone else.

Because of what I just wrote above, I think that driving straight to Boca would be better for both my sister and the girls. If they drive right to Boca, the girls can nap in the car, and by the time they reach Boca it should be time to check in to the hotel there, and the girls can nap there if they still need to, or everyone could just relax and take showers and hang out. Our relatives are very accommodating and when DH and I went last summer to visit, they came to our hotel on the first day since we had just driven down from Savannah, GA and they still wanted to see us on the first day, and we couldn't wait to see them. They insisted on meeting us at our hotel to make things easier on us and it worked out wonderful. And the following morning we visited another uncle who lives 20 minutes south of Boca. Everything worked out well.

Does this explanation make sense if I explain it this way to my sister? Maybe pointing out that doing it this way would more than likely cause her less stress?