How to wake up a HEAVY sleeper?

[luvsJack]

Younger ds used to be what we thought was a heavy sleeper. At first, I did the whole spending an hour or more trying to get him up. Then I decided "enough!". Got him an alarm clock and told him to set it for the time he wanted to get up and to put it where it would wake him up.

He would set it for the very last minute he could sleep. If he could get ready in 15 minutes then that is exactly the amount of time he gave himself (and yes, it drove the rest of us nuts as we tend to give ourselves extra time) and it worked for him.

A lot of the problem was not that he was a heavy sleeper so much as it was he kept looking at the clock and thinking "I have xxx more minutes" and dozing back off.




Now, my brother was the king of heavy sleepers. You could jump up and down on his bed and he would not wake up. He slept through anything. And he was always that way. He learned to set more than one alarm and how to time them so that one would rouse him a little and a few minutes later the other one would wake him up.

 

[JillyBean1899]

Step 1: Water bucket.
Step 2: Run like h-e-double hockey sticks.

I had the hardest time waking up to an alarm because I get crappy sleep. I got an app for my Android tablet (if he's got an iOS device, I'm sure there's a similar one) called ElectricSleep. It uses the accelerometer on the device to determine when you're in "deep" sleep and when you're in "light" sleep, and sets off the alarm when you're in light sleep. You set it for a time range (like mine is set for 6:10 AM, and it will go off any time I'm in light sleep between 5:55 AM and 6:10 AM) and it will go off during that time range, or by the "hard" alarm time if you don't have light sleep during the alarm range.

It was free, so it's worth a shot. Good luck.

 

[maslex]

Thanks for the suggestions. I'm going to try waiting to wake him up at a later time. Never thought of the fact that he's losing out on sleep with me starting to wake him at 4:30. Guess it makes sense though.

He does have a couple of alarms that he does set. One on his phone and the other is a traditional alarm clock. And he has the volume set on that thing to the loudest it will go and he doesn't budge with either of them. EVER!!

 

[Jennasis]

He's 18. Plenty old enough to accept the responsibility of waking himself up on time (and/or suffer the consequences of NOT getting up on time).

What worked for me at that age was going out and procuring, on my own, an old fashioned alarm clock. No snooze alarm. The kind that has the hammer and bell on top (like you'd see in a cartoon). Set it on my desk on the other side of my room from the bed so I had to get up and out of bed to shut it off. And God help me if I didn't get up and shut it off and let it wake my mother...yikes.

 

[LisaR]

I agree with waiting until its closer to when he needs to up, much closer. Use a bucket of ice water if necessary. And then move his bedtime up until you find a spot where 6:00 am is no big deal.

I can't imagine setting a bedtime for my 18 y/o. If he can't get up by that age on his own, he'd miss school or work and suffer the consequences.

 

[JillyBean1899]

Thanks for the suggestions. I'm going to try waiting to wake him up at a later time. Never thought of the fact that he's losing out on sleep with me starting to wake him at 4:30. Guess it makes sense though.

He does have a couple of alarms that he does set. One on his phone and the other is a traditional alarm clock. And he has the volume set on that thing to the loudest it will go and he doesn't budge with either of them. EVER!!

Definitely try the ElectricSleep app. He's probably not processing that the alarm is going off because he's in "deep" sleep.

What worked for me at that age was going out and procuring, on my own, an old fashioned alarm clock. No snooze alarm. The kind that has the hammer and bell on top (like you'd see in a cartoon). Set it on my desk on the other side of my room from the bed so I had to get up and out of bed to shut it off.

Or there's always this ... Clocky Alarm Clock on Wheels

 

[Imzadi]

Thanks for the suggestions. I'm going to try waiting to wake him up at a later time. Never thought of the fact that he's losing out on sleep with me starting to wake him at 4:30. Guess it makes sense though.

He does have a couple of alarms that he does set. One on his phone and the other is a traditional alarm clock. And he has the volume set on that thing to the loudest it will go and he doesn't budge with either of them. EVER!!

People usually go through several sleep cycles during the night. when you awaken him at 4:30, he may be in the deepest part of sleep. And yes, it is harder to get up then. Since you've awoken him, he may also be missing going through that phase to get to a lighter sleep state, and easier to wake up.

He may need, not only to sleep later, without you constantly waking him, he may also need to go to sleep 30-45 minutes sooner, to get to a lighter sleep state when it would be easier for him to awaken.

There are also supposed to be alarm clocks for people who have a hard time waking up. I think they are extra loud, like blowhorn loud.

Then there are other alarm clocks which shout "Wake Up!" or other words instead of a buzzing alarm. Since he's used to you verbally waking him, that kind of clock may work better.

There are also CD alarm clocks in which he can wake to a bunch of songs on a CD. Maybe knowing he can snooze through 3 songs before one last song comes on that is the one that alerts him he must get up when that last song is over, may help him time-wise.


I'd also stop waking him starting at 4:30. He's simply gotten into the habit of being able to snooze for an hour and a half. I like the hit the snooze a few times. so I factor that amount of time into my mornings, so I'm not late.

 

[dawnhaze]

One of my friends is a VERY deep sleeper and he requires three different types of alarms to wake up on time - a standard audio alarm, a flashing light alarm made for the deaf and hearing-impaired, and a vibrating wristband that syncs with an app on his phone to track his sleeping patterns. Even with all that, he's still late occasionally, even though he showers at night and doesn't eat breakfast. But it does work most of the time.

 

[LJSquishy]

I agree with the others...don't wake him until he actually needs to be awake. It's only making it worse.

Consider buying a Philips Wake Up Light for him. It's an alarm clock that starts to wake you by slowly illuminating the room to resemble a sunrise. It slowly gets brighter (before you even need to wake up) and then an alarm will sound at your desired time. My sister swears by it (and her husband). I would really benefit from one if I had to regularly wake up at a certain time every morning (I'm a housewife).

You need to also move up his bedtime until you find a happy medium of him getting enough sleep and waking up on time. Also, there should be a rule put in place that all electronics are turned off at least one hour prior to his bedtime...that includes phone, tv, computer, iPad, etc.

 

[NHdisneylover]

I slept through fire alarms twice in my late teens (both middle of the night things at my college dorm. Both times they had to come in with the extra keys and get me. Thankfully there was never really a fire).

DS15 is also NOT a morning person and has had his share of struggles to get up (and some is related to allergies and asthma and he has had surgery to help with breathing in the night as well--so he has actually got some "excuses").

I agree with not waking him up earlier than he needs to be up and with putting him in charge of getting himself up with alarms, or you might be willing to pop in and tell him the time and shake him, but that is IT you are not coming back over and over, etc. AND I agree to let him suffer the consequences if he does not get up in time. This needs to be his responsibility and not yours his dad's and his brother's.

Try telling him to think about the time it is when he is going to bed and tell himself he has to be up at 6 and that is X hours and X minutes from then. He can repeat it to himself a few times at bedtime. I did that as a teen, and even though I slept through fire alarms, I ALWAYS heard the alarm clock, I think because my subconscious was expecting it. I actually usually woke up a minute or two before the alarm (even when the time changed from the norm) whenever I did this.
It works well for my DS too

 

[NotUrsula]

The answer to what he's going to do when he gets a job? is either lose the job, or learn that a job that requires that kind of timing isn't a job he can reliably do.

I could have been your kid. My mother always had to touch me to wake me up -- no sound would ever do it at that early hour (I had to catch the bus at 6:15). In college, my roommate despaired of me; because even the fire.klaxon right outside my door didn't make a dent.

Even my OB couldn't figure it; she swore that when I was nursing I would instantly wake up when I heard the baby cry. Ha! Not once in over 3 years of it, total. I perfected the art of nursing my children while sound asleep. If they still fussed after they finished eating, then DH dealt with whatever else they needed. (And no, it wasn't dangerous. Like learning not to fall off the mattress, I always was unconsciously physically aware of where the baby was, and never rolled over further.

As other people have mentioned, for some of us, the only thing that works when we are not naturally supposed to wake up is a physical shock -- cold water works best. You don't need a bucket, though; a washcloth normally works just fine. For normal waking, simple touch is usually enough; just grab and shake.

I've been married over 20 years, and DH still wakes me every morning. If he isn't here, and I have to get the kids up for school, then I turn on the TV and the radio and leave the lights on in my room all night, so that I won't actually ever fall fully asleep. That's the only way I can get DS to school at 7:30 am. I don't personally have to get up that early, because I have more sense than to take a job that requires it now; I tried it once when I first got out of school, and I was so chronically late that I got fired. (No college classes before 9 am, either, again, learned the hard way.)

FWIW, if I do have to get up obscenely early for some reason, I really cannot be counted on to do any critical thinking. I may *look* like I'm awake, but really, I'm not, not until at least about 8:15. If I have to drive DS to school I nearly always miss the turn; I keep heading for his sister's grade school instead, because normally she's my usual dropoff, and I do it on autopilot for the most part.

 

[NMAmy]

Been there, done that and I can tell you from experience that, for it to work, you need to make it his responsibility to get himself up. There's no reason for him to get himself up now because he knows he has three other people as a backup.

I bought dd one of those alarms that rolls around the room so she had to get up to turn it off and I made it her total responsibility to get herself up. It worked like a charm because she knew I wasn't going to step in and make sure she got up. Yes, she had a couple of mornings when she was late to school but natural consequences made sure she didn't let it happen that often.

 

[aprilgail2]

How about a very loud, annoying alarm clock set across the room so he has to get out of bed to turn it off? Oh, and maybe letting him miss his first class so he has some motivation to get moving?

I agree- let him start failing classes by not being there and I bet he will start to wake himself up! Sorry but I just can NOT imagine having to wake up my young adult every morning because they don't wake themselves up. Once my daughter hit 6th grade she was on her own, she got up earlier than me and if she didn't then she was late for school! I was not going to micromanage her by that age!

I can't imagine setting a bedtime for my 18 y/o. If he can't get up by that age on his own, he'd miss school or work and suffer the consequences.

I agree! Can you imagine telling a young adult "ok its 8:00, time for bed" ROFLMAO!

 

[luvsJack]

OP,if you have a truck stop near you, you could buy what is called a "screaming meanie" alarm clock. Dh has one and I promise you it would wake the dead.

Dh isn't a heavy sleeper any more (was before he started driving a truck) but has to sleep and wake at all different times so has no real sleep/wake pattern to depend on. Having to get up at 2 am one morning, 5 am the next, midnight the next and going to sleep at all different times. Makes it hard to wake up on time.

Anyway, its worth a try. And after awhile of getting up on his own, he will probably start waking up easier.

Missing classes, being late and all that didn't help with my brother. He wasn't trying to oversleep. He just had to find what worked for him.

 

[sbtrfly74]

Your lucky he's still in school, once he graduates then what?

I dealt with this with my DD now 21.5, after she graduated the over sleeping turned into noon to 1pm. It was her fault for wanting to stay up until 2am talking to her bf on the phone. We tried everything, taking phone, taking out the kitchen corded phone (she tried that once cell was gone), then sneaking my cell phone. Then it was video games or something else.

This went on forever, I finally had to let her oversleep a few times and miss work until they called or not remind her of a doc appointment and pay the fee. This went on for years. I was trying to put the ball in her court of responsibility but she was always lazy and full of excuses.

I tried the cold spray bottle, taking the lock off the door so I could open it and give my verbal warning... it never ended.

What finally worked was she moved out. We've always stopped her from wanting to move out due to tantrums of not getting her way with whatever but this time it was fine... go.

Now that she has her big girl panties on, she has to get herself up and pick up her bf at 2am since he doesn't drive and finally be responsible. Not sure how its panning out totally but she's at least getting a rude awakening of what responsibility is.

To me it was a Win/Win/Win situation, we could destress from her being a 24/7 job, she is forced some responsibility and her and her bf will probably get sick of each other.

I dont think your son is like this at all and ours was to me the extreme situation but sometimes you have to let them fly and/or fail on their own before they become responsible.

 

[lizzi6692]

In my opinion you should consider taking him to a doctor and getting a sleep study done. My husband has always been incredibly difficult to wake up to the point where now he uses an actual fire alarm hooked up to a computer as his alarm. The fire alarm part is at nearly full volume right under his side of the bed and the computer is on the other side of the house so it forces him to get out of bed to turn it off.

My husband has been this way since he was a teenager. He's been called lazy and his mother was convinced he was "just depressed". He got a BS diagnosis of narcolepsy from one sleep study and another doctor suggested a bunch of lifestyle changes that did absolutely nothing. We've finally gotten a doctor to actually listen and he is fairly certain that sleep apnea is causing the problem. The sleep apnea makes it so he never gets restorative sleep(both of his former sleep studies showed a reduced amount or complete lack of stage 3 sleep, which is restorative sleep) and never feels rested. It has taken him more than 15 years to find someone that is actually willing to figure out what is wrong with him rather than just shrugging their shoulders and saying "it might be x".

Yes it's possible that your son may just be lazy but I know how much my husband has suffered and I don't want that to happen to anyone else.

 

[NaLisa]

Agree with the others--you need to make it HIS problem and let him suffer the natural consequences of oversleeping. Talk to him and let him know that the way you have been doing things will not continue. Tell him it's time for him to come up with a solution to his problem. Then step back and let him fail or succeed on his own. It will be difficult at first, but it should pay off in the long run, especially when he no longer has you to take care of this problem for him.

 

[Disney Doll]

I would recommend a sleep study to rule out physical issues.

Beyond that, at 28 it would be his problem, not mine.

 

[HM]

I can't imagine setting a bedtime for my 18 y/o. If he can't get up by that age on his own, he'd miss school or work and suffer the consequences.

While my kids were in school (HS) they did have a bedtime set by me (though not rigidly kept). They also were well aware that getting to sleep at that hour gave them enough sleep to be rested when they had to get up so early (6:15) and get ready for school. (My parents did the same for me and my siblings). As far as I know they never resented it. And they stayed much healthier than their friends.

 

[mom2rtk]

I didn't set a bedtime for my high school kids either. I actually did that for purely selfish reasons, as I couldn't stay up late enough to enforce it, and it would have been counter-productive to have a rule I couldn't enforce. I did my best to explain how it was in their best interest to get to bed earlier on school nights. And I never missed a chance to point out how tired they were the next day if they stayed up too late.

That really helped when one of them left home for college last fall. As all the kids around him are staying up all night and sleeping through classes, he's putting himself to bed at a more reasonable hour and getting himself to class on time. He's no saint. He's not going to bed at 10 or anything, but he knows when he needs to be up, and knows how much sleep he needs.

There's a switch in each kid's brain that tells them what they need to do. By the time they reach high school, you can't flip the switch for them. The trick is to get them to want to flip the switch themselves. Some are far easier to reach than others.